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can my psychiatrist refuse to let me switch from them? my current one makes me uncomfy and i recently told them i was planning on switching but they wouldn’t let me go since i was discharged from the mental hospital recently

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okay so i could write a whole book on everything that i learned while in the mental hospital and i am so glad I took that step

I am so thankful for everything

I feel like i can live life now

I have never felt more in control post-brain injury

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being admitted

scared but hopeful

they don’t have a room for me tonight so they’re moving me tomorrow

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my mother in law talked to me about my thoughts

said I can’t kill myself because I’ve gotta pull through for the people that love me and God.

There are people that live for a God that may not even exist. I know love exists. I know I love the people in my life.

I’ll keep holding on for that. I just gotta keep that in my head for now and not let my other thoughts win

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“i contacted a hotline for the first time today

been clinically depressed and had suicidal intrusive thoughts with my OCD for years, has come to a breaking point recently to where I’ve almost acted on it, can barely move or do anything anymore and have seizures due to stress and anxiety a lot

proud of myself because i contacted a hotline before killing myself today and it helped me put some things into perspective and i think i have the necessary tools to get through this

I’ve never contacted a hotline before due to fear and my mom treating mental health facilities as a punishment I’d have to go to if I didn’t hide my depression/anxiety when I was younger and other various mental health issues”

posted this on Reddit earlier but thought it would fit better here

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contacted 988 for the first time today

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Fighting with myself

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kept up at night and plagued by the thoughts of wanting to just run out into the woods

If I’m meant to be found I will be

I can’t stop thinking about it

Just something keeps telling me that it’s time to go

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so I have a game plan now

My husband and I have already discussed what we’d do if I ended up having to go away for a bit for my mental health so we just kinda went over that again today

I’m calling my psychiatrist Monday and seeing if they have an earlier appointment and then I’m gonna go in and be completely and totally honest

I have had intent to kill myself

I think about suicide daily

I genuinely think I need help

I can’t go on living like this

And see what direction we go from there

I’m scared but I know I’m not alone. I have a good support system in my husband. I’m mortified at what the aftermath is going to be with my family but I can’t think about that right now

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had an experience where I didn’t feel like myself and wandered outside with the intent to wander off, like I was somebody else

Like someone was controlling my body

I just kept fighting myself internally

I just spaced out so much and everything felt so insignificant and a part of me felt like I needed to disappear

My husband came back in time before I did it

I’m worried about myself

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things feel different today

like a calm before a storm

I’m not sure how to describe it.

My mom asked if I wanted to meet her and my grandparents for lunch (kinda a long drive anyways) and I lied and said I was hungover and wouldn’t be able to make it

I don’t care if it makes me look bad

I’m sure I’ll make myself look worse very soon

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I promised my husband I’d get help today.

I’m so scared of taking these steps. Im so scared of being put away somewhere but I know I won’t be alone with him supporting me at least

My fear is strong but my love for my husband is stronger and I think I’m going to be honest with myself and accept that I need to do this before I do something I regret

I think it’s time

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gonna finish our shopping tomorrow, got really fatigued and was ready to cut our trip short

on the plush (hehe) side i had a good time and picked up this funky looking friend

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out with my husband shopping and I’m spacing out a lot it just feels like there’s so much going on and so much noise and i feel like I’m running on no sleep even though i got up at 9AM

I can’t process words and things are so slow and weird

I’m sitting in a Barnes and noble bathroom to regather myself

I still enjoy my time out with him but i wish it were easier for me

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going to bed and i feel better after eating and talking to my husband and mother in law

i get my ssi tomorrow so ill be able to get some extra stuff for the house and food and meds

it’ll be tiring to go to all the stores but i can hopefully take a nap when we get home

i trust in my husband it’s just hard to trust in myself and my own body to keep up with the things i do. No matter how small.

One day at a time

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Balloons...

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an example of how my brain works is I was with my husband and they were talking about finding a table at a restaurant but I couldn’t hear them because I was too focused on this dudes awesome fucking SpongeBob sweatshirt.