our-queerplatonic-experience

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

The 2025 Gender Census is now open!

[ Link to survey ]

The 12th annual international gender census, collecting information about the language we use to refer to ourselves and each other, is now open until 30th August 2025.

It’s short and easy, for most participants it takes 5 minutes or less.

After the survey is closed I’ll process the results and publish a spreadsheet of the data and a report summarising the main findings. Then anyone can use them for academic or business purposes, self-advocacy, tracking the popularity of language over time, and just feeling like we’re part of a huge and diverse community.

If you think you might have friends and followers who’d be interested, please do reblog this blog post, and share the survey URL by email or at AFK social groups or on other social networks. Every share is extremely helpful!

Survey URL: https://survey.gendercensus.com

The survey is open to anyone anywhere who speaks English and feels that the gender binary doesn’t fully describe their experience of themselves and their gender(s) or lack thereof.

Thank you so much!

[ Link to survey ]

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

I'M IN A QPR I LOVE MY QUEERPLATONIC PARTNER SO SO MUCH I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY WORKED UP THE CONFIDENCE TO ASK HIM TO BE IN A QPR WITH ME

WOOO!!!!! CONGRATS

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

My dad. Thinks queerplatonic means platonic between queer people. This is because he didn't listen when I explained to him what it was a dozen times. He keeps saying "oh so I can't just say my gay friend anymore I have to say queerplatonic??" and telling me to stop "microcompartmentalizing" everything (is that a word??)

😭

ughhh that is so frustrating

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

prev fantastic tags

sometimes I see people explain qprs as the 'nonbinary of relationships', and I think the comparison of relationships to gender works in more ways than people realise.

like... an established binary (man/woman) (platonic/romantic) in which certain behavoirs are seen to correspond to options within that binary (wearing a skirt as feminine) (kissing as inherently romantic), and though the distinction between these options seems very important to people, no-one is actually able to pinpoint exactly what seperates them (watch anyone try to define 'what is a woman') (watch anyone try to define what romantic attraction is).

I'm sure there are more ways to compare the two, but hopefully this is... legible. it's kind of feeling like a 'I've connected the dots' 'you didn't connect shit' scenario, ngl.

ooh i think youre onto something

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

sometimes I see people explain qprs as the 'nonbinary of relationships', and I think the comparison of relationships to gender works in more ways than people realise.

like... an established binary (man/woman) (platonic/romantic) in which certain behavoirs are seen to correspond to options within that binary (wearing a skirt as feminine) (kissing as inherently romantic), and though the distinction between these options seems very important to people, no-one is actually able to pinpoint exactly what seperates them (watch anyone try to define 'what is a woman') (watch anyone try to define what romantic attraction is).

I'm sure there are more ways to compare the two, but hopefully this is... legible. it's kind of feeling like a 'I've connected the dots' 'you didn't connect shit' scenario, ngl.

ooh i think youre onto something

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

Hey, I don't know if this is a good place to ask a question, but all other blogs I've checked are not active anymore :( My question is, can you be in a romantic relationship with one person and in a queeplatonic relationship with a different person? And would that be considered polyamory? Thank you for the answer :)

i'm not sure about the polyamory bit, i guess in this situation it would be up to you whether or not to call it that. and as for the first question, it's absolutely possible, you just have to communicate with both people and make sure everyone is okay with it. it's basically the same logic as polyamory

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

happy pride everyone!!!!!!

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

i'm going to see my best friend in person tomorrow for the first time in months and it makes me nervous--last time we were together i asked her to be my queerplatonic partner. and after a thoughtful conversation she accepted. and then we parted ways, too far to do more than text and call. we've settled on 'best friends' as terms for ourselves, as 'partners' was stressful for her. and i love this so much. i love talking to her. i love the depth of her knowledge and her interests and her thoughtfulness. i want to have a future together and maybe it won't work out--but this is something i want to hold onto, to try!

and it makes me nervous to see her again--what if this relationship is something i've built up in my head, and she decides she doesn't want to continue? have i pressured her too much? do i want too much? and what if what i want isn't actually enough, isn't the romantic or sexual relationship that she actually wants to have with someone?

i don't think these fears are entirely reasonable. we've talked consistently, and more than ever in the past week. we talk about things in the future as if it could be with each other. but it's just going to be so long before we can be everyday companions, share a home, keep pets together. i appreciate seeing queerplatonic experiences because it gives me hope that this really is possible.

that's awesome! i totally understand your fears, things like this can be quite nerve wracking. best of luck!!!!

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

Is it possible that queerplatonic attraction can be sometimes intertwined with romantic attraction or other tertiary ones? Both me and my qrp partner are in the aro-spec and due to being able to feel romantic attraction in some cases (and when we do its not the same as alloromantic people do) we're confused as to what our relationship is. Like, its totally qrp but sometimes it also feels romantic and sensual too

Absolutely!!!!! Attraction is so layered and varied most things are possible.

the way i like to think about it is that each separated label for types of attraction (this goes for other things as well like gender and sexuality) are made up, they're social constructs. If you experience a certain weird layered kind of attraction it's real and exists- the only evidence you need is that it's happening to you.

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

sending on anon bc everyone else is but in my experience, despite not feeling romantic or sexual attraction, I still identity as an aroace lesbian bc my tertiary attraction is lesbian to me, if that makes sense. like how abt a yuri kinda qpr minus the romance and sex 🤨

soooooo valid

also just btw you don't. have to use anon. ik u probably know this but thought it'd be worth noting anyways- nobody has to use anon, people just tend to be more comfortable with it

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

sending this on anon in case person I'm talking abt sees this but—

also idk the queerplatonic terms im sorry bear with me 🙏🙏

i just realized I'm actually probably queer platonic, as well as demiaroace with a romantic partner (were in a poly relationship okay IM NOT CHEATING (I get paranoid sorry)) and like. it's kinda screwed me over. because i have a . uhm . squish ? (qp crush ?) on my friend who also happens to be my fp and im just like "well fuck they have a partner" but like there's other things going on idk. like I don't have a shot, they're monogamous, and I don't wanna fuck up our friendship EVEN THO ITS JUST PLATONIC IT FEELS WRONG. anyways uhm. yay qp relationships !!! sadly don't have any but I WANT ONE SO BAADDD

hope this was okay to send / is relevant :'] wanted to share incase anyone else feels this way lmaoo

damn that whole situation sounds complicated, i'm sorry you gotta manage that. good luck on finding a qpp (queerplatonic partner/partnership)!

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

shes yuri lesbian bpd hes yaoi gay man bpd we are platonically kissing each other on the mouth ‼️‼️

hell yeah ‼️‼️‼️

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

Hello,

I have been following this blog and dreaming about having a qpr one day for ages, and today it finally happened! so I'd like to share the story.

My friend and I have known each other for a bit more than a year, which isn't much, but we just clicked. Our personalities are different but we complement each other nicely and help each other become better people.

And today, they told me they feel that best friends doesn't really fit us, and that the term they'd like to use for me is other half. I melted instantly, because that's beautiful, but also worked up the courage to ask if they'd be comfortable redefining our relationship as a qpr. Had to explain what it is, but they were ok with it! Plus, they're okay with me calling them my partner, which I've wanted to do for months now, so. I'm extremely happy.

I'd like to say thank you to both the mod of this blog and all the contributors, reading about your experiences helped me figure out what I really want in life. Thank you so much!

ahhhhhh this is so cute! congratulations!!!!

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

I'm writing two characters and i was thinking to make them marry and live together since both wanted to have kids but their relationship is inherently queerplatonic, since both are arospec and have no desires for romantic relationships due to bad experiences. Is it way too weird of an idea? Far too similar to a romantic marriage?

not at all! i'd say that's a relatively common form of queer platonic relationships actually!

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

Sometimes I think that I want a qpr woth my current friend but also last time (the only time rlly) I ever got in one it lasted kinda short ish and got awkward when she started dating her bf - and also the current girl is alloromantic and knows practically NOTHING about qprs or anything like that (she's open to learning tho)

Also the last qpr I was in was with an alloromantic girl and half the time it felt like she completely forgot we were in one ESPECIALLY when she got with her bf :((

And well since then I can't tell if I actually am non partnering and qprs just sound rlly cool (cause sometimes it feels like it) or if I ACTUALLY want one.

that sounds really frustrating to deal with. i'd say maybe give it time, wait until you feel more certain about wanting a qpr with her. in the mean time you can teach her about qprs too

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

to the anon who asked about having a qpr while in a romantic relationship: thank you. you're awesome.

idk if this blog remembers me but I'm the anon who had their qpp get into a romantic relationship without talking to me first. pretty sure that was cheating after i let it simmer for a while,,,

but thank you. So much. for keeping your partners comfort in mind. you rock

i do remember you! it really sucks that that happened but from this ask i assume you got out of that situation so im happy for ya

i agree so much, these kinds of conversations are important to keep people from getting hurt

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

AHEM HI IM THE ANON FROM A LITTLE BIT AGO

i asked my partner and after some talking, they determined they weren't comfortable with it

but there's nothing weird between us! they're happy i asked them first and ultimately, i'm glad i did

thank you all so much i never would have gotten the courage without you or visceralvamp's help thank you so much

so happy to help :)