phillestatos

[phillestatos]

the phodcast

summary: “So no phodcast for us,” Phil finishes. 

“Phodcast,” Jack raises an eyebrow. “What’s… um, what’s the ph?”

or: podcast hosts analyzing dan and phil, as hosts tend to do.

“You guys are terrific at this, seriously,” Dan tells them, not for the first time, and it seems like it’s not going to be the last time, either. Tommy does his best to not latch onto to another older, cooler YouTuber who happens to be nice to him. “Me and Phil could never figure out how to do a podcast.” 

“I would, like,” Phil gestures vaguely towards the mics set up, “trip and fall over the mic stand.” 

“And it’d break into tiny pieces and go like, inside your nose or something,” Dan continues, moving the mic up and down now. “Phil inhales toxic mic particles and it nearly kills him is something that could happen, y’know.” 

“So no phodcast for us,” Phil finishes. 

How easy was that? They fall into finishing each other’s bits so easily. Tommy’s riffed with a lot of mates before, but Dan and Phil don’t seem to notice when they do it. 

“Phodcast,” Jack raises an eyebrow. “What’s… um, what’s the ph?” 

“Oh, that’s—” Dan glances at Phil, then at Jack, and waves his hand like saying don’t worry about it. “Our fans love to add ph to words, like, for phan? So, Dan and Phil are phan, and we live together, so our house it’s the phouse. So, if we made a podcast, it’d be—”  

“Phodcast,” Tommy says, and it sounds ridiculous, but it makes him laugh. “That’s fucking hilarious.” 

“Isn’t it?” Dan asks with a smile. He pats Tommy’s shoulder like an awkward uncle would, filling him with such warmth, and Tommy reminds himself he already has all the adult role models he needs. “That’s what I mean, though, our audience is so fucking funny.” 

“They rub off on us,” Phil nods. 

“It’s like a parasocial seesaw,” Jack reasons, like he’s discovered something deep and profound. “But seriously, thank you guys for being amazing guests.” 

“Who are not on fire,” Tommy adds. 

“That joke’ll land eventually, Tom,” Jack says. Prick. 

“Thank you guys for being our cubed hosts,” Phil shakes their hands earnestly, and before Tommy gets to ask Cubed? Dan cuts in, as he tends to do. 

“Cubed?” Dan frowns comically. “What, ‘cause they’re Minecraft youtubers?” 

“I’m not even that deep in Minecraft anymore,” Tommy defends, voice laced with a jokey tone. He wants to see it again: the stupid, magical riffing they have going on. “Seriously, man, we just went through that.” 

“Well, I didn’t know what to make a pun with,” Phil stares at Dan, with the same mock exasperation. “Our British mannerism hosts.” 

“British mannerisms,” Dan repeats. 

“Yeah.” 

“What—what is that, Phil. Look, you’re scaring Jack.” 

“I’m not scaring Jack. It’s ‘cause—” He gestures at Tommy, “he’s Tommyinnit. Innit. It’s a joke, Daniel.” 

“It wasn’t that good,” Jack says, trying to not laugh. “And I’m saying that because the joke doesn’t include me.” 

“No, come on! I have such a tough crowd today.” 

“Aw, look at that—Phil turning whiny! Sorry, guys, he’s used to performing for his adoring fans who think he’s always funny,” and Tommy likes that: that tone of voice Dan has, the one that tells him he’s joking, but he’s genuinely proud of what he’s saying. He locks eyes with Tommy, as if asking You see this guy? See what I have to put up with? 

Tommy would really, really like to keep in touch with him. 

“Let’s grab a bite together,” Tommy blurts out. “Like, after, when you’re not running a tour and everything. I would love to talk to you guys more.” 

“You got our number,” Phil says. “And hey, if you get into drama again with a very toxic person, just call us.” 

“We’re your dads now.” 

“Will you fight the battles for Tom, though, or will it be the butch lesbian you hire?” Jack asks them.  

That makes Dan cackle. “It’ll definitely be the butch lesbian.” 

They leave together, greeting all the staff behind them, stopping for a quick chat with Harry before they’re gone for good. Tommy watches them leave, trying to reconcile everything: doing YouTube for that long and still loving it? He’s twenty and he wants to quit. 

Jack grabs their folders and gives him a look. “Pretty fucking good guests, huh?” 

“Massive aura.” 

“They took all the aura in the room with them,” Jack says. “But, like… I wanna ask something, but I don’t want you to be weird about it.” 

“Aight,” Tommy picks up the guest mics as Jack speaks. “Mate, you are making it weird by saying that.” 

“Yeah, I know, fuck off. Do you think, like… are they dating?” 

“I mean, obviously,” Tommy replies. 

“What do you mean, obviously?” Jack sputters. “You don’t understand. I googled.” 

“I mean, yeah,” Tommy takes out his phone, unlocks it. “Siri, are Dan and Phil gay?” 

“Dan and Phil, also known as AmazingPhil and Daniel Howell, came out in 2019—” 

Jack puts Tommy’s phone down. “That is not what I’m talking about.” 

“I don’t know, man, it was pretty obvious and it’s none of my business. I told them to dress up as me and my future girlfriend and they didn’t complain!” 

Jack sighs deeply. “Okay, so I wasn’t just seeing things. I don’t know. Google was weird about it. But like, that whole Our favorite movie was Kill Bill.” 

“Bit crazy.” 

“Insane,” Jack nods. “Have you never watched the coming out video?” 

“No, but like, I’m thinking of binging their channels and like, take notes.” 

“Okay, when you do—like, there is a part in Dan’s video where he talks about this, but the way he said it, I was like: oh, so it’s like that. And then I watched the show last night, and I was like, ohh. Huh. And now I’m like—mate, I got questions.” 

It wasn’t confusing, really. How else would they make their careers work if not by being together? One of them picks up the other’s slack, and they grew up in this internet sphere entirely different from Tommy’s—that’s the type of shit that only love survives. Even when it didn’t actually survive. Not that he’d know. 

“Oh, totally,” Tommy remembers them, again, talking about tours and not giving up and something that makes him happy. Looking over your shoulder and saying this YouTube thing is crazy to someone that totally understood it. “God, I kinda want what they have.” 

Jack pats them. “Good luck. You’ll find a girl someday.” 

“Yeah, one day.” 

“Or, like—you were baptized as a twink. Maybe a guy.” 

Tommy laughs through his nose. “Yeah, one day, mhm-hmm.” 

[phillestatos]

~steady hand~

[phillestatos]

hypothetically if i had writer's block and hypothetically if i were celebrating rpf tourney win: does anyone have fic prompts lol

[phillestatos]

they should bring back younow because i miss the opportunity to ask dan and phil their opinions on shit theyd never discuss otherwise and all because someone paid for a message. Guys what's your favorite xiv expansion

it's so fucked up that we've yet to have any sort of dan and phil content that isn't like a 3 hour video of them talking about final fantasy like i already know 7 is your favorite idgaf (i do gaf actually but i already know) but it's the little things .. they had a cactus named ultimecia.. the final fantasy shrine.. like they got some lightning merch and yet theyve been DEAD silent about the lesbians in ff13.. phil using terra's theme during mark of oxin.. NO comment on final fantasy 15.. the off ff9 references sprinkled here and there.. and no 3 hour essay from dan about the themes in endwalker.. like guys i don't even want a tour i just want to hear you talk about this. come on

[phillestatos]

@amazingphil @danielhowell did you guys even gaf about final fantasy 7 crisis core.. what do y'all know about zack fair omg

it's so fucked up that we've yet to have any sort of dan and phil content that isn't like a 3 hour video of them talking about final fantasy like i already know 7 is your favorite idgaf (i do gaf actually but i already know) but it's the little things .. they had a cactus named ultimecia.. the final fantasy shrine.. like they got some lightning merch and yet theyve been DEAD silent about the lesbians in ff13.. phil using terra's theme during mark of oxin.. NO comment on final fantasy 15.. the off ff9 references sprinkled here and there.. and no 3 hour essay from dan about the themes in endwalker.. like guys i don't even want a tour i just want to hear you talk about this. come on

[phillestatos]

it's so fucked up that we've yet to have any sort of dan and phil content that isn't like a 3 hour video of them talking about final fantasy like i already know 7 is your favorite idgaf (i do gaf actually but i already know) but it's the little things .. they had a cactus named ultimecia.. the final fantasy shrine.. like they got some lightning merch and yet theyve been DEAD silent about the lesbians in ff13.. phil using terra's theme during mark of oxin.. NO comment on final fantasy 15.. the off ff9 references sprinkled here and there.. and no 3 hour essay from dan about the themes in endwalker.. like guys i don't even want a tour i just want to hear you talk about this. come on

[phillestatos]

i kinda had hoped their project wasn't a tour though not just bc i live in the middle of nowhere but also bc i don't like their stage personas...... i wanted the conspiracy tweet to be abt a video SO bad......

[phillestatos]

omg hiiiiiiiiiiii <3 haven’t seen around in a while!!!!

hi hello!!!! it's good to see you!!!!!! yeah i remembered this acc after i got back to watching dnp and i don't feel like making original posts on my main so i dust this off whenever i have a thought i can't shake LOL. i hope you've been well!!!!!!!!

[phillestatos]

can someone ask dan and phil to address the conspiracy theory that dan used to send himself comments on younow so he would have an excuse to talk about things he wanted during his livestreams cause genuinely did he do that or did we all just decide to believe in it

[phillestatos]

"rpf is fine" says the most rpf'd man on youtube

[phillestatos]

idk if u rmr me but we used to be friends (i think i used to go by lex) n i got reminded of this blog yesterday lol... i got surprised its active today but super cool we both still like dnp. have a great day!!

omg HEY HI it's been so long !!!!!! i had one thought i needed to dust off and i was like do i have the credentials for this blog. i do. i cant believe we were literally connected through time and space and universe etc IF U STILL WANNA BE MUTUALS JUST DM ME ILL GIVE U MY @ OK!!!! ITS NICE TO SEE YOU!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT DAY TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[phillestatos]

we're never gonna get a dnp play xiv video because their characters are probably married in game and they dont want anyone to know. like guys please show me your house. how was the 'getting a house in xiv' process. you guys want to play dawntrail on your channel so bad. you want to SO BAD. you have FRAMED PICTURES of your miqotes and you will NOT play it?? clear p12s for us dan and phil or are you scared we'll see you're MARRIED . SHOW ME THE CATBOY WEDDING

[phillestatos]

incrowrrupted by fireworks

genre: fluff

warnings: none

summary: Phil plans a trip to Altissia to propose to Dan, because there isn’t a more romantic place than Altissia, right? Right. Thing is, he forgot the Moogle-Chocobo Carnival was a thing. It’s just his luck, isn’t it?

words: 1.8k

a/n: My contribution for the @pinofsappreciation project! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY NIKKI @pinofs!!!!!!! sorry this isn’t a SERIOUS fic, i thought abt something that you could like and TECHNICALLY it’s not a ffxv au…technically. slightly. idk. i thought about this as soon as i found out abt the project and yet the idea it’s not quite a ffxv au. go me.

i wanted to name it something else than The Hell Song I Shall Not Mention, but i thought i could let it pass because the main quest IS named that, and also, it’s a pun bc kenny crow is the only good man in my life

i hope you enjoy this nikki!!!!!! happy birthday!!!! ily!!! :D

Maybe Phil should’ve planned this through.

When he said to his longtime boyfriend, “Hey, let’s go to Altissia,” he meant it so he could have a good place to propose, not…

Phil sighs, staring up at the giant carnival. He just wanted to propose, not to assist to a carnival. He had forgotten entirely of what was going on that day. It’s only his luck that one of the most important days of his life had to also overlap with the Choco-Mog Carnival.

“The Carnival!” Dan exclaims with a bright smile. “I forgot this was going on!”

Phil nods. Yeah, he forgot too.

Before he could reply that it wasn’t on his plans to come to the Carnival, a tall person wearing a Chocobo hat and t-shirt stops in front of them, shaking their hands animatedly.

“Welcome to the Carnival!” he says energetically. “Would you like to wear outfits appropriate for this marvelous time of the year?”

“What…kind of outfits?” Phil asks, wearily. The little box on his jacket weighs a little, but since he’s already here, might as well go with it, right?

The guy points out to their right, where there’s a big clothing shop. In the exhibitions, there are two mannequins – one of them wearing the same outfit the attendant is, and the other one wearing…

“Is that a Mariachi chocobo-moogle outfit?” Dan asks, frowning slightly at the exhibition.

“Why, yes! Would you be interested in wearing them?”

“…I gotta admit the jacket is pretty cool,” Dan hums. “Pretty snazzy.”

“Don’t say that,” Phil laughs a little, but nods at the attendant anyways. “I want the shirt, please.”

“Follow me!”

There’s a bit of meddling around, trying to get past the millions of people, until they finally make it to the store.

As he’s changing, Phil takes a deep breath. It’s fine, he can do this. It’s barely 1pm. He has plenty of time to propose to Dan.

He just needs to be in the highest place for when the firework show begins. Maybe his proposal wouldn’t get so hijacked if he could propose in the middle of the fireworks, right?

He wonders if he’s making a bigger deal out of it than he should. He figures, it’s Dan — they’ve been together for eight years now. He shouldn’t be so nervous about this. But also, it’s Dan, the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with and for some reason the thought is terrifying. There is always the chance that it’s not what they both want, and it’s scaring him to death.

He comes out of the dressing room with his new Chocobo t-shirt, just in time to see Dan fiddling with the sombrero on his hands.

“You should put it on,” Phil grins mischievously. “It’d look great.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “I’m pretty sure it’d just be straight up offensive. I’m good with the jacket, thank you.” He stares at Phil with a smile taking over his face. “You look like a true Chocobo lover.”

Phil spins around a little, staring down at his t-shirt. “I am a Chocobo lover. I feel like I’m in my right nature, you know?” He looks at Dan up and down. “Your outfit is pretty cool, too.”

“Snazz—”

“No. Come on, let’s keep going around.”

—

For lack of better words, Altissia is breathtaking. Phil hasn’t been here often — not like he can, anyway, he’s busy and Altissia is miles away from Insomnia, but every time he comes around the city keeps blowing him away. Dan’s eyes are almost sparkling with excitement as he looks up all around him.

Phil’s not sure what endears him the most — the city, or Dan. He wants to do it; just get down on one knee and open the box, but just as he thinks that, a man walks between them and grabs Phil by his shoulders.

“My baby chicks!” he yells. Phil frowns, staring frantically between Dan and the guy. “They’re lost!”

“Your what?” Dan asks, grabbing the man’s arms and pulling him off Phil. “Chicks?”

“My chocobos,” the man laments, putting his head on his hands. “I’ve lost my baby chocobos, all fifteen of them—”

“Fifteen?” Phil’s frown deepens. “Why would you bring fifteen baby chocobos?”

“It’s a Chocobo-moogle carnival, boy. I wanna show ‘em off. Please,” he sniffs, “please help me find them.”

Dan and Phil look at each other, and Phil already knows the answer: they can’t say no. Immediately, they’re on their way to find the missing fifteen chocobos.

—

“I think we’re lost,” Dan hums after going up and down the same stairs thirty-times.

“Yeah, no kidding,” Phil says, staring up at the sky. The sun is going down, and they only have found two chocobos — both are on Phil’s arms as he jogs up and down the stairs — and have already gotten lost in the big city. “I think we should go all the way up?”

“You think so?” Dan looks at both of the chocobos in Phil’s arms. “You really think baby chocobos will climb that high?”

Phil shrugs as best as he can when he’s carrying two heavy baby birds. “It’s worth the try.”

“You want me to pick one up?”

“Kweh!” the baby Chocobo says, and Dan laughs as he picks it up. “Kweh-kweh-kweh!”

“I think it likes you,” Phil grins a bit. Dan nuzzles the Chocobo and Phil melts on spot.

He really, really wants to propose right now.

“Hey, Dan?”

Dan looks up.

Phil swallows a bit. “I wanted to ask you —” his eyes focus on what’s behind Dan, upstairs. “Hey, another Chocobo!”

They both rush upstairs, and once they get there, they pick up the new Chocobo, already a bit out of breath.

“What did you want to ask?”

“Um…” Phil backtracks. Why did his nerves get the best of him? “How are we gonna carry fifteen chocobos?”

“…You know, I didn’t stop to think about it.” Dan’s lips form a perfectly straight line. “I think we fucked up.”

—

Seven chocobos later and several bad situations where Phil thought about proposing, it’s 6pm, which means there’s about two hours until the firework show begins. And Dan just keeps getting distracted. Phil loves him and all, but he’d love him more if he stopped ruining his plans every five seconds.

He’s been here for twenty minutes as Dan discusses aesthetics with the lady who runs the decorations.

The lady looks like she’s about to hit his boyfriend. “The instructions say ‘for every kweh, there is a kupo’,” she says, barely holding back her rage.

Dan, of course, isn’t chill. “Yeah, but it’s ugly that way. There’s no aesthetic. Two chocobos and two moogles next to each other on a row isn’t a good choice.”

Phil rolls his eyes fondly. Dan’s passionate about a lot of things, even silly things as how chocobos and moogles should be arranged. His heart squeezes, and Phil wonders how awkward it would be for the lady if he just got down in one knee and proposed.

“Dan, just place the things as the instructions say,” Phil pleads, snapping out of his proposal ideas, remembering the chocobos he’s trying to not let go. “We’re wasting our time. We got eight chocobos to go.”

“But…”

“Dan.”

Dan frowns at the lady for a few moments, but ultimately lets it go. “I hope you know I hate you,” he mutters, but still picks up the chocobos and walks close to Phil.

Phil wonders if it’s possible to love someone more.

—

Fifteen baby chocobos delivered in a basket later, Phil finally gets Dan to the boat to get a perfect view of the fireworks. He tries his best to not get motion sick, but again: much like his plan this entire day, he didn’t think this through.

Dan is sitting across him, in awe at the entire scenario developing in front of him. People are getting ready to see the fireworks, and Dan grows more excited every second that passes. Phil is in love, but also, he’s really sick.

A boat wasn’t a good idea, definitely.

Still, he takes a deep breath, and grabs Dan’s hand.

“So, I want to tell you something. Or, more like, I want to ask you something.”

Dan raises his eyebrows. “What is it? Is everything okay? You’re looking slightly green…”

Crap.

“We’ve been together for eight years now, and I love you, and— there is a giant black thing coming at full speed in that boat.”

“What?”

“LOOK OUT!” Phil throws himself on top of Dan, effectively knocking each other off the boat.

The cold water receives Phil with open arms, and he almost yells, until he remembers he’s underwater and that’s not a clever idea. Both he and Dan resurface, taking a deep breath.

“What the fuck happened?” Dan asks, voice shaking.

Phil turns around to look at their boat. The black figure suddenly makes sense for Phil — and it’s both a betrayal and a shocking revelation.

“Kenny Crow is in our boat,” he deadpans, pointing at Kenny, who’s stretching his legs and downing on a bottle of water without stopping to breathe. “He… he kicked us out of our own boat.”

Dan stares at Kenny Crow for a good solid minute. “Kenny fucking Crow stole our boat.” He stops, swallows, and says in the most broken voice in the world: “Do you know how much money I’ve spent at the Crow’s Nest? I… I can’t ever go back!”

“Is he breathing?” Phil asks, concerned, because seriously — he hasn’t stopped to breathe. He’s still drinking the water.

“I’m not sure.” Dan frowns. “Kenny Crow ruined your marriage proposal.”

“Yeah he—wait, what? How did you know?”

“Well, what other kind of questions begins by stating how long we’ve been together?”

Phil pouts. “You don’t know. Maybe I was about to ask you to let me steal one of the baby chocobos.”

Dan snorts. “You’re right, I should’ve known.” He looks at Phil. “My answer is yes, by the way.”

“To the Chocobo or the marriage proposal?”

“The marriage proposal, you idiot.”

Phil’s heart starts racing, but surprisingly, he feels calm. “That’s great. I’m glad you said yes.”

“Yeah, but I expect an actual proposal back in Insomnia, alright?”

“You got it.” Phil stares down. “Hey, maybe we should get out of the water?”

“That’s a good idea!”

Phil gets to the dock and helps Dan up. It’s just in time as the fireworks start. They both sit down at the edge of it, Dan’s head resting on Phil’s shoulder as they see the first firework go off. It feels like a zoo inside Phil’s belly because he’s technically engaged, but also, there’s peace and warmth when he realizes this is what he’ll have for the rest of his life: a companion who’ll stick with him even when Kenny Crow steals their boat.

Just as he’s about to lean down and kiss Dan’s forehead, Kenny Crow speeds by in the boat, showering them in water again.

“MOTHERFUCKER—”

They’re never going back to Crow’s Nest.

[phillestatos]

okokok

so. this blog’s been dead for a while

annnnnnnnd thankfully i don’t write longfics so it’s easier for me to say that i don’t have intentions to post anything anytime soon. 

just. yknow. it’s kinda hard to come up with something to write when EVERYTHING’S been written and truth be told a lot better. plus i figure everyone eventually gets tired of me always writing pretty much the same thing. it’s always mindless fluff and i can’t come up with anything angsty or smutty so that’s a lost case.

feels like. everyone deserves better fics that better writers are providing. yknow. besides dnp are so grossly in love with each other what else could i ever write they’re a walking fanfiction and i love them god they’re so in love

i’m not saying OH I’LL NEVER EVER WRITE ABT THEM AGAIN because it will probably won’t be the case. i’ll probably fill prompts i see or i’ll do exceptions for friends but so far it’s been a whole month where i just didn’t feel like writing about my fav people. 

i think i’m better at watching them and commenting about their love than i am writing about it.

writing for this fandom has been an experience and one that i’m grateful for. there are times in fics i’ve published where people would just like things. like, 68 likes and 2 reblogs, and the reblogs wouldn’t say anything. and i would be like....well........did they like it? did they hate it? is there anything i could get better on?

and other times where fics i would be proud of that received that reaction and i would be like. WELP. I NEED TO IMPROVE BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO IMPROVE RIP. 

and then fics that would be absolutely well received and i’d be like OMG...THEY LIKED IT...FINALLY....I SHOULD KEEP IT THAT WAY 

it’s never stable and honestly, this fandom was my first time trying to write in english because it is my second language so every single upload was soooo intense.

but i still loved it even when i was met with little to not criticism/comments, whatever you wanna call it. the anxiety-inducing things that brought me writing here made me get better at writing and you know i kinda feel confident with what i write now. so that’s cool.

so thank you for the anxious days, and THANK YOU if you’ve ever let a tag, or a message, or a comment under a reblog because they’ve made my days countless of times. i’ve probably cried reading tags or messages and i wish i could repay you for making me feel better about everything i’ve written with your comments.

if i write anything i think is worth your time and your comments i won’t hesitate to publish it here.

idk how to end this

so long & goodnight

[phillestatos]

x

[phillestatos]

:0 can I write the outerminds au

YESSSSSS. YES FEEL FREE YOU'LL DO SUCH A GREAT JOB TAKE MY AU WITH U AND TAG ME IF U WRITE IT

[phillestatos]

The video game shit is really good!! 10/10 would definitely read it!! Why won't it see the light of the day??

I LITERALLY FORGOT I HAD IT. I LOST ANY INSPIRATION I HAD FOR IT LMAO rip @ me at 3 AM's idea i just don't know how to plot it :')obviously 3 am me had a better plan than current day me but thank you for thinking it was good!!!