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good afternoon fellow faildaughters

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Yamaha Tenori-on // Electronic Musical Instrument (2007)

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Mushroom shaped rock carved by waves in Atlantic ocean coast also known as Kannesteinen rock. It is located at Kvalheimsvika, a bay in Western Norway. Over thousands of years, ocean waves have ground the rock to the special shape it has today. Village of Oppedal, approx. 10 km west of the centre of Maloy. Island Vagsoy, Norway.

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my desktop backgrounds: Yoshitomo Nara & Hiroshi Sugito – Deeper than a puddle, 2004 Yoshitomo Nara – Pale Mountain Dog, 2000

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quotes that help me survive:

“You are not lost. You are here. Stop abandoning yourself. Stop repeating this myth about love and success that will land in your lap or evade you forever. Build a humble, flawed life from the rubble, and cherish that. There is nothing more glorious on the face of the earth than someone who refuses to give up, who refuses to give in to their most self-hating, discouraged, disillusioned self, and instead learns, slowly and painfully, how to relish the feeling of building a hut in middle of the suffocating dust.” — Heather Havrilesky, Ask Polly

this tumblr text post:

“To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.” — Mary Oliver

From an interview with Kazu Makino:

Instructions On Not Giving Up, Ada Limon:

And this poster by Yumi Sakugawa

“You have to believe, in your heart, that even if you don’t work hard and exercise and think positive thoughts and make new friends and march triumphantly into the future, you are still enough. You will always have bad days. Being broken doesn’t make you a loser. You can crumble, and you will still be enough. Make that your religion moving forward. You are here to feel this moment. You are not here to become someone better. You are not here to impress or compete. You are not here to prove yourself. You are here to savor this life. Let down your guard. You are already enough. Believe it.” — Heather Havrilesky

“The first feminist gesture is to say: “Ok. They’re looking at me. But I’m looking at them.” The act of deciding to look, of deciding that the world is not defined by how people see me, but by how I see them.” -Agnès Varda

lyrics from the song Grow by The Oh Hellos:

“The world’s otherness is antidote to confusion, that standing within this otherness—the beauty and the mystery of the world, out in the fields or deep inside books—can re-dignify the worst-stung heart.” — Mary Oliver

“I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you,and that you will work with these stories from your life--not someone else's life--water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom. That is the work. The only work.” — Clarissa Pinkola Estes

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of all the places i went to in Europe, i think Versailles was probably the most awe inspiring

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Grave of the Fireflies (Hotaru No Haka) 1988, dir. Isao Takahata.

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i often forget that the body is not a receptacle. not a vessel in which i reside. it’s ME. like that’s me right there! it isn’t disconnected from my mind or spirit or selfhood because it’s just me. i can no sooner escape it or change it in any drastic way than i can stop being myself. & if i am to be any sort of happy in this life, i need to treat it kindly. cruelty towards one’s body is just cruelty towards one’s self. they are one and the same

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im very glad that women

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i feel like most of those “reblog with x information about yourself in the tags” posts are just fishing for notes but frankly i dont care because they provide me with an opportunity to do one of my favourite things which is randomly and publicly sharing facts about myself

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One thing I think is useful to conceptualize when thinking about the severity of depression is figuring out what counts as a ‘task’ to your brain

for example, healthy people outlining the tasks they need to do that day might be something like 

- class - work - homework

if a healthy person is having a low energy day, maybe it becomes 

- make breakfast - go to class - class - go to work - work - come home from work - work on an essay - do 2 readings 

a depressed person, on a high energy day will probably see that same day as 

- make breakfast - eat breakfast - take meds - shower - get dressed - walk to bus - take bus … etc

a depressed person, on a low energy day will see that same day as

- wake up - get out of bed - walk to bathroom - use bathroom - stand back up - walk to kitchen - open fridge - take out juice - set on counter - go to cabinet - reach up arm - take down glass - unscrew lid of juice carton - pour juice - drink the juice - finish the juice …etc

the sort of chronic exhaustion manifests in how each ‘task’ takes a certain amount of energy and when you have depression, what begins to take that amount of energy- and thus, cognitively count as a ‘task’- are smaller and smaller subdivisions of what other people consider tasks. 

And the more ‘tasks’ you do, the less energy you have, and the smaller the subdivisions must be to take equivalent amounts of energy. And the longer that “to do” list of tasks is, the more exhausting and overwhelming and hopeless it feels, which creates a feedback loop of dysfunction.

So say our depressed person on a low energy day gets all the way to finishing their glass of juice. They’ve actually gotten through a lot of tasks! They’ve tried really hard. 

But to a healthy person, even on a low energy day, that probably looks like not having done anything- not having gotten through any tasks. And when our depressed person is surrounded by healthy people, they will likely internalize that they haven’t done anything, and further that they can’t complete any tasks no matter how hard they try. And that feeds worthlessness and suicidal ideation 

That, I think, is why it’s so important to encourage your depressed and chronically low-energy friends when they accomplish tasks, even if they’re operating at a level of subdivision that you don’t recognize. It is an accomplishment to get water and actually drink it for some folks. It is an accomplishment to get to class or to work. 

And acknowledging how hard someone is trying and how much energy they’re putting towards accomplishing those tasks can make a huge difference in whether they feel worthless and hopeless or whether they feel like it’s worth it to keep doing what they can.

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150819 // i had classes all day again but at least i have Friday off this semester!

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It’s ok if you have be your own support system, you’re great at it 💙

love from the sad ghost club x

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(click for better quality) finally made a little something for my previous school play!! time’s flown by so quickly and now i’m gonna be in my last year of high school?

jus doesn’t make cents luv xx

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i’m bob-ross-ing everything i own as i wait for sem to start

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New print idea! Lize and Helen wrote in the speech bubbles what it means to them to be kind to themselves, what would you write? x

Let us know! 

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the second and third week of senior year in my bujo: the amount of doodles is directly proportional to my stress level 🙃😖 thinking about the future is so daunting, I cried while listening to oneus’ « now » ☹️ I hope everyone’s doing great!!