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norahastuff · 3 months ago

Note

Ahh I want to hear more about Layman's Paradise and your post-canon fic, too, please.

Ask and ye shall receive.

This is way too long and extremely unedited, so be careful what you ask for.

Layman's paradise

Dean shoved his hands into his pockets as he approached the lake. Cas stood there staring at the water. Dean took in the slope of his shoulders, the long tan coat swirling around his legs. The wind ruffled his hair into an even more unruly state than usual.

“Hey, you didn’t tell me you were coming down here,” Dean said when he finally reached him. There was no one else around. It was a little colder than it should be around this time of year, though. Dean figured it was probably the wind that deterred anyone from spending a nice leisurely day by the lake.

Dean pulled his jacket tighter around himself to counter the chill. Cas didn’t seem particularly bothered by it. He kept his gaze focused on the glittering blue surface of the lake – the same shade as his eyes, Dean noticed with idle interest – his coat flapping against his sides.

“Hello, Dean. I spoke with Ian Lane’s fiancée.”

‘The second victim?”

Cas nodded, still staring at the lake. “Yes. She said he’d gone swimming.”

“Uh, okay? It’s not exactly ideal swimming weather, right now, but –”

“Not now. Last year. When they went on vacation.”

Dean tried and failed to follow the logic. “Cas, buddy, I’m tryin’ to go with you on this one, but I’m going to need a little more than that.”

Cas finally turned to face him. “They went to Europe. More specifically, Scotland.”

“Ah, the land our mystical My Little Pony hails from. You think there’s a connection.”

“Yes. Gina did tell me he seemed quite fond of a small lake near where they were staying. She said he spent a great deal of time there. She found it somewhat unremarkable, but he was apparently quite taken with it. One night she woke up to find him writhing in ecstasy on the floor of their room, babbling nonsensically about the beauty and allure of the lake. He was drenched and unclothed. She insisted they cut their trip short and return home immediately.”

“Yeah, girlfriend thinks her man’s cheating on her with a body of water. I’d get the hell out of dodge too. I mean there’s kinky and then there’s just plain disturbing. So, what? You think the kelpie followed him here?

“Yes. I did some research. It seems kelpies can be rather territorial. If you happen to encroach upon an area they consider their home, they believe it is their right to claim dominion over your soul. I haven’t heard of any instances of them travelling such great distances to claim what is theirs, but” – he shrugged – “it’s not impossible. And all the evidence indicates that is what is happening here.”

“Okay, so, we find it and put a silver bullet in its head. That’ll work, right?”

“I believe so.”

“Great, and then we celebrate at that all-you-can-eat buffet we passed on our way into town.”

“That was a strip club, Dean.”

“Hey, it’s all-you-can-eat. The venue’s just a bonus.”

“I’m afraid it won’t be quite that easy.”

Dean sighed. “Of course not.”

“The kelpie only appears to those it means to seduce. Lake Superior is vast. I don’t know how we would begin to even locate it.” Castiel turned back to the llake. His eyes widened. “Unless…”

Before Dean knew what was happening, Cas made his way to the lake, kicking off his shoes and socks as he walked. Dean realised what he was doing.

“Cas, what the fuck? Don’t –”

He cut off as Cas sat down and dunked his feet into the water.

“You fucking idiot.”

Cas shrugged, rolling up his trousers as the water climbed up his legs. “Do you have a better idea about how to find her? Look at the previous three victims. I believe I could be classified as ‘its type.’”

Its type being, young(ish), attractive men, stupid enough to go swimming in Minnesota in November. He couldn’t exactly fault Cas’ logic. He probably would have done the same thing too if he’d figured it out first. Cas was just faster at connecting the dots than he was.

“Okay, so now what? We sit here while you contract hypothermia as we wait for horse girl to make an appearance?”

“No, none of the victims were taken on their initial contact with the water. She called out to them later.”

“Oh yeah, the three-day rule.” Cas looked up and squinted at Dean. “You know, how after a date, you’re supposed to wait – never mind,” Dean said, biting back a grin at Cas’ look of utter confusion. Yeah, of course he wouldn’t know. Even if he did give the traditional dating thing a shot, he’d no doubt tackle it with the same directness he handled everything he dealt with.

“Okay, you think she got your scent by now?”

“Yes, I believe this should suffice.”

They go back to Donna’s. She’s out, working late. Look at the sigils. Cas doesn’t recognise them. Dean sat up to watch Cas, but found himself drifting.

Dean woke, feeling disorientated. It took him a moment to register the hand on his face. It was too dark to really see that piercing blue stare, but Dean could feel it on him nonetheless.

“Cas?” he said. “Wh–”

“She’s calling me, Dean,” Cas whispered, his hand stroking the side of Dean’s face before he pulled away. “I have to go.”

Dean flipped on the bedside lamp. “Cas,” Dean said, hoping his tone was casual enough not to spook the guy. “We knew this was going to happen, remember. It’s part of the plan.”

“Plan?” Cas looked like he was about to drift off into a haze.

Dean gripped his wrist, squeezing tighter than he normally would. “Hey! You with me?”

Cas looked down at their joined hands before meeting Dean’s eyes. “Yes,” he said finally, sounding more like himself. Dean exhaled, rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

“But we should probably go now,” Cas said. “Everything in me wants to submit to her. I don’t know how much longer I can resist.”

Dean nodded. He reluctantly released Cas’ wrist to make the fastest bathroom trip of all time. When he returned, Cas was sitting on the couch, hands balled up into fists on his lap. The blank expression on his face flickered – Dean caught a flash of relief pass over it – before he rearranged his features back to placidity.

“Maybe you shouldn’t go,” Dean said, checking the rounds in his gun and shoving it into the holster on his thigh. (He’d been a little reluctant when Cas had first pushed the holster at him, but Cas had insisted. It was pretty convenient, and Dean was starting to kind of like how badass it looked. It wasn’t exactly suitable for concealed carry, but Dean wasn’t particularly worried about civilians by the lake at this time of night. It’d be too dark for them to notice his choice in accessories, at any rate. “I can handle this by myself.”

“Dean, your presence is the only thing keeping me from falling under her thrall. The second you leave, I’m going to race right to her.”

“I can tie you up,” Dean said, surveying the silver blades he’d pulled out of his bag.

“I suspect I would be able to get out of any of your attempts to bind me.”

Dean looked up, eyebrows raised. “Do you now?”

“Yes. I have received extensive training in how to extricate myself from a wide array of restraints.”

Dean was intrigued, but he figured now wasn’t the time to test that theory. If Cas did manage to get loose and find his way to the kelpie before Dean did, he would be defenceless against her. And Dean was a good swimmer, but he didn’t think he’d be much use in rescuing Cas from the bottom of a lake bed.

He supposed he could wake Donna and ask her to watch him, but as good as Donna was, Cas was a 180-pound ex-soldier with more muscles than seemed necessary, even in their line of work. And Dean may not have seen him in action, but from his observations of Cas, as well as Kelvin’s testimony, Dean figured he was a pretty skilled hunter. Leaving Cas alone with Donna wasn’t a risk he felt comfortable taking.

He sighed, holding out one of the blades to Cas. “Well, all right then. Let’s go kill an evil sea horse.”

Dean could feel Cas getting more and more agitated as they approached the area of the lake they’d been at earlier. He’d barely stopped the car before Cas had wrenched open the door and sprinted across to edge of the lake.

Dean followed, muttering curses under his breath as he pushed his muscles to their limit. He had definitely gotten a little soft. He needed to work out more.

There was a pile of clothes on the grass when Dean reached the edge of the lake. Dean saw a dark figure walking into the water. Suddenly, the entire lake lit up, a pale blue glow stretching as far the eye could see. Dean could make out Cas now, submerged to the waist, the incandescent light illuminating his tan skin. As he got closer, he saw the relaxed smile on Cas’ face. His eyes were shut, his fingers trailing through the water. His dark hair glittered from the droplets of water running through it.

“Wow.” A hushed voice broke the strange silence hanging over the scene. It should have been too quiet for Dean to hear it, but somehow it echoed over the water.

A woman was standing in the water in front of Cas. The light from the water painted her bare skin in luminous shades of blue. Her long red hair was pulled over one shoulder, draped over her breast. Dean noticed the water weeds tangled in her hair and clinging to the skin of her midriff.

“I haven’t come across a man as exquisite as you in quite some time.” She moved closer to him, her hand moving over his chest. “You are a warrior, yes? But of a different ilk. I can’t quite make it out…”

Dean fired a shot, more to get her attention than to actually hit her. She was standing too close to Cas for him to get a clean shot. She turned to face him.

Dean waggled his fingers at her. “He’s the kind of warrior that kills things like you. So am I, if that wasn’t clear.”

She regarded Dean for a moment. “I have no interest in you. Now him on the other hand –”

Dean fired again. He walked into the lake, feeling the cold water soak through his boots and his jeans. “Don’t touch him.”

She turned to regard him, her expression betraying slightly more interest. “He is mine.”

“Yeah, not if I have something to say about it.”

Dean swore he could sense the ripple of something much larger underneath her, just below the surface of the water. “Are you trying to tell me he belongs to you? I saw no evidence of any such claim on him.”

“Uh, what?” That was definitely a tail that flicked out of the water a moment ago. He chanced a look at Cas who was standing in the same position staring rapturously at the kelpie.

“I understand, humans these days offer items of jewellery to those they claim as their own. I would not take one who was already promised to another.”

“Oh, yeah, what about Ian? He was sneaking out on his fiancée to come see you.”

The thing’s eyes flashed bright green, anger contorting its features. “He was mine first. He came to me, swam in my waters, laid with me.” Dean tried not to react as the implications of that registered. Especially because the shadows he could now see moving underneath the water were not suggestive of human anatomy.

“And then he promised himself to another.”

Dean firmly put the idea of water horse/human sex out of his mind. “Well, seems to me like you already got your revenge.”

“I have been alone for so long. I miss having a mate. But those other men were so disappointing. But him.” She turned her attention back to Cas, her expression melting into something hungry. “He’s exquisite. I want to keep him.”

“Well, sorry, sister, no can do.” Dean suddenly remembered something, and cursed himself for not thinking of it sooner. “He’s taken.” Dean rolled up his sleeve, revealing the silver bracelet Cas had tricked him into accepting the other day.

“He claimed you?” In a flash, she was beside him, hands running over the bracelet. Dean tried to fire, but he found he couldn’t move, held in place by a force he couldn’t budge against. “It is from him, doused in solemnity and intention.” She regarded Dean.

“I see. He is yours, and you would like him to be returned to you.”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Then, I accept your terms. I will engage you in combat for his soul.”

“Run that one by me again?”

“I was unaware of his betrothal when he offered himself to me. Under most circumstances I would return him to you with my apologies, but he is… I do not wish to relinquish him. But if you defeat me, he is yours to take.”

Dean weighed his options. Fighting an evil half hot-chick half horse monster for his fake fiance's soul may have been one of the dumber decisions he’d made in his life, but it definitely didn’t rank at the top of that list. Besides, he didn’t particularly have any other way out of this.

“Sure, why the fuck not?” He still had the gun.

The force freezing him in place lifted and without warning the kelpie launched herself at him. The gun went flying out of his hand and Dean saw it sink into the water.

“Well fuck,” he said.

The image before him shifted and suddenly a grotesque skeletal horse was standing before him. It grinned revealing a horrifyingly large set of sharp teeth. Dean ducked under the water just as it snapped at him.

Fight.

It’s teeth were inches away from his throat when suddenly it howled and thrashed. Dean heaved himself away to avoid its hooves.

Cas was sitting atop the creature’s back, its bridle clutched in his grasp. Dean’s silver blade was embedded through the horse’s mouth.

After a moment, he climbed down. He wound an arm around Dean’s waist and dragged him to the edge of the lake. They pulled themselves out of the water and collapsed on the bank, breathing heavily.

Dean looked over after a moment. Cas was lying beside him. He was still naked. “Cas,” Dean said slowly. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know. “Where were you keeping that blade?”

Cas turned his head to look at him. “I retrieved it from my clothes while you were fighting it.”

Oh, thank fuck.

“Thank you for fighting for my honour.”

“Any time.”

They left early the next morning after Donna extracted a promise from them both to keep in touch. She hugged them both tightly before they left.

“Next time bring me along for the ride. I missed out on all the fun.”

Castiel nodded. “Thank you for your hospitality,” he told her sincerely. He liked Donna a great deal.

Donna shook her head. “How is he so dang adorable?”

Dean grinned. “Even the monsters can’t resist his charms.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. Donna hit Dean on the arm, and Castiel (not without some satisfaction) saw him wince at the blow.

“Too soon, Dean. Are you sure you’re okay, Castiel?”

Castiel shrugged. “I’m more embarrassed than hurt.”

Donna laughed. “Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.”

“Somehow I doubt that. But I appreciate the attempt to assuage my ego.”

“So,” Castiel said as they drove back. “Your first hunt in three years, and you emerged victorious. How do you feel?”

Dean lifted a hand in a see-saw motion. “So-so. You’re the one who killed it. I would have been monster chow if you hadn’t saved my ass.”

“And I would have been forced to live the remainder of my life as the kelpie’s consort if you hadn’t saved my ass.”

Dean looked over at him, a speculative look on his face. “So, what, you’re saying we’re even?”

“Yes. I believe we make a good team.”

Castiel couldn’t see Dean’s eyes behind the aviator sunglasses he wore, but thought he saw his shoulders relax incrementally.

“Yeah,” he said after a moment. “I guess we do. So, does this mean you wanna do this again sometime?”

“Of course, Dean. Anytime.”

He didn’t need to see Dean’s eyes to interpret the smile he shot him in response.

“Hey, you got somewhere to be tonight?”

“No, not that I’m aware of.”

“You feel like grabbing a drink? Celebrate our mutual badassery?”

“I’d love to.”

Bela was standing outside his apartment when Dean pulled up in front of it. She was leaning against his motorbike clad in black leather.

“Oh, great,” Dean muttered, bringing the engine to a stop.

Castiel rolled down the window. “Hello.”

Bela nodded, her eyes flicking over Dean’s car before focusing on the man himself. “Brought your bike back. Was waiting for you to let me in.”

“How did you know I was on my way home?”

Bela just smirked, and Castiel didn’t miss how Dean’s fingers tightened on the steering wheel.

“Well, come on. Chop, chop. I don’t have all day.”

Bela followed them down to the parking garage. “You know she hacked the GPS on your phone, right?”

“Yes, I gathered.”

Dean took a breath. He looked at Castiel before turning back to the road. Castiel waited for him to speak. “Look, Cas, I may be out of line here, but do you trust her?”

“No.”

Dean’s head snapped up, shock painting his features. “Uh, wait, really? I thought I’d have to fight you on that one.”

Castiel shook his head. “Dean, I may have sex with her on occasion, but I’m still fully in possession of my faculties. I’m under no illusions about who Bela is. She helps me when it suits her, but she would sell me out without hesitation if she had to.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“She’s a survivalist.”

“Doesn’t look like any doomsday prep nut I’ve ever seen. None of them ever wore Gucci.”

“There are many forms of survivalism. She has her reasons.”

“Which are?”

Castiel looked at Bela as she disembarked from the bike. “They aren’t mine to divulge.”

Dean sighed, running a hand through his hair. “And you’re really fine with that. With her using you because she finds you useful?”

Castiel shrugged. “I believe she also finds me amusing.”

Dean cracked a smile at that. “We all do, buddy.”

They got out of the car. Bela was standing beside the bike. She tossed the keys to Castiel who caught them one-handed without fumbling, thankfully. That had the potential to be embarrassing.

“So,” Bela said, eyes flicking between Dean and Castiel. “What are we doing tonight?”

“Dean and I were going to go out for a drink.”

“No need,” she said, flipping open the trunk box to reveal three bottles of Macallan 18. “We could stay in, get to know each other?”

Castiel could see Dean’s reluctance to spend time in Bela’s company, warring with his taste for good whiskey.

“Fine,” Dean said after a moment. “But only because you brought the good stuff.”

“It’s Cas’ favourite,” she said, shooting Dean a wide smile. “He has rather refined tastes. Usually.”

“Let’s go upstairs,” Castiel said before Dean could respond. If he didn’t stop them they could probably stand here all night trading snipes. “I’m hungry.”

“How are you still not drunk,” Dean said two hours later, squinting down at Castiel from his position on the couch. “You drank almost an entire bottle by yourself.

Castiel poked at the remains of his pad thai. All that was left were the bamboo shoots. He drained what was left of his glass before looking up at Dean. “I think I’m starting to feel something.”

“The eleventh drink is where it starts kicking in,” Bela said. She was curled up on the other end of the couch.

Dean looked at her in interest. “Yeah?”

She nodded. “I’ve only seen him get this far once before, but I made note of it.”

Castiel watched them. They still didn’t particularly seem to like each other, but they were certainly less hostile than they’d been before they’d started drinking.

“Alcohol is good,” Castiel told them. He received twin nods in response.

He took in Bela and Dean sitting on opposite ends of the couch. They were both rather similar, he suddenly realised. Both were charming, and used sarcasm to hide their true vulnerability. Were forced to grow up too soon due to their traumatic childhoods, and their terrible fathers. And of course both were inordinately beautiful.

“You have the same colour hair,” Castiel said, tilting his head to regard them. “And your eyes are a very similar shade of green.”

Dean and Bela exchanged a look that Castiel couldn’t quite interpret.

“Guess, Cas has a type,” Bela said after a moment.

Dean scoffed. “I’m not fucking him.”

Bela narrowed her eyes. “No, you’re just saving the world with him. I’ll let you in on a little secret: it can’t be done. In the end, we’re all gonna burn.”

“You don’t think I know that already, sweetheart?”

Bela did look a little surprised by that. “Then what does it matter? Might as well enjoy the ride while we’re still on it.”

“Fuck you. It matters.”

“Why?”

“Because if it’s not going to all add up to something at the end, if you’re right Bela and we’re all ultimately doomed, then this world right here, the people on it, they’re the only thing we know for sure does matter. The only thing we know is real. So, we fight. Because we can. So we do.”

Dean and Bela were staring at him.

“What?” Castiel said, unscrewing the bottle and pouring some whiskey into Dean’s glass as he looked up at him. “Was that not what you were going to say? I apologise, those are my sentiments. I shouldn’t speak on your behalf.”

“Uh, no, that’s…” Dean trailed off, staring down at Castiel. His eyes were very green. “That’s pretty much it.”

Bela was quiet for a moment before she reached over to snatch the bottle from Castiel and take a swig directly from it. “Let’s not get maudlin,” she said.

“So, you’re the man who took Castiel’s innocence,” she said.

Dean’s eyes widened. “Uh, no, I wouldn’t – we just. It was just a kiss.”

Bela’s entire face lit up. “Oh, really, now?”

“I told her you were the one who introduced me to hunting,�� Castiel told Dean, watching in amusement as his eyes fell shut.

“Yes, he insisted it was more of a spiritually affecting encounter than a physical one. You’ve been holding out on me, Cas.”

“I had gone out to try and have a sexual encounter before I joined the military and yet was unsuccessful in all my attempts. Dean simply took pity on me in my sorry state and gave me my first kiss. Nothing more salacious to report, Bela.”

Bela did look a little unsatisfied by how chaste the whole encounter sounded. Castiel remembered it somewhat differently, but he supposed his ineptitude and youthful fascination with the confident and exceedingly attractive stranger may have coloured his memory of the incident. The version he told Bela was probably closer to the objective truth of the encounter.

“Still, you two make quite a picture.” She was lying on the couch now, her leather jacket thrown on the floor beside Cas. She propped her head on her hand, the strap of her black silk top sliding down her shoulder.

Castiel saw the interest in Dean’s gaze as he looked her over. From Bela’s smirk, she noticed it too. “My imagination’s running wild here. Care to re-enact it? To satisfy my curiosity?”

“Bela,” Castiel said, the warning evident in his tone.

“What, I’m just curious.” She dropped lithely to the floor, crawling over to where Castiel was stretched out. She sat next to him, draping her legs over his lap, one arm resting on the couch beside Dean.

She brought her hand up to rest on Castiel’s shoulder, and before Castiel realised what was happening, she gripped his hair and yanked his head back till it was resting on the couch, staring up at Dean’s startled expression.

In one fluid motion she shifted to straddle Castiel’s lap and brought her face inches from his. She looked up at Dean. “Was it like this?”

“I, uh – “

Castiel’s view of Dean’s expression was suddenly obscured as Bela leaned down to kiss him. His eyes briefly fell shut, and when he opened them, she was still looking at Dean. She moved back after a moment. “Would you like a turn?”

“With which one of you?” Dean’s tone was light, but his rapid blinking revealed he was far from relaxed.

“Dealer’s choice. Though, no one but you is saying it’s an either/or kinda deal.”

“Oh.”

Bela raised an eyebrow. “Never done the group thing before, huh?”

To Castiel’s surprise, Dean smiled at her. “Wrong on that front, sweetheart.”

“But never with another guy in the mix?”

Dean whistled under his breath. “You’re 0 for 2, tonight. Might wanna quit while you’re head.”

“Interesting,” Bela said, her hand sliding down to the collar of Castiel’s shirt.

Castiel looked up at Dean who was watching him with an expression he couldn’t quite interpret. Bela’s hand was warm against his neck.

Castiel gripped Bela’s hand. She met his eyes and he shook his head minutely.

She moved off him so swiftly, and almost before he realised it, returned to her original perch on the couch. Dean took a moment to adjust to the sudden change in mood, blinking rapidly down at where she had been a moment ago. Their eyes met again, and Castiel could read the ‘what the fuck just happened?’ in them, clear as day.

He shrugged and lifted his head off the cushion. Bela was watching them curiously.

“Was that necessary?” Castiel asked.

“Can’t blame a girl for being curious.”

“Try me,” Dean muttered, apparently having recovered from his confusion.

“I thought you’d be into it,” she said, grinning at Castiel. She turned to Dean. “Did he tell you we met at an orgy?”

“What?”

Castiel sighed. Bela looked delighted by Dean’s slack jawed expression.“I was investigating a commune in South Dakota,” Castiel said. “There had been some reports of a charismatic leader who seemed to be a little too charming. I wondered if he might be employing supernatural means to achieve such a level of devotion.”

“And was he?”

“No. He was simply creating a community of like-minded people who enjoyed the pleasures of mind-altering substances and group sex. They didn’t feel their own society had a place for them, and so were loyal to the man who put such efforts into accommodating them.”

“Plus, he was a magnetic speaker and unspeakably hot.”

Castiel nodded. “He was. And very nice.”

“He liked Cas so much, he asked him to lead his own group. Should have heard the crap he was coming out with. Something about orgies being the gateway to the collective tapestry of the human mind?”

Castiel shrugged. “I don’t remember. It was mostly nonsense.” Though, he does remember being rather impressed by his own ability to improvise. He wasn’t usually that good at it.

“The hippie chicks loved him.” Bela ran a hand through her hair as she regarded him. “You’d make an excellent cult leader, you know.”

“Thank you.”

“And what were you doing there?” Dean asked Bela.

“Same thing he was. I thought the yogi master was using a mystical object to create his own Jonestown. Thought such an artefact could be of some value. I left disappointed.”

“What, didn’t trip the light fantastic and fuck your way over the rainbow?”

“Hippies aren’t exactly my thing.” She smiled. “Can’t say the same for our friend over there, though.”

Dean’s head snapped up so quick, Castiel could almost hear a crack. “Really?”

“I don’t see how that’s relevant.”

“Huh,” Dean said, leaning back with a contemplative look on his face.

Castiel wasn’t sure how, but Bela’s recollection of “The Orgy Case” as she liked to call it, seemed to have dissipated the strange tension that had built up around them. The rest of the night passed without incident. They finished the whiskey. Bela and Dean sniped at each other, but without any real heat behind their barbs.

Eventually, Bela stood up and picked up her jacket from the floor. “Well, it’s been fun, boys, but I have things to do, places to be.”

“Wait, you’re, uh, not staying?” Dean said, his words slightly slurred.

Bela shook her head. “Three’s a crowd, apparently,” shooting Castiel a quick, almost imperceptible look. “Have a good night. I know the morning’s going to be tortuous. Well, for you, at least, Dean. Don’t think Cas can even get a hangover.”

Dean groaned, pulling the cushion over his face. “Fuck,” he said, his voice muffled.

Bela laughed and waggled her fingers in their direction before closing the door behind her.

Castiel offered to make up the guest room bed for Dean but he declined.

“Don’t think I could move right now if I tried, Cas.”

Castiel went to grab a blanket and spare pillow for Dean, along with a bottle of water. He sat on the coffee table until Dean finished the water. Dean dropped his head back onto the pillow. Castiel watched him for a moment before turning out the light. He had just started to walk to his bedroom when he heard Dean call out to him quietly.

“Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?”

“I’m, uh, sorry.”

Castiel paused. The sliver of light from the crack in his bedroom door fell directly on Dean’s face. Castiel still couldn’t read his expression. “For what?”

“Bela, she came here to fuck you, right?”

“I don’t know. Probably.”

Dean shifted his face against the pillow. “I made it weird.”

Castiel tried and failed to follow Dean’s drunken logic. “I can assure you, you didn’t.”

“You like her.”

Castiel had no idea how to interpret that. “I don’t object to her company,” he said after a moment’s deliberation.

“But you don’t want to date her?”

“No.”

“And you don’t trust her?”

“No.”

“Then why?”

Castiel stared at Dean quietly for a moment, watching his chest rise and fall, his breathing getting deeper as he succumbed to his exhaustion. “Get some rest, Dean. I’ll see you in the morning.”

If you're still here, here's an excerpt from the post-canon one.

Look you kids with your vintage music

"Dude, that's a bear. A demonic bear. "

"I can see it Dean. "

"What the actual fuck?" Dean says while Cas is inching backwards to retrieve his fallen blade.

It’s almost on Dean now but it abruptly turns to Cas and stills, black eyes (are bears eyes usually black anyway?) narrowing. Dean watches on in confusion as the black smoke pours out of the bear’s mouth…

Only to look on in horror as it envelops Cas, forcing its way into his mouth and nose. He barely has time to take in the shocked expression on Cas’ face before the demon has schooled his features into something barely recognisable.

“Ooh wasn’t sure if that would work,” it says laughing, the sound making Dean’s insides twist painfully. That’s not Cas’ laugh. “Jeez, feathers, there’s barely any angel left in you is there?”

“Get the fuck out of him!” Dean yells, hoping it doesn’t notice how his voice shakes on that last word. Seeing Cas with black eyes is not something he’d been prepared to deal with. It wasn’t even on the long list of possible worries he had about Cas. (Numbers 1-8 were all the ways he had already managed to get himself dead.)

“Or what? You’ll kill me?” and fuck this thing is actually enjoying this. “Please as if you’d even lay a hand on me when I’m in this body. I know all about you, Dean. You know you’re quite the topic of conversation in hell.”

“Yeah, yeah, Dean Winchester: the man, the myth, the legend. You’ve read all about me on those demon bathroom walls I’m sure.” He’s stalling now. This demon must be strong if it’s managed to possess Cas, and Dean’s trying to figure out how he’s going to get through an exorcism without it stopping him.

“Yes,” it says thoughtfully, tilting it’s head in a twisted mockery of Cas’ usual movements “Though I have to say, having access to a first person account of the story truly is fascinating. Oh, Castiel…the martyrdom, the self flagellation - you don’t even realise everything you could be if you didn’t insist on prostrating yourself before the Altar of Dean Winchester. I mean, look where it’s gotten you.”

Fighting to ignore its words, Dean uses its monologuing at Cas as an opportunity to start muttering an exorcism under his breath, but he only gets half way through before those nauseatingly black eyes flick back on him.

“Oh I don’t think so sweetheart.”

With a flick of its wrist Dean finds himself pinned to the ground, throat constricting. The demon ambles over slowly, dropping down to straddle him, pressing Cas' angel blade to his throat.

“Now as much as I think we could have some fun you and I,” it says dragging its eyes over his body appreciatively and Dean has to look away, the movement making the blade dig into his skin and drawing out a thin line of blood on his neck. “It would be stupid of me to waste time. I’m assuming that brother of yours is around here somewhere, so sorry, I'm going to have to skip to the end. Spoiler alert: it’s me returning to hell as the demon who killed Dean Winchester.”

Dean would come up with a smart ass response to that but unfortunately, the demon’s literally on top with him with a blade partly in his throat, its mojo is still constricting Dean's vocal chords.

He forces himself to look up into Cas’ eyes and project ‘It wasn’t you - it’s not your fault’ as loudly as he can. When Cas is back in the driver’s seat he needs to know that. He needs to know that Dean knew that. Of course he’ll still blame himself, this is Cas, and he’s a dumbass like that, but it’s all Dean’s got.

He’s still looking intently into Cas’ eyes, silently doing his best Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting impression, when he sees the black fall away and suddenly he’s looking into that impossible blue again. He feels his throat relax and he starts gasping, the movement causing the blade to nick at the skin again.

Cas looks down and quickly tosses the blade away. He has quite the arm; that’s going to be a bitch to find again in the dark.

“Dean,” he says, and Dean feels a surge of relief that the voice is nothing like the twisted impression he’d been hearing from the demon. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine,” he says, voice still a little hoarse. He reaches up a hand to Cas jaw, gripping tightly to bring his face to his. It’s him. Eyes blue. “What - Cas- how?“

“I’m sorry it seems my powers are weak enough for a demon to be able to momentarily take control. I didn’t realise…”

“How did you snap out of it?”

Cas’ expression abruptly changes from shame and concern to “Seriously? I am so done with this shit” that Dean feels another surge of warmth. Yep definitely all Cas.

“I said it could momentarily take control. I’m still an angel, even if just as a technicality,” he says dismissively. “A demon can’t hold me for long.”

“Yeah yeah I get it you eat your wheaties.”

“It was also rather stupid,” Cas says looking intently down at Dean, eyes still clear and blue. “In threatening you I mean. That’s certainly the most sure fire way of jolting me back into the driver’s seat, as you would say.”

Dean’s suddenly very aware that Cas is essentially sitting in his lap and that Dean is still gripping his jaw tightly. His face is inches away and Dean can feel the warmth of Cas’ breath on his cheek.

“Dean,” Cas says, jolting him from wherever his thoughts were wandering, “I may have gotten back control but it would still be better to do this sooner rather than later.”

“Do what?” He says says struggling to focus on what the point was.

Cas is looking at him (from very close by) like he’s an idiot.

“The exorcism, Dean.”

Oh right. Because there’s still a demon in Cas. And they’ve just been sitting around shooting the breeze.

Dean hurriedly starts the exorcism, belatedly realising it might have been smarter for both of them to stand up before starting this, but then Cas is shaking and all thoughts leave Dean’s head. He lifts a hand to grip Cas’ arm, but Cas shakes it off, bracing his hands on the ground either side of Dean’s shoulders. Dean finishes the exorcism, the smoke bursts out of Cas’ body and is forced into the ground on the midnight train direct to Hell.

Cas is leaning over him struggling to catch his breath, but otherwise he looks okay. Once again Dean reaches over to cup his face a silent question in his eyes and he only relaxes when Cas looks back and nods.

Dropping his head back to the ground and closing his eyes he’s jolted back by the sound of foosteps and looks up to see Sam and Jack running only to stop abruptly. What makes them pause who knows? There’s an unconscious bear not ten feet away. There’s Cas - pale, exhausted and out of breath. Oh, and there’s also the fact that he’s essentially still straddling Dean who can’t quite bring himself to move. It’s all a rich tableau.

“What the fuck happened here?” Sam asks as Jack rushes over to help Cas.

“Well, Sammy,” he says, allowing Jack to pull him up too after he’s checked that Cas is okay. “Highlights: demon bear, I’m still famous as ever in Hell, and Cas is gonna need some new ink. After I’ve eaten my weight in red meat. It’s been a fucking day.”

“Where the hell is he?’ Dean demands pacing the floor of the motel room.

Sam looks on bemused. “Dean, he’s a grown man - angel, whatever. He can take care of himself.”

“Dude just got possessed by a demon, Sam and then just decided to go off on his own. He’s not even answering his phone.”

Sam shrugs. “He seemed fine after. A little annoyed, but that’s pretty much business as usual for Cas. He probably just needed some air - to clear his head.”

Dean knows Sam’s probably right but he’s not really in the mood to be placated. “He could at least answer his phone.”

“Loosen the leash a little, Dean. Does Cas know he has a curfew?”

“Shut up, Sam.”

“Look, if you’re going to be like this for the rest of the night, I’m just gonna go bunk with Jack. It’s been a long day.”

“Fine, but -”

“I’m right next door," Sam interrupts, raising a hand behind him as he leaves.

Dean fully intends to have chilled out a little by the time Cas comes back.

“Where the fuck were you?”

Yeah, well, everyone knows what the road to hell is paved with, and Dean's practically got an express ticket by this point.

Cas looks at him evenly. “Out.”

“Oh real cute, Punky Brewster. Something wrong with your phone?”

Cas pulls it out of his pocket and tosses it at Dean. Dean instinctively catches it and looks down at the cracked screen.

“It must have gotten broken during the encounter with the demon earlier,” Cas says, shrugging out of his coat and draping it on the back of the chair.

“Fine, whatever. Where were you?”

“Getting a tattoo.”

“Getting a...oh.”

Cas looks away. “Earlier, that shouldn’t have... I didn’t think a demon would be able to do that. I should have considered it, though. I should have been prepared.” His eyes drift to Dean's neck.

Cas walks over to where Dean is sitting on the bed.

Dean inhales sharply as Cas runs his fingers over the scabbed over cut on his throat.

“Cas it’s -” He clears his throat, surprised by the husky quality of his voice. “It’s fine. I’ve had worse getting out of bed.

“I think you’ve been getting out of bed wrong.”

“Cas” - he tugs at his wrist to get him to sit down - “look at me.”

Cas resists for a moment before he sighs and takes a seat, the cheap motel mattress sinking under his weight.

“It’s not your fault. This shit happens.”

“Not to me. At least it shouldn’t.”

Dean runs a hand through his hair, wondering how he should say this. “But Crowley was able to possess you that time.”

Cas scoffs, which is not the reaction Dean had expected but in retrospect maybe he should have. The most sure fire way to get Cas to show contempt and condescension is to mention Crowley’s name. Especially since Rowena had figured out a way to bring him back. Maybe Dean should do it more often: it’s good for Cas’ self-esteem to feel righteously superior every once in a while.

“He didn’t possess me, Dean. He was able to enter my body because I wasn’t in control of it at the time, but even in that state he wouldn’t have been able to force me to do so much as put on a bracelet.”

“That’s weirdly specific.”

Cas stares into the distance with the air of someone haunted by some long suppressed memory. “When we were working together to try to find Lucifer, he bought me three different friendship bracelets. I’d rather not talk about it.”

Don’t laugh, Dean tells himself. Crowley might be a genius. Oh to be a fly on the wall for that glorious gift exchange.

“So, yes, I never thought a demon would be able to possess me and wrest control of my body from me. I won’t let it happen again, Dean. I’m sorry.”

“Dude, I swear to God…” Dean mutters. He takes a deep breath. “Yeah, fine, whatever. So it worked?”

Cas looks at him curiously.

“Well, when we tried to get Jack inked up, the tat dissolved off him before the guy had even put the gun down. You didn’t have the same issue or anything?”

Cas shrugs and starts to unbutton his jeans.

“Woah, wait what are you –”

“Checking my tattoo? Like you just suggested?” Cas says looking at Dean like he’s an idiot. He might be; his brain seems to be sending out an error 404 signal right now.

“I thought... We usually go for –” Dean pulls at the collar of his shirt to gesture at the anti-possession symbol below his collar bone.

Cas shrugs as he pulls down the waistband. “I didn’t give it much thought. I have the anti-angel one there,” Dean follows his fingers as they trace over the Enochian lettering on his lower ribs. “It just made sense to get this one below it.”

“Right. Yeah. Sure.”

Cas raises a brow at him before looking down to examine his new tattoo. “As you can see, still there.”

Dean looks at the bold black markings for longer than a simple appraisal would warrant, but Cas doesn’t call him on it. “Uh yeah,” he coughs, finally looking away. ‘Looks good.”

Cas nods and buttons up his jeans and Dean feels a strange mix of relief and disappointment that he has no intention of examining too closely. He leans back against the headboard. “Sorry if I came on a little strong. I was just... Well uh, you know.” He sighs. “I was just worried.”

Cas settles himself more comfortably back on the bed. “I know, Dean. I learned to differentiate the nuances in your various angry reactions a long time ago.”

Dean should probably be offended by that, but he can’t quite muster up the energy to care. Besides, Cas is right: he does tend to hide a great deal of his vulnerabilities behind a veil of anger. It’s as valid a coping mechanism as any.

“Aww, Cas, it’s like you like me or something.”

“Or something.” Cas looks at him intently.

“What?”

“I was just thinking...” He pauses. “I don’t think you’d like to hear this.”

Dean snorts. “Now you have to tell me.”

“I was thinking about you and Lisa.”

Dean stares at him. Cas was right. He definitely didn’t want to hear that. He never thought he’d have to. Sam knew better than to ever mention her again, but Cas…

Dean didn’t have the right to ask Cas to stay quiet on this particular subject, but he had always just assumed they had a tacit agreement to keep this particular skeleton buried. He didn’t think Cas would want to rehash it anymore than he did.

“Dean, we don’t have to.”

“No, no, it’s not...I –I just ” –Dean bangs his head back against the wall, ignoring the resulting twinge – “ I don’t know where to even start. What I did to her –”

“What we did, Dean.”

Dean sits up so quickly he has to brace himself on the edge of the mattress to keep from tipping over. “No, Cas. No. That one’s not on you. I asked you to do it. Things were so damn broken between us and I knew how guilty you felt. I knew…”

“You knew I’d give you whatever you asked without hesitation,” Cas finishes staring at Dean. “And I did. But that was my choice.”

“Your choice?” Dean laughs bitterly. “Yeah, like I gave you much of a choice. Come on, Cas, you were full wattage halo back then. Glory be to our Castiel in the Highest. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know you’ve never been like the other self-righteous asshats up there, but let’s not pretend you fully understood human feelings back then. Or that you fully got what I was asking you to do.”

“You’re right, I didn’t. But I understood what losing you meant. It was happening to me. I was losing you and knew that there was nothing I could do to stop it. The one…” he trails off and Dean feels an intense urge to reach out to him. He closes his fingers around Cas’ wrist and Cas looks up at him, blue eyes filled with something bigger than Dean has the ability to contextualise.

Cas takes a deep breath, not looking away from Dean. “You were the one being in all of existence that I felt any sense of connection to. My only real tether to anything outside of myself. Being without you...I didn’t know how I was going to survive it.” He smiles, the crooked, broken smile that Dean hates more than almost anything. “I guess I didn’t.

“So, yeah, Dean, I knew what I was doing. You...I don’t think you’ll ever realise just how remarkable you are. How indelibly your presence becomes etched in the lives of anyone who comes to know you. I experienced every single one of her memories of you before I erased them, but even if I hadn’t, I’d still have known what I was taking from her, and I did it anyway.”

Dean has no idea how to respond to any of that. What the hell does he say? ‘Hey, buddy, I think you’re swell too?’ Or ‘I’m sorry you have such terrible taste in the humans you form bonds with?’ Or ‘if you’re so intent on fraternising with the dregs of humanity, maybe give tinder a try? Even that’s gotta be an improvement with what you’re dealing with here.’

“I’m sorry I asked you to do it,” Dean says instead.

“I’m sorry too. I’m sorry about a lot of things, Dean.”

Dean nods. “Ok, so is that what you were thinking about? What we did to her and Ben? Taking their memories?” Dean knows it was a shitty shitty thing to do. He’ll always feel guilty about it, but he can’t quite bring himself to regret it. Without him in their lives, they were safe. He’d forced himself into their world. A world he didn’t belong in. A world he didn’t want to belong in. He’d be damned if he let Lisa and Ben pay the price for his failed experimentation with white bread normalcy.

Cas shakes his head. “Not quite. I just...you never tried it again, and I didn't understand. Why you never tried to find another partner. I always wondered why.”

Dean looks at him incredulously. He’s beginning to question Cas’ sanity again. “Cas, uh not to be a dick or anything, but did that thing with the demon knock a few screws loose? What were we just talking about? Like literally just talking about.”

“That’s not what I mean, Dean," and fuck if looks could burn, Dean would be a pile of ashes on the cheap motel carpet.

#my stuff #destiel #spn fic #asks

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