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Spring mountains.

Nara, Japan.

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Sakura season.

Seiryo-ji temple, Kyoto, Japan.

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"no one wants to hurt you" yeah I'm not so sure about that doc

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"girls love" anime, games like crystar, project sekai, cute accessories, kind situation are the only things that help me to not feel rotten

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i hate everyone and everything that made me feel like I'm not good enough

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everyone already hates me there's no point in acting like i am normal when it's clear that I'm not

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how oversentimentally dumb emotionally piece of shit am I

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writing made me crazier than i was

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meeting me in depression is the best for you

happy me likes just few

behaving like a child and dog at the same time

put a collar on my neck with your arms

pink view everywhere through childhood glasses and depressed me is not like that

dying me is still the best

cause my emotions is in me less

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can i please leave everything behind

and bury myself into your arms

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you can say i have gift but don't forget to add from whom

from heavens? or from demon lord himself

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i don't deserve anything good at least for some years

gouge out my eyes and wear hearing aids for my ears

so i have a valid reason to feel miserably

in reality im the monster which has kind look - the type i hate most

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how can i love myself now

when I confirmed to myself what a horrible monster am i

the truth about me i despise

is also the only thing that helps me stand on the ground

should i find some help

should i fight with my truest self

when this is the only thing i know about myself - i have

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I'm literally obsessing over human beings I'm disgusting

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i don't have a place in this reality that's why im running away from it

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if I could sleep more

maybe my tiredness would be gone

and my thoughts wouldn't be so detaching from this world

if I could eat more

maybe I could run like three years ago

and my lungs would handle my brain a little better and not collapsing from all the pressure

why am I in constant tense state with my thoughts all over the place

why can't I connect and tidy them up into described boxes

why can't I be in reality for more than few seconds

where am I even at, this is not even my head nor place in heaven

is this just tv screen where my thoughts are projecting to their own self

Is this the part where they tell me that I'm sick in mind and give pills to "settle me for my own sake"

will I get discarded cause I feel like a doll which is not working so well

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I look for places where I feel safe

where no one judge me for how I behave

running in the same place from A back to B

because I'm not able to choose the path on the crossroad which is in the middle of all the misery

picking up snails from trails to tall grass full of algae

and to lost souls lend a hand with a light to show them a peaceful way

watering, transplanting flowers which people said were dead and nothing could revive that beautiful petal anyway

to fix the lamps that people said would never light again

to stabilize the bench, which is falling apart from all the pressure

to find another and put next to - so they can last more

not sure which path I'll go

but meanwhile I can do something that fills the scary void