not-that-joker - Tumblr blog

[not-that-joker]

this is very in character for them

[not-that-joker]

I just spent the past hour watching my dad seduce krakens I’m not okay

[not-that-joker]

ask game!

🎭 - what do you prefer in media; innovation, characterization, narrative/plot, or symbolism/deeper themes?

🎠 - if you’re comfortable, recall a dream that made you feel like everything was going to be alright.

🛰️ - what do you think of space? is it cold? frightening? or is it just something new to funnel your curiosity into?

💥 - if you’re comfortable, have you ever “broken out” of a dream? have you ever been aware of the past outcomes of a repeating dream while you were still in it?

👤 - if you’re comfortable, are you yourself in your dreams? what do you think this means?

🦕 - what/how does prehistory make you feel? if you came face to face with a prehistoric creature, how would you react?

🗼 - what fills you with awe- technical advancements or natural displays?

🎨 - what color or color(s) do you feel describes you? why?

✨ - what do all of your interests have in common, or lack in common? what do you think that says about you?

💌 - what do you do to express your love? how does love make you feel? do you know what it sounds like for love to come knocking, or are you still waiting?

📖 - when reading, what is more important: prose or emotion? why?

🌱 - do you prefer leaves, vines, or flowers? why?

⏳ - how long does the day feel to you? what are the longest parts of the day? what do you feel this says about you?

🕳️ - what is your greatest natural fear? this excludes everything having to do with humans.

🎲 - what seems stranger to you, jumanji or zathura? (this is completely self indulgent)

🎼 - what inspires you to do creative work? what makes you feel disheartened in your work?

🐈 - are you superstitious? if so, how? are you superstitious in unconventional ways?

💣 - what makes you angry? do you feel like you are different when you are angry, or just amplified?

🧭 - where is home to you? is it a person, a place, or just a feeling? what makes you feel like you are at home?

🧱 - what do you feel like your foundation is? how long has it been steady? are you still building it? 

[not-that-joker]

having fangs may not be a ‘‘‘necessary’’’ or ‘‘‘wise’’’ addition to my physiology but it would be very, very sexy and therefore i think i deserve them regardless,

[not-that-joker]

palace chests sure do contain some interesting items

[not-that-joker]

The new awkward zombie strip is very powerful

[not-that-joker]

[not-that-joker]

Goro I think you are seriously misunderstanding the rules of Fuck Marry Kill

you’re supposed to pick ONE action for EACH person named

not one action to do to all three

and DEFINITELY not one name for all three actions

and you’re REALLY not obligated to ACTUALLY do it

[not-that-joker]

joker

[not-that-joker]

“dude” but like romantically

[not-that-joker]

🍯 🎂 💘

🍯- describe your favorite smell

There’s a certain smell of wood and wet pavement that just happens every now and then...kinda the natural version of a generic “fresh breeze” scented candle. I’m almost a little superstitious about it, because a lot of good things have happened on days that it shows up.

🎂- if you had 3 wishes, what would they be? 

Never lose anything again

Stop having nightmares and chronic inability to trust reality if I have a day that’s too good?

Be able to eat anything I want and have it all become perfectly healthy - including no more stomach upset from eating too heavy and having to run, like when you have a leg injury and Shadows are chasing you and ALL YOU HAVE that this Palace counts as a way to heal is 3 BURGERS AND 2 ORDERS OF FRIES

💘- 3 ways to win your heart?

Apparently? Try to invite yourself to lunch with me the first time we meet, barge into my house at odd hours and eat all my food, and declare me your sworn nemesis.

Oh, and a bonus 4th one: aquarium dates.

[not-that-joker]

I lived, bitch.

💔

💔- the reason behind your last breakup?

I killed him.

[not-that-joker]

sweet and pure asks

🐰- do you believe in soul mates?

💌- diary or journal?

✨- which fictional character (book, show, or movie) do you relate to most?

💕- are you crushing on someone?

💋- kissing in the dark or kissing in the rain?

🐝- describe your aesthetic in emojis

🍼- what is your favorite memory?

🌸- what is your favorite flower?

💖- have you ever been in love?

🍰- strawberry or vanilla?

🍯- describe your favorite smell

🎂- if you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

🍪- cookie dough or cookies?

☕- coffee or tea?

🍃- would you rather live in a sea with mermaids or a forest with fairies?

🍂- what’s your middle name?

💫- what is your sun, moon, and rising sign?

🌧️- favorite thing to do on rainy days?

🍭- how tall are you?

💒- which show would you want to live in?

🎄- what is your favorite holiday?

🍦- what scented candle is your favorite?

🎶- favorite song right now?

💘- 3 ways to win your heart?

🍩- current mood?

❄️- what is your favorite season?

💍- your current relationship status?

📷- a photo of yourself

💅🏻- do you like being spoiled?

🕊️- 3 habits you have?

🦄- how do you perceive yourself?

🦋- how do you think others perceive you?

🌈- things I find attractive in girls/guys

🍓- one secret about yourself

🍒- how do you act when you have a crush?

💔- the reason behind your last breakup?

💬- what your last text message says?

🎥- what show are you currently binging on?

⛅- what is your morning routine?

💗- who do you miss?

🥀- last time you cried?

🎁- when is your birthday?

🔪- scariest/creepiest experience?

💤- date someone younger, older, or same age as you?

🎀- any question you want

~~Not mine

[not-that-joker]

Look, after I accidentally backed myself into telling Sumi, it just seemed a waste to dig up that trauma and NOT turn it into an Internet Story

@not-that-joker​ You finally show your face around here again after two years and the first thing you talk about is boners. Classy.

[not-that-joker]

As some of you know, thanks to some chance meetings I recently got back into gymnastics after stopping for a little under 5 years.

But why, you ask, did I stop for 5 years? Well, it’s not true that I “stopped”, exactly. I kept up practicing what I knew at home, though I didn’t really advance much because I don’t have much safety gear at home to let me really push myself, and breaking my neck has never been my idea of a good time - but, there is a reason I dropped out of taking lessons.

You see, there were...complications.

The complications began before I even started. You see, dear reader - as some of you know, I have two dads, which is awesome, and I love them, but there are a few people who get weird about it. You know. The bad kind of weird. With gymnastics being a sport that more girls are into than boys in the first place, there were already some Questions being asked. Stupid questions, really - what kid DOESN’T want to learn how to do the closest thing to flying that humans can do? Why is that “more of a girl thing” in the first place?

But I digress...

I started classes when I was 9, and that led to complication #2: like most of the other boys, I started showing up to practice in shorts and T-shirts, and all was good - for a few weeks. Unfortunately, as is common in parenting, my dads tended to buy clothes slightly too big for me and let me grow into them, and one fateful day, it backfired-

I caught my foot in the leg of my shorts in midair. To this day I’m not entirely sure what happened between that moment, and when I regained my senses crying on the floor, with a sprained knee and adults around me fearing I’d broken my arm. All I know is, to add insult to injury, my shorts were laying on the floor about 20 paces away.

Of course, I was a kid. Kids are rubber. I bounced back from it just fine - but, when I went back, my dads insisted on switching my practice outfit to a biketard more like the girls wore. Well, I say they insisted but really it was more that they asked if I wanted to try that, I remembered laying there crying in my underwear while everyone stared and said “YES PLEASE ANYTHING TO NOT DO THAT AGAIN”

Everything was fine after that...until I was 12. You probably remember what being 12 is like - first encounters with skin problems, feet growing a full size overnight, hitting your head on everything because it doesn’t seem possible that you’re getting this tall this fast...

And other...anatomical issues.

Yes - you see, my new, safer practice outfit brought with it some problems of its own. All was well and good, until I hit that lovely phase of life where my junk discovered the joys of doing a Jack-in-the-box impression and decided to show off its new trick every chance it got. My dance belt helped, but not enough to contain The Wrath of the Junior Boner. I tried wearing shorts again, but anything tight enough to avoid a repeat of The Great Incident was also tight enough to reveal more than anyone wanted to see.

And that is when I decided to try taking matters into my own hands - by taping it down. And no, dear reader, I don’t mean I medical taped over my underwear - I mean I put tape directly on some of the most sensitive skin on my body, ran it up my buttocks, around my legs, until I had an entire extra set of underwear on made out of nothing but heavy-duty, stiff, waterproof medical tape.

And I went to practice.

So, dear reader, I ask: have you ever tried to do the splits while wearing a pair of underwear made entirely out of tape? Specifically, a type of tape that does not stretch? If not, I would like you to imagine if you will, someone shoving coarse sandpaper down your underwear and giving you an atomic wedgie, and you have a pretty similar picture.

And I, too embarrassed to admit the Very Personal Problem I Was Having, decided to push through it and finish the whole lesson. I still remember my reflection at the end of it, I looked like I was dying.

And it quickly dawned on me, as it may also have already dawned on you - the story was not over there. I still had to free myself from the tape prison.

And I had to pee.

So, my dads took me home, and I sprinted to the bathroom.

From here, I invite you to try and imagine this from my dads’ point of view. You know very well that your son is...going through a difficult time in every person’s life. You want to support him the best you can, but you also want to respect his privacy. He has been acting Odd all day, showing obvious signs of physical discomfort. Now, after athletic practice, he’s been locked in the bathroom for about 15 minutes-

And you hear crying.

My dads, like many would, immediately got the emergency key and barged in-

And found me there, sitting on the toilet, scissors in my shaking hand, scraps of tape all over the entire room, on my arms, on my face, in my hair - impossible to tell where it all came from because the chastity belt of tape seemed almost entirely intact around my bruised hips and thighs.

Imagine the grace and compassion and self-control it would take not to fall on the floor laughing as you suddenly realize the reason for the discomfort your stupid, stupid son had been showing all day, and you will discover why I love my family.

That, my friends, was the day I decided to stop for a few years. I never did want to see it as quitting, just...a little hiatus until I stopped growing an inch a night and (*ahem*) standing at attention over no more than a stiff breeze. Both the pain and the fear of what people would say if they ever found out were bad enough on their own - when they combined...it was the easiest hiatus I’ve ever decided to take.

tl;dr: tight clothes and puberty did not mix; went on hiatus because my 12-year old penis brought dishonor on my family.

[not-that-joker]

sir that's my emotional support corvid

[not-that-joker]

Yeah sex is cool i guess (if you’re into that sort of thing) but have you ever tried blasphemy or moderate-to-severe heresy against the tyrant that calls himself “God”?