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you can’t make this stuff up

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in other words, he’s the best

aaron minyard no one loves you like i do… he's a 5 feet tall athlete who HATES sports. he's an ex coke addict studying to become a doctor. he goes clubbing every weekend. he has an identical twin who he simultaneously hates and loves with every fibre of his being. made a pussy blocker pact with said (gay) twin. same person who also killed his abusive mother in a car accident. he's secretly dating a cheerleader. he was charged with first degree murder of his brother’s rapist after crashing his skull with an exy racket. he won that trial. he goes to therapy every week but just sits in silence for 45 minutes like a fucking sociopath. he's lowkey kevin day's best friend. he speaks german.

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Madly into Andrew’s sense of humour, when he called Neil a Pinocchio — not just because he was a liar, but also because of Neil’s desperate desire to be a real boy.

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emotionally constipated but so aesthetically devastating. that’s my andrew minyard.

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most book series: same thing repeated for 10 books because the author (/publisher/etc.) wants money

aftg: Nora crashing down from the ceiling announcing spinoffs because the characters are haunting her, then scurrying back into the vents

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headcanon that andriel’s relationship progresses except it’s not a headcanon bc it actually happens and their relationship LITERALLY STARTS PROGRESSING IN THE BOOK so idc what the extra content says because i know they are trying and you can argue with the wall.

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I think people don't actually know what Andrew means when he says he hates Neil. He doesn't mean he actually hates Neil, that'd be an obvious lie. He means he hates that he wants Neil, when everything else he's ever wanted has turned to ash under his touch. He means he hates Neil because feeling apathetic about everything and everyone is much less painful than finding out you actually do care. He hates Neil because Neil gives him something to live for and when you've lived years on survival mode you'll find that living is much harder than dying.

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Top 10 moments before disaster

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kevin: you guys will never live up to neil josten.

his literal children: uhh, who’s that?

kevin (whispering): tch, embarrassing.

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kevin: i can’t imagine believing anything that comes out of neil’s mouth, you’re so stupid.

any fox inserted here: …did you not also think his name was neil josten when he was infact an entirely different person THAT YOU HAD MET BEFORE?!

kevin: …oh yeah i forgot about that.

any fox inserted here: how.

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THEM

Work’s finally chilled out a bit!

POV: Nicky is taking pictures of the team arriving for another match 🤭

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neil in tfc: “what am i doing?!” “i need to run” “i can’t get involved in this” “i want nothing to do with the mafia at all”

neil in tsc: “hey so i’m actually going to snipe you off the planet using my mafia affiliated uncle”

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you didn’t think aftg could get any worse until you remember that jean moreau exists. and you remember that his family sold him off to a disfigured mafia cult. and you remember that he’s lived in the nest for years. and you remember how the ravens treated him. and you remember he will never truly feel free. and you remember he’s always going to be considered property. and and AND AND. and you remember the tragedy that is jean moreau.

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strangers by ethel cain but everytime the bridge plays i think of jean moreau. “am i making you feel sick?” he is the epitome of tragic. i love you jean moreau.

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there’s something therapeutic about rereading a fic. especially when its in the top 5 best things you’ve ever read in your life. like fuck yeah i’m gonna sit here and reread a 150k word fic for the tenth time and yk what? it gets better every time.

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i saw something somewhere that someone said about “something in the orange” by zach bryan being andrew’s pov during baltimore and that is the most amazing and most beautiful tie EVER. “i poisoned myself again, somethin’ in the ORANGE tells me you’re never comin’ home?!” also the last line? “the grass, trees and dew, how i just hate you. please turn those headlights around.” okay i’m done, i think you get it.