overcastjhs - Tumblr blog

overcastjhs · 27 days ago

Text

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⸝⸝ Oh treacherous heart, set me free ‪♡.ᐟ

pairing: sebastian romano x gabriel castillo 𓂃 ✫ [word count: approx. 11'050]: angst with comfort (a lot of yearning) ✶ content warning: homophobia, mention of death, violence ─── very ooc!characters, a few sentences in italian and spanish ── no beta (ignore any mistake) we die like like gabriel's mother ─ ao3 link

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀[all these people think love's for show,] ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀[but I would die for you in secret]

The tired rays of the setting sun swam beneath the sheets of the room, stretching out until they enveloped the four walls, dancing across the surfaces of the drawers, illuminating the two men’s nervously fidgeting figures. Their shadows seemed to have a mind of their own, sprawling across the walls and chasing each other freely, as if mocking the emotions each of them kept locked inside, hidden like a poison they couldn’t be seen with. “See?”, they seemed to whisper, “It’s easy, reach out – it’s just at your fingertips”.

“If you keep fidgeting like that, someone is going to think you actually care about impressing these people,” Gabriel drawled, straightening his lapels with an ease Seb hated. He stood in front of the mirror, and he picked up the brush, combing back his hair in a way that made Sebastian laugh. The man replied with a smirk, smoothing out the faint creases of his suit, his tanned skin contrasting with the soft beige Gabriel had picked out for him. “You care about impressing them, which means I should at least try and not ruin everything’’, he replied, trying (and failing) to win his battle against the tie. Seriously, one would think that the heir of a mob would be able to do that with ease, but alas, as he almost dropped the tie again, a smile stretched across his face as Gabriel approached him, silently taking the material from his hands and helping him. He placed the tie around his neck, crossing the wide end over the narrow end with the kind of ease of a man that had spent his whole life doing it. As he looped it, he hummed softly, and Sebastian asked, ‘What are you humming?”. He looked down at him, eyes widening as if he hadn’t realized. ‘Oh sorry, it’s just something my mother used to sing to me”. At that, Sebastian smiled, and Gabriel pulled the wide end of the tie downwards and slid the knot up towards his neck. ‘Gabe, are you trying to kill me?”, Sebastian asked with a smile, his voice teasing, drawing out his words and enunciating every syllable of his name in a way that made Gabriel’s hands still, his mind malfunctioning. God, his voice, he thought. Could temptation slither into someone’s voice? Sebastian noticed his flushed cheeks, smirked and leaned slightly back, and added, “What will they say when you appear with a corpse, Mr. Castillo?”. At that, Gabriel laughed, and he thought that for sure he was going to bite the apple one day. “Knowing how crazy those people are, I probably wouldn’t even be the first one to have such a companion”, he said, tightening the knot, leaning in closer, brows furrowed in concentration. His fingers brushed against Seb’s throat as he adjusted the tie, quick and efficient, as if this was ritualistic, something they did each day — or perhaps it was his wishful thinking blurring the lines of his desire and his reality. His touch lingered for just a second too long, warm fingers releasing their warmth in the form of pink blush that slipped onto Seb’s face. It was barely noticeable, maybe not even intentional, but Seb felt it like a brand. Suddenly it was all too much as if the air in the room had escaped, trying to give the lovers some space.

He watched how Gabe’s eyelashes fluttered a few times, as if he had been lost in thoughts, strayed in a world Seb didn’t have the key to. He wondered, as his own hands hovered between the space, the mere inches, that separated them, if he could ever even dream of owning it or partaking in his adventures. Could he allow himself to be as selfish as to hope to be a companion of each and every existence Gabe got lost into? To be perhaps the engineer of his worlds, to linger in the spaces inbetween, to construct landscapes that began with the earthy colour of his eyes and ended with skies dipped in the shades of his soft lips? Could it be enough to exist, and not have that? To wake up beside him, to bump against him in the kitchen, to let his hands linger on the basketball for just a moment too long when he reached for it, to let his arms tighten around his waist when driving, hands dangerously close to his heart, as if trying to read the truth between each beat? To love him, and let himself fall off the edge, while Gabe strayed away?

His fingers twitched, aching to close the distance, to curl around Gabriel’s wrist and hold him there — not just in the moment, not just for that day, but always. He wanted to hold him closer, kiss his collarbone till purple shades resembled the pearls of a necklace. He ached to dissolve into his soft whispers and let his hands write stories on the shore of his hips till the waves drowned him. To part his lips and kiss the one he’d so often dreamed of. In his dreams, they laid on the bed, their bed, and Gabriel whispered soft ‘I love you’-s between the gap of his eyebrows, etching the words beneath his navel, and grunted between his legs. In his dreams, he loved him, and he was loved too. In his dreams, he listened to Gabriel’s heartbeat, knowing it was the soundtrack of their life, and he traced lines on his skin with his lips, asking each peck to please carry his love in Gabriel’s arteries, so as to never make him doubt.

But that was in his dreams, a kingdom he could only access when Morpheus came to take him.

So he shook away his thoughts. His eyes darted from Gabriel’s eyes to his lips, quickly, almost imperceptibly, unless you were Gabriel, who was closely analyzing each reaction and movement Sebastian had, as if he was a starved man whose only salvation was the proof that Sebastian existed, right there, right in front of him. If Sebastian was a selfish man, he would’ve pulled him closer, till his legs made place for the other man’s body, till his fingers curled into Gabriel’s hair, till his lexicon was made solely out of the shape of his name. But Sebastian had been selfish a lot in his life, a necessary trait at times for a leader of the mob, eliminating threats while keeping evidences of worser crimes closer to his chest, till his role replaced the organ in his thoracic cage, till the red flushed down his hands and washed away the softness typical of childhood. Till his limbs were mere weapons.

And if his smile looked a little too tight, if his fingers ghosted over his wedding ring as he turned away — well.

Seb wasn’t the only one pretending.

Gabriel stepped away, clearing his throat, a faint blush treacherously daring to rise, enveloping the soft traits of his face. “Well, umh, are you ready?”, he asked, but when his eyes caught his own reflection in the mirror, one could’ve sworn he was the recipient of his own question. They needed to attend a party to solidify Gabriel’s role as shareholder, and he dreaded it more than anything. He knew Isabella and Chad would be there, flaunting their relationship at him and every breathing human who had the misfortune of catching their eyes. As if their relationship didn’t exist if they didn't talk about it. As if it wasn’t real if it wasn’t displayed like two bad actors trying to convince the world of something, overacting the lines of a script no one cared about. And it wasn’t as if he felt a pang when Isabella's hands wrapped around Chad’s neck to pull him closer for a kiss. No, he had long replaced the hurt with just indifference. It didn’t edge towards hate, nor did it sway in the waves of acrimony — it was pure insouciance. Sure, just a fortnight ago, Gabriel had believed he had loved her, that she truly was his future, in every sense of the word, but through the separation he had realized that it never was that. He had tried to love her, and he truly thought he did, but love isn’t supposed to be transactional, it’s not a means to an end. In a way, the conclusion of their chapter together had been the start of his life. He didn’t have to care about his father, or how he would appear to others. He could finally live his life. And – It wasn’t Isabella his heart begged for when he lay awake at night, not daring to toss around so as to not wake the man lying just a few pillows away from him. It had been Chad’s besmirched, demanding, grubby lingering on Sebastian’s wrist that had nearly made him lose his temper. Chad had circled him like a predator assessing the damage he could do, the flesh he could tear, the hedonistic pleasures he could extract as if Sebastian was an energy source to be used over and over. He had never felt such anger before with Isabella, but with Sebastian, it had almost become his second nature. All his life, all Gabriel had wanted was recognition. A muttered praise, accidental accolades slipping from someone’s lips. And all his life, he’d come second to his step-brother, who only had to raise his eyebrows in excitement to get all he’d wanted, as though he was some kind of God to revere. Gabriel, on the other hand, had fallen in the background once his mother had died. The memories of the love given to him faded away in the mind of his father, and the hands that had once held him, had let him fall. He wondered at times if it had all been a race against time and it had just been his plan all along. To put him on a pedestal, just to kick him away for his prized son. To demand so much of him – to watch him fall over his own feet trying to please him, to get him to look at him, just to confess it had never mattered in the first place? He wondered if the love had ever been there, or if he’d come out broken, unable to be loved from his first breath. Was that why his mother held him so close? In apology? Did her hands beg for forgiveness, or were they just hands, holding him close? He didn’t know, and perhaps that was the worst part.

But as he watched Sebastian lean back, hands messing up his combed hair, he thought that perhaps the fall hadn’t been so bad after all. He’d learned to stand up again, clouted the flesh and collected the tears, until he built himself up again and created a legacy they all could try and take away, but they could never erase. And when he met Sebastian, he didn’t fall in love — no, falling didn’t quite cover it. It wasn’t quite like dropping from a cliff, or the sensation when you’re on top of a mountain and one misstep has you stumbling over a rock, leaning over the edge of a guardrail. It was like flying, like having spent all his life walking and then realizing there was more to life, more than the stories, the society and the urbanization he’d spent his life analysing. There were worlds he hadn’t even thought of before, new skies to colour with the tips of his phalanges, and new endings to start.

A whole new chapter, trapped in the eyes of his husband.

So no, if you had asked Gabriel, he wouldn’t have told you he fell in love with Sebastian, for “falling” implies the act of loss, of failure, of shipwrecks and despair, and that would’ve been an insult to the man. In Sebastian, he gained all he thought he would never experience; a whole new world built just for him.

So he flew in love, hoping to be caught.

He adjusted his cufflinks, flashing a smile at Seb, who had stood up from the bed and applied some cologne. The scent lingered in the room and Gabriel beamed, recognizing his gift. “Ready to charm the elites, dear husband?”, Gabriel teased, to which Sebastian replied, between chuckles,, “Only if you take me to that new restaurant that opened a few days ago tomorrow – as an apology”. Gabriel’s eyes softened, and he couldn’t help the smile appearing on his face. Sebastian always made plans for them. That was another thing he l—iked about him; how he was able to lay back and Sebastian would take over for him, plan outings and allow his brain to shut off for a while. He’d spent all his relationship with Isabella being the one who did everything; from planning his own birthday parties to planning their anniversary trips and sending her a list of where and how to buy him gifts. At that point, he had thought with annoyance, he should’ve just started a company with tutorials for her. It had always felt transactional, a ‘give and take’, emphasis on the ‘give’, but he assumed that it was how dating (when you were rich) worked. But Sebastian was different. He didn’t make him feel like a task to be ticked, a crease to be smoothed over or a stain to erase. He made him feel included in each choice, from which muffin he should buy to whether he should repaint the walls of the kitchen. “Whose apology? Am I apologizing for dragging you to somewhere my family will be?”, he teased, leaning closer to Sebastian, as if gravity itself demanded it, as if the world would stop spinning if he wasn’t close to him. It was the law of the land, decree of the universe — he needed to be closer to him.

Sebastian chuckled, looking at him, eyebrows raised with that trademark smirk he’d learned to expect, and he replied “Well, yeah”. Gabriel chuckled, shaking his head, and said “Sure, it’s on me though!”. Before Sebastian could protest, he put his hands over his mouth, “Don’t you dare disagree!”. He could feel Sebastian’s grin against his palms, and his mind went blank. All he could feel was the soft touch and Seb’s eyes widening ever so slightly, and then pushing his lips against his palms to tease him. It was a teasing brush that sent a thrill of warmth through his body. He was reminded of Shakespeare’s play, of “O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do” and for a moment he let his mind wander, to realities in which he wasn’t afraid, in which his palms were replaced by his own lips, and he’d lean forward, till he couldn’t tell whose legs were pressing against whose body, and it was him who Sebastian was kissing, him whom he was holding close, him whom he made bloom. Under his touch, he’d open like petals, kissed by the spring’s arrival. What a long winter he’d been frozen in, he thought as Sebastian’s eyes twinkled.

“Uh, sorry”, he muttered, leaning away, taking his hands off his face. Sebastian smiled, eyebrows raised like he wanted to tease him further, as if his embarrassment was his preferred source of enjoyment, and he slung his arm around Gabriel’s shoulders, while slowly saying, “If you wanted to touch my lips so badly, you could’ve asked”. At that, Gabriel looked away, eyes slightly widening as pink shades descended from his ears’ tips to his cheeks, and he replied “Seb – you wish!”. The man just leaned in closer, till his breath brought goosebumps on Gabriel’s skin and whispered, “I think it’s you who wished”. And before Gabriel could reply, forcing his brain to start working again to conjure an answer that’d make sense, he was cut off by the ringing of his phone. “I’ll – I’ll get that”, he replied, walking over to the table, his body already missing the warmth of Sebastian’s body. He cleared his throat, which earned him a chuckle from Sebastian who tried to mock him. He picked up the phone. “Hey – I, uh, yeah.”, there was a pause, and Sebastian walked over towards the kitchen, throwing a questioning look at Gabriel, who simply held up his hand in pause. He shrugged, looking for the suit’s jacket, finding it on the couch. As he picked it up, he could hear the smile in Gabriel’s voice as he spoke. His feet betrayed him, bringing him back to their bedroom as Gabriel said, “Sure! Yeah, yeah, definitely! I will see you there!”. At that, Sebastian’s eyebrows furrowed, his mind’s strings already pulling him towards what could only be described as the cluttering of his brain, as he waited for Gabriel to finally end the call. Who could he possibly want to see so badly?, he wondered. Maybe it was Irene, or, he thought with a pang that embedded itself like a needle between the clavicle and purlicue, it was another woman, one he didn’t even know. A fling of the past, a sweet vision he hadn’t dared to chase perhaps, too braced in the entrenched steps of his designed future to allow himself to actually live. He cleared his throat as Gabriel put down his phone, a smile adorning his face, and he asked, “Who was that?’. Gabriel walked over to him with a smile, and together they walked out, and he leaned against the kitchen counter and exclaimed, “The party we are going to? There is a potential sponsor attending!”. The strings in his mind broke, fuzzy static leaving space for air, and he shook his head at the foolish way his mind had spiraled without pause, and with a smile, he patted Gabriel on the shoulder, “That is amazing!”. He was happy, he truly was, however – a part of him wondered. He wondered if the rest of their time together would be like this. Damned to be Sisyphus, pressing the fragments of his mind together, further and further up, telling himself it was alright, that this was just a marriage of convenience, that it was okay to have had Gabriel – as faintly and feebly it was – in the orbit of his existence. Debris was better than nothing, he lectured himself, even as he stood knees deep into the lake of his aching mind, begging for more. He didn’t know how much longer he had, how many days until he left, until the ring on his finger was abandoned in a drawer of his new home, and the smile waking him up and lulling him to sleep wasn’t Gabriel’s. Who would remind him of the day’s breaking and the sun’s goodbye when he wasn’t there?

Sebastian’s hand on his shoulder almost made Gabriel forget the content of the call, and with a quiet, shaky breath, he nodded, and replied, “I still owe you an outing, as beneficial as the visit might be”. The small chuckle Sebastian let out curled its way around Gabriel’s heart, looping over its arteries and its aorta, till it warmed all the walls of his body. He shook his hands and body, like an engine trying to come to life, and he exclaimed, “Well, shall we go?”. A nod followed, and Sebastian asked, “Wait, do you want to apply some more cologne? I love the one you bought for me”, to which Gabriel said, “You’ve basically just hugged me, I think that is enough cologne”. They laughed, and together, they left the house, their home.

━━━━━

“It’s so crowded”, Gabriel muttered, walking into the venue. It was on the top of a building, and perhaps venue wasn’t the right word seeing it was open-aired and all, but still, he flinched as the wind softly passed through the gap of his fingers. He hadn’t expected it to be so windy already, and he quietly thanked Sebastian’s foresight of wearing suits with jackets. Sebastian was right behind him, snickering at his reaction as if to say “See? I told you”. He loved that – to be the source of his laughter. He wanted to live in the valleys of his jocundity, to refill it each day and watch as his chest rose with laughter and glee. He unconsciously reached for the tie around his neck, straightening it out, as if any crease could ruin the day. Sebastian noticed, and with a smile he asked, “Should we go there?”, pointing to an empty table. Gabriel nodded, though walking through the crowd turned out to be more of a challenge than he thought. There were so many people, more than he expected, and his shoulders constantly clashed against someone else’s. He offered quick apologies, and soft greetings to those he recognized, while Sebastian simply smiled, unsure on what to do. It wasn’t until Gabriel was almost pushed – perhaps deliberately? – out of the way that Sebastian took his hand, and muttered in quiet anger, “You’d think luxurious events like these would be filled with people who possess dignity”. Gabriel shrugged, accustomed to the unspoken rule of his world, then looked at Sebastian and inquired, “Are you okay? I don’t know if you ever attend such events and maybe it’s overwhelming and something I should have definitely asked you before and–”. Sebastian laughed, and squeezed Gabriel’s hand in response, and he replied, “I’m okay. This is nothing compared to angry customers, trust me”. And trust he did, as his fingers tightened in Sebastian’s hold, and he feared his heart would drop right into his hands, naked of all its concealed emotions, and Sebastian would see it. His fingers absentmindedly ran over Sebastian’s wedding ring – which they’d bought a few days ago, after Gabriel insisted they needed rings; to keep up with their appearances, of course. The moment the ring had slid onto his finger, though, he had felt a surge of emotions he could only describe as curiosity at the time, but now, with Sebastian leading him through the crowd, dark hair contrasting the beige of the suit, looking like the soil against the beach’s sand, he could try and commit perjury, to pretend it was truly just for appearances, and that it wasn’t going to last, but he knew the truth. Knees could be scraped and lies could be evicted from his brain to his lips, but Sebastian’s warmth had been the first to truly reach his heart.

“Here”, Sebastian said, holding out the chair for him. “You don't’ have to do that”, Gabriel replied, motioning to do the same for him, but Sebastian simply put his hands on his shoulders and pushed him down in the chair with an eye roll. “Ouch – could’ve at least been softer!”, Gabriel exclaimed, as he watched the man smirk, sitting down opposite of him. “Won't go soft on you, cariño”, he replied, resting his arms on the table, watching how Sebastian blushed at the nickname. If Sebastian was a selfish man, he’d have crossed the line – the invisible one separating his orbit from Gabriel’s – and he’d kiss the flush, reach for the jugular vein, skate across it with his teeth, sewing his love into rosewood islands. But Sebastian wasn’t a free man, shackled by the truth he didn’t dare utter, and so he simply laid back into the chair, asking, “So, what now?”. Gabriel looked around before replying, “Well, we can get something to eat if you want – or drink”, he added as a waiter passed their table, a bottle of Polaris red wine in his hands. “Or, we can just wait for chaos to find us, as usual”, Sebastian added, tapping his hands on the table. Gabriel simply laughed, “Hopefully not, don’t manifest that”. Sebastian looked at him curiously, “Do you believe in manifesting?”, to which Gabriel unclenched his fingers, something he always did while thinking. “Not necessarily, well not as others do. I think you need to work to make it actually work, but maybe putting out in the world gives you a better chance?”, he replied, tilting his head like a confused golden retriever, at which Sebastian barely contained his laughter, disguising it as a cough. He nodded, and replied, “Yeah, that makes sense. So, did you wish the universe for a hot husband?”, he joked, to which Gabriel rolled his eyes, and said, “Oh definitely, I was begging for it”, “You can stop wishing for it, but you can keep begging, I don’t mind the sound of it”, was Sebastian’s reply to which Gabriel’s eyes slightly widened, and his lips parted, perhaps to shoot a quick remark, perhaps to stutter some particles of speech, but before he could, a voice behind them interrupted their conversation.

“Well, well, well. Who do we have here?”, and of course, the voice belonged to none other than Chad, who was looking down at them, Isabella's hand rested on his arm, as if she was a porcelain doll resting on her music box. To others, they would’ve looked like the typical rich couple – the loud (quite ugly) man and the soft, pretty woman. However, to anyone who knew her, Isabella was anything but soft, and her voice quickly cut through the atmosphere as she added, “Truly, one glance and the value of this place has dropped. Poor, poor owner”, eyes darting across the room, clearly unimpressed. She sounded pitiful, the kind of tone adults use when trying to explain an easy concept to a child. Sebastian stood up, the chair making a slight noise as it scraped against the floor, and Gabriel mirrored his movements, eyebrows burrowed, clenching his hands. Don’t make a scene, his brain logically reminded him, but he noticed Chad’s eyes roaming Sebastian’s figure, lingering on where the notch of the suit showed his skin. Even when holding his girlfriend’s hands, it was Sebastian’s lips he looked at. Sebastian raised an eyebrow, noticing it with disgust, and replied, “You’ve stolen the words right out of my mouth”. And he knew it was a trap, that to engage was meaningless, that it was quicksand, only pulling him down to their level, but he felt so annoyed. Isabella gasped theatrically, as she always did, and replied almost sneering, “Of course, that’s what your … kind does, right? Steal? Pretend to belong to a world they had no right to…”. If her words affected him at all, then Sebastian didn’t let it show – not outrightly at least. If you were Gabriel, you would have noticed his jaw clenching, his hands tightening into a sphere, thumb moving back and forth, as if to soothe himself. The words themselves didn’t hurt him, they were a mere fragment of the stuff he’d heard throughout the years. If anything they were pathetic, children-level insults, but it was the implication that ‘they’ included Gabriel that irked him. His hard work and skills were so clear since the first day they met, and to pretend he was anything but devoted to his job was a dense, foolish perception.

Gabriel took a step forward, getting closer to the pair, tension visible in his posture as he told her, “You’re one to talk. Jumped from one brother to the other, like a lost sailor switching ships!”. His eyes narrowed, like a mother scolding her child, and added, “Tell me, Isabella, what did you ever achieve on your own, without the use of my father’s name, or my credit cards? The jewels on your neck are still the ones I bought for you”. Chad’s eyes widened, whether it was anger at his last statement or anger in general he didn’t know, but he raised his arm, pointing his finger at him. “Don’t you dare talk so big now, Gabriel! You’re the one who married a dude”, and he almost spat out the last word, as if it was poison, like fragments lingering on his tongue, glass shattering against his pancreas. Sebastian let out a joyless chuckle, out of pure exasperation, and his arm found its way around Gabriel’s waist, pulling him closer. Gabriel blinked quickly, and he smiled, forgetting for a moment where he was, and who stood before him. He could only feel Sebastian’s warmth against his own body, those same brown eyes that had begun looking more and more like home. Sebastian stared Chad down, and Isabella sneered, rolling her eyes, “No wonder you–”, but she too was cut-off, by an approaching man. The group turned their heads to the new presence, and Sebastian smirked, extending his hand, “It’s lovely to meet you, Mister Desmond!”.

Confused stares spread across the group as the new man let out a hearty laughter, taking the hand in his own. “I told you Sebastian, call me Richard!”. The older man stood with the type of confidence you strengthen over the course of years, his gray suit jacket and matching trousers a perfect balance to the silver streaks in his hair. The fabric shimmered subtly under the light, and his jacket, with its sleek notch lapels and single button, framed his shoulders neatly. Gabriel couldn’t help but think that this was a man who understood the power of a well-chosen outfit. Desmond’s eyes trailed over the remaining trio, who was still looking confused, and he smiled, greeting them as well. “You must be Gabriel!”, and he extended his hand, moving so that he subtly blocked Chad and Isabella's bodies from his gaze. Gabriel composed himself, and leaned in to take his hand, shaking it a few times, “Yes sir, it’s me. It’s a pleasure to meet you!”. Truth be told, Gabriel had no idea who the man was, and Sebastian noticed it, and softly, imperceptibly, leaned closer to his ear and whispered, “The potential investor you mentioned before”. That felt like ice water being thrown over his body and Gabriel stood upright, Seb’s hand still on his waist, and his tone instantly shifted, “I’m honoured you have made it here”. Desmond laughed again, “Oh, and you’re a polite one!”, and at that, Chad took the opportunity to step to the side and introduce himself, as if the adjective belonged to him too, “Sir, my name is Chad and–”, “Ah yes, yes, the younger brother”, Desmond replied, waving his hand in the air as if trying to swat away some memories, making Chad’s face slightly turn in anger. Sebastian barely concealed a smirk at the interaction and Gabriel watched Isabella get angrier by the second, forced to bite her tongue in front of a source of wealth. Oh, how the snake chokes on its own poison, he thought.

“Sebastian,” he added, eyes finally taking in the couple’s nearness and widening in surprise, “I did not know you got married!”. He put his hand on his heart, faking a heartache, and shook his head in disappointment, which resulted in Gabriel chuckling. Sebastian’s hands travelled from his waist to his hand, holding it closer, squeezing it once. “I apologize, it all happened really quickly”, he replied sheepishly, fingers tracing the outline of the ring on Gabriel’s finger. Desmond let out a sigh, shaking his head, like a grandfather would in fake annoyance and replied, “Such is the passion of young people I suppose”, and then he added, “At the vows renewal, I better be present”. Sebastian simply nodded, promising him to keep a chair in the front just for him. Gabriel’s smile widened, and he let those words replay in his mind. Vows renewal, those usually happen down the line, when the time’s passage reaches at least ten years. What would ten years with Sebastian look like, he wondered. Gabriel had always been a curious child, precociously spending his early days exploring places, finding answers to questions only he saw. And that trait had never left him, and he knew then, what would keep him up that night.

Chad tried to step in again, and Desmond looked at him, eyes narrowing, as if seeing right through him. Chad’s smirk still didn’t falter as he said, ‘You’re looking in the wrong direction, sir. The future of the company stands right in front of you!”, he exclaimed, putting his hands against his chest, and with a barely contained smirk Sebastian noticed how he was standing on his tiptoes to appear taller. With a small tilt of his head he showed it to Gabriel, who had to turn around and fake a cough. Desmond raised an eyebrow, and Sebastian quickly counteracted by clarifying that, ‘Gabriel is the one who holds the most shares as of right now, and it was his mother who started this. If anybody is the future, it is him and him only”. That clearly irritated Isabella who rolled her eyes, not even trying to mask her annoyance in front of a stranger. She let out a dramatic sigh, hands reaching out for Desmond’s arm, as she said, “Oh please, ignore him. It’s not like he would know anything about real business”. Gabriel looked at her, narrowing his lips, and he tried to remember once again one good reason why they would need to put up with this any longer. Chad gladly chimed in, and added, “Exactly! I promise you your intellect will not be stimulated around people like that”. Desmond interlocked his hands behind his back and turned to them, which the couple took as an invitation to continue and as a confirmation they won. “Look at you two, you really thought you could play in the big leagues, huh?”, Isabella added, and the pair broke out in laughter, as Desmond grew more and more confused with the dynamic of the group. Sebastian swallowed the words he wanted to say and simply let them linger in his hand, which were now so tightly wrapped around Gabriel’s that it almost hurt – though Gabriel wouldn’t complain. Gabriel tried to remain calm, though anger made its way around his own lips, daring to spill as he said coldly, “Don’t do this in front of Mr Desmond, Chad”. The man simply glanced at Sebastian, that same predatory look as if he wanted to tear off his clothes and indulge in all kinds of sins – the cross on his neck be damned. Chad smirked as he looked directly at Sebastian, “You really think you belong in his world? Because from where I’m standing, you look like a glorified servant. Just another toy to be passed around”, and at that, he leaned closer, hand raising as if to reach for Sebastian’s face, his tongue tracing his own lips, as if daring Sebastian to take the bait. “You could’ve married someone of our class, Gabriel, but it seems the rotten DNA of your mother lingered in your actions and you just simply had to settle, like she did on her death bed with a son like you”.

A gasp, silence, and the dam broke. At once, static was all Sebastian's eyes perceived as his fists rose, quick like unexpected waves, and Chad’s cheek became their new port. He didn’t let the gasp and ‘how dare you’-s stop him as he hit the man again, knuckles hitting the skin near his nose, as a threat for what would come. “Don’t you dare talk about my husband like that”, he hissed, the once neat hair crumbling down his face. Chad’s chest rose up and down, and his hand rested against his cheek, where a mark was already beginning to form. His eyes narrowed in anger, but the smirk never left his face. He should feel resigned, ashamed, but seeing Sebastian’s face break in anger did nothing if not arouse him further. Oh, how he wondered how that same expression would look beneath coverlets. Still, they were in public, and the crowd around them seemed to hold its breath – but not its tongues as whispers started dancing from one person to another – so he quickly composed himself, eyebrows raised and eyes widened. “How – How dare you! I will have you arrested!”, he exclaimed, and Isabella's expression hardened, noticing the quiet lack of true outrage in her boyfriend’s voice. Still, her hands moved slowly, but not softly, across Chad’s face as she hissed, “The apple doesn’t fall from the tree it seems!”.

At that point, Gabriel had stopped paying attention to the couple, redirecting his attention to Sebastian’s knuckles, which were slightly grazed from the impact. He knew Sebastian was strong – hell, all of the hours spent admiring his figure, holding his waist while he was driving his bike and that first night he got out of the shower … – his logical side kept reminding him that the man in front of him had enough strength that he wouldn’t dissolve because of merely two punches, but that didn’t stop his autonomic nervous system from worrying, making his heart beat faster. What a cruel thing love was; it had the power to erase all your logic, all sound minded reasoning, all your lexicon and life concordance, till it leaves you vacuous and confused. He held Sebastian’s hand, softly as if afraid his hold could somehow intoxicate him, and in his eyes laid the obvious question before his mouth could open, so Sebastian simply smiled, shook his head, and wrapped his hands around Gabriel’s waist, leaning him against himself. “Richard, if you would excuse us, I don’t think today is the right time to talk about investing”, he stated, not gracing the angry couple one more look. His voice was restrained, and one wouldn’t have known he’d just punched someone. But deep down, between the folds of his blood, he was simmering. The words they said kept repeating in his mind and all he wanted to do was take Gabriel away from there, to hold his face and repeat like a mantra that it wasn’t true, that he wasn’t what they were saying, that he was so much more. Ungraspable, a vocabulary of his own.

Desmond shook his head, as if in disbelief at the scene. He looked at Chad, and said coldly, “You know, in Italy we say, ‘il lupo perde il pelo, ma non il vizio’, which I guess in your language the closest similar idiom would be ‘the wolf may lose his teeth but never his nature’”, then turned to Sebastian, patting him on the shoulder. “You’re a good man, Sebastian”, he stated, and his voice sounded like the business man he was, stern and strong. “This is... not the environment I expected for a business pitch”, he added, putting his hands in the pockets of his suit, and then he looked at Chad. “Young man, I hope you are not the future of this company, because your behaviour is truly inacceptable.” And before he could reply, he added, while looking at Gabriel, “I’m still willing to hear your business plan, because I see the future that your business has. However”, he added, “I need to know how you plan on handling internal strife without it damaging the company’s reputation, or the workers”. Gabriel nodded, relief on his face, and replied, “Of course. I apologize for today. I am more than open to rescheduling this”. Desmond shook his head, and looked again at Sebastian, who in turn was looking at Gabriel. A smile broke on the older man’s face at the sight and before he turned to leave, motioning a waiter to give him a drink, he added, “I giuramenti degli innamorati sono come quelli dei marinai. You got yourself a good one, Sebastian”. The latter smiled back, and Desmond turned around, already engrossed in another conversation. Sebastian turned to Gabriel, and he softly tugged his hand, tilting his head to the exit. “Do you–”, “Let’s go home, Seb”, he said quietly, still looking at the man’s hand, as if it could reveal the truth to him. He nodded, and together, they walked over to the exit, the crowd silently parting for them. Gabriel grunted, and shook his head, “This will be on everyone’s phone tomorrow, won’t it?”. Sebastian shook his head, “Trust me, it won’t”, making a mental note to make sure no video or photo of this event got out and fell into the media’s hands. Chad tried to say something again but Isabella looked at him in anger and disrelish, and on the way out, Sebastian could hear her telling him to cut it out, and act like a real man. “Seems like your man wants a man”, was all he could think, with a barely repressed laugh.

“Seb, I’m sor–”, Gabriel tried to say, but Sebastian put his index finger on Gabriel’s lips, causing the man to smile. “Who’s copying whom now?”, he asked, eyebrows raised and with a smirk tugging at his lips. The soft breeze of the seeping afternoon wrapped itself around their bodies, and Gabriel shuddered. “That was—”, “A mess?”, Sebastian said, looking up at the rooftop they’d just left. He could still faintly hear the music playing, and he wondered if anyone was watching them. Gabriel sighed, running his hands through his hair, and muttered, “Let’s just go home”. Sebastian nodded, smiling at the second mention of “home” and not “your home”. The place truly had began feeling like theirs — it was Gabriel’s jacket that laid on the kitchen table next to Seb’s forgotten coffee cup, it was Sebastian’s cologne that sat next to Gabriel’s toothbrush in the bathroom, it was his place that had turned into theirs, in every sense of the word — except for the one he so desperately wanted. Still, he took his phone out and looked at Gabriel, “Do you want the guys to give us a ride or would you prefer an Uber?”. Gabriel thought about it for a second and then said, “I think an uber would be better. Don’t get me wrong”, he added quickly as if to defend himself, “I really like the guys, especially Henry, but I think I just …”, his voice trailed off as his hands ruffled his hair, a ritualistic habit of anxiety he had noticed over the last few weeks, and Sebastian ended the sentence for him, “Need silent time?”. Gabriel chuckled, “You make it sound like I’m a child who got in trouble and now can’t talk”. Sebastian looked confused, “Is that like an actual punishment?”, he asked, while typing in the app, requesting a driver. It was Gabriel’s turn to look confused, “Yeah? Your mother never did that?”. Sebastian’s face softened, shoulders relaxing as he stared at the phone. “No, she wasn’t big on punishments. That was more my father’s expertise”, he added, inhaling slowly, as if the last part took up too much of his lungs. He didn’t like talking about his father, and Gabriel immediately noted that, and half nodded, feeling the same way. “We didn’t get lucky, did we?”, he said softly, leaning closer to Sebastian, till his head leaned on his left shoulder. He loved how his body felt against his own, how the valley of his trapezius seemed to be made just for his head. The crown of his hair tickled Sebastian’s neck softly, making him shudder ever so slightly. “At least we had good mothers”, he replied, arms finding their place again around his waist, squeezing him closer, begging his heart not to betray him “That got sad really quickly, sorry”, Gabriel said, wincing. Sebastian let out a soft chuckle, and replied, “Don’t worry, I like getting to know you, and that includes the bad parts, the ones you keep locked in a vault”, pointing his finger against his chest. And then he added, “Plus, what kind of husband would I be if I didn’t know my beloved had daddy issues?”. That got a laugh out of Gabriel, who softly punched him in the shoulder, as he said, “That’s .. definitely one way to put it”. Sebastian smiled back at him, that soft smile he reserved just for Gabriel. If it wasn’t his heartbeat the one to betray him, it would be his gaze, so enamored just by the sound of his laughter, as if the sun itself had transported its rays into that sound, as to keep him warm for the rest of his life. They kept talking back and forth, until the uber arrived, and he held the door for Gabriel, and together, they finally drove home. (Or well, were driven home).

━━━━━

A long drive later, Sebastian opened the door to the apartment, sighing with relief at the familiar walls. There truly wasn’t a place quite like home, and he soon began taking off his shoes, and the man behind him mirrored his actions. The silence stretched between them, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Soon, two pairs of suit jackets were hanging on the coat hook, and Sebastian walked over to the couch, sitting down on it while unfastening his tie. That, he thought, he was good at. The scene felt quite domestic, and Gabriel couldn't help but smile. He could get used to this, he thought. And then he thought with a pang, worse, he was getting used to this, despite fully knowing there was an expiration date looming around the table, painted at the edges of the wall, pitter pattering around their conversations. If they went their separate ways, would he have to come back to an empty house? Would the kitchen table still feel like a table, if Sebastian didn’t sit at it? Would the living room still feel comfortable around his skin, if it wasn’t Sebastian’s hands that stole the remote from his hands, chuckling as he held it over his head? What a treacherous thing he was doing to his heart; accustomising it to the presence of a man he didn’t even know if he could have.

Sebastian patted the spot next to him, and Gabriel sat down next to him, his legs resting close to Sebastian’s. The jalousies were drawn, and the soft scent of vanilla candles filled the rooms, and Gabriel sighed, putting his head against the backrest, and he looked at Sebastian. The latter hesitated, and then asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”. Another soft silence stretched between them, and he let it linger. He let the reticence exist, and for that, Gabriel was thankful. The answer was that he didn’t know. He didn’t know if he should just shake it off, like he did each time. If he should throw his head back and laugh at the absurdity, wash his hands off the insults and pretend they hadn’t existed. He should be the bigger person, he thought. “No, you shouldn’t”, Sebastian answered, and Gabriel realized he’d spoken his thoughts out loud and he closed his eyes in annoyance at himself. Sebastian sat closer to him, “What you should do,” he said softly, hands tapping on the couch, “is not hang around people who are so little that they force you to be big”. Gabriel thought about it and then replied, “So you’re telling me you’re a therapist on top of being a mechanic too?”. Sebastian’s laugh filled the room, and Gabriel could swear the room looked more alive, as if his joy painted over the walls tenfold. “What I'm trying to say is that, I’m sorry, and that what they told you isn’t true”. At that, Gabriel nodded, “I mean I know, it’s just .. difficult when my mother is brought up”. Sebastian nodded silently, as if any noise could scare off the confession, and his hands rested on Gabriel’s knee. “They said my mother had to settle on her death bed by having a son like me and that just…”, his voice trailed off, his hands shaking slightly as his fingers clenched and unclenched. “That was hard, I suppose?”, he said, more like a question, and Sebastian nodded. “It's not your fault, Gabe”, he replied, now fully facing him on the couch, his right hand resting on Gabriel’s knee, his left hand caressing Gabriel’s wrist. “Your mother would be proud of you”, he added quietly. A knot formed in Gabriel’s throat and he simply nodded, resting his head on Sebastian’s shoulder. He shifted closer, fully embracing him now, and he breathed in his scent, his heartbeat calming his own. “I’m glad you’re here, Sebastian”, he muttered, eyes closed against the man’s chest. He whispered a soft, “Me too”, back, hands wandering up and down his back, as if trying to erase the words etched in his heart, delete the carvings left by all the hurt he’d experienced. If he could, he would’ve taken the strings of sadness out of his chest, knitted it away, curled it around his own heart, and wore it till the end of time, as long as Gabriel was happy.

Gabriel looked up at him, and their faces were close, dangerously close. Dangerous in the way a roller coaster drops and so does your stomach, but you feel alive, like never before. It was electric, as if the atoms in his body had been searching for the ones in Sebastian’s body, and now they were finally at peace. “Seb?”, he whispered, his hands finding the curls in the man’s hair, brushing it tenderly. Sebastian closed his eyes at the touch, and the look in his face was so halcyon, peaceful in a way he hadn’t seen before, that his heart swelled with love. Love, love, love – what he didn’t dare name, but still asked for. “Mh?”, he hummed, slowly opening his eyes. Gabriel’s breath hitched as his eyes flickered to Sebastian’s lips. He wanted to say something, anything, but the words tangled up in his throat, and so he just leaned closer, till their foreheads were almost bumping into each other, and the magnetism between them was undeniable. “What are you doing?”, Sebastian said softly, eyes widening in surprise, his breath on Gabriel’s lips. One more shift, and they’d be kissing. “Seb, I really, really like you”, he whispered, as if in confession, as if their home was a church and he came to profess his biggest truth. Glass stained were the windows of Sebastian’s eyes, and in them he saw the same question that lingered in his own – of what would happen, if the line was crossed, and how it would change everything, or if anything at all. “Gabe…”, he started, but the man interrupted him, “Seb, do you like me?”, he asked, afraid of any arguments the man had. Sebastian looked at him, and his heart begged for the admission. The plea sat between the space separating their lips, bending the air, twisting around his hands. The answer was easy, too obvious, an unnecessary addendum to the look in his eyes. Yet, it was fear and shame that lingered on his tongue, holding it back. Could he allow himself to have him, despite his role in his empire? To have him, and not have the truth to the death of his mother? To kiss him, and hide the rest in a corner, selfishly holding onto the only one his heart had ever asked for?

At night, he’d lay on the side, looking at his chest rise slowly, breathing in and out. The look on his face was peaceful, citizen of a dream world Sebastian couldn’t see. He wanted to reach out for it, to linger in the creases of his fantasies, be able to give him that same look. He wanted to sit with him in whichever existence his mind had conjured, to kiss him till his lips forgot the texture of everything else, till his eyes created the fabric of a new sky. Even in the moonless nights, when his mind foolishly told him the sky was making place for his confession, he still didn’t dare reach out. But now, on the couch, with Gabriel’s body pressing softly against his own, and his eyes, oh those eyes, almost pleading for an answer, how could he ever deny him anything?

He scoffed, an annoyance-less sound, and said, “Isn’t it obvious?”. One would’ve stumbled upon the scene and thought Sebastian would’ve admitted to knowing the secret of life, of the meaning for which we live, such brilliant and grand was the smile on Gabriel’s face. He laughed, a breathless laughter, the knot in his throat finally untwisting as his hands softly caressed Sebastian’s cheeks. “Really?”, he asked, as if the sentence had been a mirage, a mere hologram of his fantasies. “Ya salió el peine”, was the answer Sebastian gave with a chuckle, the spanish idiom slipping from his lips. The truth was already in the open, too obvious, an unnecessary footnote. Gabriel’s heart squeezed at the accent, a blush unfurling on his cheeks and neck, and with a smile, he leaned in, until one mere movement would lead their lips to finally touch. In the action leaned a question, one Sebastian grabbed and finally answered. His lips tentatively pressed against Gabriel’s and it was different from any of the other kisses they had shared. Those had been performative, two actors quickly remembering their lines, lips brushing quickly and clumsily. This one, it felt like a promise, like a chapter being written with each movement. Picking up a book with reverence, caressing the leatherbound cover, and opening it with care – it was that kind of devotion. It was thrilling, perhaps scary – not in the bloodcurdling way, or the one where it makes you hide beneath your covers – no, it was what you’d expect the first astronomers to have felt when they saw a star fall; beautiful, unprecedented, new.

Sebastian’s breath hitched, and his hands found their way to Gabriel’s curls, tugging them slightly, as if to anchor himself, to feel that it was real. That Gabriel’s knees parting his legs was real, that the warmth rush of his body wasn’t just a fragment of a dream. Gabriel’s smile widened as he parted his lips for Sebastian’s tongue, and he felt the man tug again, this time harder. They parted to catch breath, chests rising faster and faster, and they stared at each other, smiles waltzing on their faces. Gabriel’s hands came up to his face again, this time to explore it. His fingers softly traced the line of his jaw, the rough stubble prickling him. He watched his lips part, his eyebrows rising as if to make a quick remark, to tease him for looking at him like that. But how could one stare at him and never look away? He was beautiful, in ways he couldn’t understand. How could a man like that exist and want him too?. “Are you trying to get a PhD in my face?”, Sebastian asked, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, and Gabriel leaned in to claim it for himself, as Sebastian hummed in amusement. “What if I were?”, he asked, hands wandering across his chest, feeling his abs. “Then let me help you get some extra credits”’, he replied, stealing a quick kiss, touching the skin that wasn’t covered by fabric. Gabriel shifted on the couch, hands on his chest softly pushing Sebastian down, until he hovered over the man, elbows at each side of his body. “You’re beautiful”, he remarked. It wasn’t just a compliment, it felt like a statement, something that is obvious to everyone, a fact, like how the sun rises each day. Such was Sebastian’s beauty and the man chuckled, and his hands curled around his hair again as he said, “And now you’re stealing my words too, how am I supposed to give you extra credits?”. Gabriel laughed, leaning his head on his chest, watching Sebastian’s breath hitch, goosebumps appearing on his skin. His steady heartbeat lulled him, and he felt the man kiss the top of his head again. He could make a crown out of those, he thought with a smile.

“Took you long enough to kiss me”, he muttered, in fake annoyance. Sebastian tried to sit upright to look at him, but Gabriel simply relaxed his body, trying to make himself weigh more, as if it could keep him there. That earned him a chuckle from the man, who got the hint and relaxed on the couch, and he said, “Well, not my fault you were giving me weird hints, and you told me you were straight, like three times!”. He could feel Gabriel roll his eyes and the man said, “And it’s not my fault you somehow enchanted me’. “So what, am I a witch now?”, Sebastian asked amused, tracing lazy loops on Gabriel’s back. Gabriel softly shuddered at the touch, a movement that made Sebastian’s mind run with all the different scenarios he could feel that again. “Witch or not, you’ve cursed me for sure”, he replied, fingertips dancing on the man’s chest. It took all the control Sebastian had to focus on his words and not how his body pressed against him, as if they were made for each other, carved by the same star that split into two perfect halves. “Mh, how so?”, he asked, while his mind thought of all the ways it was true.

He knew he should’ve enjoyed the moment, but a part of him, the logical one, tugged at his arms, reminding him of all the ways this wasn’t going to end well, and that he was selfish for allowing Gabriel to get so close to him – and a part of him was mad at Gabriel for having the audacity to like him back. He didn’t know what was worse; being loved back or not being loved at all. To have him and be destined to ruin it all, or to just not have him and spend the rest of his days knowing that for a few fortnights, a few months, he had felt Love like never before? To be the knife he stuck into his own chest or to be left behind, never having known the plateau of his existence. So he drank the poison himself, and he knew that through the kisses they shared his beloved too would be contaminated, and he wondered if that was a worthy price for the brief stellar conjunction of their bodies, tightly intertwined? Could he caress the lines of Gabriel’s body, knowing his identity was still a mystery he couldn’t bring himself to confess? To bask in the light of his smile, while his true self laid in the darkness? Could he be selfish? Good things, he had learned throughout his life, never came to good people, and he knew he wasn’t one. There had been too much blood shed for him to be absolved of his crimes. So could he be selfish one last time, for the rest of his life?

I wish I could freeze time, frame your gaze and your smile – tattoo it on my eyelids. I never want to blink, just to find you absent.

“Cause whenever I think of you, I smile; like it’s second nature” was the answer. Sebastian smiled, maybe curses weren’t so bad after all. His lips left a lingering kiss on his temple. What a fitting name, he thought. The day he’d met him, in that dark, begrimed alleyway, as he had laid on the floor, hands shaking from the fall and lungs daring to collapse under the weight of his own despair, Gabriel’s arrival had been accompanied with a light that had shone right behind him, casting a golden halo around his silhouette, almost as if he had been sent just for him, just like in those movies Irene loved. Sebastian had never believed in salvation or absolution, not when his life had been spent clawing his way through the mafia’s ranks, bodies littering behind his steps and the presence of guns in his hands making him forget the importance of his limbs. It wasn’t anything he could desire, or even hope for, let alone think of. It was a concept foreign to him, destroyed by none other than himself. But where his bloodied hand had been bruised, Gabriel’s softer ones had pulled him up like he deserved it. He’d done it so carefully, so naturally, as if it was a normal evening night for him, as if it was ritualistic, heuristic. When he'd later tried to google him – this man who had stepped into his life like a vision, like an omen – he hadn’t been able to find him. As if Gabriel had existed only for him, only to find him in that back street. What he stumbled upon, however, was a page describing the meaning of his name. He’d clicked it out of curiosity, frustrated with the lack of results, mentally taking a note to ask Henry to help him, and that’s when he’d read about how Gabriel meant God’s man. He’d laughed at that, the words staring at him as if in question, as if wondering whether his fall had finally made him lose his mind, and he had shook his head, closing the laptop with a small hiss as his hands felt rough against the smooth surface. Of course, of all people he would meet God’s trusted ally. He’d laughed it off back then, but now, with Gabriel’s lips ghosting over his collarbone, hands dipping into the waistband of his jeans, and lips evicting soft, melliferous words just for him, he thought that perhaps, that random article hadn’t been so wrong. He still didn’t believe in a God, in a bigger Him, (or a Her for that matter), but when Gabriel kissed him again, it was hard not to believe in paradise. Not the kind you are supposed to wait for in death, when you’re hopefully silver in the head but wiser in the heart, but the kind of door you only open once, in your life. And when Gabriel smiled at him, softly kissing the space between his neck and his shoulder, he felt the skein of his past unravel by the man’s breath, as if with each act of love he was taking his confession, absolving his sins, taking the beads of the rosary and washing them between whispers. Truly, he thought with a smile, it was his temple, his altar, his long-lost exculpation. And when Gabriel kissed his knuckles, still rough from the wound, he could swear He had orchestrated this all along.

“Look at me”, Gabriel cooed, sitting up and holding him by the hand, pulling him with him, pouting ever so slightly. Sebastian chuckled, hands ruffling the hair of the man, and he wanted to say, How could I not? How could my eyes ever memorize your silhouette and never chase it to the end of the universe? How could I try and rebuild it from memory, when your touch alone fragmentises every fond hope I curled around my fingers and in between my lips, where your name lies, lies, and lies, resident of the soul my body inhabits? When the night’s veil falls and it’s your eyes that replace the moon, how could I ever look away?

Still, he was afraid to talk, as if his acknowledgment could make Gabriel dissolve, and he’d wake up, realizing it was just another dream, yet another fantasy locked behind the world of Morpheus. “You’re doing that thing again”, Gabriel whispered, tilting his head. “What thing?”, “Looking at me as if I’m about to disappear”. His hands traced Sebastian’s face, slow circles on his cheeks. His breath hitched, and he closed his eyes, as if to absorb the warmth of his beloved. “I just wonder if I’m selfish to desire this so much”, he replied slowly, his right hand covering Gabriel’s hand, elbows keeping him upright. Gabriel looked at him, pausing just for a second, before saying, “My mother used to say that Love can never be a waste, that even when lost, it just … becomes part of the glass stoned windows of your heart, and that it reflects your ability to desire, to care, and to want. And that, that can never be selfish”. Sebastian smiled smugly, narrowing his eyes, and said, “Did you just admit you love me?”, to which Gabriel’s eyes widened before he replied, “I – God, I guess we are not the romantic type, are we?”, “You offered to pay for my presence!”. That made Gabriel laugh and he softly laid his hand on Sebastian’s shoulders as he said, “And now your presence is priceless”. Sebastian’s face softened, and he pulled him closer, and in the space between his neck and his shoulder he laid a kiss, and then whispered, “I love you”. Gabriel’s hands shook, first at the touch, then at the confession, and he said, “I love you too, my prince”. That made Sebastian chuckle, and he asked, “Prince? I thought I just was a witch”. Gabriel rolled his eyes and explained, “I saw Henry talking to you once, I’m not sure about what exactly, but he mentioned how you were the prince of your business and I guess, that word just stuck with me”. Sebastian smiled, and he kissed Gabriel’s collarbone as he asked, “What does that make you then? My king, my liege, my knight?”. Gabriel shuddered at the touch, his breath getting heavier as he made space for Sebastian’s lips to find his neck, trailing him up and down. His eyelids fluttered as Sebastian’s hands started roaming his chest, and he let out a weak, “Anything you want me to be, as long as I’m yours”.

Sebastian’s pulse raced at the words, and he felt like it was too much for his heart to take. The man would be his death, he thought. He would be his life too, that much he was sure of. There were many people he would die for, take a bullet and fall for, but to want to live for someone – perhaps that was the biggest gift. He buried his face in the crook of his neck as he said, “I love you”. He would never get tired of saying that, and Gabriel would never get tired of hearing it. Gabriel smiled against his head as mirrored the words, “I love you”. Outside, you could hear the pitter patter of the rain, as if the sky had held its breath for them, just to finally release their programmed weather. He chuckled at the thought, and with Sebastian laying, finally, in his arms, he felt just like that; as if for twenty five years he had held his breath, and now, now he could finally breathe.

tagging: @thegreatestomens, @drmsofanabsolution and @shrikes-and-thorns <3 so eternally grateful for all of the support and encouraging words !!

46 notes · View notes