nonoblitus

[nonoblitus]

Babe, it's five am. It's time for us to hunt each other for sport.

Oh thank goodness. Five A.M.

He starts running at Astarion with no warning, and a glean in his eyes like a cat's eyes.

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I like to think in any ending where the Dark Urge somehow maybe kind of sort of managed to resist his fate, he definitely tried to adopt Steelclaw off of Jaheira, but unfortunately the bald kitty is full of hate, and will take some time, if ever, to allow him near. His best bet is to offer treats every time he passes Jaheira's house.

In the mean time, His Majesty is much less personally affected by Urge.

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I headcanon that Kressa's interest in the Dark Urge, while naturally creepy and twisted, was not sexual, since there does not seem to be any direct statement of this in the game. (This game did not pull punches about the sexual abuse of characters like Astarion, I see no reason why they would suddenly restrain themselves in the Dark Urge storyline.) I do see her as a fucked up individual obsessed with death and torture, and if anything, The Dark Urge probably recognizes that.

By now, he knows that he has endured much at the hands of people torturing and harming him, but after learning about himself, I think he is not surprised.

Of all the people in Moonrise Towers that helps him confirm this, I believe the most damning factor is Steelclaw.

Steelclaw hates your guts, despises you, and you broke her tail and shaved her, for no reason other than to humiliate a cat. The Dark Urge is not an angel, and Kressa mentions knowing you, and how you skulked about in the towers, and her words of dissection and violence are akin to many things the Dark Urge says in regard to torturing other people, or even torturing animals.

The Dark Urge has a fucked up sense of admiration for Kressa, the same sense he has for Orin as well, acknowledgement of someone that brought him low, that took him at his game and beat him. She is a crude and vicious experimentalist, and took her time picking him apart. He will always carry a lot more scars and damage to his brain because of her experimentation, but he still can't feel like he has anybody to blame, but himself.

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Basically, when I think of The Dark Urge, and his feelings on Orin in Act 3, I think after he comes to term with what he did, and what she did to him, his feelings have become the quote from Vergil in DMC5:

"That day, if our positions were switched, would our fates be different? Would I have your life, and you mine?"

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No matter what happened to him, Urge will never use it to excuse what he has done, even if he lived in ignorance for a period of time.

Alfira was not something he feels great sin for. He shoulders the blame, not even choosing to wash the blood off, but instead facing his companions on the day it happened. Even though he accepts this blame, he does not recall doing it, and he does not feel responsible.

But in Act 3, upon meeting Sarevok, upon speaking to Gortash, upon listening to Orin, even before Act 3, in meeting Ketheric, and Kressa, and especially Steelclaw, Urge started to understand the narrative painted by those around him. One of fear. One of oppression.

The Bhaalists are the most damning evidence to Urge of all. Their worship, their adoration, the one who meekly expresses gratitude for being fed raw meat.

I don't think it makes Urge shudder or turn away, I think he needs to know, he cannot look away because he needs to know... but his shame comes from acknowledgement.

He is responsible for the rise of the Cult of Bhaal. He has killed and tortured and killed again. He knows now that he chose to be the way he was. He knows that he even chose to walk down that path again, that his desire for power led him to his own misery. His forsaken path was one he took with knowledge and sin and something he simply thought as 'well, I already committed crimes? what is one more?'.

It's that exact mentality that made his days numbered, that he will now spend the rest of his days in mania unless he, or someone far too foolish, can find a way to end it.

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"I won't lose you again."

yearning starter prompts

Drip.

Drip.

The water that pooled up above the oubliette drips down from the hole above. He looks up, since he has little other choices. Chain and spell both bind him, physically, magically, bound in place. His ribcage is tight. Like stones are being stacked on him. One by one. Raining from above.

The pit in the ground is dark, and the visible light up above offers very little for the Dark Urge to see. Just someone with a torch. Or a spell? But even if he did comprehend it all, the idea of caring doesn't come to him, it fades, just the dripping, the steady stream of liquid into his cell.

Blood pounds on his ears like a wardrum. Pounding and pounding, deafening all thoughts all voices all words.

Bhaal's hatred twists his coils inside your stomach. His shame is your shame. His punishment is your lesson. His commands are your teacher. Sire the Bhaalspawn. Kill for Bhaal. Sire, and Kill, again and again.

... Words finally surface. He wonders if the person who said them is gone.

Astarion.

He wonders if Astarion is gone.

He tries to remember the name.

Dim light peers down into the oubliette. The pale elf looks down. Staring...

"You..." Urge's voice is hoarse and pathetic in his attempt to speak. It has been a long time since he spoke words that were not guttural hissing.

"Lose... me?" He finally manages his words, voice thick with contempt.

"You never had me."

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The ending I go for with the Dark Urge is specifically the "Forsaken Durge" ending, which is to say, The Dark Urge spent most of his time embracing Bhaal, allowing himself to be accepting of the awful thoughts, and only resisted when his lover was on the chopping block. He still did as ordered by Bhaal to kill Isobel, he did everything up until the point of the fight with Orin, in which in his rage and hatred, he still failed to learn the most simple thing -- Orin was never weaker than him.

She did not have the Slayer form, and yet The Dark Urge still lost in a fit of anger, he died, and his companions came to his aid to restore him, but the damage was done. Bhaal looks to him in shame, and cursed him to lose his mind.

There is nothing he can do.

When the parasite is removed, he only has moments to think of what to do, and most likely would request for them to imprison him in a jail. While it seems "noble" his intentions are purely selfish. It's not that he fears hurting people -- he obviously never did. It's that he fears how Bhaal will make him hurt himself.

Naturally, that doesn't last.

In the Epilogue, he stumbles forward to the camp, covered in blood and viscera and other grease and bodily fluids, he is a husk of himself, and waits to attack them when they've gone to sleep. That is all he is now.

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PROMPTS FOR YEARNING, LOTS OF YEARNING... *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

i had a dream about you last night.

i remember every single kiss you took from me.

you are my everything.

i feel the same way about you.

where you go, i follow.

you're mine. you've always been mine.

i'm in love with you to the point of breathlessness.

after all this time, you still give me butterflies.

you make it hard to breathe, you know.

you fixed me. you fixed my broken heart.

i will not go another breath without you.

i crave you.

i need to be close to you.

i think i've loved you since the day we met.

i'm with you.

you touched me, and i came alive.

the universe isn't big enough to hold the depths of how i feel for you.

are you sure we're not dreaming?

kiss me again, and don't stop this time.

i can't bear the thought of living without you.

you complete me.

i want all of you. every piece of you.

i won't lose you again.

you're the most important person i have ever known.

the universe gave you to me.

you're the answer to every question i've ever had.

i want you close. i want to feel you sigh.

how am i supposed to do this without you? i can't.

all i love i knew before... it's nothing like the love i have with you.

you changed everything. everything looks different now that you're here.

i'm not ready to let go of you.

i want you safe. i want you close to me.

you fixed all of my broken pieces. you stitched me back together.

nothing will take you away from me.

i love you in every language and in every song.

i need you.

i'd rather die than let you go.

i need a whole day with you, spent in bed, just the two of us.

all that i am and everything i'll ever be belongs to you.

do you have any idea what you do to me?

stop looking at me like that. i can't focus.

you can't expect me to just... wait like this.

don't go. do that again, please.

you are everything i could ever want.

i was an empty shell until we met. i was a haunted house, darkened with pain, and you turned my lights on.

you are the most beautiful person i have ever seen.

i'm always going to be madly in love with you.

if you don't kiss me again, i'll die.

i crave the taste of your kiss.

i can't believe you're real.

if you only knew what you did to me...

there aren't enough words to explain how much i love you.

i love you more than anything.

a life without you isn't a life worth living.

don't let go of me.

you're the only one that matters.

you don't know what you do to me.

pretty sure i've fallen in love with you four times today.

you're my love.

lay with me. be with me.

they don't know you the way i do.

don't give up on me. don't give up on us.

you know what that does to me.

not even the poets could properly describe what you mean to me.

i miss the way it felt to be touched by you.

you are the sun and the stars and every other golden thing in the universe.

am i dreaming? is this real life?

i was living life half-alive until i met you.

i've never needed anyone like i need you.

please take my hand. hold it and never let go.

i love when the sun hits your eyes. you're glowing.

be with me tonight.

i've only ever wanted you. just you.

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"I was so young. I didn't recognize evil, when I saw it!"

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Urge does not know his foster family. Where they are. Who they are. Where they are buried. He does not even know how he ended up in their hands. While stories of old tell of Bhaalspawn being stolen from the Temples of Bhaal by the Harpers, it was often to save them from child sacrifices, but if the legend of being sculpted Bhaal-flesh is true, then it's not even clear if he was born at all.

Yet there are small fragments of a child, of a life spent growing up, playing tag, eating meals. He remembers people much smaller than him, even though he was just a child, but they would always be smaller than him.

Urge's foster family was a small group. He remembers being as tall as both his parents, and easily surpassing their height. He remembers pretending to sleep, and feeling them struggle to lift him in their arms, and carry him to his room. Tucking his tail under the blanket. He remembers chipping his face scales with a fork trying to brush his beard like his father.

At least, he remembered these things before the incident. After Urge was attacked, stabbed in the brain, and tortured for several days, he really doesn't remember them at all. He doesn't remember anything. It takes a powerful cure spell to even remember that he had a foster family at all.

His foster family had a name for him, and sometimes he almost grasps the sound of it in his head. A sort of s sound.

Once he comes to terms with everything he is, Urge purposefully chooses to not try to dig up the name of his foster family, or the name his family gave him. He hopes, at the very least, they will have more peace without him finding them. Without having their mistake come to haunt them again.

Urge hopes that child is laying peacefully in that grave with them, pretending to sleep, like how it was before.

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"Was I sweet once?"

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PROMPTS FOR GETTING DEFENSIVE *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

i said i'm fine. you don't have to keep asking.

i told you i'm all right. would you just leave?

you didn't have to come all this way for that.

i'm good! i don't need your help!

you don't have to get all defensive about it.

you just go on ahead. i'll be fine on my own.

i said it's nothing.

i can fix this myself.

just go somewhere else and leave me alone.

do me a favor and stop asking me that.

i told you what i know.

i'm just trying to help you. that's it.

i don't know any more than that.

would you just leave me alone?

if you'd just give me a second, i'll handle it.

i offer my help, and this is how you thank me?

stop pushing me away. you can't do this alone.

you keep saying you're fine, but i know you're not fine.

stop lying to me! i can see right through it!

you're just making it harder on yourself.

i handle everything myself. this time is no different.

you've got a real attitude problem, you know that?

we could get this done faster if you'd just let me help.

i'm not hiding anything.

that's not what i said at all.

that's a lie and you know it.

i don't need you to babysit me.

would you just go?

you're absolutely insufferable. you know that, right?

i hate it when you push me away like this.

how many times do i have to tell you i'm fine?

stop treating me like a baby.

i don't need you breathing over my shoulder.

get out of here before i make you leave.

there's nothing in there!

i'm not lying!

don't bullshit me. i know what you did.

we're going to get to the bottom of this.

i told you everything i know. can i go now?

i'm not saying another word.

i can't help you if you don't let me.

go away. get out of here.

i'm better equipped at facing these things alone.

you didn't see anything.

i wish you would just talk to me and tell me what's going on.

i can help you. i'd really like to help you.

just take a few deep breaths.

i'm not here to cause a problem. i'm here to help.

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Some Gortash coded unhinged textposts I made recently.

There’s more but I hit the image limit 💔💔

Thought Y’all would enjoy them teehee 🫶

Photo credit for the cult leader tweet: @bearhugsandshrugs :)

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The default dragonborn model used for The Dark Urge does not actually possess a tail. From what lore indicates, dragonborn rarely have tails, and for the ones that do, dragonborn kind considers this "a deformity" of some sort.

Still, admittedly, I love the dragonborn tail, so I make concessions for Urge to have one anyway. My main idea being Bhaal had no clue or care for what was the 'norm' for dragonborn, and certainly didn't keep it in mind.

In order to not be seen as weaker or lesser, The Dark Urge typically removes their tail now, since they have since learned the stigma attached to it. He was not raised by dragonborn, and dragonborn are rare in Baldur's Gate, but it still became a point of ego for him. He had no one who even mocked him for having it, but the idea of not being perfect began to upset him.

He had recently done the process of removing the tail before he was attacked and given a mindflayer parasite, and since his brain is scrambled, he doesn't remember that he would dock his tail, nor does he remember why he would have done it to begin with.

By the time the party returns to Baldur's Gate, six months after the Nautiloid crash, the tail is almost fully formed to its normal length.

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Hello BG3 fandom

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My favorite little detail in Act 3 is if the Dark Urge has been killed by Bhaal, soul destroyed, and resurrected by Jergal, there are still multiple lines of narration and dialogue that imply you will hurt again, if you could, if you have the chance. Every time you smell blood, you will think about it, every time you get angry, you think about it.

The Dark Urge still yearns to kill. They still yearn to hurt. This thought process never goes away. It is intrinsically engrained. How can you stop? It was your life. It was your legacy. No matter how much good you do, you are not washing that blood off your soul.

Being killed by Bhaal is so fast, and so instant, you don't have a chance to fight back. You are just a corpse in a second. Gone in an instant.

If anything all you have left to acknowledge is how many people you have done that too. How many people had no last words, no goodbyes, because of your actions? How many people's last words were gasps of air? Even Bhaal didn't torture you. You simply died. Your soul ripped asunder. Your victims didn't even have that mercy.

Even if The Dark Urge is "cured" from Bhaal destroying the majority of his soul, what little remains, what Jergal brought back, is still a shred of a man whose soul longs to kill.