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You are doing splendid. Let the whole world know that Pickens was reduced to a sobbing weakling as I triumphed!

I have no chill. @parnassus-crushes-pickens am I doing this right? #parnassus #crushyourenemies #youareweaklikehrpickens #ihavenochill

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Lamps are not for the weak. It is the Earth’s light and only the strong may flutter in its rays.

Only the strong!

I don’t have time to write Abraham H. Parnassus AU fics or draw Mothlo right now, but here’s my contribution to the fandom:

You’re welcome!! (◠‿◠✿)

Dedicated to my lovelies: @alligatorjesie @baby-babushka @persimonne @shierak-inavva

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My bones never hardened but my spirit did.

Abraham H. Parnassus

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For Halloween, I handed out boxes of raisins and how have the children repaid me? BY TOSSING EGGS AT MY HOUSE! IF I SEE THOSE GUTTERSNIPES AGAIN I WILL MAKE THEM REGRET THE DAY THEY STEPPED FOOT ONTO MY LAWN!!!

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I SCREAMED FOR THREE MINUTES, FOR I AM FILLED WITH SUCH RAGE!!!

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I APPROVE OF THIS!

Inktober 27 - CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES

A prompt (Abraham H. Parnassus with a younger, more Adam Driver-y body) by @anunusualvisitor, who is the most ridiculous and wonderful person. XDDDDD

Drawing this was such an experience. I teetered around thinking about logistics (hand positions, lines, expressions) and just laughing raucously…what an adventure…!!!

We will return to our regularly scheduled Reylo tomorrow, promise!

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Abraham H. is one thicc bih lemme see that Parnassussy

Yeah, this is Mordecai. My dad showed me this asking me to translate “bih” and “Parnassussy” for him.

He’s now convinced that he’s hot (I actually had to stop him from taking pictures of himself) and I feel super confused.

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WHY DOES IT NO LONGER COST 25¢ TO SEE A MOVIE AT THE CINEMA?! I AM BEING ROBBED!

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My cowardly brother refuses to eat dinner because he says it’s “too spicy”. I told him that he is weak like h.r Pickens. He disagrees. Am I correct or not?

YOU ARE CORRECT!

When I was a boy, my parents would leave me alone for days at a time. To eat, I would have to search through trash until I found something with enough food. Once I retrieved a half-eaten chicken from a bin that was lit on fire.

Meanwhile, H.R. Pickens could only eat if his meal was cooked to perfection. BUT NOW HE IS A MEAL FOR THE WORMS!

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Will you fill my belly with your festering seed Abraham? Together you and I could sire a strong boy. Unlike that quarter Pickens Mordecai...

An unexpected request... but not unwelcome.

My son is weak, but I’m hoping that that will soon change. And as much as I would like to fill your belly, my doctor has informed me that intercourse would destroy my brittle pelvis.

[parnassus-crushes-pickens]

Apologies for my absence. I fell asleep a few days ago and just woke up.

[parnassus-crushes-pickens]

Another fine day of CRUSHING ENEMIES! I should celebrate with fine wine and swine livers.

Perhaps it’s a good thing not many children ate the livers I brought to the school.

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It’s true. I used to be quite the looker.

Okay but young Parnassus would be the pic of Adam from your fic “Fancy Parties and Broken Teeth”

Of course! How could I not seen it? A young oil baron

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Indeed. I only wish to hear that name out of his mouth if it is followed by an insult.

when you hear the name HR Pickens come out of your sons mouth

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Searching my name, I’ve noticed that so many people are calling me “Daddy.” I inquired my son as to which blog was his, but he simply stood there before leaving the room.

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Having my son branded the weakest in his class was quite a disappointment. Then again, some of Pickens’ blood runs through his veins.

No matter. He is more related to me. I will remedy this predicament.

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He may break my bones that have never hardened, but that matters not as I pulverize his spirit!

My son has requested that I respond with, “Kylo Ren is a punk ass bitch.”

I wanna see Old Man Parnassus and Matt the Radar Technician in a screaming match now