okay-what-if-rumir

[okay-what-if-rumir]

You know how Rupert's horse in the first episode of season 1 was named after this man Euripedes?

Well, this man was one of three ancient Greek tragedian who wrote plays including Medea and Hippolytus, to name a few. And he has some really great quotes.

And it got me thinking what would have happened if Euripides wasn't scared off for story purposes and accompanied Rupert as a talking horse companion (He talks I guess cause of forest magic? Well the royal scumbag of the east said that "magic thrives on the impossible")

Can you imagine the conversations?

Getting lost in the forest-

Rupert: Great! Just great! I lost the map to the Hollow of the Kings. How are we going to get there now?

Euripedes: The wisest men follow their own directions.

Rupert: Seriously? You're not helping! Just please stop talking, you're freaking me out! I still haven't wrapped my head around the fact that you can talk!

Euripides: .....

Rupert: W-What? What are you glaring at me for?

Euripides: This is slavery not to speak one's thoughts!

After Amir saves them from Flora-

Rupert: We almost died there, Euripedes! Like we legit nearly lost our lives!?

Euripedes: Mortal fate is hard. You'd best get used to it.

Amir: Did your horse just talk? 😳

After saving Amir and leaving the hatchery-

Rupert: Why did I just do that? I risked my life to save a stranger I barely even know!

Euripides: Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness.

Rupert: Wh- What are you saying? Who said anything about being friends? Amir and I? Definitely not that. And I certainly do not l-l-lo- Agggh! You're crazy, you know that? 😫

Euripides: (sigh/neighs) Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. 🙄

When Amir leaves after finding out the truth about Rupert-

Rupert: He's such a jerk! Couldn't we have just talked about this like civilized human beings? You know what? Maybe it really is better that we split up! After all he's the one I'm destined to kill and vice versa! ..... So why am I so torn up about this?

Euripides: ......

Rupert: What? Have you got nothing clever to say about my current predicament?

Euripides: Cleverness is not wisdom.

Rupert: Then hit me up with some of your wisdom, Euripides! What wisdom could you possibly give me that can explain what I'm feeling!

Euripides: (looks directly at Rupert) The fiercest anger of all, the most incurable, Is that which rages in place of dearest love.

Rupert: That's... (keeps quiet and hangs his head)

Euripides: (begins to trot towards the Maze of Thorns, as he calls out) Your very silence shows you agree.

Rupert: (catches up to Euripides) Then what should I do?

Euripides: (directs the horse version of a smile at Rupert) Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.

So what I'm trying to say is, Euripides could have been one heck of a companion

Bonus

At the Hollow-

King of the West: Thank you for what precisely?

Queen Lavinia: For holding the world together when men like you do nothing but tear it apart.

Euripides: Of all creatures that can feel and think, women are the worst treated things alive.

Queen Lavinia: Exactly! Thank you for saying that Rupert!

Rupert: Mom... that wasn't me.

Queen Atossa: Did that horse just speak? 😳

Amir: You get used to it mother 😊

[okay-what-if-rumir]

TWO PRINCES PODCAST FANZINE SUBMISSIONS OPEN!

Queen Lavinia is ready for chestnut roasting season! So hurry down the chimney (Y’know, after the fire is out) and get your submissions in for our Secret Santa/Winter Magic issue of The Phoenix: A Two Princes Podcast Fanzine!

Rules at linktr.ee/theamazingme.

Art commissioned from Heimstereoanlage on Instagram, who has been absolutely knocking everything I give her out of the park!

[okay-what-if-rumir]

Issue 2 Needs YOU

The Phoenix: A The Two Princes Podcast Fanzine Issue 2 Submissions are OPEN til Halloween 2020.

Just like Joan here is looking for that special Christmas tree, we’re looking for The Two Princes fanart, fancomics, fanfic, fan poetry, and cosplay that fits our theme “Secret Santa/Winter Magic!”

If you’re not familiar, a Secret Santa game is a gift exchange where a group of people put their names together and then draw names until they get one other person and then buy a gift for that person. If you can’t think of something that fits that game, or don’t celebrate Christmas, then any Winter Holiday or Winter Season based work will do! Rules in the link @ linktr.ee/theamazingme

Art commissioned from heimstereoanlage on Instagram

[okay-what-if-rumir]

Two Princes Fanzine Submissions Open!

Issue 2 of The Two Princes Fanzine, The Phoenix, is now taking submissions! Submissions will be open until November 1, 2020

The theme is: ✨  Winter Magic/Secret Santa ✨

Here’s a beautiful picture of Cecily lighting a menorah, commission by heimstereoanlage on Instagram

Here are the submission rules!

Rule 1: We are accepting fanfiction, fan poetry, cosplay and fanart of all skill levels!

-Fanfiction should be under 1000 words and self-contained.

-Fan poetry should be no longer than 500 words (you epic poets you).

-Fan art & Cosplay images should be at least 300 DPI to ensure quality. Larger images may be resized. This zine is in portrait, any landscape images will be adjusted to fit on a page or may be used in a two page spread.

Rule 2: Deadline for all submission entries is November 1st, 2020. You may enter more than one work, but we may not use all submissions. Please do not spam submissions.

Rule 3: You retain all rights to any work you submit, but by submitting you agree to not publish your chosen submissions on any website until AFTER the zine is published. When the zine is published please post your work anywhere you like and please consider linking to the zine.

Rule 4: Submissions must be appropriate for all ages. We reserve the right to not use your work for any reason. This includes but is not limited to works depicting blood, violence, sex, profanity, etc.

Rule 5: Please use your own original work, official art or plagiarized fanworks (even edited) will not be accepted.

Rule 6: Works must incorporate the theme. Issue 2: Secret Santa: Winter Magic! Please note that any winter holiday or winter-themed work is also eligible for consideration if you’d prefer. If you are in doubt, contact us! Works that do not incorporate the theme will not be selected.

Rule 7: To submit your work, please send it via email to: ThePhoenixFanzine(at)gmail(dot)com

-With the subject line: Phoenix Submission

Please include:

-Your name (Pen Name/Online Name)

-A social media LINK (EX: A URL not simply @YourUserName (art blog, Instagram, tumblr, Twitter, or AO3/ff.net link)

if you’d prefer to remain anonymous please let us know.

-Type(s) of Submission

-Work Title(s)

-(For Artists) If you would like to be considered for the cover art and/or have your submission used for promoting the zine pre-release.

[okay-what-if-rumir]

Two Princes Fic Recommendations: School AU

Gotta love us some school shenanigans with the TTPP Crew. From silly and fun to angsty and sad, here are some good ones:

Masquerade By: luckynoir Rating: T Relationships: Rumir, Jecily Word count: 21,159  Tags: College/University, Texting, Mistaken Identity, Costume parties & Masquerades, Theater kid!Rupert, Football star!Amir, Porridge is a cat, wlw/mlm solidarity, and they were roommates (my god they were roommates), theater and jock dynamics written by someone who was neither Summary: Heartland U is divided: the athletes on the East and the arts on the West. With grand money on the table, things might get a bit out of hand between the two. Rupert is a theater kid just trying to keep the department afloat. He didn’t count on catching feelings for the captain of the football team (or for his new texting friend, either for that matter). Amir is still learning to reach out to people and figure out his own feelings - if only his new friend didn’t make that so difficult. (They’re in college. They’re destined rivals. Miscommunication and fulff ensues!)

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Forever You and I By: @dodgefred Rating: T Relationships: Rumir Word count: 2,902 Tags: Underage drug use, Implied/referenced homophobia, Boarding school, angst, some fluff but mostly just breakups and suffering Summary: They bathed in silence for a while. Until Rupert was able to wipe the tears from his eyes and say, “It’s like I barely know you anymore.” Amir didn’t respond, so Rupert said, “What about the Amir who told me about ‘soulmates’ and ‘forever?’ Where’s that Amir? And where’s the Rupert who believed him?”

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Weathermen Are Always Wrong By: @fwufferson Rating: G Relationships: Rumir, Jecily (implied) Word count: 637 Tags: Fluff, it’s just fluff, nothing but fluff, Amir is soft for his boyfriend, Rupert is also soft, and cold, College/University Summary: An afternoon out at a fall fair, but Rupert made a bad decision. So Amir must come to the rescue.

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Tell Me When You’re Sober By: @fwufferson​ Rating: G Relationships: Rumir, Jecily Word count: 681 Tags: Rupert is a Mess, Cecily is the best wing woman, Amir just needs to study, don’t drink and drive kids, Fluff, Drunken Confessions, College/University, Pre-Slash Summary: Amir just needed to study, but his roommate seems to deem it the time to drop some earth shattering news.

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In West Verona, Born and Raised By: @porridge-adragon Rating: T Relationships: Rumir Word count: 9,165 Tags: High School, Romeo and Juliet Inspired, Fluff, Pining Summary: Two private schools have been rivals since the days they were built. One in East Verona and one in West Verona. Things have been calm for the lives of the students and faculty, but things begin to get out of hand as harmless pranks become reckless feats of danger, as comic banter becomes severe bullying, and as a relationship unfolds in the lives of two boys. Rupert, a high school senior in West Verona, couldn’t be more bored with his life despite his riches, high grades and popularity. When his mother urges him to change his lifestyle in preparation for college, his life begins to crumble in front of his eyes. But when he finds an East Verona boy in the convenience store one Thursday night, things change for the worse. Or maybe the better. And Rupert begins to wonder if maybe following his heart is more important than saving his reputation.

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3am Meltdowns (Turn Into Daylight Daydreams) By: iironiqqalex Rating: G Relationships: Rumir Word count: 2,316 Tags: Boarding school, love confessions, fluff, fluff and angst, there isn’t a lot of angst though, They’re gay, I love them Summary: When Amir’s sleep gets interrupted by loud music, he doesn’t expect his roommate to be sitting on the floor, crying and in terrible need of comfort. Or Rupert just wants to be seen.

————

Remember when reading fics: authors feed on validation!

Kudos (+5 validation) = “yes hello! I read this!”

Comment (+20 validation) = “hi! Yes! I admire the work you did here!”

Example comments for you to copy and paste:

Wow!

Dude!

Nice!

Loved it!

Just finished this chapter even though you wrote this 5 years ago! Gonna keep reading now!

[okay-what-if-rumir]

ok but have we ever thought of jealous Amir?? like we’ve seen Rupert and a peek into his jealousy when they met lorelai but what about Amir realizing how many ladies are obsessed with Rupert when they first get together?? Rupert is a heartthrob in the West and i feel like we forget that a lot

Ok so, I’m pretty sure most of the girls that liked/wanted to marry Rupert went along to fight the dragon

Therefore, most of them would have been told that Rupert was marrying Amir pretty much straight away

And I would hope that a lot of them would respectfully step back and be happy for him

HOWEVER

There are bound to be some who hadn’t found out yet and maybe only heard that Rupert has saved the kingdom and used this knowledge to compliment him even more than usual

So, after breaking the curse, Rupert takes Amir back to the Western kingdom to show him round and to meet the citizens

And they’re wondering through the market, admiring fabrics and jewellery that people have made, when a girl comes up to Rupert and starts thanking him for saving the kingdom

Rupert’s kinda oblivious to the flirting (because he always has been) but Amir notices the way the girl touches Rupert’s arm, or bats her eyelids, or laughs at every small thing he says

So he reaches for Rupert’s hand, getting his attention, and Rupert finishes his conversation with the girl and they leave

Amir doesn’t let go of Rupert’s hand for the rest of the tour

Things like this happen over the next few weeks and every time, Amir will grab Rupert’s hand, or put his arm around Rupert’s shoulder, or announce they have somewhere to be and kisses Rupert the next time they’re hidden from view

Eventually the girls get the message and it becomes a less frequent occurrence

The boys, however, still like to test the limits

One day, Amir comes out of a meeting with his mother and her advisers, and finds Rupert learning how use a sword with one of the young knights

He watches from a distance as the two men make harmless jabs (both literal and figurative) at each other, pausing every now and again so the knight can show Rupert how to hold the sword

At one point, the knight moves behind Rupert, wrapping his arms over Rupert’s and guiding him as he moves the sword through the air

This sends an anger through Amir that feels different from any anger he’s felt before

So he chooses that moment to walk down to meet his fiancé

“Actually, I know a better way to do it” he says, and gestures for the knight to move to the side, away from Rupert

Amir then takes the knight’s place behind Rupert, arms over arms and whispers “Morning dear” into his ear

At that, Rupert grins, turning his head to see his soon-to-be husband’s face

They kiss, and Rupert drops his sword as he turns in Amir’s arms

The knight mutters something about leaving them to it, and returns to his duties elsewhere

This pattern continues, Amir often finding Rupert laughing or training with different knights, or receiving anonymous gifts on every occasion, and Amir will get angry, but then he’ll snuggle up to Rupert and all will be forgotten

Eventually, after the 50th random gift, Rupert has noticed Amir’s behaviour, and sees him pouting as soon as he enters the room

Rupert sits Amir down and asks him what’s wrong

They talk, and realize Amir has been jealous the whole time, though Rupert tells him he has no reason to be

He only has eyes for Amir

[okay-what-if-rumir]

Two Prince’s gang Hogwarts houses?

I personally like Amir in Gryffindor and Rupert in Slytherin, Joan in Gryffindor too probably but idk about the rest.

Cecily in Hufflepuff

Personally I like Gryffindor Amir, Ravenclaw (or Slytherin) Rupert, Gryffindor Joan, and Slytherin (or Hufflepuff) Cecily

Yeah! I could also see Slytherin for her because she is def ambitious and she was really good at fooling Malkia!

Exactly!

Also, Slytherin Lavinia and Slytherin (or Ravenclaw) Atossa

I could also maybe see Lavinia in Hufflepuff tbh, she's definitely hardworking and friendly in her own way I think.

She worked to keep that kingdom together for 18 years

I'd probably put Atossa in Ravenclaw, Amir in either Ravenclaw or Gryffendor, Rupert in Gryffindor or Hufflepuff. Cecily in Hufflepuff, and Joan in Gryffindor?

I could also see Rupert in Hufflepuff but what are your reasons to say Gryffindor? If you don't mind me asking

I don't know, I guess it takes a lot of guts to do the stuff he did? I mean, everything after the disaster ball happened pretty quickly, and he had to kind of just roll with the punches, despite his mind probably being like, "I just got almost killed by the enormous wasps - oh gosh oh gosh what the heck this guy is really cute - welp now I'm getting strung up in a tree-"

I don't really know, I guess he just had to do some overall brave stuff?

<sweat smile emoji> this makes no sense

No! You've got valid points!

Thanks <blushing smile emoji>

I really like the idea of Slytherin Rupert

Yeah, definitely ambitious the way he fooled Barabbas in S1 was very cunning and I think he can be a great leader! I also like the idea of still having the East and West rivalry between them with Gryffindor and Slytherin!

Yesss

And he's very goal oriented!

From figuring out what the heck is going on with the Forest to breaking the curse, to getting Amir's memories back!

Yeah!

@cute-and-spooky.tumblr @fluctuating-fangirl @jelloandwhippedcream @when-hell-freezesover 

[okay-what-if-rumir]

What is the The Two Princes discord, and how can I join?

It’s a Discord Server where we chat about The Two Princes Podcast and share art and writing and works in progress and encourage each other and it’s just generally a really nice place to be and geek out about our favorite princes (and knights, ladies, queens, and... whatever Percy Jr is, lol). We also share news about anything related to TTPP like whispers about Season 3, the HBO special they’re making, the Fanzine, interviews with the cast and creators, etc You can join by clicking this link : https://discord.gg/RwMtAVf

[okay-what-if-rumir]

The Two Princes Discord went crazy over this.

Oh my heart <3

I'm currently rolling around in bed because Percy is my comfort character and I love him and when people have really deep takes on him I cry because they're always so good and oh my god

I'm sad because what if, what if working on the wedding is just, nailing it down that he failed Rupert and the consequence for that was not being able to have him??

Oh, and another thought. Percy actually GOING WITH HIM to the forest and having to fight Amir.

Actually scratch that thought I'd start flying if my favorite boys started fighting my god

But like, before the wedding, after Percy and his men are put to work, he's just taking his time in some random area, staring at the little wooden cake figure of Rupert and Amir he took so he could revel in the angsty pain of being left behind.

He starts kicking it around, before picking it up and shoot, he does not know how to clean up wood.

Percy eventually sits himself down and tells himself that he has to get over Rupert.

What if everything he did in season 2 was a last ditch effort to get Rupert???

He was so desperate for old times sake that a promise at the throne would be seen in his eyes for a promise at Rupert, if he got rid of Malkia in some way.

Percy x Rupert though omg

RuPercy? PerPert? RuPerfect? Peru?

Perpert lmao

I like this idea of it being a one-sided thing

Persuit if it's one sided?

Persuit… Oh I am sad

RuPercycution if Rupert is mean to him?

That hurts

It is PAINFUL to think about Percy beating himself up for being the opposite of a royal guard, because now Rupert doesn't see him in the light that he did back then.

Percy's so upset about it and by the time the wedding comes and he has to do his duties, everyone can tell he's kina off about it.

Catching feels for PJ in this Chili's tonight.

Joan pulls him aside like "hey, look sharp soldier! Where's your posture?" and she finally looks him in the eye and sees that icy barrier he always puts up melted. And he just breaks down at the first eye contact he's had since…

This isn't just about Rupert. Oh no, this is about him and his inadequacy to do things. Percy hates himself for S2, regrets so much and wishes things went better and he could apologize. Oh but how in the world will two princes have time for me?! He yells into nothingness… and then he starts kicking more trees.

I never thought I'd feel sorry for PJ but…

Joan is just silently watching over him. Not just because there's a little bit of suspicion, but because they're in the same place here - protecting the two princes. If Percy is to join, they're going to have to work better than their fathers did

Oh I'm so here for their friendship!

Oh my god. Joan going to Percy with a million questions about Cecily and she's like "?? How?? To do this???" And Percy's like "don't come at me for advice bro, you think I can speak for anything?"

These two form a really nice friendship in and out of the knighthood and their team work really well together! Rupert sees Percy acting a little like his old self and he's actually kinda proud :)

Rupert is the mom friend hands down.

Percy and Amir conversation?? How would that go down?

Percy: So… Rupert's pretty great. Right? Amir: Right. Percy: And I know I said a lot of stuff about the East and the West not getting along right? Amir: Right Percy: And I know now that you would never intentionally hurt Rupert. Amir: Right! Percy: But, if I could speak to Chad for a second…

Percy: Okay just let me hit you. Amir: What? Percy: You really hurt Rupert and even though it was all a sham, well. You got my hopes up that I could have him. Amir: Malkia was going to kill him. Percy: I didn't know that! Okay, I did, but I was still kinda in revenge mode. Amir: .…Do you still want to punch me? Because if so, I get to punch you after. Percy: Fine. Deal. I'll go first punches Amir: I said you could hit me. What was that? Percy: My best. Sighs okay hit me. Amir: I kinda don't want to now? Percy: Do it you Eastern swine! Amir: accidentally knocks Percy out

Love that!

Percy is in perfect denial of how he feels about Amir. How does he feel about Amir? He's putting his standards up to where Amir is because Amir got Rupert (dare I say, in a matter of three days! Absurd). Amir is calm and collected and PRINCELY. Percy is… a disaster, in his own eyes.

So I could see him being a little jealous of Amir, but in the process, once again putting himself down for being unable to step up for Rupert. Being unable to do something for Rupert.

Why? Because he's scared. Scared to take a chance because he doesn't want to become brash like his father is with his knights. There have been too many nights where he hears the local tavern has gotten out of hand and he just worries about how important his part in this kingdom is.

Percy needs a hug, a little emotional validation, and a redemption arc to do something amazing. 

@oftheflamingheart​ @yo-let-me-get-a-milkyway​ @spoopdeedoop​

“Go Tonight” Two Princes AU

ok so I have angsty fic ideas and I’ll probably never develop this into anything, but here’s the jist. Its heavily inspired by the Go Tonight animatic taken from the musical The Mad Ones which you can find on Miranda Pla’s YouTube account. It’s really well done.

What if Rupert and Amir never fell in love, because Rupert had someone at home?

PSA I don’t ship whatever Percy Jr. X Rupert is, it’s just an interesting take on canon!!!

Percy is standing on the balcony in Rupert’s room, staring out at what used to be a horizon of forest. Now it’s all meadow.

The door behind him opens, and he can hear the buzz of guests downstairs. The visitation must still be going on. Percy left ages ago.

The door shuts; he’s not alone. Whoever joins him hesitates first a moment, letting the awkward scuffle of boots speak for them.

“What was he like?” Amir finally says, and Percy’s knuckles turn white against the railing

(He’s not mad at Amir. A part of him understands. It was either him or Rupert, and Percy doesn’t wish that level of survivor’s guilt on anyone. A selfish part of him wishes it was Rupert, however).

“He was...” and Percy, who earlier gave a long speech about his lifelong best friend, is speechless. As he looks back at the empty land ahead, a single memory replays over and over.

A starry night. Music in the background. It was a party for Rupert, to find him a bride or something equally dumb. But Rupert was nowhere to be found. Instead, he was dancing by himself, out in the courtyard that overlooked The Forest.

“Percy!” Rupert called out with laughter in his voice. His face was pink and his eyes had galaxies in them, “Percy, let’s run away.”

As the stiffness of the ball left his shoulders, Percy began to humour him, “Run away?”

Rupert nodded, “Forget my mother, forget a wife, let’s just leave,” he turned towards the forest, “Maybe together we could figure out what’s wrong with this land.”

He grows quiet. “Lavinia won’t listen to me about it. Something’s wrong and I can tell.”

The mirth leaves Percy; he’s serious. Still, he continued with the joyful tone, “When would we leave?”

“Tonight.”

“Tonight?”

“Percy, if we’re going to go we’ve got to go tonight,” Rupert’s goes quiet, “I have two horses outside and enough food to last us a while. We can make it out there; we can figure out what’s wrong and save our kingdom.”

Percy is suddenly hyper aware of the roar of the party behind them. Somewhere in there is his father. It’s Percy’s first night in security detail- if this goes well, he’ll be accepted into the castle’s royal guard program. If he fails, his career as a public servant is over.

“Rupert, you know I can’t.” (Every excuse is like a thousand knives he’s stabbing in Rupert’s back.)

“Percy, this is our last chance- my mother-“

“She’s only trying to do what’s best for you.” (Amir may have killed him but in this moment Percy laid the first blow).

“She wants me to do nothing! To stand by- I can’t, Percy. If we’re going to go, it’s tonight. We have to go tonight.”

(Why did I say no?)

In Rupert’s eyes, he sees a reflection of their lives. From reading together in the library, to sneaking away from Rupert’s piano lessons. Sword fighting with sticks in the courtyard and chasing each other down the halls. Laying on Rupert’s bed, close enough to kiss but too scared to close the space. Percy wants to tell Rupert what he sees, but he can’t. His father is inside, and this is his chance.

“Rupert, I can’t.”

“Yes you can!” Tears prick, distorting the scenes in the reflection of his eyes, “What are you afraid of?”

You, Percy wants to say, but he knows the real answer.

Rupert leaves that night, and he never returns.

He wonders about Rupert’s last moments, if whether or not he thought of Percy. Did he feel bitter scorn towards a coward? Or did he see what Percy saw that night and realized he loved him, loved him so much he was terrified?

Percy will never know.

“He was....” Percy begins again, but words fail. A reassuring hand is placed on his shoulder, a hand stained with blood.

Why should he care, though, when his heart is equally as bloody?

[okay-what-if-rumir]

What if, after the curse was broken, the kings regained their human form, but whenever they got mean they turned into plants?

The Two Princes Discord likes to refer to the old kings as “The Bastard Kings” WBK = Western Bastard King, EBK = Eastern Bastard King.

 Like a time-out

I feel like they'd just constantly be plants

I wonder if Rupert would carry his plant-dad around hoping to rehabilitate him

Rupert's always so optimistic

And all his life he's been imagining his dad as this great guy - I don't think he would give up on that so easily

They'd meet a new person, Rupert holds up a potted daffodil: "This is my dad, he's not always a plant but generally he is because he doesn't know how to be nice yet, but we're working on it."

He points to a potted daisy: "And that's Amir's dad, we're running into the same problem with him, but Amir and Atossa don't seem as keen on trying to help him so I've taken it upon myself to help him too. This is part of his rehabilitation, they've gotta be nice to new people. Say hi, dads!"

The plants start shaking their leaves and a muffled grumbling seems to echo from them.

Rupert, grinning: that's so much better guys! You're going to be back to having fingers and toes again in no time!

Yes!

They sit in a preschool classroom where the kids are learning to share and play nicely with each other

Rupert goes back to his and Amir's chambers one night all mopey and Amir asks what's wrong and Rupert mutters something about how WBK got turned into a plant again after telling one of the girls that he didn't like her pigtails and making her cry, and then EBK also got turned into one because he was laughing

And they had been doing so well!

Sure, WBK's compliments had been passive aggressive at best, but he was trying!

And sure, EBK would just add the word "don't" to all his sentences like "I don't want to strangle you right now" when you could tell he really did want to.

But there was PROGRESS there!

Rupert's so proud that they're attempting at all

Rupert constantly has to try to keep Lavinia from planting WBK in some random spot in the woods

Atossa just keeps EBK in a closet for like a week until Rupert finds out.

Rupert can't find them one day and he's like Moooooms?

And they look all guilty and are hiding garden trowels behind their backs.

Amir, trying to be a good husband, walks up the hall behind them with two plants clutched by their stems, dropping dirt everywhere with roots kicking all over the place and the plants making vaguely threatening noises and just shoves the two plants roughly into some pots while he himself is grumbling about how they're more trouble than they're worth.

He knows it's Rupert's pet project and wants to be supportive

Rupert's off to the side berating their mothers for not helping them progress

Talking about leading by example

But at the same time he's not too upset with them because he knew they weren't treated the best by their husbands.

Yah no. He's like I get it, but maybe just leave them alone?

Also, they're obviously super opposed to the boys' relationship, and they mostly just see Rupert but not the two of them together, but then some days they both come into the preschool class to read to the kids and they an see how in love they are with each other.

At first they're totally in denial, but slowly grow to accept it.

Their grumbling on that topic gets to be less and less

They never admit that they accept it

They still grumble occasionally but usually something along the lines of "he shouldn't have gotten you flowers, those are useless, he should've gotten you a sword then you could learn to defend yourself!"

I love that. That honestly makes me smile so big

And you can't tell me that they didn't spend 18 years together as a single tree and not become begrudging best friends.

OMG YES

They're super sarcastic and snarky with each other, but they know each other so well.

They're constantly seen together when in human form and they're always grumbling but they're both insanely proud of their sons even if they won't say it out loud and it's one of the few things they can agree on.

Love that.

They always get turned back into plants together when one does something mean and poof! And then the other delights in the first's distress - poof!

Then the one who got turned into a plant first laughs at the second.

And cue more sarcastic bickering.

One of the knights will find them in the middle of the hallway as plants just laughing at each other and then sigh before picking them up and depositing them with Rupert who takes them back to the preschool class.

EBK starts to really see how kind Rupert is, he says something about it to WBK in a rare moment of sincerity.

WBK grumbles that he should be strong and tough instead.

But for the kindness, EBK poofs back into a human while plant!WBK sits there and stews

But then like an hour later (EBK has long since walked off) WBK silently turns back into a human (because he realized he was grateful for Rupert's kindness as well)

Yes

Of course it doesn't last and they're back in their pots by the end of the day. But it was REAL progress!

Rupert tries to figure out what made them go back to human but neither of them want to admit it.

They just blush and change the subject.

I love the idea of them just randomly turning into plants because they had a mean thought or something. (Like a real mean thought - not an intrusive one)

Like, it just appears super random to the people around, but everyone is used to it by now.

"Where'd that plant come from?" "oh, it's just one of the former kings. Don't worry about it, it happens all the time."

Everyone just pulls pots from their sleeves and scoops them up.

It's become common for everyone to carry around flower pots all the time

The first time Rupert has the plants, he's carrying around the kings in plant form and reprimanding them and everyone is super confused and they think Rupert has lost it, but eventually they don't even give him a second glance when it happens.

People turning to do a double take and running into each other, progresses to everyone carrying flower pots and knowing how to talk them through different breathing exercises.

Sometimes the queens will just carry them around by their stems and it's the equivalent of carrying an animal by its scruff and it's utterly humiliating for them.

They get all uppity about their petals being ruffled

They constantly have competitions over who makes the prettier plant.

They get super angry as plants and just start shaking and some of their petals/leaves fall off.

They're like "Oh no! look what you made me do!" But getting mad at the other one just makes it worse

So then they're like "Okay, deep breaths… what did Rupert say? In through the nose two three four, out through the mouth two three four." Then the other's like making fun of them for trying to calm themselves down, but one of his leaves turns yellow and he's hyperventilating.

The queens stopped taking them to the compost heap or putting them in the closet. But now they'll go plant them in a flower bed with a bunch of the same type of flowers so it's hard to find them.

They spend a whole two days there once and they get some good meditation time in.

Rupert spend at least an hour trying to find them because Lavinia won't tell him where she planted them because "they'll turn human again eventually"

Omg. WBK walks in after being missing for a few days and just wordlessly hugs Rupert

Omg yes. And Rupert is confused but hugs back anyway.

Lavinia's all like "I told you." but she's actually softened by the display.

Rupert: Okay Dad, think of something nice to say to Dad. EBK: I'm not your father! Rupert: Oh honey, you were at the wedding. I don't know what else to tell you, but I'm your son now. WBK. You're no son of mine either! Rupert: sigh Dad, do we really need to go over this again? Now, there's lots of other ways to go about this, but in your case: when two people love each other very much, and one of those people happens to have a uterus, and the other… Both Bastard Kings: NOOOO! Not again! Wait! Uh, your leaves are looking very nice today! Very green! Please make him stop!

Did someone say "bastard plants on roller skates?"

(art by @spoopdeedoop​)

Porridge you sneaky sneak!

He found them sitting in the hallway and sent them off on an adventure.

Porridge what have you done!

(art by @oftheflamingheart​)

WBK: I bet my mulch I go farther than you! EBK: You’re on!

@cloudcover23​ @fwufferson​ @nyx-dragon​ @spoopdeedoop​ @oftheflamingheart​

[okay-what-if-rumir]

What if Porridge learned to talk? What if Porridge learned to SING?

While The Two Princes Discord was on the topic of languages...

Rupert learning dragon from Porridge by randomly repeating sounds Porridge makes while Porridge gets more excited and starts teaching Rupert.

Rupert and Porridge having growling fits while Amir is just: insert concerned mom face

Rupert, to Amir: Turns out our dragon child can talk and we just haven't been listening right.

But like the reverse too, so that at some point Porridge just casually goes "Hi Mom" to Amir one day.

Rupert: He told me some things you've told him, btw. Just so you know I heard it from him.

Amir: When did Porridge learn English? Rupert: W h a t

They have to be very careful what they say around him because he's like a toddler who's just learned how to mimic adults…

Porridge: @#%*!

Rumir, looking at each other in horror: Cecily! (Because KCS said Cecily would be the most likely to swear)

Gasps Porridge singing

Well that's something I didn't know I needed until today.

Omg. Somewhere Out There by Porridge

Porridge has a really gravely voice

Proud of Your Boy by Porridge though despite the gravel

Surprising big range, maybe a little breathy but definitely has the gravel.

Yes

And his low notes make you vibe

Could impersonate a didgeridoo

Or a vuvuzela

Oh my god he sounds like a didgeridoo

Instead of a rooster crowing, it's Porridge imitating a didgeridoo

Such a beautiful sound to wake up to

I need a fic on this now.

(art by @spoopdeedoop​)

Morning Mood by Grieg but it's interrupted by Porridge and his didgeridoo noise

What if he played the Theremin while he sang as a didgeridoo?

Goosebumps Theme by Porridge

Porridge singing alongside an actual didgeridoo

Yes

Definitely

Absolutely

They use Porridge to tune the didgeridoo

Do you tune didgeridoos?

I… don't think so?

They use the didgeridoo to tune Porridge

Ride of the Valkyries but it's Porridge in a Viking helmet

(Which is just a regular helmet with holes for his horns)

Porridge playing the piano with his tail spikes

Porridge is MVP honestly

Rupert and Amir can finally resign as parents; Porridge has reached the peak of talent.

Atossa grills them on how they've been training him for battle etc, but they're like "No! We're letting him follow his passions."

Yes

A one dragon band but with obscure instruments.

Porridge with a Theremin at his left claw, bongos at his right claw, a piano at his tail ready to impersonate a didgeridoo: "This one goes out to my moms. I love you!"

Yes. They're absolutely his Mamas and no one can convince me otherwise.

Rupert and Amir are recording with tears rolling down their faces.

Amir is the one behind the oversized camcorder.

Rupert is the one unconsciously mimicking the dance moves from the audience.

Rupert is that one teacher orchestrating a first grade dance, except he didn't teach the moves

Jamila makes an interpretive dance to it

Porridge: Up on stage with all his instruments, looking out nervously at the audience, his fear is palpable. He looks out at the audience and sees his mamas. Mama Rupert is smiling and giving him the thumbs up. He takes a breath and starts to play. It's warbly at first, but evens out, his confidence grows and… The audience is stunned, it's incredible. Then from stage left: Jamila tumbles out and begins her dance.

With ribbons

The audience gasps. It's the most awe-inspiring piece of art the Heartland has seen.

Percy Jr writes the review in the papers, and it has people talking for months.

It gets nominated for all awards ever and wins.

Porridge and Jamila up on stage getting their medals. Porridge is just stunned and crying and Jamila directs the applause to him.

Porridge becomes an international pop star

NOW Rupert and Amir can officially resign as parents because Porridge has reached the peak of talent.

What do you y'all think is the extent of Porridge's English? Do you think he knows as much as a three year old would?

Yus.

I mean it'd make sense

That'd be so cute

Porridge speaks fluent uwu language

 @oftheflamingheart​ @chinesetakeout16​ @spoopdeedoop​ @dailydoseofrumir​ @fwufferson​ @cloudcover23​

[okay-what-if-rumir]

What if, when Rupert was growing, up he just read all the time and knows a bunch of languages?

The Two Princes Discord had some fun with this one.

I mean, since he was trapped in the castle, it makes sense.

Maybe Lavinia makes him learn, or he steals books with lack of anything else to do

Like, he can't pronounce anything worth a crap but he can read a ton.

Maybe the West is a melting pot and so whenever he sneaks out, he hears and learns what everyone's speaking.

What languages do you think he learned?

My guess is Latin, Greek, and Arabic

In my mind the East speaks both English and Farsi.

I find the whole "one can speak another language and the other finds it really hot" HC for OTPs real cute

Rupert: Say something in that sexy language again? Amir: [Reads instructions on how to resurface a table in Arabic] Rupert: Oh my goodness I love you too

Amir: [swearing in Latin under his breath because Rupert did something stupid] Rupert: Yeah, haha, I'm beautiful I know

Amir (in Arabic or Spanish or something): Have you been feeding Porridge junk food again? Rupert: Aw, love you toooo

Bonus: Rupert knows the languages, he just pretends not to and interprets them how he wants.

Yes

Okay but like consider: Amir knowing Latin, knowing that it's a dead language, knowing that Rupert is lacking in formal education. What he doesn't know is the level of boredom Rupert reached at on point.

Exactly.

In my headcanon, Rupert has picked up Latin, card tricks, sign language, lockpicking, origami, crochet, and who knows how many other miscellaneous skills.

Like, he was stuck in a castle for 18 years with nothing to do and access to a royal library. And Lavinia would've been all too happy to distract him.

Oh, so like, Amir not knowing that Rupert knows Latin?

Yes!

Inhale think of all the gay we could conjure with this.

Like, Amir just muttering to himself in Latin and Rupert like <eyes emoji>

Amir: *staring at Rupert* Amir (under his breath in Latin): God I'm so lucky Rupert (internally): ahhhhhh

Amir mumbles in Latin that he's in love with Rupert (after Rupert does something dumb) and Rupert stares at him and says he loves Amir too.

What if Amir completely knew that Rupert knew what he was saying but didn't want Rupert to know that he knew.

Oh no this is turning into that Friends episode.

Where he knew that he knew that he knew??

That's the one.

What if he knew that he knew but he knew that he knew so he knew.

But then what if Rupert knew that Amir knew that Rupert knew what Amir was saying in another language but Rupert was playing dumb. So Amir, knowing Rupert knows that Amir knows that Rupert knows what Amir is saying, says something fairly important or that Rupert cares about but Rupert can't admit that he knows Amir knows that Rupert knows what he's saying or else he'll lose. What game? Who knows?!?

What have I done

It's The Game™ but Two Princes edition.

Oh man, I lost.

Amir constantly spilling state secrets and Rupert dying on the inside

Omg Amir just complimenting Rupert in another language and Rupert internally screaming

He just has to keep this dumb look on his face of smiling in pleasant confusion when he knows and anyone that looks him in the eye can just see his internal screaming.

Amir (in <insert language>): You have the most beautiful eyes Rupert (internally): aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA Rupert (externally): Okay, so what do you want for lunch then?

Rupert turns into that vine of "and release all the sounds that are trapped in your mind" screaming

Rupert (in Dragon (somehow)): yeah well you have very pretty eyes too.

Amir, dropping his glass: what

Basically Rupert said, XD Rawr XD

It just devolves into a game of "who can make the other blush more: foreign languages edition"

HC Rupert knows all of the romantic languages and Amir knows all of the "practical" languages

Ooh! And would Latin be the intersection of that?

Absolutely.

"Di… did you just call me carissime?" "… Yes, it means idiotic in Latin." "I know for a fact that that is not what it means!"

Amir vehemently denying he did anything that can be considered remotely romantic.

Amir reciting some romantic text he found in Latin, just like, under his breath for future purposes and Rupert overhearing.

Amir mutters something in Latin under his breath and is caught off guard when Rupert absentmindedly responds with, "Te amo etiam, Amir."

Them shooting pet names at each other in various languages that no one understands, and everyone else being confused AF.

They're already together at this point and Amir doesn't need to hide anything, he's just a repressed dork

Rupert found a work around to admitting he knows that Amir knows that he knows what Amir is saying and that's by saying that Porridge told him. Check and mate.

@fwufferson @dailydoseofrumir @oftheflamingheart @spoopdeedoop @when-hell-freezesover @chinesetakeout16 @fluctuating-fangirl @dodgefred

[okay-what-if-rumir]

What if siren magic worked on women who’re attracted to women?

Quality siren musings and head canons from The Two Princes Discord.

It'd be so funny if Siren magic worked on everyone who was attracted to women though

So like they're at another lake and the sirens start singing and everyone but Joan (I HC her as ace) and Rupert are drawn into the lake.

Rupert and Joan: groan it's up to us, I guess.

LEGO Announcer voice: man has fallen for a fish in LEGO city! Quick to the gays.

Wait, SEXUALLY attracted to women or ROMANTICALLY? Because it'd make sense if it was only sexually because Joan's immune, but just to be sure?

Sexually.

What if there were dude sirens?

Rupert, watch out

Rupert: Oh no

Amir's affected twice as bad with just a bunch of confusion.

Amir and Cecily: screams in bisexual

Amir: BUT MEN - BUT WOMEN - BUT RUPERT

Poor Amir just cannot catch a break

Same with Jamila if we go with the bi/pan HC

It's literally those memes where it's like cries in bisexuaI

Guy sirens and girl sirens have like a sing-off or whatever and Amir and Cecily are just caught in the middle.

Sirens Got Talent: Bi/Pan Edition Whoever can lure the most people wins!

Lorelei is absolutely delighted when she realizes that her magic works on wlws

"Finally, some variety!"

I wanna say Amir would just hug Rupert and not let go while all the sirens are singing, but that wouldn't be realistic because ~magic allurance~ ("allurance" is DEFENITLY a word, okay?)

What if the siren version (I guess?) of sexuality was based on both whether or not you went after humans (as more than food) and what type of humans??

Maybe the magic, while sexuality based (as in that's how it works), is just a food thing and if a siren is really interested they'll talk to you instead. Like how Lorelei tried to talk Rupert into handing over Amir.

🤔 Can sirens be sexually attracted to each other???

Maybe?

Can siren magic WORK on other sirens???

I feel like probably not?

I mean, they do have to reproduce somehow?

Do they lay eggs? Are they like fish?

I don't know, in my mind they're immortal beings with little knowledge of the humanoid emotions of love and attraction and stuff like that. They understand companionship but that's it.

If they're immortal, they probably wouldn't have to reproduce?

Y'all, Google says sirens lay eggs.

I feel like sirens in the Two Princes 'verse were more about murder than eating…

I feel like they absorb the life force of their prey or something like that?

Would the husk of the lifeless human then turn into a siren?

Rupert strikes a deal with Lorelei and convinces her to stop luring men to their deaths because he sends bad people to her so the sirens can get sustenance.

They get a system going.

Siren death penalty.

You do the crime, you get fed to the fish.

I mean, there are worse ways to die.

Okay wait, so are sirens basically mermaids that can sing? Wait, mermaids can sing.

Mermaids and sirens get conflated a lot.

Google says: The main difference between mermaids and sirens is that the latter are predators, killers and dangerous creatures… Mermaids may not necessarily kill men, like sirens do. Mermaids are known as beautiful aquatic creatures that used their voices to enchant sailors and fall in love with them.

So basically mermaids are friendly sirens.

Mermaids are mammals while sirens are amphibians

Family reunions with sirens and mermaids are awkward.

"So Lorelei, what're you up to nowadays?" "Luring unwary men to their watery graves." Awkward silence

"Look, we're just symbols of bad weather. Can you sirens chill?"

"Oh stop, she's just going through her rebellious phase. We've all been there."

"Killing humans is morally wrong. You should go vegan."

Haha! Are you implying that mermaids are vegan sirens?

Yes.

"What's the difference between a mermaid and a siren?" "Job descriptions.

Jokes between Rupert and Amir pt. 1

How old is Lorelei canonically?

She doesn't have a canon age. But she does use the term mortals. Implying sirens are immortal

Rupert: So Amir, you like older women? Amir: She doesn't look older Rupert: Oh, so when I start to age, you're gonna leave me? Yet another impossible beauty standard to conform to.

@dailydoseofrumir @chinesetakeout16 @spoopdeedoop @fwufferson @when-hell-freezesover @oftheflamingheart

[okay-what-if-rumir]

What if Rupert and Jamila became friends?

Who’s Jamila you ask? Short answer: Amir’s childhood friend who was cut from the podcast.

Jamila is smart as a whip so she and Rupert (because they're kind of weird with each other) really enjoy roasting each other and trading insults

She has a beautiful singing voice and likes to sing Disney songs in the shower. Rupert's walking by, hears, and starts singing along.

She's taken aback at first, but then they're just belting out "A Whole New World"

Their harmonies are tight

Amir walks by and hears Rupert and Jamila's impromptu Disney musical

He starts to join in but they're like "um, no? This doesn't involve you?"

Amir: Oh yay they're getting along! Oh crap they don't need me. Oh CRaP they both KNOW ME. Wait, what if they fall in lo- wait, no.

Oh Merlin help Amir if they ever decide to team up against him

Jamila radiates smol energy for some reason and Rupert is also smol.

The smols team up against the tol

(I HC Amir as smaller than Rupert, but go on)

Jamila sits on Rupert's shoulders so she can hit Amir in the face with a pillow

Jamila and Rupert sleepover with Amir chaperoning

Amir has to chaperone so they don't get themselves into trouble for a dumb bet.

Jamila: I dare you to commit tax fraud. Rupert: Bet. Amir: RUPERT YOU ARE THE LITERAL KING

Cue Rupert and Jamila just talking all things Amir.

Jamila: So you know to keep him fed, but did you know that his favorite treat… Rupert: Is yogurt! The health nut! Jamila: I know! I once snuck some candied pineapple in there so he could get some sugar in him!

Rupert: You know, he keeps saying that pistachios are his favorite nut but- Jamila: They're not even a nut! Rupert: I KNOW! And they're nasty! Jamila: So nasty! And so much work! Rupert: Right?? What's the good of a snack if you have to crack open each individual shell for something that doesn't even taste good? Jamila: [platonically] 😍 Rupert: [platonically] 😍

They come up with lists of one-liners to say to their significant other(s)

They'd totally come up with existential questions together at 1 am.

HC: Amir has really low sugar tolerance.

Rupert: Seriously though, you have to keep his sugar handy but inaccessible. He will bounce off the walls. We had a meeting right after getting surprise ice cream and oh boy.

Jamila: One time he ate an entire bag of hard candies and then proceeded to run around his mother's castle shirtless and called it "endurance training." The only endurance tested was everyone's patience at three in the morning.

Sugar free pie baking competition. Amir's the judge.

Amir: Are you sure there's no sugar in here it tastes… really sweet. Jamila: 👀

They do though, I swear sugar free pie is sweeter than regular pie.

Rupert: And Merlin forbid you pair the sugar with caffeine! Once he had coffee with like 3 spoons of sugar and then a pastry and he decided to tackle every single problem the kingdom was having in less than three hours.

 @dailydoseofrumir @spoopdeedoop @chinesetakeout16 @anotherghosthunter @oftheflamingheart

[okay-what-if-rumir]

What if we actually got Jamila in season 2 or 3?

Who’s Jamila you ask? Short answer: Amir’s childhood friend who was cut from the podcast. (she assumed she was going to marry Amir)

We totally should have gotten her. Her and Percy Jr teaming up to be Malkia's Heartland Stoppers.

I'm hoping Season 3 will have her.

Or just more Easterners in general.

And I really hope she isn't just there to be upset about the wedding. Like, give her more than that.

Wouldn't it be funny if Cecily got a crush on her when she showed up?

And Joan's like "wait, why do I not like this?"

Oooh. Jealous Joan?

What if she tries to get Joan to be jealous of her by dating Jamila, but Jamila's a little bit too passive aggressive and sarcastic to her liking and gives up, thinking that Joan will never like her. But really Joan is BURNING with jealousy.

Cecily and Jamila break up spectacularly, maybe even at Rumir's wedding reception. And it's not until weeks later that both of them are just happy with themselves when Joan finally admits her feelings.

It's not going to be a love triangle thingy right?

I don't think so…

The only kind of love triangle I like is the one where they all stop being dumb and then all get together. Poly-am rights!

Wait. What, what if… Joan, Jamila, and Cecily. Three flawless women falling in love with each other.

It could literally be the whole "Cecily has two hands" meme

JoMiLy

Jomily!!!

Dang Cecily! Why did KCS let you have 2 gfs?

Jamila tries to get them to know that she likes them both but she's used to using flowery confusing language for EVERYTHING and Cecily thinks she's insulting her and Joan thinks that she's just being formal to her as a knight

Rupert and Amir are like "GET TOGETHER ALREADY"

Rupert and Amir are the fangirls of a tv series wanting the main characters to just friggin k i s s! (but replace the tv series with Jomily)

Literally

They spend the night before their wedding plotting to get the three of them together.

Just imagine that conversation

Amir's just like "What have I gotten myself into?" while they're writing ideas down on a chalk board

Rupert is like aggressively pouring out ideas while Amir's all like "help why am I here"

Rupert: We're sitting them at the same table at the reception, obviously. We just need to move your finance guy. Amir: Don't move him to that table! He hates your silk lady.

Joan comes in unexpectedly and they flip the chalkboard over to reveal something inane like "Are Teddy Bears Better Than Security Blankets" and then Rupert launches into a prepared monologue about why both are good.

Rupert has such strong opinions on everything oh my god I love him

Rupert giving Cecily advice disguised as him shipping other people with her and she just. Doesn't. get it.

Rupert: Sometimes… you can love… two people… and that's beautiful.

Cecily: [gasp!] are you having an affair????

Rupert is just stuttering, trying to fix his mistake and Cecily is just ">:0"

Cecily: Rupeeeeee! I can't believe you would even consider - do you have any idea what kind of political repercussions this could have??? Let alone your marriage - if you even still get married - Cecily: I - I think I have to tell Amir.

Cecily: And does that mean the forest would come back if you two broke up?! You could doom both kingdoms again just to have some fling with… whoever!

Rupert: AAAAAAAAAAAA

Amir: Cecily thinks you're cheating on me.

She teams up with Joan and Jamila to look into the "affair" and in the process all three of them realize their feelings.

Rupert realizes it's working and goes to Amir like "okay, so we have to pretend I'm having an affair."

Amir's just like ?????? Rupert: It's for love.

Rupert: I'm not really - I mean, you know me and you know I'd never -  Amir: Yeah, yeah I got that, I know. Amir: But just - what?

Amir: I thought she… "shimped" us or whatever

Rupert comes up with this like intricate plan to get them together, complete with notes, and Amir's just all "??????? wHY?????"

Amir: did you have a plan like this to get us together??? Rupert: oh not at all. All my judgement at the time was just "huh, pretty boy, hope we don't die."

 @oftheflamingheart @cat-copnt @dailydoseofrumir @anotherghosthunter @missarafdraw @spoopdeedoop

[okay-what-if-rumir]

What if, in the forest, Amir was struggling to decide who he wanted to marry: Fitz or Jamila?

Who’s Jamila you ask? Short answer: Amir’s childhood friend who was cut from the podcast.

Fitz: chatty: con

Jamila: baby crazy: con

Fitz: surprisingly open: pro

Jamila: mom seems to like her: pro

Fitz: thief and from the West: con

Jamila: thinks we're already a couple. We've never even dated: con

Fitz: I feel like I can talk to him: pro

Jamila: she already knows me: pro

Fitz: I really want to get to know him and he seems so sweet and generally a good guy even though he's a thief: pro

Fitz: thief!: con

Fitz: he only steals from those who can afford to be stolen from: pro

Jamila: already know how the kingdom works: pro

Fitz: HE HAS REALLY PRETTY EYES OKAY AND I LIKE HIS LAUGH: pro

Fitz: seen me at my most cranky and dirty and smelly: pro

Jamila: always smells nice: pro

Fitz: isn't afraid to stand up to me: pro

Jamila: doesn't get my jokes. Laugh's kinda fake when I explain them: con

Jamila: always speaks her mind and is really witty: pro

Then again, Fitz does that too.

Oh gosh, I sure hope they never become friends and then team up against me…

Anyway, anyway, anyway

Jamila: educated: pro

Fitz: lacks common sense? Sometimes?: con

Fitz: asks me about my family way too much: con

 @oftheflamingheart @dailydoseofrumir

[okay-what-if-rumir]

Who is Jamila?

The Two Prince’s Discord is going a bit Jamila-crazy right now, so before we start getting into that, let’s talk about who Jamila is!

This is from Kevin Christopher Snipe’s (KCS) q&a on Instagram from March (thank you @oftheflamingheart​ for keeping track of all the q&a’s!)

And of course the Discord fell in love:

Jamila was a character KCS cut out of season 2

So she's ours now.

Seems reasonable.

Jamila head canons: And Go!

She's from the East and probably close to Amir's age

I'm picturing her as just Amir but with longer hair and green eyes for some reason??

What if she was Romani?

Indian!Jamila, especially darker skinned is generally what I think of.

With green eyes (I'm a sucker for green eyes, sorry)

I mean the Romani people originated from Nothern India… so yeah! And green eyes! Yes!

I've always hc'ed that she has a beautiful singing voice

She's also smart as a whip so she and Rupert really enjoy roasting each other and trading insults.

She sings Disney songs in the shower

She radiates smol energy

Do we HC Jamila as lesbian or…?

I'd say she's pan.

I HC her as bi or pan

Jamila can speak Spanish.

So can Rupert and they talk smack together in Spanish!

Amir speaks some basic Spanish at them once and then they make up their own language just to talk smack in front of him.

She has super, super long hair.

Loves: Yellow, Amir, and small dogs

As soon as Jamila sees Fitzroy she just melts and confesses her problems to him

Dark skin? Dark skin.

I'm envisioning her with a high ponytail

She's smart and witty.

Serious, skilled with light weapons, but knows all the things that make Amir smile.

She and Amir would have made a good couple.

She would have made a good queen

Maybe she and Amir shared some Moments before he went off to the forest.

Maybe she convinced him to go!

Atossa certainly didn't

Jamila definitely knew he was going and kept his secret.

She was banking on that earning his full affections.

But then, Rupert Fitzes in.

She was scared for him but kept the secret.

She pretends to hate Cecily. But secretly wishes she could be more like her.

She talked about kids too early, and that put Amir off. Not that he didn't want to do his Royal Duty, but she was more into it than he was.

Do you think it was a "royal duty" thing for her (of course we'll have heirs) or like a "I can't wait to be a mom! I love kids!" sort of a thing?

Maybe both? She thinks he's concerned about heirs (always plural) and secretly she is so into being a mom.

Do you think Amir knew she liked him? Do you think he liked her back?

I think he was probably a bit oblivious. Thought she was too young to be serious.

Liked as a friend? Well we know he never had time for those. But as someone he interacted with? Probably, but he never could open up to her and she knew he was holding back something.

They were probably really close as young kids, and then he had to be little Mr. Best Prince and she always kept trying to get back onto his level.

She joined in his lessons just to have more time with him.

But he was always too busy to notice/appreciate that she was there. She's got to be a daughter to either a high-ranking lord or official. So he probably just put it down to her trying to be the best heir to her father's lineage.

She's gotta be super competitive.

I just wonder what his level of trepidation would be at introducing Rupert to her as his fiance.

He probably would think she'd be excited for him.

I'd like to see her come to terms and accept Amir's relationship with Rupert. See just how good Rupert is for Amir and how free Amir is with him. That's what she never got from Amir. But Amir is more himself with Rupert than he was with her.

Then she sees this goofball knight's kid and decides to see if she can find herself a Rupert.

Wow, Percy x Jamila

Jamercy? Permila?

Permila, the token hets.

That does mess with my "PJ was a closet case" headcanon, but I just want the worst people to be happy for some reason.

Bi PJ?

That is a Percybility

PJ also pines for Amir and he and Jamila bond over it? They make a bad decision one night and kiss. They never speak of The Incident again.

Wait if Percy and Jamila got in a relationship, it would be another East & West relationship brining the nations even closer together. AND Percy was very anti-East before so maybe seeing Jamila made him think "okay maybe Easterners are really super cool"

Do you think she and Rupert would eventually be friends or just constantly passive aggressive at each other (at least from Jamila's end)

I honestly see her always having a bit of a sore spot when it comes to Rupert. And Rupert knows and it makes him feel uncomfortable even though they are cordial to each other.

Amir is oblivious to the tension.

I feel like Rupert would try really hard to be her friend.

Jamila is a Slytherin.

Absolutely.

Okay, how do you pronounce her name?

Ja-meh-la? Ja-mih-la? Ja-mee-lah?

(thank you to @peace0of0art​ for actually asking KCS about the pronunciation!)

Also, check out @oftheflamingheart​ ‘s awesome Jamila fic on AO3! Title: Settle Down Rating: G Summary:  Jamila, Amir's childhood friend, comes to visit the Heartland Castle and reconnect. Amir is not excited. The rest of the gang are eager to hear what Amir was like as a kid from someone who grew up with him. Now all they need is to get along with Jamila long enough to let that happen. What does Jamila want? What does Amir want Jamila to want? And when will things ever settle down?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26082766/chapters/63439687

@dailydoseofrumir​ @oftheflamingheart​ @spoopdeedoop​ @fwufferson�� @chinesetakeout16​ @peace0of0art​ @cat-copnt​ @cloudcover23​