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[philwittebane]

1.6.1902

I need a drink. ( Alcohol, that is. Clarification for all the kids who might read this when I’m famous. You should try it, it’s really good. )

[philwittebane]

buddy... you are living in the past... its june 1st

Dear Anonymous,

No, it is clearly

I was curious of your claim, so I went out to make sure I was certain. I have talked with a local, and you are correct. I don’t know how to feel about this turn of advents, but here we are. At least my birthday is coming sooner.

Friendly regards, Philip

[philwittebane]

23.4.1902

I ate a strange berry yesterday and I’ve been knocked unconscious for a couple hours. Definitely not touching that again. I feel extremely weak and frail, I feel as though I haven’t eaten in nearly 2 months almost! But that is quite a silly thought.

[philwittebane]

22.4.1902 I am currently fighting for my life at the top of a tree right now, the huge boar is asleep. Hopefully I can break off a branch or something and sharpen and throw it at the boars head, then I am free to sneak away.

[philwittebane]

21.4.1902 I feel like freaking shite this morning. I was BLOODY HELL THE BOARS BACK!!!!!!!!

[philwittebane]

20.4.1902 Lately I've been trying to carve a huge wooden spoon. The blade I brought has gotten extremely dull within the past couple days, and I am having trouble. There are lots of splinters and I need band-aids.(band-aids are a word I invented.) Ooch owie! Ha-ha. I would say "ooch owie" but I am not a child. I saw some bees earlier, they looked normal but someone had set them on fire so I was unable to get wax. I will get some later to smoothen out the spoon.

[philwittebane]

hello

Dear Anonymous, Sorry for the long wait, I probably got this during my crunk trip. (drunk/high, word I invented, long story.) It feels great for a nice person to send me a magic letter. Regards, Philip

[philwittebane]

ask.

Dear Anonymous, Ask what? What do you want? Regards, Philip

[philwittebane]

shut up

Dear Anonymous, If I get another letter like this I will find a way to stop all these spells from coming. I know this is a witch spell. YOU. CANNOT. TRICK. ME. Cheers, Philip

[philwittebane]

20.4.1902

Apologizes for not having much entries yesterday. I got crunk (drunk/high, I invented the word to describe it) and I could barely even walk straight, whiskey does something to a man.

[philwittebane]

19.4.1902

I need whiskey.

[philwittebane]

19.4.1902 Two days. It's been two days. While running away from that blasted boar I hit my head on a low hanging branch. I've been passed out for TWO DAYS!!!! I'm also positive the boar attempted me eat me, but didn't go through with it. My trousers are terribly damaged. I'm so thirsty and hungry, I'm going to go to the nearest vilage vlige vliage yet again. Whatever, try to write with a headache. I am praying.

[philwittebane]

18.4.1902

Lord have mercy, the boar’s back.

[philwittebane]

17.4.1902

I’ve made it “home” safely. Going off to bed hopefully. I might take another berry to have me fall asleep faster, maybe it’ll even give me more interesting dreams!

[philwittebane]

17.4.1902

I can’t get the jar open, this is the worst day of my life.

[philwittebane]

17.4.1902

The village was bullocks. They all looked at me funny, and they called me phrases such as “smooth-ear” and “beard-freak”. So now I’m sulking off back to my cave. They did not even have potion witches, just witches that did all sorts of magic. They wouldn’t take my wood chips or coins as money. I might give that “Jeff Peanut Butter” or whatever it was called a try.

[philwittebane]

I hope the witches you met stab you 209 times

Dear Anonymous, I have not yet met any witches, I am hiking towards a village right now and I will probably arrive as soon as this letter sends to you, wherever or whoever you are. Is this a witch-spell you're using to contact me with? I just look down and there's a letter right there. I stepped on it, by the way. (I hope they stab you first.) Regards, Philip