ourlilybelle-blog

[ourlilybelle-blog]

This year taught me how to Surrender. Surrender to the unknown. Surrendering to whatever pregnancy and motherhood had for me. Surrender to my biggest fear (childbirth) A fear that I think came from my subconscious knowing what was to come. I faced that fear and overcame it. Surrendering to the future that I’ve chosen before this life. Letting go of all expectations and plans and just accepting the gifts the universe has for me. Being present to make sure I notice those signs and gifts. The universe has been sending me signs for a long time or maybe it was Lily but I wasn’t present enough to fully embrace it. I realized I was more controlling than I thought. I think I was just afraid to fully surrender. To fully let go and embrace the future. I was trying to create the future because I was afraid of letting it unfold naturally and it not go the way I wanted. I never stopped to think that letting it unfold naturally might be the best way. I was choosing fear over love. Never again. Part of me choosing to surrender was me making a conscious decision to always choose love over fear. Fear keeps us from living our best life. I always thought the need to control comes from a selfish, ugly place. I never felt like I was a controlling person because I always had the best intentions for everyone in my life. I realized I had been hanging on so tightly to my idea of the future that I was suffering instead of letting go and excepting the now. Part of why losing Lily was so extra painful was I had planned out the first few months of her life in my head already. I had already started doing all the mommy things with her in my mind. I wish I had been more present and embrace those last few months with her fully instead of obsessing over my fear of birth and dreaming of a future I was molding in my mind. Last years lessons were surrendering and staying present. I’m ready for what the world has for me and I’m keeping my eyes wide open so I don’t miss anything. Love to you all ❤️ #lilybelle #mylilybelle #surrender #bepresent #loveoverfear #manylivesmanymasters

[ourlilybelle-blog]

I’m leaving the sad parts of losing Lily in 2017. I gave myself these months to let the sadness take over and flow through me. Now it’s time to make her proud. I’m leaving the old me behind and embracing this new evolution. I’m becoming the woman that I need to be, to be the best Mama to our future babies. I’m going into 2018 hopeful. Excited for our future. To keep finding new ways she inspires me and new ways to celebrate her. She is the most precious light I’ve ever encountered. Being so full of pure unconditional love for someone is so beautiful. Such a gift. I’ll forever be grateful to her for making me a Mama 💛and for making me realize how much I can love (at UMC Labor & Delivery)

[ourlilybelle-blog]

Merry Christmas to our sweet little baby girl🎄😘 I still can’t believe you aren’t here. We miss you so much. Every happy moment is bittersweet knowing it would be that much better with you here 👼🎄💕 #missingher #lilybelle #mylilybelle #spiritbaby #angelbaby #angelmama #stillbornstillloved #gaurdianangel #merrychristmasangel

[ourlilybelle-blog]

Pulled this card today in Lily’s room #daughterofpentacles it represents responsibility and kindness 💛 #mylilybelle #lilybelle #spiritbaby #angelbaby #angelmama #gaurdianangel 🌈✨ (at McNeil Estates, Las Vegas, Nevada)

[ourlilybelle-blog]

I want to thank everyone that has been there for Steven and I through the hardest few months of our lives. We have been completely overwhelmed by the out pouring of love and help without hesitation. As heartbroken as we’ve been through all this, it has helped so much to know we have so many caring, loving people in our life. It’s been a hard journey of healing but all the love, support and little things everyone has done to show they care has made this journey bearable. Thank you to all the friends that made sure we were eating those first few weeks. Thank you to everyone that sent flowers and cards to honor our sweet little angel. Thank you to everyone who donated to the youcaring fund @ryanpardey and @adriana_leyvaaa (Our angels god parents) set up for us. Thank you to those who have sat with me and cried. Thank you to the friends who have been trying to get me out of the house. Thank you to everyone who has reached out and shared their stories. Thank you to everyone for being kind and patient with us and our grief. I can see how easy it is for people to become bitter and angry over something so tragic happening to them. Having such an amazing support system has saved us. We wouldn’t have made it through this without all of your love so thank you. We appreciate you more than words can even say. You all saved us. We’re forever grateful. Thank you for helping us survive losing our little girl. #missingher #ourlilybelle #lilybelle #thankyou #allyouneedislove #loveoverfear #spiritbaby #angelbaby #angelmama #stillbornstillloved (at McNeil Estates, Las Vegas, Nevada)

[ourlilybelle-blog]

This made my day! 🕊💕I love it when people tell me that they saw something and it made them think of Lily💕 Thank you so much for this @veronica_tm ❤️ I also love hearing about people having dreams about her or myself. I’ve had several people come to me lately telling me they’ve had dreams about Lily, myself or Steven. Some of them said they almost didn’t tell me because they didn’t want to upset me. If you’ve had a dream about Lily, myself or Steven, please don’t hesitate to tell me about it. I would love to hear! 💛 #mylilybelle #lilybelle #spiritbaby #angelbaby #angelmama #dreams #reincarnation (at Westleigh, Las Vegas)

[ourlilybelle-blog]

Came home to this! 😍💕 One of the sweet mamas from the stillbirth/infant loss Facebook support group made me this! It’s weighted! It weighs what Lily weighed when she was born💕 #mylilybelle #lilybelle #stillbirth #stillbirthawareness #stillbornstillloved #angelbaby #angelmama #spiritbaby

[ourlilybelle-blog]

It takes time.🌿😔

[ourlilybelle-blog]

#bestnine2017 💔 This year has been the best year and the worst year of my life. I had so much fun being pregnant. The transformation into becoming a mother was so magical. We took her on so many trips. We took her to so many shows and on so many adventures 💛 It was the first year of my life I can honestly say I fully chose love over fear. I let myself jump in head first to the unknown. I still am even after the heartbreak of losing my daughter. I was always told that amazing things happen when you choose love over fear. I’ve always believed all you need is love. So how could this happen? I think me choosing love over fear was me opening a door to the next step in my evolution. Not all evolutions feel like happy fairytales at the time. I can definitely say I’ve learned more this year than I could have ever imagined. I’ve grown into a completely different person. She lit a fire underneath me. The rest of my life I’ll do things in hopes of making her proud that I’m her mommy. Forever missing the most precious angel I got to spend this year with 👼💫 looking forward to the future with @shakytank and our sweet angel by our side 👼💕❤️ #lilybelle #mylilybelle

[ourlilybelle-blog]

Six weeks since I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. Six weeks since I held her in my arms. Six weeks since I became a different person. Grief is a strange thing.. I still have traumatic flashes from that night/morning as I fall asleep thinking about the last time I got to see her, but I’ve started to smile more than cry when I talk about her. She taught me so much. She’s kickstarted an evolution inside me that I couldn’t have imagined. Parts of me died 6 weeks ago but other parts were awakened and I’ll never feel the same. #missingher #lilybelle #mylilybelle #angelbaby #angelmama #spiritbaby #gaurdianangel #maternity #stillbornstillloved

[ourlilybelle-blog]

Missing this woman extra today. This is the day I lost her many years ago. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her. She’s was the hardest loss I’ve had to go through aside from losing Lily. I found this photo on the top of a pile of family photos on my book shelf. This is a photo of my grandma holding me as a baby. This is the grandma that I think was reincarnating in Lily. I’ve had several intuitive people tell me that my grandma is with me. Like a second guardian angel. Before I got pregnant with Lily, I had several dreams of my grandma. Once I was pregnant, I craved all the foods she made me when I was little. So many things happened to make me feel like I had spent more than just 39 weeks with Lily. Like I knew her already. Like we had lived past lives together. Looking at this picture makes me happy. This is her holding me and one day maybe I’ll be holding her 💛 #reincarnation #manylivesmanymasters #missingher #soulmates #gaurdianangel

[ourlilybelle-blog]

Guides and Angels A Soul Contract is the deal you made in order to help you grow and evolve to a higher state of awareness but, you’re not alone. You’re also given some help along the way by your guides and angels. In order to fulfill your Soul Contract you are also assigned a set of spirit guides, angels and people to help you. If you are open enough, you will constantly receive signs, messages and clues as to whether you are following your highest or destined path. One of the best physical clues that you are following your Soul Contract or highest path is when #synchronicity happens or strange coincidences that lead you from one thing to the next. Another good sign that you are on your highest path is when you seem to meet the right people at the right time who can offer you information, guidance and assistance when you are in doubt or wanting to learn She’s one of my angels now💕 Sweet Lily Belle💕 #angelbaby #spiritbaby #angelmama #reincarnation #soulcontract #gaurdianangel #spiritguide #manylivesmanymasters #stillbornstillloved #stillbirthawareness #cordprolapse

[ourlilybelle-blog]

Soul Contracts 💫 Your #SacredContract is an agreement your soul makes before birth in order to evolve in this lifetime.  Your soul agrees to the karmic lessons you’ll learn, experiences you’ll have, and circumstances you’ll find yourself in during this lifetime. Your #SoulContracts are different because they are focused on the relationships you’ll have. These are contracts made before birth between two souls who’s interaction and relationship, no matter how brief, are important to the progression of your Sacred Contract. We all have Sacred Contracts and Soul Contracts. They’re the lessons we’re meant to learn in this life time in order to advance our soul to a higher level of #consciousness. We were sent to this dimension of Earth at a specific time, to a specific place and with a specific purpose. One thing that is not predetermined is your free will and choice. Life is full of choices. We all have free will, we are all in charge and we all have a say in how we want our life to unfold once we get here. These choices are seen as our fate- we can choose which path to go down, we can choose which road to avoid and which road to pursue, but one thing we can’t change is our destiny. Our destiny is to experience the #UnconditionalLove of the Universe. Usually this takes several journeys, across many lifetimes and dimensions, in order to fully return to this energy. All souls on Earth are here at different stages of their conscious evolution, some are towards the end and some have just begun, but either way we are all ‘contracted’ to be here. #reincarnation #preincarnation #lilybelle #mylilybelle #spiritbaby

[ourlilybelle-blog]

@msredd and her mama got Lily a star! 💫💕 #lilybelle #mylilybelle #spiritbaby #osr #phoenixconstellation

[ourlilybelle-blog]

I danced with Lily to this song almost every day I was pregnant. This is the first time I’ve been able to listen to it since I lost her. I remember thinking it was weird and funny that this sad song had become our little song. Sometimes her Daddy would dance with us and sometime we would dance, just us.. It always felt so peaceful. Like everything was in its right place and it was 💛 Now the song makes more sense. I think she chose a song she knew I would need now #lilybelle #mylilybelle #ledzeppelin #therainsong #spiritbaby

[ourlilybelle-blog]

Birth in the physical is death in the spiritual. Death in the physical is birth in the spiritual. -Edgar Cayce Undeniable things have been happening.. Lily has been letting me know that she’s here in spirit form 💛 My sweet spirit baby #mylilybelle #lilybelle #edgarcayce #reincarnation #spiritbaby #angelbaby #ghostbaby #angelmama

[ourlilybelle-blog]

In this moment, the old me died. I’ll never be her again. Lily has forever changed me. I’m getting to know the new me now. What feels right and what doesn’t anymore.. I see things differently now. Things that don’t have great meaning seem unnecessary. Everything seems more urgent and fragile. Finding my new path as the new me has been a challenge but a gift too. I’m becoming the woman and mother that Lily wants me to become and that’s ok. I’m working hard everyday to follow my heart and be my best💕 I’m so lucky to have @shakytank on this new path with me helping me figure things out. While we get to know the new us and our new passions, we’ve found a new depth to our love which is leading us to manifesting our best future #lilybelle #mylilybelle #manifest #angelmama #angelbaby #stillborn #newme #evolution #growingpains #loveoverfear #stillbirth #stillbornstillloved #stillbirthawareness #allyouneedislove #loveisallyouneed