pennzance

[pennzance]

"You've witnessed the forbidden texts! How could you commit such a grave sin to our order?"

"Hey, look, if I don't know the nature of what is forbidden, how am I supposed to avoid it?"

"By adhering unthinkingly to the tenants of our order!"

"... did the order's founders ever, I dunno, MEET a real human being?"

[pennzance]

The Darwin Awards are gonna have to add a technology category.

Asking an AI to 'make this more scenic' is going to lead to the AI learning that the inside of a bear can be quite scenic, or that walking off a cliff is a surefire way to 'shorten my route'.

Fortunately, I am almost certain that MOST people will recognize this is a terrible, terrifying idea. And those who honestly think this is a useful thing for AI to do are not going to be long for this world.

This may be the worst use of LLMs anyone has attempted, ever. Up there with recognizing mushrooms.

[pennzance]

"How did he die, doctor?"

"Serving."

"... I beg your pardon?"

"He was eaten by cannibals. Sorry, I just couldn't resist."

"That joke was in terrible taste."

"Not with the correct seasonings! Er... so I've been told."

[pennzance]

"How do you get your lawn looking like that? Do you have a service?"

"Nope. Home-made artisinal child labor."

[pennzance]

"Oh, so you can talk to animals? That's cool!"

"You would think so, but it turns out that the distribution of assholes to non-assholes among animals is roughly the same as among people."

"Oh..."

[pennzance]

"I think my hip is out of place."

"Tell me you're 40 without telling me you're 40."

"Oh, shut up."

[pennzance]

"Open the door, Frank."

"What's the password?"

"Swordfish."

"Close. But no."

"Frank, open the goddamn door or I will kill you."

"That was yesterday's password."

[pennzance]

"I just had a weird thought."

"Oh?"

"You know how Larry went missing for like two weeks and he came back like weirdly different?"

"Yeah, so?"

"And Lisa disappeared for like a month before that, came back pregnant?"

"What's your point?"

"Is... is our world the one everyone gets isekai'd FROM?"

"... huh. Maybe?"

"... when will it be my turn?"

"I dunno, man, go get hit by a bus."

[pennzance]

This is even funnier now that we know Pauline spent a portion of her youth hanging around DK. She's probably still new to the idea of Tea.

Most normal Mario Girls conversation

Based on this funny tumblr post I found:

[pennzance]

"Look, I appreciate that this is amusing to you, but if you could maybe stop playing creaking door noises from your phone every time I get up from the couch, I'd like that more."

"No."

"... could you at least stop doing it when we have company over?"

"That's what makes it so funny."

[pennzance]

"Gabriel, thank you for coming. Please have a seat."

"What's all this about, Michael?"

"This is your performance review."

"Per... are you serious? Michael, we're angels. What's there to review?"

"This is sort of my point. What have you DONE to advace the cause of Heaven in the last, say, millenia?"

"Well, I... um... Raphael and I... er... well, we all... uh..."

"May I remark at this time I appreciate your stellar display of confidence under the most basic line of questioning I could devise?"

"Oh! Sarcasm! I taught you sarcasm!"

"To what benefit?"

"Well... not mine, obviously."

[pennzance]

"It is the silent prayer of every subordinate that their leader will understand when to shut the hell up and listen to the people who actually know what the fuck they are talking about."

[pennzance]

"Lieutenant, can you patch me through to command?"

"Now, Captain?"

"Yes. Right now."

"Are you sure you don't want to... uh..."

"Do what, Lieutenant? Put out the flames currently consuming my command chair? Pick our Chief Engineer up off the deck? Change into a uniform that isn't soaking in the blood of the shapeshifter we all just spent the best part of the day tracking down and dealing with?"

"Um... yes, any of those, sir?"

"No, Lieutenant, I think I may be able to better make the point of the argument I am about to have with the Admiral if I have some visual evidence to back it up."

[pennzance]

"I appreciate the training, but how do you remember all of this?"

"By having very little else going on in my life."

[pennzance]

since the old version of this post was flagged for ‘adult content’…

reblog this post if your account is a trans safe space or owned by a trans person!

along with that, reblog if your account is a non-binary spectrum safe space or owned by someone on the nb spectrum!

[pennzance]

"Oh! You're here."

"Yeah, I said I would be."

"Just, um..."

"Am I too early?"

"No, no, I'm just... not used to people following through on promises?"

"... you want a healing potion for all that damage you've got?"

"Oh, no, this shit's structural. I'm gonna need some foundation work."

[pennzance]

"We live in an age where two months of travel could put my ass on a planet halfway across known space. With a completely different culture, a totally different language, hell, even a different way the goddamn calendar works."

"What's your point?"

"Are you seriously gonna sit there and tell me that the idea of a transgender human being is some kinda fucking mind blowing unreality?"

"Men are men and women are women, end of-"

"Nope! NO. FUCK you. I will not tolerate that kind of talk from someone who just paid for time with a genetically modified actual real life FUCKING CATGIRL."