officialironman

[officialironman]

Its uh... it's been...

Quiet a few years

My dear tesoro, you look so grown...

-@the-mrs-stark

....mom???

[officialironman]

My dear tesoro, you look so grown...

-@the-mrs-stark

....mom???

[officialironman]

...Oh.. uh, yeah I'll get on that.

Tony, I need a favor.

Uh Oh.

... what is it?

[officialironman]

Stephen looks like Cedric, back me up.

@serenastark-official

he very much does.

[officialironman]

Why?

Tony, I need a favor.

Uh Oh.

... what is it?

[officialironman]

Tony, I need a favor.

Uh Oh.

... what is it?

[officialironman]

🖤✨ How to Not Ship People: A PSA from Serena Stark ✨🖤

Alright, Tumblr, we need to talk. Specifically about the very weird habit some of you have of shipping me with literally everyone I’ve ever shared air with—and I mean everyone—from Stephen to Wong to TONY to Peter to Dani to Laurya (like, seriously??).

And no, this isn't a "How to Ship Serena Stark" guide (because apparently, everyone on here thinks they’re qualified to play matchmaker)

Understand the Basics of Platonic Relationships

Not every interaction means romance, folks. Sometimes, people can just...I don’t know...exist in the same room without being soulmates.

For example:

Stephen Strange? My best friend and highly respected mentor. Not my boyfriend. Not my soulmate. Last time I checked, calling someone “Old Man Wizard” every five minutes isn’t exactly romantic. I can’t even get through a conversation without him lecturing me on the multiverse and responsibility. Romance level: zero. Also, he calls me “kid,” so that’s basically “I’m your dad now” territory.

Tony Stark? That’s my dad, y’all. MY DAD. Did we skip basic human decency 101? This isn’t Game of Thrones. Sit down.

Wong? Look, I respect the guy. Love him even (in a totally platonic way). But the man is way too busy dealing with magical disasters to worry about me. Plus, I’m not about to ruin his zen vibe. We’re too busy exchanging takis, not vows.

Peter Parker? Do you people hear yourselves when you type? Peter can’t even win a staring contest with me—how would he handle dating me? As I said already, he's my too-kind-to-be-a-real-kid brother.

Daniella Romanoff? Practically my sister. (Though she could definitely crush me in a fight, I’m not even gonna lie.) She’s got enough trauma to handle, she doesn’t need me adding fuel to the shipping fire.

Laurya? I can practically hear you all— “Oh, they’re so close! It’s so obvious! Sisterly love... or, y’know, whatever!” NO. She is literally my sister in arms, not in love. If she were reading this right now, she’d be laughing so hard, she’d probably throw a shoe at me. So let’s not, okay?

Bruce Banner? Bruce Banner and me? Are you seriously trying to make that work? Listen, I’m all for the science nerds’ club (believe me, I’m practically a founding member), he’s in the “dad” zone with Tony and Stephen. I don’t need a third one of those.

What next? Are you going to ship me with Jeff, the land shark?!

Now that I’ve screamed into the void, here’s your 101 on how NOT to ship people (especially me):

Step 1: Don't Assume Every Glance = Love Story

Just because I looked at someone for more than 2 seconds doesn’t mean I’m secretly planning our wedding. I could be judging them. I could be plotting their demise. Or I could just be zoning out because I’m thinking about pasta. You don’t know.

Step 2: Don’t assume everything is subtext.

Just because I exchange sarcastic banter with someone doesn’t mean I want to kiss them. Sometimes, I’m just being me. (Which, let’s be honest, is fabulous enough without adding romance into the mix.)

You don’t marry everyone you talk to. Shocking, right? Sometimes, people just have good friendships. Not every bond needs a kiss at the end. I know, mind-blowing.

Step 3: Stop Projecting Your Ships Onto Others

I get it, shipping is fun. But hold your horses. Ask yourself:

Is this ship actually plausible, or am I just bored?

Have I considered how weird this might be for the people involved?

Would Serena personally come for me for this? (Hint: Yes.)

If you can’t explain it without sounding like a total creep, then just… don’t. My life isn’t your rom-com script, and I’m not auditioning for a Netflix special.

Step 4: Respect Boundaries

If I say “No,” it’s a no. If I roast the ship in public, it’s definitely a no. Stop trying to make me and Tony a thing. That’s therapy-inducing territory, and I already have enough on my plate.

Me and Stephen = Two sarcastic nerds saving the multiverse.

Me and Peter = Sibling energy with a side of web-based competition.

Me and Tony = Snark battles + family dinners.

Me and Laurya = Sisterhood, no strings attached.

Me and Dani = Chaos and platonic love, no ships allowed.

Me and Wong = Team Sorcery and food buddies. (he has a lot of takis in the Sanctum, if you'd be more responsible about your ship, I'd give you some)

Me and Bruce = Science buddies and, he’s already got enough on his plate with, y’know, the Hulk and being an honorary member of the “dad” squad.

Step 5: Focus On YOUR Ships

If you’re feeling the itch to ship someone, look in the mirror. Find your own love story. Or ship Jeff the Land Shark with world domination; he’s working on it anyway.

Step 6: Put that energy to better use.

Instead of shipping me with everyone I’ve ever breathed near, how about you create fanfic where I absolutely obliterate HYDRA agents in a beautifully dramatic showdown?

In conclusion:

Stop it. Get some help. If you keep shipping me with random people, I’ll find you. And I’ll make you explain yourself to my face. Let’s stop pretending every time I make eye contact with someone, we’re about to enter a rom-com montage. Please, for the love of all things sarcastic and logical, stop.

[officialironman]

... More than it already was?

Hello, Sir. How are things today?

- @official-happyhogan

hello, Happy. And things are... decent today. Things not working as they should, but I'm fixing that up

[officialironman]

Glad to hear it. Thanks.

Hello, Sir. How are things today?

- @official-happyhogan

hello, Happy. And things are... decent today. Things not working as they should, but I'm fixing that up

[officialironman]

Actually yes, can you dismantle the coffee machine.

(I forgot to say thie, but HI MR. HOGANNN -mod <3)

Hello, Sir. How are things today?

- @official-happyhogan

hello, Happy. And things are... decent today. Things not working as they should, but I'm fixing that up

[officialironman]

Hello, Sir. How are things today?

- @official-happyhogan

hello, Happy. And things are... decent today. Things not working as they should, but I'm fixing that up

[officialironman]

what is your opinion on the band Queen

If you know me, then you know I like them.

my favorite songs by them are We are the champions, and we will rock you.

[officialironman]

*Tony paused momentarily when Rhodes said that but sighed and went right back to work* They're sappy individuals. *he chuckled softly*

and i'm just fixing this watch as you see, broke on me yesterday when I was flying.

*appears with a coffee in hand* staying out of trouble, I hope?

@the-colonel-rhodes

(OH MY FUCKING GOD, HIIIIIII RHODES-mod)

*he looked up from fixing a watch of his, escape (Pina Colada song) playing in the background* trouble? Me? Your standards are very low of me

[officialironman]

*he went back to fixing his project then paused to grab his own drink. He was still baffled that it was already the next day....*

What have you been up too?

*appears with a coffee in hand* staying out of trouble, I hope?

@the-colonel-rhodes

(OH MY FUCKING GOD, HIIIIIII RHODES-mod)

*he looked up from fixing a watch of his, escape (Pina Colada song) playing in the background* trouble? Me? Your standards are very low of me

[officialironman]

"Anythings possible." He responded not looking. However after he was done fixing one part of his, he looked over to see if it WAS actually possible. He studied the hologram for a momwnt then nodded.

**I walk into the lab with a cup of coffee in each hand, slowly approach Tony so I don't startle him since he seems to be hyperfocused on whatever he's working on, and set the mugs between us as I sit down beside him to watch him work. I look tired, but not too much more than usual.** "Good morning, sir." **I watch him attach a few wires to the circuit board in front of us before asking** "What're you working on?"

"Morning. And it's a new upgrade for my suit." That was the usual saying or response. Of course he worked on others things, bur his main project was his suit. He glanced at them then to the coffee. "Thank you. How'd you sleep?" He asked.

[officialironman]

Nope. *he lied. Ya know. Like a liar.*

*appears with a coffee in hand* staying out of trouble, I hope?

@the-colonel-rhodes

(OH MY FUCKING GOD, HIIIIIII RHODES-mod)

*he looked up from fixing a watch of his, escape (Pina Colada song) playing in the background* trouble? Me? Your standards are very low of me

[officialironman]

*he paused* ....it's already sunday?

*appears with a coffee in hand* staying out of trouble, I hope?

@the-colonel-rhodes

(OH MY FUCKING GOD, HIIIIIII RHODES-mod)

*he looked up from fixing a watch of his, escape (Pina Colada song) playing in the background* trouble? Me? Your standards are very low of me