oddlyleftoverstars - Tumblr blog

[oddlyleftoverstars]

The dead weight of a leg, numb from the knee down because you sat on it wrong and it went to sleep without you, that is what the future feels like when you never expected to make it into your 40s.

It’s there, something is there at least, but you can’t manage to do anything but stand there, wobbly, the future hanging there like an unsteady kickstand. Any movement feels awkward and heavy, but you need to move. What you think is instinctive is suddenly a convoluted series of carefully planned decisions that feel like half panicked shots in the dark.

It’s going to wake up soon, and you dread the bone deep pins and needles beginning to sparkle through your flesh, the first confirmation that the future is indeed there, waking up, whether you’re ready for it or not.

[oddlyleftoverstars]

Terror Grafico #8 - Ediciones Ursus, Spain 1972. Cover art by Esteban Maroto.

[oddlyleftoverstars]

Have a zoom interview tomorrow. Nervous, but also not. I need to start putting out the effort to fake it till I make it. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

[oddlyleftoverstars]

[oddlyleftoverstars]

[oddlyleftoverstars]

It’s been a long time since I’ve been anonymous online. Not that I’m known or famous. I’m not. I just mean, it’s been so long since I’ve had a presence online that is in no way connected to me. Where I haven’t tied my name or connected screen name.

Let’s see what happens.

[oddlyleftoverstars]

You know I do talk a lot about racism in the MCU, but I've dedicated about 18,000 words for my final research paper on this topic, and when you go in depth on a topic like this, then nooks and crannies, you really realise just how fucked up things are. It's 2021, and it's crazy to think about.

My takeaway from this is that at least as a fandom we can try and be less racist, or just not racist at all? And also, if you're not racist, please don't just sit in silence? Speak. Scream. Someone will always listen.

Also, y'all be loving Sam Wilson and M'Baku but not supporting your IRL friends of color, you are a part of the problem boo, don't forget that.

[oddlyleftoverstars]

[oddlyleftoverstars]

Abusers are abusers. Tommy Lee is, was, and always will be a piece of shit, no matter who they cast to retcon his past.

i REALLY hope y’all don’t start to romanticize t*mmy l*e’s abusive, racist, n*zi tattoo having ass just because sebastian is playing him and i hope y’all don’t romanticize that horrible relationship in which he KICKED pam and left her with horrible bruises and a fear for her children’s safety

[oddlyleftoverstars]

Rewatching the Audition episode of Joe Bob’s Last Drive-In Show. Fuuuuuuuuck, Miike excels in building tension to the point of panic without anything really happening. Subtle little things that build the tingles.

Imagine I stab you with a small knife, and I’m just twisting it around, moving back and forth, nothing fatal, but basically torture, and there is no indication as the when this will end.

My tooth feels so much better. Strike that. My tooth feels nothing. My LACK of tooth feels so much better. The spot where said tooth used to live is sore. Achy. But in general, the difference is like...

Imagine I stab you in the arm. Nothing fatal, just a little stabby stab. And I sit there, twisting and twirling that knife around in your arm, for who knows how long. Could be 5 more minutes, could be the rest of your life. Just digging the knife around and around.

Now imagine that instead of that, I just punch you in that arm. No knife, no drawn out torture, I just punch you in the arm, once, as hard as I can.

Obviously they both hurt, but unless you’ve got a fetish, you’re probably going to choose the punch.

That’s the difference I’m feeling. A couple’a ibuprofen with an indica chaser, and I’m golden.

Again, children, learn from my pain and shame. Take care of your teeth, or be in your early 40s discussing the pros and cons between dentures and implants, and whether a technically saveable tooth is worth saving.

[oddlyleftoverstars]

Wanna know what’s weird as hell? Being 41 years old, realizing you’re probably bi during a pandemic, being high on whatever they give you after having a bad tooth extracted, and looking back over your life and realizing how much would have made more sense if you’d known you were bi back then....

Seriously, the denial and misplaced hetero-certainty fucked my relationships UP.

[oddlyleftoverstars]

White-lipped snail 🐌 (Cepaea hortensis)

[oddlyleftoverstars]

Still a lot of bugs to patch.

[oddlyleftoverstars]

Pulling this out next family gathering

[oddlyleftoverstars]

[oddlyleftoverstars]

Got an appt for a tooth extraction. Kids, take care of your teeth. Like, GOOD CARE. My mouth is a mess. Reading some Jaimsa fic and listening to some MysMe playlist on Spotify while I wait for the codeine to nudge me past the pain to sleep.

Sleep well. Dream sweet. Brush your teeth and floss no matter how much of a hassle it is.

[oddlyleftoverstars]

Just got tickets for the virtual live show. Looking forward to a plethora of rabbit trails. Here’s a link if you want to get one.