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#abraham h parnassus
3todream · 2 years
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Abraham H. Parnassus: The Origin Story
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waywardrose · 1 year
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MASTERLIST
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Under the cut are x-reader fics for:
Flip Zimmerman (BlacKkKlansman)
Pale (Burn This)
Ronnie Peterson (The Dead Don’t Die)
Adam Sackler (HBO’s Girls)
Jacques le Gris (The Last Duel)
Clyde Logan (Logan Lucky)
Charlie Barber (Marriage Story)
Abraham H. Parnassus (Saturday Night Live)
Kylo Ren (Star Wars)
Armitage Hux (Star Wars)
Eddie Munson (Stranger Things)
Phillip Altman (This Is Where I Leave You)
+ Miscellaneous fics (and more! 👀)
updated: May 21, 2024
Follow me on:
AO3
Wattpad
Twitter
Discord: waywardrose
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BLACKKKLANSMAN
reader x flip zimmerman
🌹 A Reintroduction
rating: teen+, 1.5k, gender-neutral!reader, flip is dishonest, but also thirsty, drug-dealing mention
Flip. Your Flip is with the cops. He has a gun and a badge and everything.
That didn’t make any sense.
🌹 Flashfic: Flip could get it ✊
🌹 Flashfic: How do you think Flip would react to his wife’s changing body during pregnancy?
🌹 Flashfic: How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?
🌹 Flashfic: How do they picture their future with their s/o?
🌹 The Handler
rating: explicit, 4.4k, sexism, violence, abusive language, blood (bc of the violence), drug mention, guns mention, child sex-trafficking mention, rape threat, jealousy, fighting
You propped your cowboy boot on the table edge and took a long drink of beer. No one sitting at the  table with you paid your rudeness any mind. In fact, Johnny Claiborne  promptly placed his callused hand on your bare knee.
🌹 It’s Too Late To Turn Back Now
rating: teen, 2.1k, past physical-abuse mention, brief injury description, off-screen murder, period-typical sexism
The first time Flip saw you, you were bruised and cuffed. The scuttlebutt around the precinct was you had run over and murdered your abusive ex-boyfriend.
🌹 Queen of the Roller Derby
rating: mature, 2.3k, vague injury description, anachronistic sports teams and organizations
He couldn’t believe… Well, a lot of things. First, that he’d been invited. Second, that he was looking forward to the bout. Third, that he was anxious for your well-being.
🌹 NSFW Alphabet Series
ABC | DE | FGH | IJK | LMN | OP | QRS | TU | V | WXYZ
Bonus: My five favorite things about Flip Zimmerman
rating: explicit, 32k, stand-alone vignettes, oral sex, fluff, angst with happy ending, masturbation, daddy kink, public and semi-public sex, kind-of somnophilia, drug use, under-negotiated bondage and spanking, soft domming, ass play
Your legs went limp on Flip’s shoulders, and you felt him eased them down to the bed. He ran his big hands up your sides and then under your back as he bent forward.
🌹 Still the Same
rating: explicit, 13k, fem!reader, high-school!flip+reader, vaguely 1969 (with  inaccuracies), fingering, handjobs, pining, military draft/service (with inaccuracies), colorado setting, period-typical drug use, magical first time, angst with happy ending
He cracked the window, letting in the crisp spring air. It was too dark to see where specifically he was looking, but he had turned to face  you. One hand remained on the steering wheel, the other over the back of the seat.
He offered, “Wanna get in the back?”
“Sure,” you said, dropping your purse on the floor, and opened your door.
🌹 Three-day Weekend
rating: explicit, 3.2k, daddy kink, daddy dom, reader is not a little, off-screen negotiation, edging, oral sex, mild spanking
You  woke to a hot hand sliding across your bare middle and lips kissing your shoulder. There was the tickle of whiskers, and you turned your head towards disruption. With a sigh, you opened your eyes to watch Flip kiss your shoulder again. He looked up at you as his hand traveled under the sheet bunched below your waist.
“Mornin’, baby,” he said. His voice was sleep-rough yet tender.
🌹 Triple-Feature
rating: mature, 2.8k, old-fashioned living arrangements, making out
The Aircadia Drive-In was running a classic-horror triple-feature this Saturday night. You read in the paper they were playing The Wolf Man, Frankenstein, and Dracula. That evening, you rang Flip and asked him out on a date. You even offered to pay.
🌹 You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet
rating: mature, 2.8k, detective reader, estranged married couple, smoking, period-typical sexism, dirty talk
…you balanced your mother’s big Tupperware container filled with homemade Samoas cookies. They were Flip’s favorite, and he detested sharing them. But he would have to—because you were famous around the station for your cookies.
You hoped he only got one. It would serve him right.
🌹 You Can Leave Your Skates On
rating: explicit, 2k, almost uniform kink, roller derby mention, clothed female naked male
The sink counter was strewn with make-up and hair tools and the pair of scissors from the kitchen. Before he could ask what the hell all this was for, you kissed his cheek and closed the bathroom door behind him.
Spiritual sequel to Queen of the Roller Derby
🌹 You Light Up My Life
rating: teen, 1.4k, sneakiness, secrets, fluffy married life
The first time you knew something was up was when Flip started his car and hurried to change the radio station.
🌹 You’re the Inspiration
rating: teen, 854, past alcohol abuse, fluffy afternoon
Flip sat in his switched off car and stared at the dark house. He wanted to break something.
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BURN THIS
reader x pale
🌹 In the Night We Trust | playlist on spotify
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
rating: explicit, 57k, pretty woman au, prostitute reader, 1980s/90s, drug use  mention, alcohol consumption, inherent power imbalance, soft dom, choking (not breathplay), safe sex, oral sex, semi-public sex, public dirty talk, rough sex, mild spanking, fighting, abusive language, attempted sexual assault, aftercare
“So tell me, Pale, are you in town on business or pleasure?”
“Business…” He looks at your lips. “Until now.”
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THE DEAD DON’T DIE
reader x ronald peterson
🌹 A Grave New World
rating: teen+, 804, canon-typical violence, missing parents
You’d only gone on one date—a really nice date, too—with Ronnie Peterson and then the zombie apocalypse happened. Like, what the actual fuck?
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GIRLS (HBO)
reader x adam sackler
🌹 Flashfic: …imagine him trying to cuddle and smooch his gf in public and she’s like “😬😬 what are you doing…? Mmm, I guess it’s not so bad”
🌹 Flashfic: please. please tell me about licking sackler’s sack. its all i can think about. my mind has been infected by thoughts of adam sacklers balls in my mouth
🌹 Improving His Taste
rating: teen+, 2.2k, post s05e10, arguments with SO, making out
You were so sick of Adam Sackler and his tempestuous girlfriends.
🌹 Let Me Explain
rating: teen+, 1.2k, light angst, happy ending
“Whoa, let me explain!” Adam implored while teetering in patent leather stilettos, a chef’s knife with slices of carrot sticking to it in his hand. He grabbed the kitchen counter with his left to steady himself.
🌹 There Is A Light (That Never Goes Out)
rating: explicit, 4.3k, canon-typical buffoonery, jealousy, brief non-con element, femdom-ish reader, oral sex
“Take off your clothes,” he murmured after kissing you. “And crawl to my bed.”
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THE LAST DUEL
reader x jacques le gris
🌹 Fair Is Foul
rating: teen, 1.8k, historical inaccuracies, timeline inaccuracies, anachronisms, medieval  flirting, sad/open ending, minor spoilers(?), rape mention
The other ladies at court told you not to demean yourself by keeping company with a squire. You pointed out that said squire had Count Pierre’s favor. Said squire might even be favored above any knight.
🌹 To Honor and Innocence
rating: mature, 5.3k, fem!reader, young!jacques, historical/jousting inaccuracies, ✨the  middle ages were magic✨, catholic imagery, reader has a spring/summer birthday, just roll with me, making out, thigh riding, euphemisms galore
You needed to look away, but you couldn’t. He was striking with the sudden high color in his cheeks and glittering eyes. His smile softened around the edges, and your heart soared at the sight.
Look away, you’d told yourself. Look away before you lose yourself.
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LOGAN LUCKY
reader x clyde logan
🌹 A Newer World
rating: teen, 1.3k, PTSD symptom mention
Jimmy leaned across the patio table, bottle of Coors in hand. “So, when you gonna make an honest woman outta her?”
🌹 Lucky Me Lucky You | duck tape jukebox on spotify | ambient mix by Sushii
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9
Bonus: NSFW Alphabet [2.1k]
rating: explicit, 33k, counter-espionage, angst with happy ending, alcohol consumption
You’d had big plans for your future. He’d had big plans, too. During senior year, you’d overheard him talking before class about joining the Army. You had thought about him in that service uniform and how handsome he would look.
Thirteen years later, Clyde was tending bar, sans uniform and missing part of his left arm. At the same time, you were working at the data-entry/call-center down the road from the house you inherited from your late grandmother.
So much for big plans.
🌹 When I Saw You
rating: mature/explicit, 3k, hairdresser!reader, touch-starved!clyde, post movie, erotic fantasies
In his fantasies, he always has both hands.
Which he knows is ironic.
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MARRIAGE STORY
reader x charlie barber
🌹 Finding Treasure in the Dark
1 | 2
rating: explicit, 18k, submissive!female-reader, dom!charlie, under-negotiated bdsm, impact play, nipple play, oral sex, anal sex, piv sex, restraints, rope bondage, edging, semi-public fingering, sex toys, handjobs, public teasing
“Yes!“ she hissed in delight. "I told Professor Barber straight out I didn’t do that crap. Or let him boss me around. That’s why I dropped him, you know. If he wants some Stepford to indulge his impulses, he should go to Fetster or whatever.”
Your eyes went wide, and you shifted in your seat, faux-yawning and stretching your arms to cover the movement. You knew Charlie Barber.
🌹 Sweet Angel
rating: explicit, 3k, fluff, dog adoption, insecure!Charlie, piv sex
Since moving to a house with a fenced yard, Henry has been focused on getting a dog. First, it was getting a puppy for Christmas. When that hadn’t panned out, a dog for his birthday. Nicole wouldn’t install a real fence at her place, but tried to distract him with a new iPad.
That worked for a month.
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SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
reader x abraham h. parnassus
🌹 Flashfic: …what would young!Abe do for his wife on [Valentine’s Day]??
🌹 Flashfic: Abe Parnassus vibes jacquesdemys.tumblr com/post/125815250515
🌹 His Girl On A Friday
rating: teen+, 1.2k, corporate espionage, seduction
You’ve been sent by your father, Henry Pickens, to spy on his rival: Abraham H. Parnassus.
🌹 Indulgences
rating: mature, 1.5k, fem!reader, vaguely 1950s, old-fashioned euphemisms, dub-con-ish at first, public fingering, mild edging
It’s official: Don Carlos is boring. Yes, it’s a fundraiser. And of course, you agreed to purchase tickets. Anything to support The Met. But this opera, while beautiful, is dull.
🌹 My Baby Just Cares for Me Series
rating: explicit, sheltered-artist reader, vaguely 1950s, no vintage racism, written with old-fashioned sensibilities and euphemisms, oral sex, alcohol consumption, semi-public sex, sex toys, vaginal fingering, first time
— Expanding One’s Horizons [5k]
“We all need to expand our horizons,” you said as you went to the dining room to turn off the lights.
“Indeed we do, my love.”
— Tension Tamer [3k]
The  mattress trembled under you. The softly lit face of your alarm clock said it was after three. You knew it must be work that had awoken him. The company was in the middle of a merger and tensions were high.
— A Treasure More Than Gold [2.2k]
You met your husband’s eyes across the dance floor of Hotel Astor’s ballroom. He’d let his five o'clock shadow develop into a short Vandyke beard in preparation for Babe Paley’s Halloween gala.
— Minx [2.7k]
Abe groaned into the coverlet as you pressed your thumbs on either side of his spine. His muscles were slowly losing their tightness. You didn’t think his desk chair at work was supporting him properly. Most likely, he never sat in it except to sign documents.
— It’s Magic [4.4k]
Don’t go to art school, they said.
— Two To Tango [7k]
You sat at the bistro table tucked in the corner of the pasticceria. Abe sat across from you, tiny plates of bite-sized cake on the table between you.
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STAR WARS
general
🌹 The Skywalker Ascension
rating: teen, 4.5k, tros revision, mc death, angst, lightsaber battles, retcon timeline
“All the Sith live in me,” he vows. “You will be empress, and we will be one.”
While disgust churns her gut, she will not hate, she will not give in.
To him or to anyone.
🌹 Unsanctioned
rating: general, 371, universe jumping, pre-tfa, my poor attempt at humor
You’re taking the walk of shame to the kitchen, arms full of dirty dishes.
kylo ren x armitage hux
🌹 Bombing Out
rating: mature, 1.4k, canon compliant, cannoli kylux, gambling, strip sabacc, alcohol consumption, afterlife, mutual pining, arguing
He didn’t know why he was playing sabacc. He didn’t like card games. There was hardly any strategy. No planning. Everything was left to chance. It was messy. And the gambling. He didn’t mind risk, of course, but one had to match their opponents’ bets. Which meant the opponent had too much control.
It was idiotic.
About as idiotic as his opponent, Ben Solo—
Who had literally lost his shirt last round.
🌹 Iron Moon Series on AO3 | photoset | spotify playlist by ayudameme
rating: explicit, 36k, canon universe, xeno-vampires, canon-typical violence, the first order wins, soft kylux, but with blood, knife play, blood drinking
He wanted to taste it, lick it all up. He wanted to run his tongue along the cauterized edges of the cut on Ren’s face. He wanted to follow it down under Ren’s ruined clothing.
reader x armitage hux
🌹 Flashfic: Armitage Hux is low key hot
🌹 Flashfic: I want Hux to throat fuck me
🌹 Succor
rating: mature, 2.4k, shy princess reader, fo-leader hux, the first order won, arranged marriage, dirty talk
You felt your dinner guests’ eyes on you, their judgements. You ignored them while hiding behind the courtly rituals you’d been taught since childhood.
reader x kylo ren | ben solo
🌹 All the Time in the Galaxy
rating: teen, 1.9k, kor reader, mutual pining, first kiss
“Lady Ren, pardon the interruption—” You didn’t know what he was  interrupting. You were both standing in silence. “—The techs have noticed something strange here on Starkiller.”
🌹 Call It In the Ring Series
rating: teen-mature, college au, art-majors kylo and reader, first date, sibling fights, nude photography, assisted masturbation, phone sex, fingering
— Hotshot House Show [2.5k]
You checked the address one more time on your phone. It was right, but definitely not what you expected when Kylo offered to make you dinner.
— Worked Shoot [5k]
Photography midterms were due in two weeks, and you only had one of the four photos you needed. You silently berated yourself because you’d known this was coming. It was on the damn syllabus.
But who actually read the syllabus?
— Clean Finish [2k]
You couldn’t believe you were about to do this, you thought as you stood naked in front of the clean bathroom mirror. You didn’t know if Kylo would like it. What if he didn’t?
— Vignette [938]
Ben was all “Morning, beautiful” with a grin Flynn Rider would be proud of. He sat close to you on the sectional sofa—even though there were plenty available places to sit.
— Bonus: I want nothing more than to strip off his clothes piece by piece, kissing any and all skin bared to me.
— Dirty Pre-show [1.3k]
You’d washed at the sink in the studio, but ugh, your jeans are splattered with slip. You’re pretty sure you have some on your face, in your hair. Hell, even one of your ears feels crusty.
How the ever living fuck does it get everywhere?
🌹 Dum Dums
rating: teen, 2.3k, gender-neutral reader, suburban high-school au, fluff, mutual pining, mild angst with happy ending
“Your boyfriend’s looking this way again,” Poe sing-songed before taking a big bite of his apple.
You rolled your eyes, knowing exactly who he was talking about. “He’s not my boyfriend,” you reply as you set your bottle of water on the lunch tray.
🌹 Flashfic: Please the (fem-dom!reader) story from gc…. I NEED IT
🌹 Flashfic: FAM IM ON MY KNEES BEGGING YOU… PLEASE PLEASE WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT GIVING SMOOCHES TO FOREVER SAD BOY KYLO
🌹 Flashfic: How does Kylo spoil his lady?
🌹 Flashfic: So, what do you guys think is Kylo’s favorite way to kiss?
🌹 Hello
rating: mature(ish), 1k, modern au, dream-sharing, pining, possessiveness, nightmare elements, magic/force shenanigans
A phone rang. Burr-ring. Distant at first. Burr-ring. Clanging. Jarring. Burr-ring. It was too dark to find it. You groped around in the cool, damp blackness to find nothing. Burr-ring. You cursed just before your hand slapped against something cold and metal.
🌹 Me and The Devil Series
rating: mature-explicit, modern vampire au, death mention, blood drinking, menstruation, oral sex, biting
— Flashfic: …I want vampire!kylo to do *very* unspeakable things to me :)
— Flashfic: Very bored tonight and [thinking] about vamp!kylo, if you have any, what’re your favorite five about him?
— You’re My Sweetness [2.1k]
“You’re sad,” he murmured, a note of confusion in his words.
“Funerals tend to do that.”
“Let me make it better.”
— Red Wings [1.4k]
So, you laid there and bled onto an overnight pad that had to be the length of a regulation cricket bat.
— Flashfic: Do you have any thoughts on vampire Kylo sensually playing with you with his teeth?
🌹 Not Like the Rest
rating: teen, 948, alcohol consumption, politics
So, Ben’s kept moving for years. He hustles. He’s on committees. He researches everyone around him. He schmoozes.
And he’s schmoozing during a dinner to honor a retiring staffer when he sees you.
🌹 On the Pulse of Mourning
rating: teen, 6.5k, ptsd, angst, disregarding an elder’s wisdom, force choking, force weirdness
He sat on the lowered ramp of his TIE and waited for the Resistance scouts to find him. He didn’t think it would take them long. He’d landed only two klicks from the base.
🌹 The Sofa King
rating: mature, 550, hs au, making out, frottage
Anonymous asked: Ben Solo is such a precious little baby I don't see him making the first move. He would be way too nervous. Like during a movie night you could literally be in his lap, rubbing his chest, purring into his ear and he would just keep his eyes locked on the screen, jaw locked, shifting uncomfortably, and he making silly comments about the movie.
reader x kylo ren x armitage hux
🌹 Precious Pet Series on AO3 | photoset | playlist on spotify
Bonus: NSFW Alphabet for Kylo and Hux [1.6k]
rating: explicit, 335k, canon universe, force-sensitive reader, departing from tfa, stockholm syndrome, force bond, everyone has issues
A hush suddenly fell over the village and you strained to hear anything. Was it over? Had the Order gotten what it wanted? You had a gnawing feeling it was only beginning.
The whoosh of energy—you couldn’t identify the noise, but you knew it wasn’t good—pierced the air. There was a collective horrified gasp and more scrabbling and then more blaster fire. Something had happened, something terrible. Someone’s death had triggered it all. Suddenly, there were screams and controlled violent blasters, and you covered your mouth to muffle your sob. The village was dead. Everyone you knew was dead. Lor San Tekka was gone. You felt it like a punch to the chest.
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STAR WARS/DREDD
armitage hux x clan techie
🌹 Little Blue
rating: mature, 1.3k, incest, abuse mention, jealousy, crushes
“I see you’ve been slumming it with the radar techs again,” Armie said from his perch on Techie’s bed.
Techie gnawed on his lip, stepping through the doorway of his berth, and let the door slide shut behind him. He knew it would be stupid to deny it. He was wearing the tech jumpsuit after all.
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STRANGER THINGS
reader x eddie munson
🌹 Sidetracked
rating: teen, 900, mechanic!eddie, gender-neutral!reader, domestic fluff, slice of life
Maybe something last-minute happened. Like an emergency tow. Or a quick flat-tire fix. Or a gaggle of geese had waddled into one of the bays — again.
🌹 Through A Glass Darkly | playlist on spotify | masterlist
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28
rating: explicit, 163k, canon universe, fem/witchy/goth!reader, magic, slow burn, friends to lovers, series-typical horror, period-typical sexism and homophobia, historical inaccuracies and anachronisms, drug dealing and use, smoking, alcohol use, masturbation, mutual masturbation, fantasizing, one-bed trope, making out, fingering, dirty talk, chasing, oral sex, handjobs, condoms, piv sex, mild spanking, reader’s father is a dirtbag, magical violation, mental torture, body horror, aftercare, nightmares, strict parenting, panic attack, past child abuse and abandonment, semi-public sex, breaking up, angst with happy ending, running away, guns, fighting, everyone survives, suicidal ideation
Eddie would have to wait until his lunch break to see this new, hot, weird chick. He wondered which flavor of weird she was. Art weird? Theater weird? Band weird?
Weird weird?
He shrugged. He liked weird.
In other words, you’re the new girl in town, and Eddie is intrigued.
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THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU
reader x phillip altman
🌹 Risking Thorns
rating: explicit, 12k, post-movie, ice skating, nice suburban upbringing, slut shaming, almost enemies-to-lovers, prickly reader, phillip gets a short leash, bastardization of a jewish holiday, fingering, semi-public sex, phone sex, spanking threat
Once she pulled out of the parking lot, you asked, “So, where are we going?”
“Altman’s? I thought you got your skates sharpened there, too?”
Mental alarms went off as you shook your head. You knew the Altmans…
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THE WITCHER
yennefer x geralt
🌹 Nailed Into Place
rating: explicit, 14k, modern new orleans au, inspired by s01e03 “betrayer moon”, mishmash of nola folklore, i’ve altered the striga curse (pray i don’t alter it further), references to s01e05 “bottled appetites”, timeline what timeline, alcohol consumption, incest mention, pedophilia mention, injuries, blood, ableist language, a sprinkling of geralt/jaskier
Geralt Rivia is the only witcher in New Orleans. He’s typically hard to find until Jaskier decides to announce on Instagram where he’ll be performing via selfies with Geralt in the background. Baron Ostrit, an associate of mob-connected Foltest Temeria, shows up to hire Geralt to rescue his daughter from slavers. Another princess to save. Geralt finds himself in a tangle lies, from the Marigny to the Garden District—and consulting with a mage he hasn’t seen in years…
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MISCELLANEOUS
🌹 Character Soundtrack
Songs and playlists for characters I (and others) associate with them. Feel free to message me with ideas!
🌹 BlacKkKlansman Supercut
Flip Zimmerman scenes only.
🌹 Logan Lucky Supercut
Clyde Logan scenes only.
🌹 Burn This - Audio
Bootleg audio recording of the play.
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the adam driver snl career day skit but abraham h. parnassus is henry v, h.r. pickens is the dauphin, the granddaughter becomes the sister (aka catherine de valois), and mordecai is henry vi
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s1utforvampires · 2 years
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abraham h parnassus is unironically in my top 10 adam driver performances of all time
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mrs-gucci · 2 years
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sunday funday #8: SNL CHARACTER DAY!!
haven’t done a Sunday Funday in a while, so here I am :)
I figured I’d do a SNL character day this time around, since I don’t get to write for them much. and they don’t get nearly enough attention if you ask me!
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here’s the complete list of SNL characters I’ll write for ~
Matt the Radar Technician (Undercover Boss Starkiller Base skit) Randy the Intern (Undercover Boss: where are they now? skit) BK Joe (Coffee Shop skit) Mr. Pennyham (Sleepover skit) Abraham H. Parnassus (Career Day skit) Professor Zachary Adams (Science Room skit) Brian (Slow skit) The Del Taco guy (Del Taco Shoot skit)
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requests are open now through sunday (5/22) evening.
submit all your SNL character requests to my Inbox, and don’t forget to read through my Request FAQ’s before sending anything in. thanks y’all :)
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pian-ran · 5 years
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#mood for 2020
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temos-era · 4 years
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Adam Driver Cookies!!!
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finn-ray-nal-beads · 4 years
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ANCHOR MAN AU, CLYDE AND KYLO CO HOSTS, SPORTS WITH FLIP ZIMMERMAN, CURRENT LOCAL EVENTS AND THE ARTS WITH CHARLIE BARBER, FIELD REPORTER PARNASUSS AND HIS SIDEKICK FIN REYNOLDS, EVERY SUNDAY ITS SCIENE HOUR WITH PROFESSSOR ZACHARY ADAMS.
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LEAD NEWS ANCHOR: Kylo Ren
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HIS COANCHOR: Clyde Rusty Logan
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SPORTS: Flip BDE Zimmerman
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ARTS AND COOKING: Charlie Daddy Barber
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FIELD REPORTER: Abraham H. Parnassus
Coming at you from Channel 69, Curdled milk cum shot with Flip Zimmerman… saving sperm whales has never been this hard…. More at 11.
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@maybe-your-left my god what have we done....😂
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chriscdcase95 · 3 years
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In which I ramble about my interpretation of “Star Wars” immortality and life after death
Okay, so I normally don't write metas these days, especially about Star Wars, since I usually write fanfiction/prompts/headcanon stuff on my blog, as well as advertise my own AO3 stuff. Normally I feel others say things better than I, but there is a subject that caught my attention and interest after my family had a Star Wars marathon earlier this year. Mainly the contrast of the Jedi and Sith concept of immortality and life after death. I've been wanting to write this down for a while and after seeing two other metas, I got back into it.
Anyways, I have had a re-watch of Revenge of the Sith and the conversation between Yoda and Obi Wan regarding Qui Gon. What stood out to me is how Yoda defines the Force Ghosts, it is a form of immortality and seemingly one few Jedi can achieve, and a clear cut way to live on beyond death. I say seemingly for reasons I'll elaborate later, but it also leads me to compare this to Palpatine, and other Sith Lords attempts to live on after death.  Especially since this contrast isn't explored in the movies themselves, which I felt was a wasted opportunity, especially within The Rise of Skywalker.
Obviously when compared to Palpatine, his form of immortality was his spirit being kept "alive" as a living corpse in degenerative bodies, that needs machinery to function no less (much like Anakain was). Palpatine was "alive" in this state, but so weak that he had to rely on numerous proxies to do his dirty work, while the most he himself does is get in Ben Solo's head. Because Palpatine is just Eobard “It Was Me, Barry” Thawne levels of petty.
Again, I feel this contrast between the Jedi's immortality and Palpatine's "immortality" was wasted in Rise; I mean we have Luke, Leia and Anakin canonically living on in the force, whereas Palpatine is reduced to a barley human ghoul before dying again, and presumably going back into Chaos/The Void. And then you've got other Sith Lords like Darth Nihulus, who became so dependent on the Dark Side to keep himself alive, that he became a human shaped black hole, having to drain entire planets to continue his existence. And then you've got Lord Vitiate, who drained his entire planet of life, was kept alive for millenia and yet was still effectively mortal; he would then "survive" by hollowing out and possessing another body, much like Palaptine attempts with Rey.
In short we get the Jedi living on as themselves through the force, a demonstration that death is not the end, while Sith like Palpatine, Nihilus and Vitiate effectively mutilate and dehumanize themselves further in an attempt to keep themselves alive, that is assuming they don't take up body-jacking. Palpatine doesn't even use the force to keep himself alive; he's using botched cloning tech and machinery, once again blowing smoke with his whole  "The Dark Side is a pathway" schtick.
"But wait, does that mean that only Force Sensitives can live on in the force ?"
Not really. Not when you take how the Force is described in and out of universe. At surface level, the Force just seems to be the source of power to a Jedi, Sith or the like. Though when you listen to what both Obi Wan and Qui Gon say in ANH and TPM, we see the Force is "the energy field in which all life creates" and without the midichlorians, life itself wouldn't exist. You've got the Living Force, the spirit and essence of all living things, and the Cosmic Force, which binds all things. The Force is more than just a power certain "special" people have; it is a "world soul" for lack of a better word. I'd use "god" but the force isn't an entity - as say, the Abrahamic God - it is the life and spirit of all things.
With this in mind, and how all beings eventually go to the Cosmic Force upon death, I lean to a semi-universalist view of the Star Wars afterlife; All who die, Force Sensitive or no, rejoin the World Soul. This happens to Padme, Han, Shimi etc. All join the Cosmic Force. While there is a "Force Hell" (as in they don't become one with the Force), it's mostly relegated to the Legends timeline, and seeing as even that's reserved for the likes of Palpatine and Vitiate, I'm more inclined to see it as the exception, not the rule.
What happens next, who can say ? I have seen metas that suggest reincarnation is a thing in Star Wars. While I have no concrete evidence, when you take character parallels and the fact that the Force is effectively a world soul, reincarnation is genuinely something I entertain; especially with a Legend of Korra crossover fic I've been thinking up, but probably won't get around to writing. Hell, some of my favorite SW theories revolve around the idea of reincarnation. Though admittedly, that's probably my headcanon of “Abraham H. Parnassus being Ben-Solo-reincarnated-on-Earth" talking (sorry, it's too funny to pass up). All in all, the idea of the Force essentially being the lifeforce and spirit of all things gave me a lot to think about, though I can't talk about them too much without getting off track (such as my own spin on the Reverse Anidala theory and if Prequels!Anakin would have sacrificed himself for Padme, the same way Ben had for Rey; or how Leia's death was the actual parallel to Vader's death in Rise), but I digress.
As I said, it's been a while since I wrote essays like this on my own, I'm probably gonna go back to fanfiction/headcanon stuff after this. I've been meaning to do a list of "Horror Vs’ Titles I'd Make” for a while now.
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aellynera · 3 years
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(husband is playing a new game and looking up strategy guides. and one of them talks about resource farming and how to use it to build up your arsenal so you can crush your enemies.)
Hubby: CRRRRRUSSHHHHHH YOUR ENEMIES!
Me: *chokes on diet coke and runs off to watch Career Day*
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mrs-gucci · 2 years
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if any of y’all nasty bitches have ideas for
✨ Abraham H. Parnassus ✨
...you know where my inbox is ;)
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I’m just horny for him, okay?!
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elizabeth-daae · 4 years
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👁👄👁
I am Abraham H. Parnassus. 
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thedivinemissm · 4 years
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Career Day - SNL    Always a favourite!
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dlrconlicense · 5 years
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According to one comment, the ending of TROS makes much more sense now.
I have to concur.
Apparently Abraham H Parnassus spoiled the ending last year.
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passengereve · 5 years
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Adam Driver on SNL 2018
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Remember these guys?
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ant-man98 · 5 years
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Old Ben Solo teaching the new generation of padawans—Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
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