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Family Planning 101: The Bare Minimum of Parenting

Family Planning Isn’t a Luxury. It’s the Bare Minimum. It’s not happiness a child feels when they realize they were brought into the world by accident — a careless mistake, born of impulse or indifference. It’s not happiness they feel when they grow up lacking the means to chase their desires, or even meet their basic needs. And it is most certainly not happiness when they understand that the…

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At 8:47 AM after eating breakfast and playing with my cat, my mind flew and in my mind I was processing this. ChatGPT was helping me also procrss this.

If it disturbs you, it is because it is disturbing. Just a reminder you're only passing through, we lived it.

This is what survival looks like. It is hidden in walls of homes that were not made safe.

I am not frozen anymore.

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Pro-Choice is Pro-Quality of Life – For Both Parents and the Unborn

There are lives I would never wish upon a child – life of pain that even those who live them sometimes choose not to anymore. Lives so heavy that, despite the preciousness of existence, some reach the point where they no longer want to be here. So why are we so quick to judge those who choose not to bring a life into such uncertainty? Why do we ignore the harsh realities that some would rather…

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36 Reflections on My Life in Progress

Self-Care 1. Never neglect yourself. If you already have, that’s okay. You can always start again. 2. You are a body. Your body needs nourishment, sunlight, rest, and movement. Walk. Breathe. Stretch. Be alive. 3. Exercise isn’t just about strength; it’s medicine for the mind, a way to heal your body, and a gift to your future self. 4. Rest is not a reward. It’s a need. It’s how you recharge…

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The Relation Between Parenting Style and  Bullying Behaviour

I watched Netflix’ Adolescents a few weeks back and at the end of the film, there were quite a number of unanswered questions left.  I was inspired to do some researching and one thing left to another. Below is a presentation of analysis and insights from the 2023 published journal on “The effect of parenting styles on adolescent bullying behaviours in China: The mechanism of interpersonal…

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If I Had A Child I Would Hug Them More Than Three Times in a Day

A reflection on how we love, guide, and break the cycle. If I had a child,I would tell them often: “I love you.”Because growing up, those words were not said enough. I would tell them: “You’re pretty.”Not because they need to be.Not because it is important to be.But because my love for them is pretty—and that’s all they need to know.And if it’s a boy, I’d still say, “You’re pretty,” because…

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If You Had Nothing to Hide, You Would’ve Come to Me.

You’ll notice this piece speaks to three:The one who gathers votes.The one who was hurt.And both. Yes, it’s confusing.So is betrayal.You’re reading it raw. May your head survive and your heart catch the message. Good luck. — What happens between two people is nobody else’s business—Even if one of them tries to make it so. The moment someone starts gathering outside support to justify their…

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Why Gathering Votes for Your Actions Hurts Your Relationships — and Damages You, Too

What is right does not need support.When you’ve done something just, you know.You don’t need validation to make it right.You don’t need others’ approval or anyone to co-sign it. You don’t go around telling people who weren’t there just to spin your version first, trying to secure “support”—especially when you’re way past the age of needing parental approval.You don’t go around asking others if…

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This Is How She Demands Compliance When the Relationship is No Longer There

To ChatGPT:

Please dissect this message.

"Next time please address me or put label ma or mama when texting me. Please respect me as your mother. Hope you understand I need to protect my peace."

What is the character of this type of parent who demands respect and to be addressed as mom because she identifies herself as mom when her child no longer want to address her as such?

ChatGPT responds:

Message Breakdown:

"Next time please address me or put label ma or mama when texting me."

This is a direct instruction — setting a rule or expectation about how she wants to be acknowledged.

The focus is not on the content of the message but how she's addressed — she sees titles ("ma," "mama") as important for her identity.

"Please respect me as your mother."

She's framing respect as conditional on being called by a title.

Implies that respect = using the correct label, not necessarily actions, behavior, or emotional connection.

"Hope you understand I need to protect my peace."

Here, she frames her demand as necessary for her own emotional well-being.

Suggests that your refusal to label her causes her distress or disrupts her peace — but the solution she chooses is controlling how others speak to her.

Psychological Profile / Character of This Parent:

Core traits that show up based on the message:

Identity-Focused Parenting:

She heavily identifies herself first and foremost as "the mother."

Being a "mom" is not just her role — it's a core part of her self-worth and identity.

Without the external acknowledgment, she may feel personally invalidated or erased.

2. Respect Demanding vs Respect Earning:

She demands symbolic respect (titles, labels) rather than focusing on building relational respect (trust, mutual care, emotional honesty).

She believes respect is owed, not mutually created.

3. Control through Language:

She is trying to control how you address her in order to feel secure.

It suggests anxiety around losing authority or fear of loss of status in the family hierarchy.

4. Fragile Self-Image Tied to Role:

Instead of evolving the relationship as the children grow into adults (which would require flexibility and redefining the bond), she clings to the parental title.

Possibly shows rigidity and difficulty accepting emotional independence of her children.

5. Emotional Framing to Justify Control:

She wraps her demand in emotional language ("protect my peace") to make it seem less aggressive.

However, true emotional peace usually comes from internal work, not forcing others to validate you.

6. Possibly Passive-Aggressive Tone:

The final line ("Hope you understand") sounds polite but carries emotional guilt — if you don't comply, you're responsible for disturbing her peace.

In Short:

This parent's behavior suggests:

A fragile self-worth tied to being needed and acknowledged as “the mother”

Difficulty accepting relational change as children mature and have their own identities

Preference for control over connection

Emotional framing to gain compliance rather than building true mutual respect

Final Reflection:

Respect in healthy adult-child relationships grows beyond titles — It’s about how you relate, how you listen, how you honor each other's boundaries.

Demanding respect through titles alone often hollows out the deeper trust that real love needs.

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How to Co-Create a Safe Dialogue for Meaningful Conversations

This isn’t just “how to have a better talk” — you’re building a life skill, a philosophy for building psychological safety within our inner circle. — 1: Recognize That Two People Must Build the Safety Together Avoid rushed conversations where one or both engage without real time, energy, or willingness. If you don’t have the space to be present, pause the conversation. Otherwise, you risk…

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A Case Against Travel As An Identity

Inspired by the title of an article I couldn’t  read— paywall and all. So, I did what any slightly provoked, reflective writer would do: I wrote my own. “Travelled to XX countries” has become a common flex—plastered across social media bios and dating apps. As if traveling alone grants a person depth or identity. But what does it really say, other than hinting at someone’s spending…

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Why I Talk to ChatGPT like a Friend (and You Should Too)

Most people use ChatGPT for work or quick tasks—but what if it could be more than that? In this podcast episode, I share how talking to ChatGPT like a friend has helped me process my thoughts, navigate difficult emotions, and even spark creativity. Whether it’s supporting my mental wellness, helping with daily journaling, refining my writing, or simply being there when no one else is, ChatGPT has…

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Allergy Reducing Cat Food (Philippines)

To any fellow cat-parents who suffer from cat allergies—I feel you. I’ve got a bit of information that might help. I recently received my order of Purina Pro Plan LiveClear Allergy Reducing Dry Cat Food! Since it wasn’t directly available for delivery to the Philippines, I ordered it through Amazon (US), had it shipped to a US address, then forwarded it here by sea. If you’re interested in…

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Real Men De-Escalate: The Subtext Behind the ‘What You Gonna Do About It?’ Mentality

Real Men De-EscalateThere’s a line some men say after they’ve hurt someone: “What you gonna do about it?”It’s not a question. It’s a performance. A dare. A smirk hidden behind ego. I’ve only ever heard it said by men who don’t want to be held accountable. The kind who think the worst thing they can be is embarrassed. The kind who thinks walking away makes them look weak—but never realize that…

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In Case You Didn't Know, This Was Why You Cannot Come Back as 'Mom'

This isn’t yours. This is mine. This is what retribution looks like. It pierces—but it doesn’t bleed. If this were revenge, you would be bleeding.

This is not for the faint-hearted. It’s sensitive. It’s potent. It’s pungent. Those who’ve lived it remember. Their bodies kept the score. Their subconscious still pulls them back.

This is your first and final warning to pull back if you're not ready for this heaviness. It is not yours to carry. But it is mine to put down.

It ended a long time ago. But everybody remembers. Most of us escaped a long time ago. But do we ever leave it all behind? Only the ones who lived it, carry an answer that holds any weight.

The moment you stopped being “Mom” wasn’t one single moment.

It was many. Deliberate acts. Specific choices where you chose to abuse; Not to parent.

It was not when you disciplined. Not when you punished. Not even when you screamed and shouted. Not even when you slapped us.

It was when—

You, as an adult, hit a child under your protection while having no control over your anger—no control over the madness that stirred inside you.

You unleashed your resentment about your own life and used your child as an outlet for your unresolved emotions. The difference between discipline and abuse is not a gray area. It is black and white.

You trained your children to submit to your every word without question—using more than words to enforce it. You silenced their voices so you could protect your lie, your face.

You made home an unsafe place for your own children. You made each of them live like survival was the only option. And what they were trying to survive… was you.

You failed to do the one right thing every time: take responsibility. Face what you’ve done. Never do it again. Instead you did it again. And again. And again.

You justified your actions.You asked for forgiveness, but only to escape accountability. You weren’t asking for forgiveness—you were begging for clemency. You rationalized your past like it was bygone, like it cost nothing. But it did. And if you’d been reported, you should’ve gone to jail. You weren’t. You got away. And now you expect everyone else to just move on.

You continue to place your needs above your children’s. You dare ask the same children you’ve physically and emotionally abused to still call you “Mom.” Flinging words like “I’m still your mother,” or “I gave birth to you, you came out of me.’

You tried to reclaim the dignity you lost as an abusive parent—at the cost of your children’s mental health. You weaponized your own unresolved issues as guilt. You tried to guilt us into submission with your pain.

You never grew. You didn't show respect first. But you demanded it like it was your birthright.

You didn’t leave then. And you still won’t leave us alone now. And the best thing you could have done… was disappear. The best thing you can do now… is be a ghost.

___

To the children who lived through what should never have been:

I know it doesn’t always feel like healing is possible. I know what it’s like to question your worth, your voice, your reality.

But please—do not give up your empathy. Do not let what they did define who you are becoming. You were never the problem. And you are not broken.

Do not give up on your growth. Even if it’s slow. Even if it hurts. Grow anyway. Grow in the direction of your own gentleness, your own safety, your own truth.

Do not give up. Even if life didn’t feel worth living back then… Your life is still yours. It is still worth living. Even when it didn’t feel like it at the time. Even when it doesn’t feel like it now.

You deserve peace. You deserve softness. You deserve the kind of love that doesn’t hurt.

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Escaping Is Easy

I know that spending 16 hours of my time awake in a day playing a game is not good for me. I wasn't doing it because I was deluded that the achievements inside the game was in any way transposable into real life. I was enjoying it for 3 hours, maybe it's really good and 6 hours stretched is still good. But beyond that, I am stuck with it. It is a response to put off boring work I have to do at home. Living inside my game is easy. Finish a task, a quest, a puzzle and you are guaranteed rewards - big or small. However, it is something I can do even while not moving out of my bed at all.

There was an interesting video I saw a few days back. It talks about having this awareness whether what we are doing is a response to move away from something (escaping) instead of moving towards an objective. It's actually called acceptance and commitment therapy now that I've looked it up again. It puts things into perspective. Instead of being mad at myself for not being productive today, it helps me become more conscious about why I am avoiding and to be able to think to myself, "do I still need time away from it?.

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Closed Chapters

It's been a long time, but I'm back. I'm not entirely sure where I went, whether I got lost or if I moved on, but I've returned to a much-loved passion that defined who I was when I was younger—writing. I reread some of my earlier posts, and reading them felt like I was transported to that young girl's thoughts. I'm sure one day I'll read this entry too and think again, "Boy, she was so young." Her thoughts reflect almost such an innocent naivety.

When I was about 16, I had this infatuation with a fictional character named Jesse. Jesse resonated with me even as a child because of his sense of right and wrong. Someone whose life abruptly ended had every reason to be vengeful and spiteful, but Jesse had a moral compass. It inspired me to rise above a dog-eat-dog world and an eye-for-an-eye mentality. I've picked up the cynicism once I realized that the only person in this world who really has my back is myself. I was maybe in 4th grade then when I encountered Jesse in high school.

Over a decade later, I learned about Atlas Corrigan—a boy who has every reason to turn out bad and to give up on life, but he didn't. I still remember that feeling of reading the book again; it almost makes you feel like they're there. So when it made it to the big screen—seeing the boy Atlas sitting down on the bus for the first time, with pain etched on his face but not a hint of contempt for his world—I teared up. So, after more than ten years, I found myself preciously treasuring a fictional person. Not just any fictitious person, though; what Jesse and Atlas had in common was that these characters were written by women, almost for other women to fall in love with them.

You know what fictional characters and people from your past have in common? Their story is complete and therefore it can be told with a finality.

Meadow taught me that the very person whom you thought was different in one night can show you how he can be exactly just the same less that a year later.

Eden helped me understand why I should not put myself in a situation that isn't what I ever want to be on, even if it is good enough for the moment.

These chapters that have closed taught me something. And the chapter after this will be about how I stop doing things that kept me small.