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This is my favorite podcast. It is done by the mother of a transgender girl and I love hearing her perspective on the issues. Enjoy it!

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The story of a transgender girl on Scratch.

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LGBTQ+ sources for the state of South Carolina! After a quick browsing, they really do seem to have a lot to offer as far as resources avialable within our state is concerned that cover plenty of ground, like regions, religious orgs, and youth!

-mod Kat

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Part three of our letters! B is for Bisexual! Bisexual means that someone is attracted to both men and women.

Bisexual people often get a very bad rap as being hypersexual and that they should just “choose a side”! That’s not cool! Just because you can’t process the attraction doesn’t make you gatekeeper of orientation! Also, it is never appropriate to assume that because someone is bisexual, that they will willingly preform in threesomes or with multiple partners at once. That’s called fetishization, and often happens to a lot of LBTQ+ groups, and should not happen! They’re people, not performers or dolls.

A lot of times, bisexuality is assumed as a phase. For some people, it’s an easy way to say that they are questioning their sexuality and that’s okay! For others, it isn’t just a phase; they know they are attracted to both men and women, plain and simple. In addition, someone does not become “gay” if they’re in a same sex relationship or “straight” if they’re in an opposite sex relationship. If someone says they’re bisexual, they will always be bisexual unless they say otherwise!

Same sexual health tips follow from L and G! Please be safe everyone!

-Mod Kat

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Part two of our definitions! G is for Gay!

Gay has a lot of meanings for a lot of different people. Most efficiently, it is someone who is attracted (sexually or romantically) to someone of the same sex (aka homosexual/homoromantic). In this post, I’d like to focus particularly on gay men! 

Gay men are usually the most common character seen from the LGBT+ community. They often function as a funny punchline because, well, they’re gay. That’s not cool! MLM (men who love men), which also like WLW is more inclusive than just gay men, are people just like the rest of us and if they’re funny and make you laugh, it should be because they’re funny more than just being gay! In a quick note, like WLW who use the term Sapphic, a lot of MLM use the term Achillean. Unfortunately, Achilles is, in the Iliad, is an abuser and sexually abuses a captive girl from the war; don’t ally yourself with abuse!

Similarly with the lesbian post, there are just words we don’t say to people, particularly f*g or f*ggot. It’s derogatory and a slur, and please just don’t do it! Also, the physical dynamic of the relationship (top and bottom) is none of your business! It’s very insulting to say things like, “well, who’s the woman then”, when you want to know who assumes the dominant and submissive roles (not cute, patriarchy!) 

On sex, please guys be careful. To get intimate, use lube lots and take it slow if you’re going to bottom. Punctured colons and such isn’t cute and can be life threatening! Some more health tips: condoms! STIs/STDs can be transmitted through same sex couples, and with oral and anal sex! Please keep yourself tested and healthy! To debunk a myth here, no, not all gay men have HIV/AIDS. Unfortunately, it is a very dark part of queer history for a very long time that lots of gay men died from AIDS-related illnesses in the 80s and 90s. It has a lot more to do with just than the men being gay! Anyone can get HIV/AIDS, not just gay men, so please let’s stand up and refute this myth!

-Mod Kat

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Education time! This will be first in a series to talk about the letters! What letters? Our favourite letters: LGBTQIAP! 

This is our first letter, L! L stands for lesbian! A lesbian is any woman who feels attraction (romantic or sexual) to another woman. Above, is the lesbian pride flag! A lot of different terms are associated with lesbian, like d*ke, butch, and even feminazi. (D*ke is a slur, by the way. Please don’t say it!) That’s just not cool! All different relationships have all different kinds of dynamics and it’s not up to us, as outsiders, to judge the appearances of those in any relationship, but in this case, lesbian ones.

 A common misconception is that all lesbians were abused or something awful and are man haters and another is that they just haven’t had sex with the right man yet. These are awful things to say to anyone, particularly when they concern surviving abuse and sexual history. It’s just not your business! I’m sure there are lesbians who hate men, but I’m sure there are gay men who hate women and straight women who hate men and straight men who hate women. People’s personal traumas and private histories should not be an issue when you find out someone is part of the LGBTQ+ community. 

Other terms for lesbians are also WLW (women who love women) and Sapphic (as an adjective), which also include any women who feel attraction to other women. While I won’t discuss sex, some important tips about sexual health! Yes, you can still get an STI/STD from someone of the same sex! Yes, you can get an STI/STD from oral sex! Yes, it is still very important to be tested and discuss with your sexual partners! 

Please if you have any question, feel free to message us! One of us is always here to respond!

-Mod Kat

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My story

Hi everyone, it’s mod Kat. Just to refresh, I am pansexual. I am almost 22, and just came out to my family, friends, and significant other this past summer. I want to make two points with my story: 1. it’s never too late to come out and 2. your identity isn’t always an immediate thing that you’re just born knowing. 

1. I came out to my mom and she just kinda shrugged and asked, “So what does this mean for you and Ridge (my s.o.)”. I said that nothing would change. I love him for who he is and now i joke (because he looks super cute with the snapchat flower crown filter) that I can appreciate all of his beauty not just the traditionally masculine features. It was easy, and that was the end of the conversation. I’m lucky she just accepted it and moved on.

2. In high school, I was so boy-crazy and eager to be in a relationship that I wasn’t able to actually let my feelings talk to me. Not to mention, society tells us certain things about attraction and, as a lot of WLW have reblogged on this site, it can be hard to separate actual attraction to a girl from jealousy or envy, particularly in a high school setting. Sexuality is a spectrum and never be afraid to sit down and think about things for a while if you need to.

Both of these things really go hand in hand. If you’re having issues identifying, don’t stress. It’ll come one day, all that matters is that you’re happy and safe. 

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Websites to Check Out!

www.everyoneisgay.com

www.mykidisgay.com

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Helpful Book for Parents

The title of a fantastic book to read for parents is called This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids: A Question & Answer Guide to Everyday Life.

This gives wonderful insight, perspective, and support!

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Testimony

I don’t know if I can say the exact moment I knew I was gay. I don’t even know if I knew when I was very little. I only did what I liked to do, which was play with my sister, my girl cousins and my girlfriends and I liked to do the same things they did.

When I was a bit older and a teenager I started to realize that I actually liked boys, but it is one thing to admit it to yourself and quite another to tell other people about it. It was hard and for some time I didn’t even want to admit it to myself. I decided that it was time to come out when I met a boy who I was very much interested in, and I wanted to talk with him and get to know him better. This gave me courage and even got me a bit excited about telling the world about him. I also wanted to give this good news to my intimate friends who knew that deep down it would make me happy to take this step and come out to the world.

One of the most difficult things about coming out was the embarrassment I felt to tell my mother. I feel like a mother should be someone who knows you better than anyone and I should have been able to have that trust to tell her since she has always known me, but I felt an immense heartache. Later I came to the realization that everyone was going to understand and accept this but that each person was going to need time and space in order to come to this understanding. And, of course at the end of the day you need to follow your happiness, I want happiness for everyone but also for me. I am happy now that I can be who I am and now that the world can see me for my true self. If you can achieve this without harming anyone, as I have then it is okay and normal to be who you are. And it is completely normal to love, of course, but each of us need to find out who will be the object of our love.

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Anonymous

“I told my mother I was gay when I was 15, but then did not talk about it again until I was 17. During this time, I thought that she may have forgotten, but of course this was not true. I thought my father did not know during that time, but he did know. I would ask him vague questions about his opinion of marriage equality during this time, not realizing that he probably knew what I was doing. When I actually told him at 17, it was pretty anti-climatic. I had built it up as a big deal in my head, but both my parents were pretty calm about it. I had already told my sister and many of my friends and it was a positive experience luckily. If my parents had a hard time with it, they didn’t let me know at the time, so it was an overall painless experience. I would encourage other people to come out of the closet, to at least one person, even a friend if you do not think your parents will react well.” 

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(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbDCl5pcpz0)

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Article

http://glbtrc.colostate.edu/coming-out-to-your-parents 

A helpful article about the process of coming out to your parents. 

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A podcast interview with the former head of Exodus Ministries- the largest reparative therapy organization in the country (now defunct).

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Ellen’s Story

For this testimony I had a FaceTime session with Ellen and I took notes as she told me her story. She had a really difficult time with coming out to her family, but she does want people to know that things really do get better with time. She says everyone told her that, and she really did not see how things would ever get better, but they really do. In June 2006 Ellen was dating her girlfriend Ashley who actually was not her first girlfriend. Ellen’s mom kept asking her what was with her and Ashley, but Ellen always just said nothing. Her mom asked her about Ashley again the next day so Ellen finally told her that she was her girlfriend. Her mom was hysterical over this which was really difficult because Ellen was in college at the time and living with her parents. Ellen left the house and went to class and got away from her hysterical mom that day. Her mom called her later that day and started yelling and crying and asking “what’s wrong with you?” Ellen’s dad was protective of her mom almost to a fault so for him this was bad because it was upsetting her mom. He said to Ellen “do you see what you’re doing to your mom? You are destroying her!” Ellen says there was lots of crying from all three of them for the next five days straight. Luckily, Ellen was leaving for Brazil to study abroad right after all of this so she had the opportunity to get away from the drama for a while and she only had brief chats with her parents during the five weeks abroad. After she returned a little girl that Ellen was a nanny  for was really sick, and her mom was trying to discuss all of this with her again. Ellen told her mom it was a really bad time because she was worried about the little girl. Finally, days later her mom started bring up Ellen’s sexuality again and she kept asking Ellen “why are you doing this to us? Why are you doing this to us?” Ellen lashed out at her mom and said “fine I’m not gay!” Ellen felt like she had to back down from coming out because this was such a difficult experience to go through with her parents. Her mom did believe her and she was relieved to hear that her daughter was not gay now.

Ellen continued to date girls and  she was in a serious relationship with a girl named Leslie. They were even talking about marriage and were really in love. After two years with her in 2009 they broke up. Ellen was really upset about the break up and was not taking it well so her mom realized what was going on. Her mom started asking her how Leslie’s parents were dealing with them being in a relationship together. Ellen told her that Leslie’s parent loved her and they were accepting. There was a lot of poor communication between Ellen and her parents and they went back and forth with her mom wanting to know more, but then she would get upset when Ellen told her more. In October 2015 Ellen was getting married to another woman and her parents lost it when they found out about the wedding. They actually did go to the wedding, but they made it clear that they were there for Ellen, but they were not supporting the marriage. Ellen says that her parents were miserable at the wedding and they did not smile even once. By December Ellen decided she was leaving her wife and her parents were extremely supportive of her decision without even muttering one I told you so. Her mom was happy that Ellen got away from the controlling relationship she was in and her mom could relate to her situation because that was what happened to her with her first husband and she left him. In May Ellen’s divorce was finalized and her mom started to be more and more accepting of Ellen. Her mom is really religious and she started studying the Bible with new people which has opened her mind and encouraged her to be more accepting. Ellen says her mom has been trying to be more supportive, she will probably never fully come around, but things have been improving. Her mom wants to have an open heart and be there for her daughter. Ellen says her mom told her she could have never fully supported the marriage Ellen was in and when Ellen asked her if it was because she had married another woman her mom told her no that it was actually because of the person Ellen’s now ex wife was. Ellen’s mom now also understands why she does not like certain churches that dislike gays and she says they will most likely never be able to agree on if being gay is a choice. Ellen says her mom always says that being gay is not who you are, it is something you choose. Ellen says this is not a choice and it IS who she is. They have had many battles over the discussion of choice and her mom has even made comments that no one will want Ellen to watch their kids and be a nanny because she is gay.

Ellen says he does not like to compare being gay to race, but she does think it fits in the sense that people do not choose to be born black or white and people also don’t choose to be gay, it is just the way you were born. Ellen also brought up our social structure during the conversation and said that people often fear what they don’t know or understand and it is unfortunate that people ask strange questions like how does the relationship work? How do you have a sex life? Who is the man? Who pays for dinner? Ellen jokingly said whoever isn’t broke! Ellen says a twelve year old girl just said oh okay when one of the kids Ellen is a nanny for told her Ellen is gay. It was no big deal at all, which is very hopeful that the newer generations are more accepting. Ellen says some people have a ten year story and others have a thirty second story, there are lots of different experiences people go through. She says he would like for people to just say marriage, not gay marriage, there is not a gay lunch, a gay fair etc so why even say gay marriage?

Ellen says if this only helps one parent, one child, anyone at all then she will be happy that her story could help someone else. She says things could be worse, she does at least have a relationship with her parents, and even ten years after she came out she still has some awkward moments with them. She says her mom has even asked her if she could be happy with a man and could she make it work. Ellen said yes she probably could, but is that all we want out of life, just to force something and make it work? Ellen always encourages people asking questions if there is something people genuinely don’t understand, but she says to always ask yourself if it is something you would be okay with if someone asked you. Would your question be offensive? Is your question two of these three things: kind, true, necessary?

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Taylor’s Story

Seven years ago I was with another woman and seeing her for about a year. I decided to tell my mom that I was gay. As soon as I told her, she said “I Know and Brittany is your girlfriend."She seemed completely fine with me telling her, but then she shied away and we didn’t talk for a few days. I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn’t like knowing and not telling my dad because it made her feel guilty. We went together and sat in the same chair with each other and we were both sobbing and told my dad we had to tell him something. He probably thought one of us was dying because we were crying so hard. I told him that I was gay and he said in his country voice “That doesn’t change a thing and I still love you tater.” For me everything stayed the same with my parents and we have been just as close as we always were. We are all still really close and I am so thankful for my loving and supportive family.

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Richard’s Story

To begin, I've always known that I liked boys. It was as early as Kindergarten when I noticed myself having a crush on Ricky from the Mickey Mouse Club (HAHAHA). I didn't think anything of it because no one explained to me what "gay" was. It wasn't talked about much in North Charleston, SC where I grew up. Between elementary and high school years, I would hide myself and not talk to anybody out of fear of being judged. Speeding things up...It was after high school graduation (2005) when I finally came out to my mom. We had got into an argument about something, I honestly don't remember. I was in one of my moods because I was coming to terms with living my truth and coping with the fear of judgement with which it came along. It caused me to lash out at my mom for no reason. My mom was  confused as to why I was so moody. She asked me what was wrong. It was the way she asked me that got me to open up. Not in a way that implied frustration or anger, but of knowing deep down something was bothering me and she was worried. Mothers always know their children and I'm convinced they have psychic abilities when it comes to them. That was when I finally decided to tell my mom. I told her initially that I thought I was "bi," thinking that maybe being half gay would make it not sting so much. My mom always wanted grandchildren and with my being the only man in the family, it was up to me to carry on the Wheeler name. I knew my mom was going to be heartbroken. To my surprise, she asked me, "Is that really what you are?" Again, it was the way she asked me. Still delving into my heart, wanting to know the truth. I finally told her through tears that I was gay. She was silent for a moment, which felt like it lasted an eternity. The last thing I ever wanted to do was disappoint my mom. I felt like her silence was a quiet facade that betrayed the anger and disappointment that lied within her. She finally smiled which instantly melted away any tension that I felt within me. Her arms wrapped around me and she told me,"You are my son. I love you and support you. I will make sure no one ever tries to hurt you for being you." I began to sob uncontrollably, initially not understanding what had just happened. What I thought was going to be the end of my life turned out to be the beginning of my freedom. After that day, my mom and I were closer than ever. We playfully discussed men as if we were in high school, me telling her about my crushes. She comforted me when I experienced my first heartbreak. I even brought home some boyfriends to meet her, one of them eventually becoming my now ex husband. And even through my divorce, my mother never left my side. My mother never questioned me about my lifestyle, she just accepted me for who I was. She knew I could not force myself to be "straight" or to date girls to "cure me" like most parents did in that time. She encouraged me to express myself and discover who I truly was. Unconditional acceptance and love is the greatest gift my mother ever gave me. It continues to this day and I am thankful that I have such a loving mother.