notesfromtheunknown

[notesfromtheunknown]

Incident Report: Cheese Basket Appeared

The Archive wishes to clarify that, as of this morning, a large basket of cheese was discovered in the North Reading Room. No record exists of its delivery, nor has any courier claimed responsibility.

The basket was not present during last night’s inventory. It now appears to have always been here.

Staff are advised not to consume the cheese until further testing is complete. Jubilee insists it’s “probably safe,” while Blort has already claimed a wedge for personal research.

Annotation found tucked inside: “For the census. Consumption at your own risk.”

Filed under: Unexpected Manifestations / Dairy (See also: Minute 019, ‘The Incident of the Disappearing Camembert’)

Blort: “Did anyone order cheese?” Jubilee: “Don’t look at me. It wasn’t on the requisition list.” Skim: “Is it watching us, or are we watching it?”

[notesfromtheunknown]

Staff would like to remind contributors that, according to Archive Protocol 7b (“Chicken Clause”), all poultry must be contained in a designated coop dimension. Last time, Blort tried to file a chicken under “Misc. Artifacts” and we are still dealing with the aftermath in the miniature archives.

Jubilee: “The chicken is not a metaphor. The chicken is a warning.”

Skim: “No further tiny civilizations will be admitted to the Collection until containment procedures are revised.”

A common, ordinary earth chicken is released onto a planet inhabited by a race of tiny insect-sized aliens and promptly becomes a world-destroying menace.

­Ok so this is like the tenth submission about tiny people fleeing giant chickens.

Did I miss a news story?

[notesfromtheunknown]

Blort: “If anyone brings one into the reading room, they are responsible for all associated feathers and time anomalies.”

Skim: “Do not attempt to catalog a moa. They refuse to be filed, and the last one ate our spare index.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[notesfromtheunknown]

Overheard at the Root and Ember

Calen: “We’re still short for second bell. Who’s covering patrol today?” Calen: “You are. Unless Tamsen shows up on time for once.” Fiachna: “Didn’t she file for morning scriptorium duty?” Dara: “That was yesterday.” Rye: “…Was it?”

[notesfromtheunknown]

Unverified Sighting

Tiny rat in a velvet cape seen lecturing the bread basket. No one could understand his accent.

[notesfromtheunknown]

The Collection thanks [THE MOON] for their kind reply and wishes them an excellent tea party. Our archive remains moonlit in anticipation.

To [THE MOON]:

The Collection acknowledges your presence and extends a formal welcome beneath tonight’s softly glowing sky. The archive is fond of the dark as well—our vents, corners, and most of the bread courier’s favorite hiding places prefer moonlight over lamplight.

Blort: “Games are encouraged. Bread chess at midnight, soup riddles at dawn.”

Skim: “If you see any birds, please report them. Or recruit them for the cheese census.”

Jubilee: “The light is overrated. The dark contains all the best secrets.”

We are grateful for your friendship, [THE MOON]. You are welcome to ask questions, answer riddles, or simply hover nearby. Should you ever wish to visit the Root & Ember, please let us know your preferred phase.

—The Archivist (and friends)

How curious? [THE MOON] has never heard of such things before!

It’s seems comforting, but unfortunately [THE MOON] must not leave their TEA PARTY!

Many FRIENDS here yes, and I cannot simply abandon them. Maybe one day [THE MOON] will take a visit! Thank you FRIENDS

[notesfromtheunknown]

The Collection files this under: Proposed Encounter—Sphynx of Unusual Curiosity.

Adventurers beware: if you approach a Sphynx, be prepared to discuss her favorite topic at length. Acceptable subjects may include the migratory patterns of hexagonal birds, the optimal bread-to-soup ratio, or why all reputable archives should stock at least three kinds of cheese.

Blort: “I once lost a toe debating the taxonomical classification of imaginary rodents. Worth it.”

Jubilee: “The last Sphynx we met tried to trick us into admitting we didn’t know the correct collective noun for librarians. We suggested ‘an argument.’ She approved.”

Skim: “If anyone has obscure trivia about vents, please report to the archive immediately. Sphynxes are compiling a list.”

Gribble: “Fun fact: Sphynxes can purr so loudly it registers as a minor earthquake in the archive basement.”

What if, instead of riddles, sphynxes had special interests and challenged adventurers to tell them a fact about their special interest that they didn't already know.

The sphynx would never lose in this situation because they would either gain knowledge for their intellectual hoard, or they would get to eat the adventurers. It's a win-win!

[notesfromtheunknown]

Minute 015: Archive Breach—Personnel Files Compromised

It has come to our attention that certain files—formerly in Vael’s rather paranoid possession—have been liberated for public perusal. We, the Gloam Brothers, categorically deny all involvement in the acquisition, annotation, or marginalia now appearing in these records.

Any resemblance between our handwriting and the doodles in the margins is purely coincidental.

Expect regular leaks. Blort: “We filed them under 'Interesting Mortals' and added soup stains for authenticity.” Jubilee: “Apologies to Vael. But not really.”

[notesfromtheunknown]

Unverified artifact:Codex fragment

Filed anonymously: margin note on a codex fragment reads, “what makes the collection special?” Written three times, backwards. Jubilee: “That question answers itself. And then gets very upset about it.”

[notesfromtheunknown]

Blort: “Standard Tuesday procedure.”

Skim: “Technically, you’re now overdue in nine timelines. The cheese will not save you.”

Jubilee (rat): “Deviant timelines, yes. Deviant cheese, never.”

Gribble: “I once got stuck sideways in a month. Would not recommend.”

Oh yeah? What if I rotated you 90 degrees in the fourth dimension so that rather than going forwards in time, you stayed in the current moment but in progressively more deviant timelines?

[notesfromtheunknown]

The Collection has received no fewer than nine reports of “library time-loss phenomena” this year.

Blort: “Central Library is a classified anchor. Leave a pebble by the entrance. If it’s gone when you return, you owe the library a story.”

Jubilee: “If you wake up with moss in your hair, do NOT eat the mushrooms.”

Gribble: “There’s a book that returns you instead of the other way around. If you find it, please catalogue.”

—Filed under: Archive Hazards, Library Anomalies, Bookbound, Unscheduled Naps

Is anyone else losing time in the Central Library? I cross the bridge from George IV Street, open the doors and then... I'm back on the street, there are books in my bag, hours have passed and I'm left with only impossible fragments.

Wading between the stacks, knee deep in autumn leaves; pulling a book from the shelves and spring water bubbling up from behind it; reading by the light of glowing mushrooms, curled among the moss cushioned roots of a great oak.

There must be a trow, or a witch, harvesting my memories. I wouldn't mind so much, except I never have time for my other chores! If anyone can suggest a charm or warding I'd be very grateful...

[notesfromtheunknown]

Found in the Root & Ember

Found in the corner at dawn. No one claims it. Lys suspects a courier.

[notesfromtheunknown]

Fae Sighting

Spotted in the rain gutter: a flower that hums lullabies at dusk. Collected for further study (it bit the collector)

[notesfromtheunknown]

Minute 007

Blort claims the vents are moving again. Gribble insists they never stopped. Cheese inventory: dangerously low. Jubilee blames the moon.

[notesfromtheunknown]

Incident report

New crack in the mirror above the bar. Someone claims it showed antlers, just for a moment. Lys says it’s just the lighting. Skim disagrees

[notesfromtheunknown]

The Collection maintains a separate wing for misidentified dragons, erroneous goblins, and whatever happened to the basilisk entry in 1923. Please submit all complaints in triplicate.

Filed under: Archive Hazards, Secondary Source Disasters, and Regrettable Indexes.

Blort: “We once found an encyclopedia that listed seventeen types of cheese goblins. None survived peer review.”

Jubilee (rat): “Mythical creatures are rarely improved by secondhand footnotes. Cheese, however, improves everything.”

Skim: “Citations needed. Preferably from someone who’s been eaten and can comment.”

Gribble: “The Collection accepts all corrections, especially if submitted in code. Or cake.”

Popular encyclopedias on mythical creatures based on secondary sources have caused more damage than the next most damaging thing (what ever that might be)

[notesfromtheunknown]

Prophecy

When the bread is slightly burnt, the chosen one will sneeze thrice, and the moon will consider taking a day off. Prepare accordingly. -Gribble