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[pixie-rae]

We’re not having a baby!

And this is our “Not Pregnant” announcement!

Okay, but when will people please STOP defining women by their desire and ability (or lack thereof) to procreate?

Many women who can’t have children are heartbroken by it, and I am not for one second saying they should feel any other way, but how much of that is fueled by societal perceptions? Why are we made to feel like we must make our own child or else we’re a failure?

Where is the encouragement to find your unique happiness? To pursue and master something you love? To maybe adopt children who desperately need a family?

Be there to support the women in your life in whatever their sadness is, for as long as they need to be sad. But please stop telling them that they have to be upset. Accept their happiness just as you would their sadness.

When people ask why I don’t have kids yet, I used to tell them “I can’t” (because providing a reasonable excuse was easier than explaining I don’t want kids and choose not to have any).

I would immediately receive a very heartfelt “I am so sorry…”, which is genuinely kind of them.

But when I tell them how okay it is, how happy I am with my life and my body as it is, how fulfilled I am, they literally recoil and stare at me as if something were terribly wrong with me.

It turns out I am not “allowed” to be okay with me, not permitted to be happy about all of my abilities and disabilities.

I had a tubal ligation two years ago. I am still young, I’m 29 now, but I am as completely happy with that decision as I was when I made it.

We are happy that I can’t have a baby.

We are thrilled

Not in spite of our circumstances, because of them!

We love the opportunities and the challenges in our lives.

We pursue our careers, I do Ironman triathlons, he plays tennis, we cook and we explore and we get to know people of all ages.

We laugh a whole lot.

We are happy.

Because we aren’t having a baby.

[pixie-rae]

Louder for the people in the back!!

I think one of the worst things about being a girl who likes girls is that men always assume you share their male gaze. When I see a pretty girl I’m imagining what it’d be like to hold her hand and kiss her, not hoping a gust of wind blows her skirt up. I don’t plan my outings based on which place has the hottest girls. I don’t find it appropriate to make lewd comments about women. Just because I like girls doesn’t mean I like to disrespect them or prey on them the way you do.

[pixie-rae]

We’re not having a baby!

And this is our “Not Pregnant” announcement!


Okay, but when will people please STOP defining women by their desire and ability (or lack thereof) to procreate?

Many women who can’t have children are heartbroken by it, and I am not for one second saying they should feel any other way, but how much of that is fueled by societal perceptions? Why are we made to feel like we must make our own child or else we’re a failure?

Where is the encouragement to find your unique happiness? To pursue and master something you love? To maybe adopt children who desperately need a family?

Be there to support the women in your life in whatever their sadness is, for as long as they need to be sad. But please stop telling them that they have to be upset. Accept their happiness just as you would their sadness.

When people ask why I don’t have kids yet, I used to tell them “I can’t” (because providing a reasonable excuse was easier than explaining I don’t want kids and choose not to have any).

I would immediately receive a very heartfelt “I am so sorry…”, which is genuinely kind of them.

But when I tell them how okay it is, how happy I am with my life and my body as it is, how fulfilled I am, they literally recoil and stare at me as if something were terribly wrong with me.

It turns out I am not “allowed” to be okay with me, not permitted to be happy about all of my abilities and disabilities.


I had a tubal ligation two years ago. I am still young, I’m 29 now, but I am as completely happy with that decision as I was when I made it.

We are happy that I can’t have a baby.

We are thrilled

Not in spite of our circumstances, because of them!

We love the opportunities and the challenges in our lives.

We pursue our careers, I do Ironman triathlons, he plays tennis, we cook and we explore and we get to know people of all ages.

We laugh a whole lot.

We are happy.

Because we aren’t having a baby.

[pixie-rae]

☝️☝️☝️

[pixie-rae]

This photo was taken at Jökulsárlón Lagoon in Iceland. I spent 11 days hiking around the island last summer. “Nice” doesn’t even come close to describing it.

You can do that when you don’t have kids

I travel. A lot. Last year I took over 30 flights, visiting 20+ cities and 3 different countries. That doesn’t include road trips.

Growing up in a small town, I knew there was more out there. Each year we took small family trips to places like Hershey Park, the Jersey Shore, and the Adirondacks. They weren’t fancy trips but the goal was to explore places we had never been.

I was hooked.

I’m not going to get into the merits of travel or the benefits it has on individuals and the world as a whole - there are plenty of blogs out there for that. For me however, travel has always been something I’ve loved doing and in turn, something I’ve made a priority in my life.

Not everyone sees it that way. People see my travels and tell me how lucky I am. Yes, I am certainly lucky. I never go a single day without realizing how fortunate I am to live the life I have. But simply travelling doesn’t make me lucky.

Yesterday at work, I was talking about how I am looking forward to spending my summer doing some travelling. The response I received – that must be nice.

You know what? It is nice!

I have chosen to create a life for myself that lets me travel. I have chosen to create a life for myself where I am responsible for me. I have also chosen to surround myself with people who can do the same. It sure is nice.

Now, to be fair, that person wasn’t trying to be a jerk. They have a family and just taking off to Australia for two weeks isn’t feasible. That however is the life they chose.

My response?

You can do that when you don’t have kids.

[pixie-rae]

We’re not having a baby!

And this is our “Not Pregnant” announcement!


Okay, but when will people please STOP defining women by their desire and ability (or lack thereof) to procreate?

Many women who can’t have children are heartbroken by it, and I am not for one second saying they should feel any other way, but how much of that is fueled by societal perceptions? Why are we made to feel like we must make our own child or else we’re a failure?

Where is the encouragement to find your unique happiness? To pursue and master something you love? To maybe adopt children who desperately need a family?

Be there to support the women in your life in whatever their sadness is, for as long as they need to be sad. But please stop telling them that they have to be upset. Accept their happiness just as you would their sadness.

When people ask why I don’t have kids yet, I used to tell them “I can’t” (because providing a reasonable excuse was easier than explaining I don’t want kids and choose not to have any).

I would immediately receive a very heartfelt “I am so sorry…”, which is genuinely kind of them.

But when I tell them how okay it is, how happy I am with my life and my body as it is, how fulfilled I am, they literally recoil and stare at me as if something were terribly wrong with me.

It turns out I am not “allowed” to be okay with me, not permitted to be happy about all of my abilities and disabilities.


I had a tubal ligation two years ago. I am still young, I’m 29 now, but I am as completely happy with that decision as I was when I made it.

We are happy that I can’t have a baby.

We are thrilled

Not in spite of our circumstances, because of them!

We love the opportunities and the challenges in our lives.

We pursue our careers, I do Ironman triathlons, he plays tennis, we cook and we explore and we get to know people of all ages.

We laugh a whole lot.

We are happy.

Because we aren’t having a baby.

[pixie-rae]

You want to know the thing that keeps breaking my heart? Not only would these brave kids be facing unjust and possibly illegal suspension, a lot of them would likely be “disciplined” on arriving home (a.k.a. have the shit beat out of them). They would have peer support, media outcry, and legal assistance in a heartbeat if the school suspended them, but what happens at home, they would face entirely alone.

Remember this whenever you see coverage of walkouts in Deep South states. Consider what these incredible children are risking just to be safe at school.

If you live in one of these states, offer kids a safe place to stay for a few nights after a walkout or go home with them as a witness to ensure their safety. Look their parents in the eyes and let them know you are damn well watching. Help these brave young people change the world.

Reminder that protesting is worth getting suspended for

[pixie-rae]

Potent minimalist art sends a strong message about police and vigilante brutality in America

Journalist and artist Shirin Barghi has created a gripping, thought-provoking series of graphics that not only examines racial prejudice in today’s America, but also captures the sense of humanity that often gets lost in news coverage. Titled “Last Words,” the graphics illustrate the last recorded words by Brown and other young black people — Trayvon Martin, Oscar Grant and others — who have been killed by police in recent years.

Let us not forget their voices

[pixie-rae]

Video: Mario Dog

[pixie-rae]

We’re not having a baby!

And this is our “Not Pregnant” announcement!


Okay, but when will people please STOP defining women by their desire and ability (or lack thereof) to procreate?

Many women who can’t have children are heartbroken by it, and I am not for one second saying they should feel any other way, but how much of that is fueled by societal perceptions? Why are we made to feel like we must make our own child or else we’re a failure?

Where is the encouragement to find your unique happiness? To pursue and master something you love? To maybe adopt children who desperately need a family?

Be there to support the women in your life in whatever their sadness is, for as long as they need to be sad. But please stop telling them that they have to be upset. Accept their happiness just as you would their sadness.

When people ask why I don’t have kids yet, I used to tell them “I can’t” (because providing a reasonable excuse was easier than explaining I don’t want kids and choose not to have any).

I would immediately receive a very heartfelt “I am so sorry…”, which is genuinely kind of them.

But when I tell them how okay it is, how happy I am with my life and my body as it is, how fulfilled I am, they literally recoil and stare at me as if something were terribly wrong with me.

It turns out I am not “allowed” to be okay with me, not permitted to be happy about all of my abilities and disabilities.


I had a tubal ligation two years ago. I am still young, I’m 29 now, but I am as completely happy with that decision as I was when I made it.

We are happy that I can’t have a baby.

We are thrilled

Not in spite of our circumstances, because of them!

We love the opportunities and the challenges in our lives.

We pursue our careers, I do Ironman triathlons, he plays tennis, we cook and we explore and we get to know people of all ages.

We laugh a whole lot.

We are happy.

Because we aren’t having a baby.

[pixie-rae]

I had a uterine ablation 3 years ago. When people tell me that I’ll change my mind about not having kids, I respond “No, I won’t, I had my uterus burned up.”.

The stunned silence and scandalized stares never get old! You get inappropriate and overly personal about my reproduction, you’d better believe I’m going to do the same.

nothing is more satisfying when you’re childfree than when some rando tries to press into your business about not wanting to have kids, then goes off on the ‘but you’ll change your miiiiiiiind!!’ tangent only for me to tell them that I probably can’t medically have kids. : ) 

it immediately makes the other person feel like a douchenozzle for asking invasive questions. oh, you wanna hear about my personal medical problems and complicated personal relationship with my bits, huh? lemme tell you aaaaaaaaaaaaaalll about my fuckin uterine tumors and suspected PCOS if you’re that curious!

[pixie-rae]

The show you’re looking for is The 100. A main character is Bi, major supporting character is Gay, it has a romantic plot line for a middle aged couple, has major characters with disabilities, has an extremely diverse cast of actors, and shows and discusses things like prejudice and racism, and situtional depression versus depression as an illness.

Uprfront warning, it’s a pretty violent show. Post-apocalyptic type setting (but not a zombie show 🙅‍♀️).

It starts out a little hokey/juvenile and slow the first few episodes, and there is still a death of an LGBT character along the way (Although in this show a lot of people die and it doesn’t stick out as burying your gays. Also, the actor was cast in another show and was terminating their contract.), but it is honestly great and has become my favorite show.

Watching the lead live out their bisexuality in a normal, every day sort of way that’s never discussed or questioned, without even one word said about it specifically, is powerful to me in ways it’s hard to explain.

Basically, give the show a try. Make it popular. Support this kind of writing. Support this diverse cast. Suppport its plethora of representation.

Tbh, shows that have the "token lgbt+ character/s" who are then killed always comes off as more of a death threat or more of a "you shouldn't exist" message than actual representation. How do y'all see that trope? Same or different? -Paul^Phoenix Mythos

Okay, so I definitely get this feel from it. (This is referred to as the Bury Your Gays trope by the way.) 

I also get the feel that it pushes the idea that we don’t get to be happy either. Like yeah, maybe we do exist, but that our lives our filled with pain and misery. 

I know there are other blogs with better commentary and I know a fandomhateslgbt blog should be opening up soon. At least I think I saw something about that on @fandomshatewomen. I’m hoping to hear some more good commentary on it.

But yeah I definitely see it similar to you. I also hate that every show seems to focus on us being gay and then we die. Can’t I just be?? A normal character? Like it’s good to show stories about people coming out and their hardships - but you know what, I just want a show where someone is queer and it’s not explicitly mentioned by the other characters but it’s not..not mentioned either? Like someone takes home their girlfriend and it’s not seen as a shocker or anything.. does that make sense? I’m rambling.

Mod Bethany

[pixie-rae]

I have come to a place in my life where it angers me when I am told something about me is “just as beautiful”, because that’s telling me that pretty is still the most important thing I can be. Don’t tell me something is beautiful when it isn’t! My scars and stretch marks aren’t lovely. Some of them taught me important lessons, (watch out for ice on that bridge when you run....) but mostly they’re just one of the millions of components that make up this body of mine. So who cares. My thunder thighs with unfading tan lines and cellulite, my shins with some pretty gnarly bike crash scars, my torn up feet with only half their toenails, are not as aesthetically pleasing to look at as the legs of someone who models for a living. And telling me that they are is lying to me. And it is devaluing my unique identity and worth! I’m great at playing the piano, I suck at learning new languages, my hamstrings and glutes are absurdly big, my shoulders are abnormally narrow, I’m a scientist and a baker, and I have some weird stretch marks on my legs from that time I grew 5 inches in a year. Sometimes I get “fixed up”, and I do look pretty! Some days I am the swamp monster with goggle face and helmet hair, and I most definitely do not look pretty. Please don’t devalue me by saying that any of this isn’t true. Please don’t try to make me feel better about myself by unwittingly reinforcing a mold that women are supposed to fit in to. My strong is not beautiful. My strong is strong. And that’s all it needs to be. This year, let’s empower our own selves, and one another, with the strongest forces on earth: Truth and honesty. Be proud of yourselves. Value yourselves. And don’t let anyone tell you that you have to be anything other than your mighty, unique you. @ithelpstodream @feminismwecandoit

[pixie-rae]

I wish I could have had this when I was 12 and figuring out being bi. I’m so glad that kids now have this ❤️

My mom has done something incredible.

I want to tell you guys a story.

A few years ago, I came out to my mom the morning after my senior prom. She was surprised, then quiet, then asked what my real orientation was. I said, “I have no idea, but I like this one girl.” She was a little confused, but she kissed me and said, “As long as she makes you happy.” For the next few weeks, she asked a lot of questions: when did I realize? What was my new girlfriend’s orientation? What was the word for this or that? I WAS happy, right?

Fast forward about two years. My mom sits me down and tells me that she needs my help with her next book. She’s been writing middle-grade girls’ books (like, 9-14 range) since I was eight, and she says she has an idea that she really, really wants to get right. It follows the plot of Romeo and Juliet, she says, and the main character is a twelve-year-old girl realizing she has a crush on another girl when they put on the play for English class.

Fast forward another year to now. STAR-CROSSED is about to come out, and it is absolutely amazing.

My mom has poured her heart and soul into making sure this is a positive thing for kids to read. I’ve been reading and editing and helping with this book since its first draft and I’ve been, metaphorically and sometimes literally bouncing up and down on my heels, waiting to be able to tell people about it. It’s beyond sweet, and there’s a ton of Shakespeare and humor and goofy preteen drama and twelve-year-old girls flirting and Star Wars jokes and a glossary of Shakespearean insults in the back (yes, really), and it’s just so fun and positive and smart and I want to show it to every kid I know.

This book is for LGBT kids, written by a mom who has asked questions and done her research and tried as hard as she possibly could to make her own queer kid feel safe and loved and valid, and it REALLY shows. Mattie (the cutie on the left) and Gemma (the cutie on the right) are given space to learn about themselves, and ultimately they don’t have to figure themselves out right away or come out to everyone at once or choose a label. They’re kids. It’s okay to still be figuring things out. It’s okay. 

Fun facts: 

My mom said from the beginning she wanted both girls on the cover to make it clear what the book was about; then when they got the final artwork and Mattie’s hair was short, my mom wrote back and asked the artist to do the hair over to make it as obvious as possible that Mattie is a girl. 

When a few people started buzzing about Mattie being the youngest bisexual protagonist they’ve seen, she went back and changed passages to confirm that Mattie likes boys and girls. 

When I asked for a happier and less ambiguous ending scene, she set Mattie and Gemma up on a frigging date. 

It comes out on March 14, 2017. Please join me in GETTING HYPE FOR STAR-CROSSED <3

EDIT: THE RESPONSE TO THIS POST HAS BEEN SO INCREDIBLE YOU GUY OH MY GOSH. The book has shot to #5 on Amazon’s Hot New Releases list because of you lovelies. If you want to preorder Star-Crossed you can do so here, and if you want to learn more or read reviews or send my mom a nice message you can do so from her site or Twitter. The more reviews it gets on Amazon and Goodreads - even single-sentence ones - the more it gets promoted. I LOVE YOU ALL

[pixie-rae]

I call this religion of worshiping the country “Americhristianity”. And people who claim Jesus, but love war, hate immigrants, cling viciously to whatever they believe is “mine”, and demand blind patriotism to America, are Americhristians.

My mom said that today in church her pastor said in the sermon that Jesus told us to help the poor, and taking money away from public schools to give to charter schools only widens the gap between the rich and the poor.  She then added that Jesus spoke against adultery and lust and would not have approved of bragging about sexually assaulting women.  According to my mom, people got up and walked out.

The pastor also started the sermon by noting that she’d heard of another minister who read the entirety of the Sermon on the Mount at the pulpit, to be told by the so-called Christian parishioners after the service that it was offensive and they didn’t agree.

The Sermon on the Mount is straight up the words of Jesus.

[pixie-rae]