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Med students are human beings, not robots or computers.

I have met med-students who are obsessed with university, marks, performance and just getting as much knowledge as possible: 90% of their life is med-school. If you pay attention, you will be able to read in their eyes how low the quality of their life is, how sad, stressed and unsatisfied they are, deep inside.

I used to be one of them, till I crashed: my marks were the best, I was doing all the exams on time, I was obsessed with being just the best in the school. But... I was so busy thinking about university that I forgot about myself, my needs, my desires.

That kind of situation brought me to a huge, massive burn out episode. I wasn’t even able to open a book. I was nauseated by anything university related: I even got to the point of avoiding the street where the university hospital is located. My mind, my body, everything in me was rejecting what I was intoxicated by: university.

Sometimes, it’s absolutely necessary to spend time with ourselves and forget about everything else. That’s why I will skip the next exam session. And that’s also the reason why I am one year late with university. Ops... wait... I made a mistake... I’m not late: I’m just on my own time. The time that fits my needs. 

Med students are human beings, not robots or computers.

[onedayiwillfullyunderstand-blog]

This is just awesome!

REPOST : Roman stylus 70AD, in comon vanacular translates into “i went into the city and all i bought you was this lousy pen” , link and full translation in the comments [640 x 320]

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As long as you’re trying, I’m staying.

Unknown (via bnmxfld)

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Ah, being a doctor... 

Non-medics..

I can’t explain to the nonmedics in my life quite how medicine traumatises you in lots of little ways.

I remember, whilst we were comparing stories and discussing our mental health, an ITU friend told me something like ‘normal people are expected to be traumatised by this stuff. We’d expect an accountant or teacher to need therapy after seeing or doing  what we do. But even though we deal with it every day, people assume you are OO and it’s normal to you’.

And I always bring it up, but it’s true.

I try to include the non-medics in my life, and I need their support. I share stories; this patient died, that relative was mean, that delirious man threatened to strangle me. I an open with the people I love, but I still share a safe, anonymused, packaged version of the horror.  

But also, I want to protect them. I hope my mum will never see as much blood as I have. That my dad will never see a crash call where there’s faeculent vomit and faeces everywhere. That my boyfriend will never have to hear the sound of a bereaved parent or know what that’s like. That   everyone I love won’t see the many ‘worst day in my life that I deal with.

Even when we cope, we carry scars.

[onedayiwillfullyunderstand-blog]

A letter to the UK from Italy: this is what we know about your future

The acclaimed Italian novelist Francesca Melandri, who has been under lockdown in Rome for almost three weeks due to the Covid-19 outbreak, has written a letter to fellow Europeans “from your future”, laying out the range of emotions people are likely to go through over the coming weeks.

I am writing to you from Italy, which means I am writing from your future. We are now where you will be in a few days. The epidemic’s charts show us all entwined in a parallel dance.

We are but a few steps ahead of you in the path of time, just like Wuhan was a few weeks ahead of us. We watch you as you behave just as we did. You hold the same arguments we did until a short time ago, between those who still say “it’s only a flu, why all the fuss?” and those who have already understood.

As we watch you from here, from your future, we know that many of you, as you were told to lock yourselves up into your homes, quoted Orwell, some even Hobbes. But soon you’ll be too busy for that.

First of all, you’ll eat. Not just because it will be one of the few last things that you can still do.

You’ll find dozens of social networking groups with tutorials on how to spend your free time in fruitful ways. You will join them all, then ignore them completely after a few days.

You’ll pull apocalyptic literature out of your bookshelves, but will soon find you don’t really feel like reading any of it.

You’ll eat again. You will not sleep well. You will ask yourselves what is happening to democracy.

You’ll have an unstoppable online social life – on Messenger, WhatsApp, Skype, Zoom…

You will miss your adult children like you never have before; the realisation that you have no idea when you will ever see them again will hit you like a punch in the chest.

Old resentments and falling-outs will seem irrelevant. You will call people you had sworn never to talk to ever again, so as to ask them: “How are you doing?” Many women will be beaten in their homes.

You will wonder what is happening to all those who can’t stay home because they don’t have one. You will feel vulnerable when going out shopping in the deserted streets, especially if you are a woman. You will ask yourselves if this is how societies collapse. Does it really happen so fast? You’ll block out these thoughts and when you get back home you’ll eat again.

You will put on weight. You’ll look for online fitness training.

You’ll laugh. You’ll laugh a lot. You’ll flaunt a gallows humour you never had before. Even people who’ve always taken everything dead seriously will contemplate the absurdity of life, of the universe and of it all.

You will make appointments in the supermarket queues with your friends and lovers, so as to briefly see them in person, all the while abiding by the social distancing rules.

You will count all the things you do not need.

The true nature of the people around you will be revealed with total clarity. You will have confirmations and surprises.

Literati who had been omnipresent in the news will disappear, their opinions suddenly irrelevant; some will take refuge in rationalisations which will be so totally lacking in empathy that people will stop listening to them. People whom you had overlooked, instead, will turn out to be reassuring, generous, reliable, pragmatic and clairvoyant.

Those who invite you to see all this mess as an opportunity for planetary renewal will help you to put things in a larger perspective. You will also find them terribly annoying: nice, the planet is breathing better because of the halved CO2 emissions, but how will you pay your bills next month?

You will not understand if witnessing the birth of a new world is more a grandiose or a miserable affair.

You will play music from your windows and lawns. When you saw us singing opera from our balconies, you thought “ah, those Italians”. But we know you will sing uplifting songs to each other too. And when you blast I Will Survive from your windows, we’ll watch you and nod just like the people of Wuhan, who sung from their windows in February, nodded while watching us.

Many of you will fall asleep vowing that the very first thing you’ll do as soon as lockdown is over is file for divorce.

Many children will be conceived.

Your children will be schooled online. They’ll be horrible nuisances; they’ll give you joy.

Elderly people will disobey you like rowdy teenagers: you’ll have to fight with them in order to forbid them from going out, to get infected and die.

You will try not to think about the lonely deaths inside the ICU.

You’ll want to cover with rose petals all medical workers’ steps.

You will be told that society is united in a communal effort, that you are all in the same boat. It will be true. This experience will change for good how you perceive yourself as an individual part of a larger whole.

Class, however, will make all the difference. Being locked up in a house with a pretty garden or in an overcrowded housing project will not be the same. Nor is being able to keep on working from home or seeing your job disappear. That boat in which you’ll be sailing in order to defeat the epidemic will not look the same to everyone nor is it actually the same for everyone: it never was.

At some point, you will realise it’s tough. You will be afraid. You will share your fear with your dear ones, or you will keep it to yourselves so as not to burden them with it too.

You will eat again.

We’re in Italy, and this is what we know about your future. But it’s just small-scale fortune-telling. We are very low-key seers.

If we turn our gaze to the more distant future, the future which is unknown both to you and to us too, we can only tell you this: when all of this is over, the world won’t be the same.

© Francesca Melandri 2020

~ via The Guardian

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17 questions

Thanks for the tag @loreleys-road-to-md

rules: answer 17 questions & tag 17 people you want to know better

nickname: Dome

zodiac sign: Lion

height: 178 cm

Hogwart’s house: Gryffindor

last thing I googled: Harry potter’s houses correct spelling 🤣

song stuck in my head: Tikibombom, Levante

following and followers: what can I say? I’m new in here, so I’m trying to find interesting people to follow and to become super famous and popular in order to rule the world.

amount of sleep I get: 8 hours normally. now... well.. I don’t even want to admit it to myself.

lucky number(s): nope.

dream job: fixing people’s madness. or making madness being accepted. anyway, things a psychiatrist would do.

wearing: pajamas

favorite song(s): Wash, Bon Iver

instrument(s): Used to play guitar. Then med school occurred.

random fact: no idea

favorite author(s): i don’t have one. there are books that I love, but I cannot say that I nave a favorite author.

favorite animal noise(s): Random birds singing

aesthetic: exotic clothes and ornaments.

Tagging: @autisticjoy @doctorspork @lupo-nero17 @onemoremedblr @redlightsgreen @lizziedoesvetpath @funnydoc @rememberwhyyoustarted-study @beautifulmedicine @caramel-study @doctorderange @wishbzne @do-no-harm-hopefully @help-im-a-medstudent @meatball-surgeon @desmosoom @studiousmedic (or just ignore me…)

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THIS IS THE BEST CONVERSATION BETWEEN DOCTORS FOR HUMAN AND DOCTORS FOR BETTER ANIMALS THAN HUMAN THAT I HAVE EVER READ. 😂

“Can you imagine trying to start a central line on a hamster?”

— one of my co-residents on why we aren’t vets

[onedayiwillfullyunderstand-blog]

PANDEMIC ROMANTICISM

Let’s say that you have an ex boyfriend who you decided to break up with one year and a half ago.

And, let’s say that you broke up with him after becoming aware of the fact that the relationship couldn’t ever be healthy for none of you two, because in 3 years you spent more time fighting than enjoying the fact that you were together. And let’s say that you know that none of you could ever be happy with the other, not even now.

Let’s say also that you’ve never stopped thinking about him. And dreaming about him. And he has never stopped thinking about you. And dreaming about you. No matter what you two are doing or who you two are dating.

And finally, let’s say that during the quarantine your thoughts become intrusive: you cannot stop thinking about him anymore, you dream to hug him and while you hug him in the dream you even feel his smell. You’re concerned about him and his safety. You even write an e-mail for him, but you don’t find any rational reason to send it, so you fight with yourself to stop that crazy voice that is pushing you to send it. You’re in pain, fighting with yourself for days now. During a pandemic. Alone.

At the highest point of pain, you get a message. It’s him, felling exactly the same.

The question is: what’s next?

[onedayiwillfullyunderstand-blog]

i know that online it’s become extremely common (and in some circumstances expected or even required) to share details about your sexual orientation and/or gender identity freely or to whoever asks. there’s nothing wrong with that kind of sharing inherently (i do it too, to some degree), but please keep in mind that it’s not a requirement nor should it be expected of you. your gender and sexuality are personal information. if you claim to be part of the queer/lgbt+ community, then that’s that. you’re not obligated to share anything more, for whatever reason (you’re not sure, it won’t be safe, you just plain don’t want to, or anything else).

and in 99% of queer/lgbt+ spaces irl? nobody will question your reason for being there or interrogate you about anything. nobody does (or should) react badly to a “none of your business”. at most you’re “required” to share your pronouns and what you’d like to be called, and even that’s nebulous/depends on what kind of place it is. i have never witnessed anyone being kept out or told to leave for not openly stating their sexuality and/or gender. literally the only reasons that would even happen (that is, someone being told to leave) is if a) the space/setting is geared towards a very specific group (for instance, trans specific events), or b) you’re harassing or bothering other people. that’s it.

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Please stop and read this.

I’m doing a project on gay rights in today’s society.

So if you believe that same sex couples should be allowed to get married, please reblog this.

This would be a lot of help, thank you.

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This is exactly what is necessary to do for everyone: BEHAVE AS YOU ARE INFECTED AND YOU DON’T WANT TO SPREAD THE VIRUS.

That’s it.

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Quarantine and madness

The craziest thing about being forced to stay in quarantine during a pandemic is not loneliness - you can expect that - but the complete subversion of priorities and perspectives. 

First of all, it is very interesting the fact that the majority of people switched from a regular and basal emotion pathway to danger emotional reactions: running towards supermarkets trying to get as much food as possible, or pharmacies to get as much gloves and masks as possible. 

Another interesting immediate change that happened was the movement of people around the country (unluckily, because this behavior contributed to the spread of the virus): when the first news about the mandatory quarantine arrived, thousands of southern Italians living in the North, decided immediately to move back to the South, to reach their families, to spend this scary and difficult moment with their relatives and the beloved ones. 

So, basically, the subversion of the social order, with mandatory quarantine, and the disorientation and anguish that it created, made people behave towards assuring themselves essential things: food, protections, and being close to their families.

When reality loses meaning, a terrible and unacceptable feeling of anguish and disorientation comes and it is so strong and unmanageable that exceptional reactions and defense mechanisms are required, like going back to the family, buying tons of food; this is what happened as consequence of the pandemic. 

The same process happens during the begin of a psychotic episode: the only difference is that every step and feeling is stronger and with different exceptional reactions and defense mechanisms like delusions and hallucinations, whose purpose is to save the person from the anguish of a changed and unknown reality, exactly like having tons of food saved or our beloved next to us.

There’s madness within each of us. Watch out!

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When you’re in the 1400’s Florence and your buddy starts coughing

[onedayiwillfullyunderstand-blog]

I’M FINE. LOCKED HOME BUT FINE.

Today I received a message from a doctor that I met in Hungary during my Eramus project, last summer. He is one of those rare people that you would never forget in your life, ‘cause they inspired you about being a better person, a better professional, and about loving what you do even if you are facing thousands of difficulties.

Well, this doctor’s name is Szolt and he was a bit concerned about the Italian situation, since we are in the middle of a pandemic. This is my answer to him: I think it deserves a place here.

Hi Szolt! I wanted to write you yesterday, but I thought that you would have been so busy at the hospital since also in Hungary the virus is spreading.

I’m fine, locked home but fine. I can’t say the same for the rest of Italy. We’re facing a very difficult situation: in the north of Italy the virus managed to spread so much that now we count thousands of deaths (mainly men, older than 60, with chronic diseases, even if also shocking cases of 30 years old people dying happened). In the south of Italy, the virus is spreading not that much thanks to the strong political reaction (we count today “only” 20 deaths): everything not necessary for the population was progressively closed, now everyone can go out only for essential needs like buying food or going to pharmacy/hospital. For example, I have been spending the previous 20 days home and I went out only twice because I ran out of food.

Companies, schools and universities are invited (if not obliged) to keep working in a remote way: for example I am watching to video-lesson from home and the next exams will be done with a video call with the professors.

Hospitals are at their limit and the intensive care units are full. Every region is trying to open new intensive care units, because we need beds and ventilators to manage this terrible interstitial pneumonia.

It looks like a nightmare: sometimes it’s hard to realize that less than a month ago I was hugging with my friends and now we must keep at least 1 mt of distance when together (and we’re never together cause we must and we want to stay home).

Those changes are difficult and discouraging, but absolutely necessary and I would invite every country who is facing the begin of the epidemic, to go immediately toward rigid changes like Italy did, without being late like us: those social changes are the only weapons we have, sadly!

I guess we already passed through the peak because during the previous 3 days, the epidemiological curve was going down, and that’s only because we stayed home, avoiding the virus to spread.

I know that Hungary is now facing the begin of the same crisis and I am so sorry that also all of you will be exposed to the same fear.

I hope for you, your family and your patients to be safe.

A remote hug from Italy :)

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I wanted it so much. I don’t know why I wanted it so much.

Ernest Hemingway // Cat in the Rain (via qvotable)

Why?

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Today at our psychiatry clinical the doctor asked us a simple question after the patient left: "So what do you think about the patient?"

We said our thoughts on the case, but then he impatiently clarified: "No, not of the case. What is you impression about the patient? As a human?"

Now we were stuck. The patient looked ageless? They seemed stiff? They... Still not the good answers.

As he pointed out, we had no emotional reaction to the patient - we didn't like them, but we didn't not like them either.

Just simply no reaction. I felt nothing towards them.

As he phrased it, the past 5 years of med school will do that to you, but it's not right. We (I) might have distanced ourselves a little bit too much. We really should pay more attention how we perceive the patient as a whole human being, and let ourselves react to that. And it's just... I think he's right. I will try to remember this.

This might have been our most insightful practical of the year.

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Would You Like to Be the Partner I Want You to Be?

In my role as a relationship therapist, I’ve begun prompting couples to ask their partners, “Would you like to be the person that I’m asking you to change into? Would you like to be the partner that I want you to be?”

This type of inquiry quiets the tired back and forth, right and wrong ping ponging that gets us nowhere. It’s not uncommon to ask your partner to make changes in their beliefs, attitudes, or behavior to accommodate your wishes. Very often, though, this is met by an entrenched resistance from the person being asked to change. You should ask yourself if you’re resisting simply for the sake of resisting, or would the requested change be consistent with your own growth and personal evolution?

If what is being requested seems authentic and resonant with your growth, and you are nevertheless resisting, then you might want to pay attention to why you’re digging your heels in. If you’re caught up in the power struggle and keeping a scorecard of offenses, the path to amicability remains obstructed; the larger picture is surely being missed.

The goal of winning in a relationship is absurd. That would guarantee unhappiness. Reflect on whether you’d rather be right or whether you’d rather be happy. One tends to preclude the other. Relationship battles often resemble the up and down of a seesaw ride. If one of you is up, the other is necessarily down. You may take turns in the up position, but you’re unlikely to find the balance that brings about a sense of harmony in this zero-sum equation. The shift we should seek is seen as a win-win situation – both people come out on top. In fact, this is the only pathway to a congruent, if not blissful, partnering.

Releasing the need to defend yourself – and subsequently abdicating the silliness of right or wrong – really enables a more reflective consideration of the changes being requested, or perhaps demanded, by your partner. If the modification sought would assist in your personal growth, then you should embrace it. It’s a win-win. You’ll grow and perhaps improve the energy of your relationship. While it’s disappointing if this doesn’t happen, you’ve still at least moved forward in your self-actualization. To that extent, you are removing yourself from being the problem. Should you find yourself in this position, you may discover that the old battle masked deeper underlying issues that may now arise.

The conflict over change, although often substantive, is at times simply a safe, if not frustrating, way to express hostility. You might ask your partner or spouse, “If I make the changes you’re asking for, will you feel the way you’d like to feel about me?” This question may reveal whether there are deeper issues – usually emotional – that need to break through and enter the discussion.

Much of our defensiveness surrounding others’ impositions that we change has to do with our own sense of self and identity. “There’s nothing wrong with me” is a revealing statement, in that it demonstrates an insecure and fragile ego. It’s not a question of whether there’s something wrong with you as much as it’s about whether you’re seeking to evolve further and please your partner – provided that you’re not acting from fear or inauthenticity. There is a direct correlation between one’s openness to change and their self-esteem. If your self-worth feels tentative, you’re more likely to defend against change. On a differing note, though, people should never simply succumb to the demands of others if they are coming from an angry or controlling energy.

Relationship success requires quieting your defensiveness and developing a resilience founded upon the healthy spirit of a co-operative alliance. If you try to be the best you can be for the other, and remain genuine and true to your own growth, you can accurately say you are doing everything you can to make your relationship prosper.