personal-fandom-ramblings

[personal-fandom-ramblings]

Z Nation or rather.. How NOT to zurvive

Seriously sometimes I have no clue how I've battled myself through 3 seasons if this shit. Luckily the main cast is pretty cool and know how to act - also 10K is my new son (I hate his regular look in s 4 though).. Also Addy and Doc are life :p BUT. I AM SO ANNOYED. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN THEY ABANDON THEIR SHIT. OR when they are at a place where they can stash up, like in the Z museum (I MEAN COME ON there was RUNNING WATER AND BEDS- take a nights rest ffs!) or at the mental hospital Doc had TIME to go in there when they were escaping and GET MORE MEDS! He literally gave it ALL to the patients and then they all escaped like 5 minutes later 🙄.. WITHOUT ANY MEDS. ALSO. I'm in s4 now and I have stopped watching FOR DAYS. Because they were like "huh everyone has left the convoy with all the supplies and shit still in here and there is still fuel- TOO BAD WE CAN'T DRIVE IT BACK TO THE CAMP THE 5 OF US..." I was flipping my shit, so pissed and they literally keep whining about it back at camp "boohoo it's so sad we couldn't get the supply trucks"... I am sitting there, screaming and throwing candy wrappers at the screen "GO BACK AND GET IT YOU TWATS! You are 5 or more persons, there was 3 or 4 trucks all ready to drive- Stop cramping yourself into one van and act like real actual clever persons!" -_-' I mean seriously. I'm so done with that shit. And that ridiculous Lucy plot. She is such a whiny little pisspot sorry to say. She annoys me. I honestly don't know why I keep watching- I'm just stubborn to see it to the end now. Also: still have no clue how to Tumblr or hastag. Why can't it be as easy as Instagram??

[personal-fandom-ramblings]

Pet peeves

Okay I know Victoria cannot be 100% historical accurate, but still, right now it pisses me off that something as beautiful as Drumfred came out if this series (still only on ep 5 but I spoiled myself to a heartbreak last night) and not only do they establish it and THEN destroy it an episode after it became actual canon- but Drummond was actually supposed to live until 51 of age. Of course that have said that the Victoria series Drummond is quite different but still. It just makes it all the more tragic when he is so young.. Also in real life Drummond was born in 1792 (he was murdered in 1843) and Lord Alfred was born in 1816 and served as the Queens chief Equerry from 1846 to 1874 (roughly). Which sadly means that in real life these two wouldn't have met at the Queen, but it seems Alfred also sat in the parliament for Lichfield from 1837 to 1865 - so maybe the two could have met there? I dunno, I'm extremely tired and not very good at the English political Victorian era, but things like these just annoy me.. I obviously like this version better, but DAMNIT if you are going to deviate so much from history let them at least live a happy closeted life for some time :( But of course the timeline of the murder attempt on Sir Robert Peel has to fit. But my babies are just so precious ❤ + I still have no clue how to tag.. I can't remember how to Tumblr, but needed to get this off my chest xD #drumfred ?

[personal-fandom-ramblings]

My current obsession- mostly due to the amazing Jenna Coleman and tbh Drumfred. Drumfred is LIFE.

#victoria #drumfred #british #fangirl #isthisevenhowyoutag #badtagging #hellotumblr

[personal-fandom-ramblings]

Random personal con shit and generally..

I am just... SO tired of always being pushed away, left behind and being the person that everyone can do without, live without. Of always being the overlooked, the pleaser and the one who is a trouble if I don't feel well and the one who is supposed to be okay with everything. I am SICK of having to constantly be sure I'm in on the plans and having to stand as merely a substitute or a help for someone else to have a good con. It's over, I'm done. I'm DONE doing things for other to be better for them to only turn around and throw shit in my face for everything that I have done that they don't notice or say thank you for. I am so unbelievably sick of taking to thanks for only being the sidekick or going across THE FUCKING COUNTRY only to be someone's sleep body because shit can't take care of themselves ONLY for them to act pissed or drop me on the floor because their best friend is nearby. I'm so done with having to run after them when they leave without a word and then are pissed at me for turning to say hi to someone and just walking away for me without a warning or a 'want to come with?' I can't get this out anywhere or to anyone so here be it. I don't want to be a victim but I'm sure as hell not just going to accept it. The last few months/years I've slowly started to suffer more and more from the feeling of being so inferior and it has crumbled away of my none existing self-esteem and it hurts, it just does. Never being actually acknowledged or thanked or seen. None of what I do appreciated. I actually even offered my own goddamn leggings just to make sure this 'friend' wouldn't freeze and didn't even get a thank you. I'm being looked at and scoffed at for not being 'smart' enough in this meaningless world when I'm worth SO MUCH MORE out there where it counts. But I'm so pissed and I'm so tired of this, I know I haven't had enough sleep and I might also be paranoid. But I'm not good enough anymore and that is BULLSHIT. I'm worth way more beyond this and in skills where it actually counts. Yeah, I sound bitter now, but so be it. I'm worth a thanks, I'm worth waiting for and I'm worth it because I ALWAYS wait. I ALWAYS make sure people are with me and I never get that in return. Almost never.. and if I do it's usually with scoffs and sighs. I don't give people that. I support them. I deserve more. My head keeps telling me my mind isn't as normal and I keep being selfconcious when I talk with others and so afraid that they will see me the same way, judge me the same or get tired of me and not show it. I'm just tired of being autistic and not enough for me to not care and not little enough for it to not bother me.. I just need to find a new crowd. New people who will love me, appreciate me and care for me, love what I love and be with me to concerts, cons and vacations. People I can trust and care about and know that it is equal, those who will wait for me, tag me along and LAUGH with me, truly and heartfelt laughs. Like I see all around me. I need my people. New ones 💜 But on the plus side I have just seen a Lestat cosplayer and I nearly screamed of joy and she was so happy I recognized her. Now I just need to work on my problems of comparing myself and the bitterness of not being recognized and asked on photoshoots.. But I just try to see that from a good side, it means I can approve and be even more awesome ;-)

[personal-fandom-ramblings]

Yes. Go easy on him. God I love these boys <3

[personal-fandom-ramblings]

[personal-fandom-ramblings]

Yeah, I had TOO much fun waiting for HP 7 part 2 xD And now I'm a hopeless Drarry fan OwO And so in love with Tom Felton! >m<