nonnie-confessions

[nonnie-confessions]

tw mentions of childhood abuse and sexual abuse

sorry if this it too heavy, i'm not really sure what i want by telling you this, i guess i'm just venting and maybe looking for some validation on my feelings

i love my mom, but i have a lot of mixed feelings towards her, both of my parents actually. when i was little my mom would hit my sibling and i, the younger ones don't really remember it but us older kids do

the last time my mom hit me i was 12, my mom slapped across my face because i was "being a bitch" all day, i had been pondering if i should tell my parents that i was queer but heard my dad make a homophobic remark about gay men and chose not to, of course that hurt me and i was mad that my dad would say such a thing, so yeah that was a bad day (it was also a week before my birthday)

i know they sound terrible but we've had a lot of good times, my dad is really funny and makes us laugh a lot and my mom gets us a lot of stuff, i think it's to make up for all the bad stuff

they both come from troubled childhoods and were both beat and sexually abused by people who they should've been able to trust, and i feel like the worst person and daughter harboring such negative feelings towards them when i know they've been through worse than me

obviously, they both have plenty of issues, my mom for example has ocd and depression (when i was 14 she told me she wanted to kill herself) and my dad chooses to push down his feelings and pretend he's fine, which results in bursts of angers but it's a quiet, subdued anger and usually just results in a lot of yelling

her ocd was bad when i was little, we had our room and we could do whatever in there but we weren't allowed to leave that room, with the exception of going to the bathroom but we couldn't touch anything that wasn't necessary i.e the sink, so yeah, she was strict and yes, i'm homeschooled, needless to say i've had a very sheltered childhood

they're a mess, and honestly a worse couple, i mean when i was 8 my dad left home for 3 days and mom was a wreck, i was up at night consoling her while she cried and my dad was literally at a strip club spending our money, my dad used to cheat on my mom a lot so y'know not exactly a model couple but at least i know all the red flags

i have a lot more stories about them and could go more in depth but i mostly just wanted to explain how i feel and give context for why i feel this way, sorry this has gone on so long, i guess i had more to say on the topic than i originally thought but they're a lot better now (my moms taking meds now) and the good days outweigh the bad

firstly PLEASE DO NOT APOLOGIZE i'll put tw's in the tags and i'm always open to hear anyone vent ♡ secondly if this isn't very comforting i'm so sorry (i'm not the best at reassuring people)

anyway i'm definitely not qualified to give you any advice in any way but in my opinion you should be allowed to be angry for the things that your parents did to you. i understand that they also had bad lives, but nobody demanded them to have children at a time when they couldn't treat one well.

regardless of how good they are sometimes it is absolutely legitimate of you to be angry toward them. them having gone through "worst things" doesn't mean what they did to you was okay. i'm glad they're getting better but still, i would have the same reaction as you. genuinely i don't know what somebody in your situation is supposed to think beyond having negative feelings about all of it. being homophobic is not okay. slapping your 12 year old kid is not okay. what happened to them wasn't okay either, but that doesn't mean they can continue the cycle of abusing others.

i really really really hope this makes sense and that it gave you a bit of validation. the way i see it you are in NO way in the wrong ♡

[nonnie-confessions]

I didn’t realize that Salo’s legs were paralyzed by the attack. I thought he was like that the whole series and then I was watching videos and reading fan analyses and I saw people saying “one councilor’s legs paralyzed in the attack” and I was like “his legs weren’t always like that?”

In conclusion, I’m a dumbass

no but SAME

[nonnie-confessions]

I also thought Netflix and chill was just sitting on a couch, ordering pizza and eating popcorn, cuddling, stuff like that. Even after I knew the actual meaning. so yeah, asexuality, am I right?

NO CUZ SAME. i no joke learned what it meant like last year o-0 i never got why people thought it was so bad bc it seemed pretty nice to me (until i learned what it meant irl 😭)

[nonnie-confessions]

For the longest time, even after I knew what sex was I thought 'slept together' meant two people sleeping next to each other and cuddling

In conclusion I should've figured out I was ace WAY before I did

i can see why you'd think that tho, like i probably thought the same ngl

[nonnie-confessions]

As someone who had their ears pierced when they were younger (at Claire's) do NOT get them pierced at Claire's, bleeding everywhere, constant pain, and infections are what everyone who gets them done there gets. Somewhere professional where they don't just hand the employees a pierce gun and go "now go pierce ears", ear piercings hurt a bit, but not enough to make you cry or need a stress ball (I can't get my ears pierced anymore because Claire's messed them up so bad) 🐌

that sucks :( i hear that claire's is better for lobotomies tho

[nonnie-confessions]

Help I think I’m starting to develop a crush on my friend what do I do this is my first crush on an actual person

-🐺

my advice on crushes is so horrible because i'm an utter idiot when it comes to love BUT i would try to test the waters, ask them to hang out and get a feel of if they like you back!

[nonnie-confessions]

Is 18 and 22 a good age gap

personally i would prefer someone within 1-2 years of my age, but 18 IS an adult! imo i prolly wouldn't like that big of an age gap but i don't know the circumstances :)

[nonnie-confessions]

I low-key wanna pierce my ears but I'm scared to 😓

-🐺

same. my mom tells me about how her ears got infected all the time and now i'm terrified of it

[nonnie-confessions]

Okay, have the duck earrings 🐌

YAY TY 🐌!!!

[nonnie-confessions]

lowk some of the ppl on the lesbian teen thing lookin chopped in the pictures they post- no hate just the picture selection is questionable

yeaah but for me it's personality (and everyone there is lovely!!!)

[nonnie-confessions]

I unironically wear thigh highs, cat ear hoodies, and rubber duck earrings 🐌

may i steal your rubber duck earrings pls

[nonnie-confessions]

The show is Strangers With Candy! It's actually pretty entertaining and for all its flaws it has pretty good rep. It's on Paramount+ if you have that but I also have a Google Doc with all the episodes I was able to pirate from different sites.

Also, I'll claim this emoji 📺

yay ty 📺! might go see if i can pirate it hehe 😼

[nonnie-confessions]

YOU JUST ANSWERED MY ASK YES I AM QUEER I LOVE GIRLS IM A GIRL LOVER LFMAOOO

HELP I LOVE THAT YOU DID THATTT

[nonnie-confessions]

my confession is that the people in the teen lesbian community are chopped asf and they post pictures thinking they look cute but they dont

some people there are goddesses and others are...respectfully not (coming from someone who has an ASS facecard)

[nonnie-confessions]

i only told my brother i was queer because i wanted to see if he would come out back (i wasn't completely sure whether or not he was queer back then) (i know he is now)

ARE you queer tho 🤨

but this is so real i came out to my sister through spotify playlists and her snooping on my tumblr profile 😭

[nonnie-confessions]

There's this show I really like, but every time I go to recommend it to someone I realize that the show is actually awful and offensive and everyone is better off not watching it, and it makes me very sad. Because despite being an intentionally offensive TV show from the 90s it's actually very inclusive. Where else would you find a canon gay relationship between two middle aged men who are completely awful in every other way?

if you like it, recommend it!!! i might have to watch it (i love torturing myself)

[nonnie-confessions]

They/them, thanks ! 🐌

ofc, thank YOU!