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[notapinguin]

I didn't think he'd be like that. The type to leave someone on delivered. I was wrong. I don't understand why but then again at this point it shouldn't concern me. I think that's why it's taken me awhile to let go of him. I hadn't realized that. I thought he was different but he's just like a lot of people. I thought at least we were friends but it turns out we're just coworkers. I imagined that maybe I would invite him and another coworker to do something for my birthday in October, but know I think that is a far away idea. Honestly it hurts a bit. I just hope I can finally let go of this man knowing what he's really like. He's a good person just like everyone else. But maybe not the right person to be close with. I liked him, not just as a crush. As a perso. As well. He was very sweet. Yet, ever since he came back he has been distant and I am tired of stressful feelings toward this situation that is only happening in my head. I imagined us talking like how we talked before he left. It was a nice conversation. It might be the deepest conversation we've ever had. He's told me multiple times that if I leave, I have to let him know. That was before he left. When he came back, he said something like

'Damn you're still here?'

Or

'I can't believe you're still here.'

And it sounded like he wanted me to leave. I don't know how to feel about him. But i don't want to be bothered by what he thinks. It's always so complicated. I cant predict how he feels or thinks about me. I dont know if I'll continue to be delulu or just face the facg that he might not even like me. Not even as a coworker. Just that random dislike people have for others.

So a coworker just wrote in the chat that her schedule was changed. Meaning that his schedule for the week was going to be changed. And my disrespectful-towards-myself-ass was about to check. I even opened the app and everything but closed it before I could check. I'm putting my respect first.

Nvm parece q hicieron el cambio ayer y ya lo habia visto.

Nvm lo chequie y por ahora vamos a trabajar el sabado during the sort of same shift.

But he keeps living rent free in my mind.

I keep saying خلاص خلاص خلاص خلاص

Enough about him. I'll only view him as a normal guy from now on.

It has been tiring. It is time to say 'until next time', not goodbye because I don't like those.

مسالمة

[notapinguin]

I fucking hate having a crush carajoooooo

Too much stress might as well quit😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[notapinguin]

Quiero lloraaaaaaaar (porfa escuchen eso con una melodia)

No puedo con mi ansiedas. Hay cosas q todavia me faltan para la propuesta y no pude terminar el informe de espectrofotometria ni empezar el otro. Siento q me va a dar un ataque de panico por eso. Ademas de eso, tambien tengo un poco de ansiedad social. Aunque a veces la gente se rio por lo q digo, en mi mente creo q verdaderamente lo toman como un insulto y estoy tan preocupada por que no les quiero caer mal.

Cuando fui a almorzarz, lo hice con un compañero de clase y sus amigos. Lo hice para no sentir la ansiedad sobre los informes, pero despues me enfrente con la ansiedad social. Teniendo cuidado con todo lo q dijera. No se fue hasta q me encontre con una compañera para seguir trabajando con los informes y ahi volvio la ansiedad pq sinceramente no sabemos lo q haciamos. Tengo muchas ganas de llorar pero las lagrimas no salen. Y cuando vuelva, tengo q pretender q todo esta bien

#bathroomchronicles

#life

#anxiety #university #uni #chem #chemistry #iwrotethisinthebathroomcauseineededabreakandfeltlikeiwouldgetaheadache #smilethroughthepain #pretendeverythingisfinebecayseeverythingisfine

[notapinguin]

Chemistry is fun??

Chem lab has actually been fun lately, but I think it's mostly the people that make the time in the laboratory enjoyable. Although, the experiments are fun as well.

[notapinguin]

Physics wtf?!?!?!?!

I have the time to study, yes. But the motivation though. It's not really there. Im not very interested in studying oscillations or wave motions. Anyone else feel this way?

[notapinguin]

First day of college

I'm not even sure what to think yet. But here are some things I learned from the first day

Many exams won't be during class hours (doesn't make any sense)

The school probably uses a bunch of resources online. Locate them

Was the rush of putting make-up on even worth it?

Don't completely rely on groupchats for information. It's not usually accurate. Just pay attention in class.

Locate places for food or bring food from home. If not, you might starve.

I think that's it. Honestly, I spent most of the day alone because I had mostly morning classes and the people (person) that I had met and become most close to had afternoon classes. It would be nice to make class friends but I'm too shy so I'll just see how it goes tomorrow.