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[onies-world]

03 01 2022

in a few days, it would be my 1st year of being unemployed. Now I feel desperate why did this happened to me. I have no one to vent my suppressed feelings, even though I have someone, it feels that I can't tell him how down I am. Believe me I tried, he did not get angry after I told him what I was going through, it did not helped me, I just felt more down. What makes it worse it seems that I even put him down and it reversed he was the one venting and I am the one listening and giving him moral support. God help me.

[onies-world]

It has been quite a long time since a wrote here. I actually don't know what I should feel, it has been a roller coaster ride for me since this pandemic started and I think that I will hit rock bottom for the next few days. Lord, please help me to hold on to my sanity. I'm trying to be strong and look strong because a lot of people are looking up to me. A lot of people need me, I keep on thinking about me who would look out for me? I feel like I am drowning right now.

[onies-world]

I just want to curl up and hide from everything

[onies-world]

Bird without wings

as I entered 5th month of being retrenched as a cabin crew there is not a day that passed by that I kept thinking what happened? When can I go back to flying? Will I still be able to fly again? 

There are times that anxiety hit me so hard that it keeps me awake at night. What shall I do now? I don’t have work how can I provide for my family? It seems that there is no one that I can talk to. I don’t think my husband will understand if I tell him that our saving are really depleted and that I am at a point that I don’t know what to do. All I tell him is I keep on passing my resumes and that it is really hard to find job right now. What I don’t tell him that every time I receive a rejection letter it seems that my heart is getting ripped, I feel like crying. 

There are times that I want to curl up and cry that I don’t want to stand up I don’t want to wake-up. I feel like I’m in an endless nightmare. But I have to stand up I have to show my family that I am strong that I can do this. But what if I can’t do this.

It’s been 5 months of being jobless, no assurance, 5 months of looking at my budget book asking myself when will this end? When can I fly again?

Lord I leave it all up to you now. Help me, Help us, heal this world.

[onies-world]

Uncertainties

Today marks the first day of my unemployment still don't know how to pick myself up #retrenched #aviation #cabincrew

[onies-world]

[onies-world]

retrenched

In a month from now I will be considered as unemployed. Since pandemic came my anxiety level rocketed. Right now I don’t know what to do. I’ve been flying as a Flight Attendant for more than 11 years then BAM! I’ll be losing my job. Honestly I want to scream and cry and just sleep. But I need to pull myself up immediately for my family since I am the breadwinner. If don’t have a job what will I feed them. May God help me.  Whatever you call it may it be laid-off, retrenched, furlough it really hits hard to the people affected. 

[onies-world]

Flying in time of covid19 I do hope and wish this will end.

[onies-world]

I just don't understand why some people hold on to what they call "seniority" but if you look at the idea of their so called I am higher than you is so archaic. Come on it doesn't mean that you are greater to a person if you are more senior sometimes your "junior" are more professional than you

[onies-world]

So I"m trying to lose some no a lot of weight goal is to reach 50 or 55 kgs because now I'm 65kgs😭 It's been a week now of no rice as much as possible very low carbs. I don't know if I'm doing it right, also doing planking everyday.

[onies-world]

It’s been a while, holidays come and go however with my line of work there is really no holiday for us. I am getting tired with my work its not that I don’t love my job it’s just that it became too routine for me. Right now I’m looking for something new, something to boost my mind. I want to learn something new to challenge myself that I can do better

[onies-world]

Dammam

So I'm here in KSA and there is nothing to do here already done my grocery yesterday and bought some goodies for my kids and later will buy dates for myself and my friend. 😊

[onies-world]

Got home from Doha flight. Everytime I'm home this little girl wants to hold my hand all the time.

[onies-world]

First haircut 😊

My 2nd child has a very curly hair and she's 5. She never had a haircut until today! It's my day off and while I'm looking at her and her waist length hair, I decided to cut her hair for healthier growth.

Now she has shoulder length hair. I did not intend to cut her hair that short it just ended that way, good thing she loved it. She said after seeing her hair in the mirror: "mommy thank you, love you! "

[onies-world]

Books & Ebooks

Though it's the same nothing beats good old book where in you can pile it in your book case and look at how many books you've already read and would reread. The smell of new book and the excitement of opening the plastic wrapper.

[onies-world]

Flew to Dubai Sept 1 arrived Manila Sept 3, then on the 4th flew to New York, just arrived Manila 6 A. M.

Now I'm up and started my errands and mommy duties. Lot's of things on my list

[onies-world]

So just got home from quick layover in Dubai, when we arrived in our hotel aaw a weighing scale and tried it... Wrong move!!!

Super overweight! Help need to lose those kilograms😱