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So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.

So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.

She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.

He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...

"Oh you have a dick?"

"... yeah."

He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says

"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"

And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.

My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"

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I love the teasing, and Klaus's absolute roasting of them and himself and their whole family. XD This scene is a delight. All this is why I love s2 the best.

Why even does the Handler set a complex trap to kill 1/3 of the Swedes? Like, they didn't need motivation to kill Diego, they just needed an assignment. I have forgotten if this actually serves much of a purpose.

Lila again not believing in opening doors. Gotta say I love seeing Lila kick Five in the face with her DMs. I am pretty sure Lila was instructed to throw this fight, given what we see later.

Hey Viktor, breathe…don't do anything rash…

Somehow, this funeral for a foot still manages to be moving. How?!

Klaus's whole cult just sits there waiting for him to come home, lordy, he needs to shake them loose.

Allison: "Ray, sit your ass down." Be still my beating heart!

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I think Diego was impressed/delighted by Luther's sucker punching Five and hauling ass. I think he's pleased that Luther's finally showing some independence (ill-timed though it might be).

This, though – this is why I can't forgive s4: "Everyone changes the world, Luther! Everyone! And it's scary but that's kinda the deal." Because they do change the world, and it is scary, and often terrible, and they do a piss-poor job of trying to fix their mistakes, they stumble around mostly making things worse for themselves and sometimes everyone else, with the rare wins and a lot of self-sacrifice…and then they were reset and none of this mattered! They changed NOTHING!

Luther speaking some truth to everyone today, including his most hero-complexed brother. But Diego is on a roll, he's in love and he has a mission, and nothing's gonna bring him down.

This driver is the weirdest-looking guy – fully as tall as Luther, and skeletal as fuck. Good casting job there, someone – nice find!

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Honestly I feel like the Swedes might be looking after the place and the cats better than the previous owner. I wonder why Axel is looking wistfully at an old photo of them with what I assume is their mum…backstory of some kind, but we never find out what!

Lol, their little finger-pointing squabble! And they still fail to put their finger on what does it – although Klaus did get it right earlier.

"Klaus is doing something…weird and pervy but probably related." Ben's little head-jiggle of reluctant agreement, lol!

Honestly I'm with Luther on this one: "I heard a 58-year old man who still wants his daddy to come and fix everything." It is kinda pathetic that Five's entire plan appears to be 'ask dad'. I didn't intend to grudge-blog everything Five does, but...well, I am, so I'm rolling with it. I'm less inclined to view his actions charitably now, and frankly I think he's all mouth and no trousers: he depends far too much on his powers, and he's not half as impressive as he thinks, either in a fight or in planning.

Klaus, Viktor and Allison just going, you know what, fuck it, tacos. I want to be on their team.

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Diego's so excited about having a family meeting, lol!

Luther went and fetched Viktor without any incident, apparently. Did Diego just stay at Elliot's and help make jello/rebuilt his knife harness? They should've sent him in search of Allison or Klaus. But I guess Five went to collect everyone? Weird choice but okay.

Underrated vibe: Luther, Diego, Viktor, and Elliot. Hey Luther, Diego listened to your woes about Reggie and offered to listen to the latest Allison problems!

"Hey Diego. Can't say hi to nobody?" "Hi Allison." "What's that?" "Hi Allison!" "Thank you." XD XD XD XD love this little interaction, which IIRC was improvised.

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S2, ep 5: Valhalla

Wonder if the floating item that Pogo sees – some kind of spanner? – is the cause of the spaceship malfunction.

I know this has been observed plenty, but Reggie is more paternal to Pogo than any of his actual adoptive children.

Everyone had a bad night – Lila and Diego had their first breakup, Five failed to speak to his father about the apocalypse, Klaus and Allison are pushing their respective loved ones away in attempts to save them…Okay, everyone except for Viktor and Sissy!

"The closest anyone's got to Dad is that driveway at the consulate" Not to remind you again, Five, but Diego got much closer—he didn't succeed, but then neither did you.

 Luther's li'l 60s roadtrip! With all the flags and awnings on the outside of the Academy, the place looks like a hotel! I see Reggie still has the umbrella on his crest, but I can't quite make out what the other thing is – a scroll, maybe?

Reggie's life was much more fun before he had kids, no wonder he's resentful. I guess this means that he didn't know how the marigold would react when it reached Earth - he's not planning to have babies.

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I like this actor, I should watch more of his movies *opens IMDB page* he should be in better movies

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affirmations for writers: i know how to write. i have seen sentences before, and i know how to make one. i can identify up to several words and their meanings. i am not afraid of semicolons.

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S2, ep 4: The Majestic 12

RIP the Gills in their cosy, messy, loving house. :( The Handler with her Wicked Witch glittery heels and Cruella fur. It seems like they were trying to interrogate the Gills – maybe to find out the location of Lila? They obviously had some inkling of danger, that bolthole is planned. It seems like Five either didn't know about the kid or didn't know the Handler kept her, though.

Poor li'l baby Lila, with her cheerfully sad soundtrack. I love the detail of all the different red shoes Lila wears through the years.

Kate Walsh and Ritu do an excellent piece of subtle acting here, there's so much underlying tension and evasion and suspicion. You can see why Lila is both devoted to and terrified of her mum.

Viktor and Luther bonding over Five's assholery. XD Honestly Five you might be better off cutting your losses on gathering siblings and get on with stopping the apocalypse.

Klaus's rambling parable, lol – well, he tried.

I love the comfortable domesticity of Diego and Lila here, how fondly he looks at her with her nonsense, how she mocks him and makes sure he's eating breakfast. I want a million hours of it. They move around each other so easily.

I feel like Klaus could maybe tackle the Dave problem differently, he loves Dave but this kid doesn't yet feel that way and it's distracting from the intent. But of course he's all emotions about this, I can't say it doesn't make sense that he wouldn't go about this with cold logic.

I love Allison's "Miles now is NOT THE TIME." And god love Odessa for being like, Ray you could at least have told her you're not dead. Allison should be allowed to keep her friends and her life! It does her good! She needs connections with the world, and women who've got her back!

Klaus you are gonna make yourself SO SICK, jesus. Aw, his disciples are gonna love him and take care of him! Or drive him insane. One or the other.

Yeah, yeah, Luther and Allison are so good, the weather, the beer, all good, it's allllllll good….

One of my favourite things about this show is how the siblings talk about one another. "Klaus?" "Cult leader." "Ehh…"

Yeah I always forget that Allison doesn't actually know that the apocalypse is on its way again by now, lol.

Ah, the Mexican consulate! Diego never actually misses things that Lila does, but she does manage to distract him from pursuing her motives (at least for now). Man, their dance! BEST ROMANTIC DANCE SCENE EVER. The switch halfway through! Diego's utterly captivated look when Lila takes control! Their soft laughter! Dammit, if only he'd not ditched her in the middle of the floor – that's the height of rudeness, Diego, do you WANT her to betray you and try to kill your entire family?

Still, the scene with Grace is fucking hilarious. I think she somehow takes to him almost as much as the robot, because he's so socially awkward and accidentally rude here, lol, and yet she still seems to find him sweet.

"I'll keep you safe." Sissy! <3 <3 <3 I love that they both try to protect each other (and Harlan), it's such a great vibe. Although how Harlan manages to drown himself in 0.3 seconds, I still don't know. They should've done more with this whole transfer of power business. It has such a lot of potential.

Luther somehow just gets himself invited into people's homes (Ray, Elliot), and given free party drugs (s1, Elliot again…even though he looks like that, he exudes this sheer air of helplessness that seem to make people want to offer him a fix. And honestly I think Luther – and apparently Elliot - needed this laugh SO badly.

So much for Five's vaunted abilities - he loses his jumps, and gets the crap beaten out of him by the big dumb Swede. Diego – who is one day off being stabbed and nearly bleeding out – fights off two of them alone, including the leader (and doesn't use his powers). Lila wasn't lying when she talked him up to her mum.

Lila picking up that knife was subtle! She has a lot of things going on.

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the nineties and the early aughts television landscape really was defined by long deployment of "will they won't they" dynamics people these days would not be able to handle network television writers' rooms teasing ships for multiple years only to more often than not be given the answer "they will not. <3 hope this helps"

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Heyo, this might be a long shot but I'm going to throw it out there. I'm looking for someone who can write Bangla to help me with a present I'm making for a friend. I need to write one Bengali name and one Anglo-Saxon name out in the Bengali alphabet so that I can embroider it onto something. Happy to trade or pay someone for the help. Thanks~

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Aww, baby Dave! "So this is why we came to Dallas" wait but doesn't Klaus have a mansion just outside of town? It can't be that far, they go back and forth from there a lot. Klaus, here's a thought: if Dave signed up after Kennedy was assassinated, maybe you should try to stop that from happening! I know a brother who'd love to have your help on his project.

God, this sit-in is painful, because of how real it is. Hey look at when TUA was really good.

In fairness, Luther doesn't look that much bigger than his opponent this time. Who is like, idk what this guy's kink is and I want no part of it - but hey if it wins me the match, ig.

I want to go back in time and remember what life was like before I saw this last scene with Lila – not because it's bad, but bc it's such a delightfully mean revelation. I knew there was something up, but not the Handler's daughter! God I love this whole plotline, it's the only thing that makes sense, Diego can't be with someone normal, he needs a partner who is ultimately as fucked up as he is, just in different ways. And 'falling for your mark' is so much angsty hot fun.

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Ruby: "South Dallas. Hell of a place. You sure know how to pick 'em!" And then it cuts to a neat little suburban place – so was he just saying that bc it's a predominantly black neighbourhood? Or is Allison specifically already a known troublemaker, a.k.a. civil rights activist, to the cops?

Love these 60s cars btw. They have such swoosh.

Ray is so patient, lol! He would have fit in so well with the Hargreeves. Ditto Sissy, god DAMMIT SHOW, you give us all this and then you take it away!!!

Lol, this is such an awkward conversation! Ray is like, why is this vibe SO weird. What do Allison and her "brother" have going on?

God, the utter nerves of steel this must've taken, to walk into this hostile place and ask to be served – politely, with honor and dignity, but persisting, against all the racism that's bubbling under the surface and just waiting for a reason to erupt.

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Lol at Ben's haunting. Which I want to call a "haunting" but he actually is a ghost! I wiiiiiiiiiiishe we could've seen the 1960s family bbq with Ray and all of Allison's family.

First time I watched this, I was anticipating Five's avoidance of telling Viktor the truth would have more negative consequences – but it's not really that big a deal in the end when he finds out, IIRC.

Ah man, this episode with Harlan just shows, it must've been so hard for Sissy – for them both, in a time when this sort of atypical neurology isn't widely understood and there's no support, it's just Sissy and Harlan on their own all day, every day…it's also lovely to see the bond between them, including in s3 when Harlan is grown.

Five, was it REALLY necessary to hang up on Sissy, surely it would take less time and be more productive to let Viktor finish his conversation than to start an argument by being a dick?

Diegooooooooooo. Lila realising that it's hard to keep a good man down. Or at least, not too hard if you have a sufficiently pokey stick, but otherwise he WILL keep trying to save the world.

Diego still focusing on why Lila followed him. Ah man, Lila isn't faking any of this, is she? Ah, the classic kiss-slap-kiss! And then lol, poor Elliot, with these two in his home! They're disgraceful.

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Ruby calling Luther his "number one guy", Luther, your neuroses are showing. Your ex or your sister, Luther, pick one to describe her, or people are gonna think this is weird.

Aww, Klaus and Allison's reunion is so adorable! Allison looks so good in this season, so centred and sure of herself (fuck you TUA for giving her that and then taking it away). "We did time together" says Klaus, like he spent more than five minutes with Ray in jail, lol!

Can anyone lipread what the Handler said there, it seems like it ought to be clear.

Listen dude Allison doesn't need Ray's permission to say anything. Also he just thinks he's in charge when Ray's away bc he's got a dick. I love Allison using her voice and NOT her rumours to make something happen, it's such a good choice for how she might find her purpose.

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S2, ep 3: The Swedish Job

Why do all bad things happen at Stadtlers? Why does Ben have a leather hoodie? Why do I always think for a moment that this lady is Betty White?

Klaus is failing upwards - even when he's winning, it's all going wrong for him.

Diego asking if Lila was following him, as she operates on him with…what even is that, hair straighteners, something dental, something for cooking?

Viktor gets all the cheesy cowboy music. Somehow it fits their vibe tho. Viktor might not be trained but he sure has the instincts. The Swedes are lucky they didn't get half the night sky dropped on them by accident. I've tried getting through maize, and a) it wasn't half as clean as that, and b) it had really fucking sharp-edged leaves.

So V just sat in the entirely-non-protective maize field for the rest of the night? I guess the Swedes just ran away to lick their wounds.