only-living-to-survive - Tumblr blog

[only-living-to-survive]

I hate feeling crazy.... I feel crazy.... fuck fuck fuck fuck 😞

[only-living-to-survive]

I feel wrong... I have memories of something i did not know about till a few minutes ago. i miss my sister.. my other half. the only one who knew me and trusted me... pearl and i were perfect in that world.. please i am confused... am i crazy? i am crazy.. arent i?

[only-living-to-survive]

m gonna fucking kill myself 🙄

[only-living-to-survive]

oh my hell, they are dogs. Get over it. dogs bark, it's not hurting anyone 🙄

context: my mom was napping for what had probably been hours, and I let the dogs out because they have been kenneled all day. They bark a few times outside and she groans angrily and storms to yell at them and put them back in the kennel when they were outside for the span of two fucking minutes! they are dogs they are gonna bark and yap and make noise! the fuck is her god damn issue?! plus she wanted them so why the hell is she so pissy about them being dogs?!?!?! the fuck?!?!

[only-living-to-survive]

I wanna kill myself.. I am worthless.. someone everyone should give up on..

[only-living-to-survive]

I hate having constant migraines and headaches and constantly feeling like I'm just sick 24/7. I have felt like throwing up for multiple days this week, and it doesn't just go away it's an all-day thing. I almost coughed up blood because of PE. Stupid fuckin mile run! and then there was the fact of feeling dizzy and shit today and yesterday and the day before that. my body is sick, and I can't just be home because I have school to keep up with and my mother to take care of.. I am fuckin losing it.. :(

[only-living-to-survive]

watching people grow up faster than me hurts. I am older than these kids but am less fortunate than them. I was fine, it would have been really easy before. sure the living situation with narcissistic parents was shitty but I could have been quicker with my lessons and gotten to drive by now. everyone else can. everyone else is moving faster than me. I.. I feel left behind. but I am happy for them, always will be but the fact I am stuck trying to earn what I can and do what ever my mom needs and juggle school on top of my already shitty life. I am struggling and I don't get an ounce of peace or space it's constant work and very little of my spark is left. I don't understand anything or anyone anymore... but it's fine right? fake it till you make it right? Just keep the happy face you'll be fine.. I'll.. be.. fine.

[only-living-to-survive]

I really do wish he wouldn't just leave me.. I feel alone. he won't tell me what happened. he won't tell me anything. I am hurt and I can't fix it. i- I can't help feeling worthless..