orchidbreezefc - Tumblr blog

[orchidbreezefc]

Do not punish the behaviour you want to see

I mean, it seems pretty obvious when you put it like that, right?

But how many families, when an introvert sibling or child makes an effort to socialize,  snarkily say, “So, you’ve decided to join us”?

Or when someone does something they’ve had trouble doing, say, “Why can’t you do that all the time?” (Happened to me, too often.)

Or any sentence containing the word “finally”. 

If someone makes a step, a small step, in a direction you want to encourage, encourage it. Don’t complain about how it’s not enough. Don’t bring up previous stuff. Encourage it.

Because I swear to fucking god there is nothing more soul-killing, more motivation-crushing, than struggling to succeed and finding out that success and failure are both punished.

[orchidbreezefc]

Found a Darkthur sketch in procreate from about a month ago, decided to clean it up the tiniest bit to post. I know this isn’t necessarily the only or the most likely interpretation, but I absolutely love the narrative idea of this Arthur cutting off his own left arm when John gets too uppity.

[orchidbreezefc]

prev tags from @laf-e-taffy :

I never really thought to much about the tannins comment but I like this take I think it would be really interesting if the fandom did pick up on this more both Jon & Martin having an unhealthy coping mechanism related to substance abuse Jon with cigarettes and Martin with alcohol and how Martin was likely able to quit but Jon didn’t also kinda related to the fears Martin escaping the lonely but Jon subsuming and becoming the pupil of the eye idk that might not actually make sense

it does make sense! the text very much does connect relationships with the fears to addiction, and i think it's reasonable to extrapolate the other way around: that one's relationship to addiction informs how they relate to the fears.

i highly recommend anyone wanting to examine addiction in this show relisten to episode 172, which shows an addict being literally puppeted around on hooks by the web and coerced into relapse. it's pretty on the nose, given that hooks are a term for an aspect of an addiction that catches someone and draws them in (hence being 'hooked') and the web is called 'the mother of puppets'.

172 (which jonny specifically pointed out as being informed by his own experiences with addiction [link: here]) makes extremely clear the parallel between the way addiction robs you of your agency in your own actions and the way the web manipulates its subjects. most likely the web uses addiction as a manipulation tool; it sure seemed to work with jon and statements.

like, jon gets literally addicted to statements and forms a physical dependency. the plotline where he works with daisy as she resolves to lessen her dependency on the hunt and urges him to do the same is a pretty clear parallel. this dependency is why he's reading statements in the safehouse every day for a fix--and the 'spiked' statement from jonah (note how jon is literally, physically unable to stop) is how the web got its apocalypse.

presumably the web gave jon the lighter to point him toward immolating the archives--note also that the scene in my original post was in one of 3 tapes the web selected in 161, each of which involve ignition sources in the archives. but more broadly, the web's mark on the object jon uses to engage with his addiction is not a coincidence, and not just because there are no coincidences with the web.

ok. years have passed and we've had some distance, so i'm finally gonna take the leap of faith that tma fandom is finally ready to hear me on this. let's talk about tannins.

161 was the first tma episode i heard on early release, and i felt the bit where martin declines wine and cites tannins was pretty obvious in its implications. cool, got it, say no more.

imagine my surprise when i was one of maybe three people i saw read between the lines there, in a fandom famous for red stringing--a fandom that immediately caught the much less obvious thread of ignition sources in the same episode. i'll spell it out: alcohol is an issue for martin.

maybe it just felt obvious because addiction is a pet issue for me--as it is for jonny, who has said everything he writes is filtered through a lens of addiction. i don't know if that's due to his own experience or a loved one's, and i won't speculate; i also don't know if martin personally struggled with drinking or just avoids it for fear he would, but alcohol would fit what we know of his family. his dad walking out and his mum spiralling into bitter wallowing and verbal abuse? i'd bet one or both of them drank, yeah.

on a basic level martin tries to decline alcohol, and that alone should have raised eyebrows given what we know of martin and, again, a fandom that dissects everything. we already knew martin "K" blackwood lied about his personal life and his family in particular, especially pre-canon, which is when this flashback took place. i was shocked that everyone took his flimsy excuse at face value with no further questions.

and the excuse is flimsy. martin turns down wine by--nervously--exclaiming tannins are "a proven headache trigger!" which sounds like trivia from a magazine cover and not the words of someone who actually has headaches--and it hasn't come up before or since. jon, confused, points out that tea, a drink martin consumes to a degree that is memetic both in- and out-of-universe, also contains tannins, and martin squawks a panicked, "what?!"

if tannins are enough of a concern for martin that he knew they're in wine and so avoids it, why didn't he know they're in his drink of choice? why does he still drink tea at the time of canon, and why doesn't he struggle with constant headaches from consuming 'a proven headache trigger' day in and day out? why, indeed, would someone avoid wine and not tea?

when sasha insists martin drink he caves and agrees to 'just a drop'. i imagine him pouring it in a plant, which admittedly he could have done if tannins really were the issue. i will say that i, for one, would be less likely to falsely agree to something that makes me physically ill than to a private issue that i'd rather not be pressed on any further. this scene also establishes martin's birthday was an ice cream party instead of the more traditional visit to a pub.

also, this scene was in the first episode of the final season, as one of three flashbacks that could have been to any pre-canon event in the archives. prime narrative real estate. not really time one would waste on establishing the important character context that martin has... headaches. which never comes up before or after, even regarding the week he spent in spiral town. but you know what is pretty crucial character background...?

it felt like a no-brainer, and yet all i saw was h/c fluff about jon attending to martin's headaches. and i hate feeling bitter about disability representation. i want folks with chronic headaches to feel seen and have fluffy escapist fantasies. i don't want to be mad about people portraying a character with a disability. but, guys? you got the wrong disability. jonny sent a clear message, and it went over fandom's head.

[orchidbreezefc]

we need more vampire stuff that’s set really really far north on the planet. the potential… we don’t have any sunlight for a couple of months every year so they would literally be able to walk around during the day and no one would know…

[orchidbreezefc]

from prev @creepyandsleepy :

#in 181 he is also a bit judgy when salesa is daydrinking

this observation really got me thinking! between this and martin's reactions to jon's eldritch dependency, i think it's likely that martin, as someone who does not drink, adopted a judgmental attitude toward folks who partake in substance use.

this attitude extends to his boyfriend, who is addicted to something much worse than alcohol, and that's the context where we most see it in action. martin refuses to be around jon as he sates his cravings, leaving the vicinity when jon needs a statement. jon repeatedly says not to go far and, if memory serves, tells him he doesnt have to leave at all, which is a bid martin dismisses.

the frequency of martin's complaints about jon needing to stop and have a statement always struck me as unreasonable considering martin was fully aware of the circumstances. it puzzled me that he was so unsympathetic when he knew jon needed to do it, as a literal chemical (spiritual? magical?) dependency.

that attitude starts to make more sense when you consider the evidence that martin avoids addictive substances, and the possibility that he's taken a disapproving stance toward people who do engage in them.

it's just another one of martin's judgmental attitudes in s5 that he means to direct toward others but unintentionally catch jon in the crossfire. he says all avatars are irredeemable monsters without considering what that implies about jon. he's averse to addicts having their fix, so when jon seeks assurance and says martin can stick around for this thing he's going through, martin instead abandons him to do it alone.

it's hard to judge martin too harshly when real life substance use is a strong trigger for me. i don't want to be around while someone gets their fix either, and those don't even involve eating people's trauma! i think it's just another way martin and jon are tragically out of sync in s5, and their relationship suffers from the disconnect.

ok. years have passed and we've had some distance, so i'm finally gonna take the leap of faith that tma fandom is finally ready to hear me on this. let's talk about tannins.

161 was the first tma episode i heard on early release, and i felt the bit where martin declines wine and cites tannins was pretty obvious in its implications. cool, got it, say no more.

imagine my surprise when i was one of maybe three people i saw read between the lines there, in a fandom famous for red stringing--a fandom that immediately caught the much less obvious thread of ignition sources in the same episode. i'll spell it out: alcohol is an issue for martin.

maybe it just felt obvious because addiction is a pet issue for me--as it is for jonny, who has said everything he writes is filtered through a lens of addiction. i don't know if that's due to his own experience or a loved one's, and i won't speculate; i also don't know if martin personally struggled with drinking or just avoids it for fear he would, but alcohol would fit what we know of his family. his dad walking out and his mum spiralling into bitter wallowing and verbal abuse? i'd bet one or both of them drank, yeah.

on a basic level martin tries to decline alcohol, and that alone should have raised eyebrows given what we know of martin and, again, a fandom that dissects everything. we already knew martin "K" blackwood lied about his personal life and his family in particular, especially pre-canon, which is when this flashback took place. i was shocked that everyone took his flimsy excuse at face value with no further questions.

and the excuse is flimsy. martin turns down wine by--nervously--exclaiming tannins are "a proven headache trigger!" which sounds like trivia from a magazine cover and not the words of someone who actually has headaches--and it hasn't come up before or since. jon, confused, points out that tea, a drink martin consumes to a degree that is memetic both in- and out-of-universe, also contains tannins, and martin squawks a panicked, "what?!"

if tannins are enough of a concern for martin that he knew they're in wine and so avoids it, why didn't he know they're in his drink of choice? why does he still drink tea at the time of canon, and why doesn't he struggle with constant headaches from consuming 'a proven headache trigger' day in and day out? why, indeed, would someone avoid wine and not tea?

when sasha insists martin drink he caves and agrees to 'just a drop'. i imagine him pouring it in a plant, which admittedly he could have done if tannins really were the issue. i will say that i, for one, would be less likely to falsely agree to something that makes me physically ill than to a private issue that i'd rather not be pressed on any further. this scene also establishes martin's birthday was an ice cream party instead of the more traditional visit to a pub.

also, this scene was in the first episode of the final season, as one of three flashbacks that could have been to any pre-canon event in the archives. prime narrative real estate. not really time one would waste on establishing the important character context that martin has... headaches. which never comes up before or after, even regarding the week he spent in spiral town. but you know what is pretty crucial character background...?

it felt like a no-brainer, and yet all i saw was h/c fluff about jon attending to martin's headaches. and i hate feeling bitter about disability representation. i want folks with chronic headaches to feel seen and have fluffy escapist fantasies. i don't want to be mad about people portraying a character with a disability. but, guys? you got the wrong disability. jonny sent a clear message, and it went over fandom's head.

[orchidbreezefc]

[comes crawling out of the podcast covered in blood] its really good you should listen

[orchidbreezefc]

this rave sucks they don't even have platypus controlling me

[orchidbreezefc]

stop making aziraphale a good student in your human aus just because he loves books like NO! aziraphale cheated on his ONLY assignment (in which the assigner was literal heaven) by making it a group project with a demon, because he wanted to spend more time doing things he enjoyed!

teachers would HATE him because he'd be reading his own book under the desk instead of paying attention in class, his report cards were full of "aziraphale is smart but needs to apply himself more", he'd fail all his exams because he wanted to read jane austen's entire collection the night before instead of studying

[orchidbreezefc]

signless thoughts

[orchidbreezefc]

i had a joke about orpheus and eurydice but looking back it wasn't a good idea

[orchidbreezefc]

[orchidbreezefc]

ok. years have passed and we've had some distance, so i'm finally gonna take the leap of faith that tma fandom is finally ready to hear me on this. let's talk about tannins.

161 was the first tma episode i heard on early release, and i felt the bit where martin declines wine and cites tannins was pretty obvious in its implications. cool, got it, say no more.

imagine my surprise when i was one of maybe three people i saw read between the lines there, in a fandom famous for red stringing--a fandom that immediately caught the much less obvious thread of ignition sources in the same episode. i'll spell it out: alcohol is an issue for martin.

maybe it just felt obvious because addiction is a pet issue for me--as it is for jonny, who has said everything he writes is filtered through a lens of addiction. i don't know if that's due to his own experience or a loved one's, and i won't speculate; i also don't know if martin personally struggled with drinking or just avoids it for fear he would, but alcohol would fit what we know of his family. his dad walking out and his mum spiralling into bitter wallowing and verbal abuse? i'd bet one or both of them drank, yeah.

on a basic level martin tries to decline alcohol, and that alone should have raised eyebrows given what we know of martin and, again, a fandom that dissects everything. we already knew martin "K" blackwood lied about his personal life and his family in particular, especially pre-canon, which is when this flashback took place. i was shocked that everyone took his flimsy excuse at face value with no further questions.

and the excuse is flimsy. martin turns down wine by--nervously--exclaiming tannins are "a proven headache trigger!" which sounds like trivia from a magazine cover and not the words of someone who actually has headaches--and it hasn't come up before or since. jon, confused, points out that tea, a drink martin consumes to a degree that is memetic both in- and out-of-universe, also contains tannins, and martin squawks a panicked, "what?!"

if tannins are enough of a concern for martin that he knew they're in wine and so avoids it, why didn't he know they're in his drink of choice? why does he still drink tea at the time of canon, and why doesn't he struggle with constant headaches from consuming 'a proven headache trigger' day in and day out? why, indeed, would someone avoid wine and not tea?

when sasha insists martin drink he caves and agrees to 'just a drop'. i imagine him pouring it in a plant, which admittedly he could have done if tannins really were the issue. i will say that i, for one, would be less likely to falsely agree to something that makes me physically ill than to a private issue that i'd rather not be pressed on any further. this scene also establishes martin's birthday was an ice cream party instead of the more traditional visit to a pub.

also, this scene was in the first episode of the final season, as one of three flashbacks that could have been to any pre-canon event in the archives. prime narrative real estate. not really time one would waste on establishing the important character context that martin has... headaches. which never comes up before or after, even regarding the week he spent in spiral town. but you know what is pretty crucial character background...?

it felt like a no-brainer, and yet all i saw was h/c fluff about jon attending to martin's headaches. and i hate feeling bitter about disability representation. i want folks with chronic headaches to feel seen and have fluffy escapist fantasies. i don't want to be mad about people portraying a character with a disability. but, guys? you got the wrong disability. jonny sent a clear message, and it went over fandom's head.

[orchidbreezefc]

thats him officer thats the gnome that baked me the most beautiful raspberry scone

[orchidbreezefc]

wow they solved it

[orchidbreezefc]

anyway i will always remember my freshman year world history teacher who spent a whole day teaching us about the development of hinduism and its cultural impact and the next day came into class and (basically) said “alright so who guessed that everything i said yesterday was bullshit?”

the thing i took away from this was

when learning about a culture You Are Not A Part Of in a class full of liberals, they will accept everything as fact

if something historical sounds simple and widely agreed upon, especially religion, its probably bullshit

you are not smarter than experts. and experts can fucking lie to you anyway.

american non academics have been and will continue to butcher greek mythology and sell it to you like the bible. please. PLEASE. remember those things can be fun but your bullshit detectors should be on.

[orchidbreezefc]

got him to the wildlife center today! he complained vociferously when i woke him up but then settled down.

i felt so sad for him looking back over the pics. just an undercooked little fella stumbling his way around nibbling on things trying to figure out what food is. the poor guy didnt know shit. i'm glad he's getting the care he needs now!

also, because it seems some people don't take this seriously enough, i will reiterate: do NOT handle wild animals with your bare hands. this man would not have bitten me; that was not the issue. the issue is that you don't know what diseases and parasites a wild animal might be carrying. ground squirrel fleas are the #1 transmitter of plague in the US. rabies can be transmitted through scratches. wear some fuckin gloves. and if you keep animals that eat live prey, do not feed them anything wild-caught. it's not worth the risk.

sooo i guess we're rehabbing an injured baby squirrel! and by rehabbing i mean keeping him in the turtle carrier overnight so we can take him in when the place opens tomorrow

he came real close to me when i was sitting on the porch swing and i was like bro that is the smallest squirrel ive ever seen and he's SO close

like, so close.

animal injury talk and more pics (no visible distress) under the cut. i just wanted to make sure you got to see him regardless

he was trying to eat just about anything he could get his hands on--mulch, bits of greenery, dead leaves--but when my sibling's bf nick offered him sunflower seeds he couldnt crack em, and when nick cracked some for him he wouldnt eat. this turned out to be good because youre advised not to give food or water but we didn't think it was a crisis situation at the time, just saw that he was clearly hungry and offered him more suitable food since he didnt seem very practiced in the matter.

but then the more we watched the more we saw his movement being real janky? he stumbled multiple times and kept doing this swimming motion on the concrete and dragging himself, which we later learned is a sign of internal injury. we also realized he's small because he's BABY, like his eyes are still partially closed baby.

he went a couple yards over without any mom coming to collect him, and by this time being concerned, we found resources for making a "reunite box" for him to stay in until his mom got him--soft t-shirts, hand warmers, and a loop of baby squirrel sounds.

it turns out our neighbors have some experience rehabbing squirrels and they confirmed he seemed injured to them. we think we saw the mom but she took off, probably because he's injured and she wants no part of that shit.

at that point it was getting darker and the little guy kept climbing out of his box, which just led to compounded stress every time we had to pick him up, so! he's staying overnight until the clinic opens!

here's him getting a little sip, so fortunately he's at least hydrated.

P.S. one of the neighbors picked him up with her bare hands?? and we had gloves! we'd been using gloves! nick put them back in his car but he was retrieving them and we definitely had the ability to wait!

it's something where it was like, that was a terrible idea and i would never do it but also. she got to hold a baby squirrel with her bare hands and nothing happened. and im so fuckin jealous

not jealous enough to take the risk myself because it is still a terrible idea but like. goddamn. lucky bastard

ooooh you want to hold him so bad. Rounb