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[ninanly]

was lowk fighting the urge not to make a car hit y/n

[ninanly]

“it is what it is”

pairings: adult! gojo x reader tw: angst a/n: mb its a lil rusty, wasn’t really planning on making another one part one → here

divider: @cafekitsune

and there you were, dressed so beautifully and delicately, with the person you now loved most, sugurus best friend.. gojo. suguru notices the little details, he knows how you used to blush at anything gojo said towards you, how your eyes sparkled when gojo came nearby, the soft smile that forms on your face when gojo speaks. oh please, suguru wasn't stupid nor blind, he noticed how you acted around someone whom you loved, why didn’t he notice how you acted with him at the time? 

sugurus gaze follows your every movement. the way you currently smiled at gojo. how your expression melted into shyness when he looked your way as you walked down the aisle, suguru had seen those reactions from you before, but never paid it any mind. he had taken your closeness for granted, assuming that your affection was something you showed to anyone

it wasn't until now that the truth came through. watching you so wrapped up in someone else opened his eyes to realization.

his throat tightened, fingers digging into his palms.

he was a fool.

gojo was all that you could ask for and more. he made you laugh, kept you grounded, and above all, he never gave up on you. suguru was no match for him—the two friends shared a deep understanding that came with their 10+ years of friendship.

you were happy, truly happy, and that alone made suguru happy. but sometimes, in your quiet moments, you thought of the ‘what ifs?’ and you always wondered if suguru ever thought the same.

suguru was used to gojo beating him in many things, after all he was the strongest, the honored one, and suguru on the other hand was just.. there.

he never showed it, but the feelings of jealousy had been eating him up inside. watching gojo effortlessly make you smile, knowing he himself would never have the privilege again, was like a dagger through the heart.

he told himself a thousand times that this was the reality. the two of you could never be together. it didn't matter how much he loved you. nothing would ever change the fact that he was the one who screwed it all up.

suguru has done some regretful things in his life, from ignoring a homeless person pleading for food, or even saying hurtful words to his loved ones. but goodness.. his biggest regret had to be not taking his chance with you. but oh well.. “it is what it is” he always says.

it pained him to see you so happy, to see you so happy with someone that wasn’t him. he wished he could go back in time and cherish the small gestures you did for him, and maybe.. just maybe, would things be different. maybe the universe would bring you both together, in another life of course. but that's the problem, there is no other life, he only had this one.. and he already messed it up.

either way a guilt fills him like never before, why is this happening? what did he do wrong for the universe to treat him like this? why can't he just.. let go? 

the situation with you and him has been long gone, you recovered and found someone for you, someone that wasn’t suguru.. just like you promised. he was the first to know about the relationship with you and gojo, the first to know about the wedding, and now is gojos best man. because after all, none of this would’ve happened if suguru hadn’t rejected you.

but begging for another chance is pathetic, so now he’s the one fighting his feelings between what's right, and what he wants—no needs.

but it's too late, because now your finger is occupied with a ring, your last name now being mrs. gojo, your heart has finally found someone else to call home. 

if suguru had another chance, another wish, another shot, he would fix how he ended things with you. if he could go back in time and talk to you once more maybe it could be him putting a ring on your finger. but he can’t, and theres nothing he can do about it. 

standing by gojo’s side, as his best man, was one of the hardest nights of his life. the ring-exchange, the kiss, watching his best friend tie the knot with the person he loved—it tore him inside apart.

still, it wasn’t his wedding day. he wasn’t the one getting married. no number of tears or heartfelt speeches would’ve changed the present.

no amount of pleading or begging could take away the pain he felt. nothing could bring back the happiness he once had. this reality and he was stuck with these feelings and thoughts. it was only fair.

the universe never responded to his wishes, nor did it answer his prayers. the only thing that had changed was the realization that he would live and die in endless despair, forever yearning for something he could never possess.

a/n: IGNORE THE FACT THIS IS A MONTH LATER..

[ninanly]

“in another lifetime?”

pairings: teen! geto x teen! fem reader tw: angst a/n: this is my first post so bare with me (Ｔ▽Ｔ) part 2 → here

divider: @cafekitsune

“love is the most twisted curse of them all”

they say, suguru was hurt to say the least, he didn’t think rejecting you would cause such a big outcome in the friendship. every text, call, or even voicemail he sent was never replied to, and it left him with an unexplainable ache in his chest.

he gave you the necessary space he knew you needed, but hours turned days, days turned into weeks, and throughout that time he grew angry. even if the romantic feelings you harbored would never be returned, he still had love for you— platonic love of course.

afterwhile days and hours of questioning himself, he finally manifests the courage to knock on your dorm room. 

“why are you ignoring me?” he asks straightforwardly, immediately getting to the point. he stands there with furrowed eyebrows and a nonchalant face, masking his true emotions. 

your heart drops as you’re greeted with the tall man, i mean out of all people.. him? “what do you mean?” you ask innocently, acting as if nothing is wrong,  holding on tightly to the door handle ready to close it on him once more.

he lets out a small annoyed groan and steps inside as if the space was as equally his as it was yours. “dont play dumb with me y/n.. you’ve been avoiding me for weeks ever since i—rejected you.” suguru says, his voice trailing off as he pauses to search for the right word. he shifts his weight to one foot and folds his arms across his chest, the movement bringing his eyes closer to yours. “you stopped answering my calls and texts. is it that deep? did i hurt you that much?”

your eyes widen and throat became numb, clearing your voice as you begin to speak, “suguru you’re a great friend truly.. but me hanging out with you isn’t gonna help me move on. every second with you i get butterflies, my words begin to stutter, i’m trying to protect myself before i get hurt even more.” you say your voice slightly scratchy.

suguru remains silent, his eyes not moving a millimeter as he listens to your words. every second your eyes are locked with his, another breath of air comes out of him. he knew you were right—spending time with him will only make matters worse. but the thought of not being around each other after all these years, losing all that friendship that meant so much to both of you, hurt suguru more.

with careful steps, he closed the distance the room put between them. standing only inches apart, he hesitantly speaks, “then why not date someone else?” he says blatantly which earns a sigh from you. “its not that easy suguru..” you answer softly. 

suguru sighs, lowering his head slightly. he’s aware that your feelings for him arent something you can just switch off with the snap of your fingers— at least now he is. dating someone might be a challenge, but even attempting to move on is better than giving yourself hope for a relationship that will never happen. 

he takes a step back, eye contact breaking with yours, his gaze now on the ground. “are you really sure you can’t get over me? that the thought of me even being with someone else doesn’t bother you?” he says not knowing how rude it sounded.

ouch. you stand there in disbelief, words struggling to come out of tour mouth but you manage, “i mean— of course its gonna bother me.. but its my fault i caught feelings..” you say in a slight mumble loud enough for him to hear. you move your hand up to his cheek, slowly rubbing the soft skin with your thumb. “you have rights to your own feelings, and you know yourself better than anyone. and that's the same for me. it's not your fault i caught feelings, but getting rid of such strong feelings for someone you desperately yearn for isnt easy, suguru.” you state firmly, still slowly rubbing his cheek.

he shivers at your touch, his hand curling into a fist, why was he so angry? he knew how much he missed this, your touch, your voice, your presence. how come your words cause his body to feel hot and cold at the same time?  why did it have to be this difficult? why couldn’t he just fall in love with you right back? the two of you seemed so compatible as is, so why couldn’t he bring himself to return your feelings?

so many questions running through his head, yet little to no answers. your touch bringing him back to reality once more. “there must be someone else for you.. i—am sure we can find someone for you..,” suguru says, refusing to lose his childhood best-friend.

you smile softly and nod, “there is.. i’m positive the universe has someone planned for me, it just hurts knowing its not you. but someday i will stop falling in love with you.., someday someone will like me like, i like you” laufey reference?? you say softly removing your hand from his cheek, still keeping your composure— refusing to look so weak in front of the man you thought was meant to be. 

his eyes drift away again as you remove your hand. he can’t help but feel a slight sense of relief, but at the same time a small tinge of guilt. of course, there would be someone better suited for you— you deserved nothing less than the best, he thought. 

the silence that follows hangs in the air between you two. there wasn’t any point in pressing the issue any further. if only those feelings would dissipate like they were supposed to. 

“im sorry.” you say, your eyes looking towards the ground as well. suguru looks up at you and shakes his head. “don't apologize” he says, voice softer than usual. you didn’t have anything to be sorry for. he was the one who couldn’t reciprocate your feelings. if anything, he was the one who needed to apologize. “just promise me you’ll move on and find someone who’ll make you just as happy as i did,” he says quietly.

you smile softly but your heart drops at the thought of it not being him. “I promise, but until then.. this, can't go on.” you say a tear streaming down your face.

his mouth tightens as he nods his head, trying to hide the bitterness that came with being reminded of the situation at hand. but in his heart, he truly wanted nothing more than to spend his one life with you by his side.

but he had already made the decision to reject your confession. it wouldn’t be fair to string you along with hopes of change. “i understand..,” says suguru, his voice hoarse as he takes a step back, he begins to turn around before you speak once more.

“in another lifetime?” you ask, tears streaming down both your cheeks now, you feel as you hit rock bottom. 

suguru’s body freezes, he turns back around as his eyes flicker towards yours. his heart skips a beat as he takes in your words… such a simple sentence carrying so much weight. he swallows hard, your question leaving him at loss for words and forcing him to fight the urge to close the distance between you two. if only it was that easy. “yeah, in another lifetime…  i would love that..” he says as he makes his way towards the door, leaving you there crying. forced to fight for your own battles,  against the enemy you once called love.

a/n: FINALLY THIS WAS IN MY DRAFTS FOR A LIL AND I WAS DEBATING IN POSTING IT OR NOT.. mb for any typos.. (´ ᴗ｀✿)