paradoxal-penmanship

[paradoxal-penmanship]

OSDD-1A SYSTEM: LESLIE

[HEADCANON POST - Leslie focused, Ruvik mentioned]

Hello! I've been having a time recently. I recently re-entered a fixation on my all time favourite horror game(s), so heres a headcanon post, hot off the press.

I am NOT a system, however I've osmosis'd a healthy deal of information about being a system from my friends who are, and have done reading on many different kinds of systems from the mouth of systems themselves! BUT, if there are any systems reading this who find any issues with how I've represented being an OSDD system - Please inform me! I am always looking to learn more about what I don't personally experience! [lol this is outdated. guess who isn't actually singular. thumbs up.]

[If you are interested in requests - I direct you to my intro post!]

CONTENT WARNINGS: Ableist and sanist abuse (Including: infantilization, removal of autonomy, and forced medication), institutionalization, mentioned homicide

So. I have many, many, many thoughts on Leslie Withers as a character, and the belief that he is plural is one of many! Him being autistic and schizophrenic is also mentioned, but the focus is on him being a system :)

ABOUT LESLIE'S SYSTEM

Firstly, I believe Leslie is an OSDD-1A system - as the title of this post says. The parts of his system are not the most clearly defined from Leslie, the host. Some are more defined than others, while others lack meaningful boundaries from other fragments. Leslie, the host, holds the most concrete, separated identity.

The development of Leslie's system began after a young Leslie witnessed his family being murdered - And this was only the start, as Leslie was almost immediately institutionalized, which would become a lifetime experience of medical abuse at the hands of uncaring doctors and caretakers.

As a result of this constant trauma and re-traumatization, Leslie is very consistently in a blurry state.

Leslie being autistic always led to difficulties communicating - Including delays in speech and him having episodes of verbal loss. This struggle to communicate combined with being in a blurry state leads to the lack of // limited speech and echolalia Leslie exhibits in game.

This is compounded by Leslie's schizophrenia, and specifically his catatonic episodes. Communication is nigh impossible at that point, however Leslie is capable of retaining some level of awareness when it comes to his surroundings while in this state.

His hallucinations can also play a part in how blurry (or not blurry) the body is at any given time.

He struggles greatly with both gross and fine motor skills while blurry, as well as having a sensitivity to noise and light (Though, sensitivity to light is due moreso to his albinism)

Many members of Leslie's system are fragments of himself - Younger versions of himself, different emotional states he's experienced, maybe even selves he has yet to even experience himself, or may not want to experience.

While Blurry, Leslie as the host still maintains most of the control over the body - However, it is possible for other fragments to have more or less control (Including Leslie, the host) at any given moment.

For example: The belief that Leslie will some day be reunited with his family is held specifically by younger fragments of himself.

The result ends up being, what Leslie's (cough. terrible. cough) doctors perceive as, massive shifts in "mental age" and personality. As a consequence, they have ascribed Leslie as being "mentally stunted" or regressive, and began coddling him. Being perceived as mentally unwell already came with massive removal of autonomy by his caretakers, but this "observation" they made only worsened Leslie's right to operate independently.

Another facet of Leslie's blurry state is the medication the body is forced to take - Specifically, antipsychotics, with one of the side effects being pervasive brain fog.

When Leslie is the only person at the front, it is noticeable in the way he no longer shuffles, his hands are at his side, he is capable of speaking longer sentences, and he maintains clarity that many characters seem to believe is "beyond" him. This is what I believe occurred in the sequence just before the climax and final boss fight, where Leslie is leading Sebastian toward and through Beacon. Leslie was no longer blurry as he had been for most of the game.

Following the conclusion of the game, which is left purposefully vague - Leslie is seen leaving Beacon. Many believe this was intended to be Ruvik, after "replacing" Leslie - I do believe Ruvik was at the front at that very moment, but I do not believe Ruvik replaced or removed Leslie from his own mind.

What I believe occurred, rather, is that Ruvik inserted himself into Leslie's mind, and in turn became the new host. Leslie is still present in the system, as well as the fragments, but now, Ruvik functions as its host. Leslie simply remains in their shared mindscape, and may sometimes drift to the front.

Initially, there were some clashes between Leslie and Ruvik, as the new host and the former host. Specifically because Ruvik's insertion caused deep upset within the system, one which took a while to settle down, and even longer to adapt to the presence of a new, fully distinct member of the system.

btw i think Leslie is a trans man ok byyeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[paradoxal-penmanship]

SCHIZOPHRENIC MIHAWK

[HEADCANON POST - Mihawk focused, Crochawk mentioned]

Seasons Greasons. I am a believer of schizohawk. allow me to bestow my wisdom on you.

[If you are interested in requests, I direct you to my intro post]

CONTENT WARNINGS: Descriptions of delusions, hallucinations (Auditory and Tactile), unwanted sexual touch (Hallucinated), catatonia, mentions of dying, briefly described sanism

Schizophrenic Mihawk is a headcanon I've held for a hot minute. You may wonder, well, where did that come from? And I actually have a few reasons! One reason is projection bc I am, infact, someone with schizophrenia, but - the others are based in canon! Granted, they're interpretations of what we know about Mihawk, but none the less, based on canon.

ABOUT MIHAWK'S SCHIZOPHRENIA

First and foremost, one of Mihawk's delusions is Cotard's syndrome

Cotard's syndrome is a delusion in which the sufferer believes themselves to be dead or dying; missing parts of their body; that they do not exist; or that they are unable to die.

In Mihawk's case, he believes he exists as a story rather than a person, and by virtue of that, he is unable to be killed - And make no mistake, that is not due to any idea that he is too strong to be killed. Rather, it's due to the idea that being a story, a myth, a legend, he will not die until it is written that he will.

this is why he laughs at Zoro and asks: "You want me to train the swordsman who will kill me?". He believes not only that Zoro will kill him, but also that the idea of he himself training Zoro is a preposterous concept to be written into this already toweringly tall tale.

Mihawk experiences distinct verbal hallucinations, and theyre typically in the form of Yoru "whispering" to him - And, Mihawk talking back to her.

Mihawk holds some level of awareness that she's not really talking to him, but being that Mihawk is mostly alone (Pre-Crossguild), it brings some form of comfort, to hold conversations with her (Although, they tend to be brief).

After joining the Crossguild, Mihawk still does have these little conversations with Yoru, though they are less frequent.

Yoru's voice tends to be quite judgey. She is fussy, prissy, and particular, as claimed by Mihawk. He says that she prefers to be set down in a certain way, and that she complains about being used on swordsmen who aren't worth her time.

"How dare, how dare, how dare you use my blade for something so trivial? That brat didn't even last a minute!"

"They insisted, and I obliged, Yoru. Don't be like that."

"I certainly will be like that! I'm insulted! Insulted, insulted, insulted! What next, you use me to butter your toast in the morning?!"

Sometimes, he may hear someone's voice calling to him, or asking a favor of him. They sound quite familiar, though Mihawk never deigns to respond.

Other auditory hallucinations he may have include ringing of church bells, the scurrying of little paws across the floor, or the sound of shouting that's just slightly out of earshot.

He also experiences tactile hallucinations - These are by far his least favourite

Sometimes, they're something only mildly bothersome, like the feel of a tail curling around his leg, or something skittering across his foot.

Other times, they're more vivid, and come in the form of hands caressing and touching him. Sometimes, it's a simple touch to the back of his neck. Sometimes, it's arms wrapping around him, or fondling his breasts. Sometimes - The hands will touch between his legs, sometimes more, and sometimes its so vivid Mihawk is hardly able to tell it's just not real. Wherever they're touching, it's unwanted, and it's distressing, as nothing Mihawk can do will make them stop. They only ever stop on their own, and its a startling loss of control to Mihawk.

After beginning to share a bed with Crocodile nightly, these tactile hallucinations decreased in frequency, but became more intense when they did strike him.

It takes a lot of grounding for Mihawk to be able to pull himself out of a panic - Though, it helps to have someone beside you.

Mihawk experiences bouts of akinetic catatonia.

His episodes can last anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes, all the way up to 6 hours or longer.

This has actually grown worse upon joining the crossguild. Particularly during meetings, Mihawk will go rigid, and stare blankly forward. Often, he is still aware and listening, though he does not comment. Buggy, in particular, is unsettled by this and makes that known. Crocodile doesn't mind it one bit, and is quite used to Mihawk's catatonic episodes.

"Hey, why is Hawky just - Starin' like that? 'S creepin' me out, can't he just like... Leave, or something? 'E's not even contributin'!"

"Would y' rather he be slicin' you to ribbons, clown."

"Well, well, wait!! No, but-"

"Then whus the problem. Jus' keep yer' mouth shut, n' quit derailin'."

If Mihawk experiences a catatonic episode while he and Crocodile are alone - Crocodile might still try to hold a conversation with Mihawk, though he accepts he won't really get responses most of the time.

Mihawk may make short, affirmative noises, like a "mhm" or "mm-mm" if he isn't too deep into an episode.

"Y'feelin' alright, Drac?"

"... mhm..."

"M' gonna stay here a while, s' that fine by you?"

"mm..."

Crocodile might gently rub Mihawk's back, or place his hand in Mihawk's palm - To which, Mihawk's fingers will slowly curl around them.

Mihawk may end up leaning into Crocodile, resting his head against his shoulder, etc, until his episode is over, or until Crocodile has to leave. Mihawk doesn't communicate it, but he enjoys having Crocodile around during these episodes. He may not always be fully aware, but regardless, his presence is a comforting one.

Gardening and cooking are two ways of grounding for Mihawk.

These are hobbies he practices regularly regardless of whether or not Mihawk is in the throes of a delusion or hallucinations, though he often turns to them when he is.

Both focus his mind onto a singular task, and keep it busy.

That being said, this aren't always effective at grounding him, and sometimes may cause even more distress if he has a particularly aggressive episode.

[paradoxal-penmanship]

INTRODUCTION

Well howdy. Hey. Th' name is Hypnos. I'm a white trans guy, go by he/him, and I aaaaam. A writer. As you can tell. By this blog. Whoah. Anyhow, this blog is just a place for me to dump my writing ideas, that I otherwise might not end up turning into a fic. These are going to be messy, and if they don't make sense, well, blame it on my schizophrenia (/serious. i am schizo thumbs up)

I EXPECT ANYONE UNDER 18 AND ANYONE WHO IS PROSHIP/PROFIC/DARKSHIP/COMSHIP/WHATEVER TO NOT INTERACT WITH MY POSTS. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED WHENEVER I SEE YOU AND WHENEVER I CAN.

EACH POST WILL HAVE TRIGGER AND/OR CONTENT WARNINGS IF I PUT CERTAIN MATERIAL INTO THEM!!! IF I EVER MISS SOMETHING, REACH OUT TO ME AND I WILL EDIT IT WHEN I CAN!!!!

[Further information about myself and my writing/rules on request is below the cut]

Anywho. I don't imagine that I need to explain why I don't want anyone under 18 interacting with my posts, however, For any proshippers/whatever that may call me a hypocrite because what I write about will sometimes involve emotional abuse, bigoted violence, grooming, rape, incestuous abuse, etc: When I write of abuse, I don't write it with intent to sexually gratify the reader, and I don't want anyone on my posts if they are going to take topics of abuse as "sexy". I write with the intent to look into both the mind of the victim and the mind of the abuser, as well as to hopefully give people a better understanding of what it is like to be a victim of abuse. I am a survivor of sexual grooming+exploitation, and I write to put my feelings out there. So, if you are a "proship is pro-survivor" type person and you're reading this - Those are my thoughts as a survivor, and if you are truly pro-survivor and not simply invoking our name to justify yourself, then you will respect my boundaries.

Aaaanywhoo... About my writing. MY AO3 IS [What_An_Enigma], if you are interested in my actual fleshed out fics, you can check them out there! However, most of what you'll probably see here won't be complete, totally thought out fics that I spent weeks on (Though, I take a lot of care in putting effort into my writing regardless!)

I AM WILLING TO ACCEPT REQUESTS!!! However, please do not expect that I will respond to every request, as I have a busy life! That being said...

FANDOMS I KNOW WELL

One piece [Up to: Zou arc]

Gravity Falls

Fullmetal Alchemist

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure [Up to: Part 8]

Bleach [Up to: Fullbringer arc]

Deltora Quest series

Pokemon [Up to: Scarlet/Violet]

Legend of Zelda

Hannibal [NBC and book series*]

Homestuck / Friendsim

Digimon [Digimon adventures 1 + 2, Digimon tamers, Digimon Fusion]

Demon Slayer

Kagerou Project

Great God Grove

Madoka Magica

The Arcana

Avatar the Last Airbender + The Legend of Korra

Castlevania [Netflix Series]

The Evil Within [1 + 2 + DLC]

FANDOMS I'M FAMILIAR WITH

Splatoon / Coroika

Soul Eater [Anime only]

Genshin Impact**

Arcane

Dangenrompa

SK8 the infinity

Devilman Crybaby

Final Fantasy IIV

*I have only been able to afford Red Dragon and Hannibal of the book series!

**When I say Genshin, please note I only really am familiar with Mondstadt, Liyue, and a decent amount of Inazuma. Anything past that I know very little or nothing about! Don't ask for stuff beyond that point, please!

***Another note: When I say "up to" I mean that I am at the very beginning and haven't seen the most beyond that!! The same applies, as Genshin, anything beyond that point I know very little or nothing about. However, I will add to these lists and update them as I remember what I'm actually into and as I progress through some of these series.

WHAT I WILL WRITE FOR

Ships

I won't write for certain ships - That is my personal boundary.

Reader inserts

Can be Sexual, romantic, platonic, familial, rivalry, etc

Headcanons

I can write about your own personal headcanons, if you tell me a little bit about them! (or if you wanna hear about my own personal headcanons, I'd be happy to oblige!)

Short analysis

Can be about a character, relationship, scene, theme, or overall story

Regular ol' fics

Anything goes! (Following my boundaries)

Diary entry style fics

Exactly as it sounds - I can write diary entries for what you request!

Play-style fics

I will do fics in the style of a play! Just describe or give an idea for a scene you'd like to see in your request :)

Alternate universe

I'll write alternate universe stuff! This can be for any of the above, ships, reader inserts, headcanons, any kinda fic, you name it

Freeform Poetry

I'm more than willing to write poetry, and I quite enjoy it! Throw a character or two or three, an idea, or anything at me, and I'll be willing to try my hand at penning a poem for it!

RULES AND WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

Do not come to me if you expect me to be willing to write things that EXPLICITLY GLAMORIZE or FETISHIZE abuse or bigotry. I flat out won't do it, and if you request anything of that nature to me, don't be shocked when I take it seriously and don't sugarcoat the reality of it. I don't write fluff or anything sweet about abuse, don't expect that of me, and don't interact if that's what you expect. I don't play games.

As for NSFW I am open to a lot kink-wise, however I cannot guarantee that I will be able to write certain kinks very well, and there are some I flat out refuse to touch: See my first rule. Shit like "incest kinks", race play kinks, detrans kinks, DDLG, anything in that ballpark of centering bigotry in a positive light, I will not accept requests for.

I MAY TAKE CREATIVE LIBERTIES!!!!! Unless you wanna pay me to do something to your exact specifications, there's a chance I will take creative liberties with what you request! I will not go dramatically off topic, but if something differs from what you were expecting - It's because I thought something would suit the idea!!!

If you request for something longer - Expect to wait a little while. I'm a busy guy, and not only that, I often take a little bit to write! Please be patient.

Please note I have dyslexia... I try to catch every mistake I can, but if I don't, don't be rude about it or make jokes - If the mistake is huge, just tell me about it, I appreciate having it pointed out as long as you aren't an ass about it! No reason to be meanspirited about it. I'm just a person, not a robot.

That's about it for now! Again, if there's something I need to add to this, I will come back and add it later for clarity. Otherwise - That's the dealio!!!!!! Cheerio, bye bye, whatever!