pluraladvice - Tumblr blog

[pluraladvice]

I dont want to use this blog for this but I literally am terrified right now

Anyway if people want to help us get out of an incredibly toxic situation where we've been threatened at this point that would be really cool.

[pluraladvice]

We may be REALLY spotty, like. I mean worse than ever, here coming up. A tornado hit our town a couple nights ago and it tore it up pretty good. About 70 thousand people are without power, including the water plant and most major businesses in our area. We are extremely lucky to have power right now as we are actually just close enough to the neighboring city to be on THEIR grid instead of our towns. And I mean the apartments in front of us don't have power lucky. We're intending to volunteer for as long as we possibly can, which will put us out of commission for who knows how long. Our spouse will probably be more active than us, but who knows as of right now.

[pluraladvice]

i know not all systems need/have roles, but is there a way to figure out roles in a system that really wants roles? thank you!

Sort of yes you obviously can't force anything but there are some ways to ease the process along in a way.

Whoever wishes to start can figure out a role they think they would like or be good at and they can try and start doing it until it becomes more natural

Sort of like forming habits for some people try doing something until it just works

If you are hoping for someone to help others front try visualizing yourself reaching a hand out and helping them up

If chores are hard try and find out who it is less hard for OR who is the most upset that the chores aren't done and see if it's easier for them to pick up that sort of role

There is also the possibility of trying to or accidentally forming someone new with the desired/needed role

Trying to focus on perhaps a soother and practicing soothing other headmates could give you the role or it could give the brain the needed building blocks to make a soother

It is just one of those things that if you desire it you'll have to practice and meditate and work towards getting

Figure out what roles you want and pick one to start with and see if you can get it to stick and if it gets frustrating take a break and maybe pick another to try for until you are ready to return to the previous one

[pluraladvice]

hey! so, we as a system are dating another system romantically. but I'm pretty sure one of my headmates is aromantic. any advice in a situation like this?

All of your headmates do not have to date the same person. If you try to force this headmate to, that's wrong. If they don't want to, they don't have to. They can just chill as friends. If your partner is not okay with this and tries to force this headmate to date them, they aren't a good person. You are not all the same person and no one should expect you to all act like, like, or accept the same things. Not each other and not other people.

[pluraladvice]

Wonder if this is just us, but uh-

Systems with synestesia, d'you guys all have the same type? like among yer headmates. Weve noticed that some headmates experience different symptoms. (ex. most of us associating color with sound, but a few sound to taste and even a tickertapper headmate. although he says he's always been like that so its hard to tell.) -hattori

We've actually talked about this among other systems and it is a varying topic! Some headmates seem to have differing synesthesia and, as with us, they all seem to have the same type! Though it seems with systems that have differing amongst headmates when they're blurry the body seems to share the types! It's a truly fascinating subject!!

[pluraladvice]

Hihi, I'm questioning plural but if I am I probably have high amnesia barriers with low/no dissociation... uh I really want to try to confirm whether or not I'm plural (it'd explain a lot and just give me ease of mind to figure it out) and the best way I can think of rn is to try to contact my potential headmates. Uh, so, how would I try to do that?

There are several ways you can do this! You can try inner talk, such as asking questions inside your head, name, age, trying to have a conversation. This CAN feel a little silly, especially when no one answers back. You can try out loud in the same fashion, but this can feel embarrassing to a lot of people. If those sound like too much for you then I'm going to suggest the thing we all always do! Discord, journal, simply plural! You do not have to be a system to have simply plural, it has a singlet option for a reason. And even if you do say system you are literally not hurting anyone at all. It isn't a finite source, it doesn't hurt anyone to use some of the functions to try and figure yourself out. And if you aren't a system? Just. Switch to singlet lol. But the best way to contact potential headmates is to show genuine interest in them. Though, if you suspect you may be traumagenic, please do not go looking for trauma to try and find them. Stick to normal conversations you'd have with strangers. You don't want to have a crisis!

[pluraladvice]

Hey so, my system friends recently broke the news to me that I'm a system. And in fact they know about 2 other alters. This has been pretty steady for us but our host can't stop beaming the worry at everyone that we aren't a system and in fact we are lying and faking and they are worried that if we are we are making fun of actually systems. It doesn't help that in general none of us really know if our thoughts are someone else because they all feel like whoever's frontings thoughts, but I know I'm not the host. And in fact the other alter that our system friends were aware of before our host is not the host either. Just just need some help tbh

I am terribly sorry we are getting to this so late. Honestly, life sometimes hits us like a ton of bricks haha. Finding out you're a system for the first time can be a stressful experience at the best of times, let alone if you have access to the internet and are exposed to the... less than stellar side of everything. I would highly suggest avoiding that altogether. In fact, for your safety I would suggest allowing a very trusted friend or whoever to add an app blocking app to your phone and block specific sites until you are less uncomfortable and fragile. We've had to have our own spouse do that for us once or twice. It does wonders. Block tags that make you uncomfortable and block people. You do not owe them anything at all, especially at this time in your life. As for figuring this out, it isn't always an easy path and we always suggest going at it with an open mind, the best you can anyway, and a willingness to be patient and understanding with those of your system that will push back, and they will. I suggest a book or a discord to talk to each other in. I believe simply plural also has a chat function, but we don't use it. It also has polls and things like that for a little fun stuff! We personally don't use those functions because we started with discord so we're pretty stuck in our way haha. But there's plenty of places to start in getting to know each other. And try to treat it like getting to know anyone else, a person you met in class or at a cafe. It can really help. I would also suggest looking into the links we have on our pinned post!

[pluraladvice]

We've been thinking about adding another mod to this blog and we're probably going to add our spouse as a mod tbh! So that will definitely help.

[pluraladvice]

Is this blog still active?

Off and on yes. We are not always capable of answering the asks We get. Bodily we are still only one person and we get very tired and very stressed with our day to day.

[pluraladvice]

My wrist hurts but I have one more ask 😭

[pluraladvice]

I’m not entirely sure how to word this but I think we might need some help. We discovered we were a system a great deal ago, but have been hesitant to join plural spaces, so we have talked to very few other systems. We did find a ‘partner system’ though, and they seemed good to us for a time. Now though?? I don’t think they’re very good for us. The main ones that interact are the hosts, and I, the cohost, am starting to think that they aren’t good for us. They seem to always be needing our help and reassurance but never give it in return. The host has begun to realize that they don’t feel cared about at all by the partner system. I want to know how we can maybe go about telling them (the other system) this, and perhaps how to break it off.

Have you communicated how you're feeling? Do they know that you don't feel cared about or listened to? If you're set on breaking it off, then you definitely should, but a person can't know how you're feeling if you don't tell them. My spouse and I struggle with this sometimes, worried that we will anger the other if we talk about our feelings, but then get upset that the other doesn't just know how we feel. If you think you can work on it, then I suggest talking to them about how you feel. If not then I suggest telling them that you feel like they haven't been there for you lately and that it isn't working out and that you both need to grow as people and that it's time to break it off.

[pluraladvice]

splitting and fragments

hey we keep splitting after moderate-severe stress. will it stop eventually? or is it because we're bodily a teen? idk

we also have a somewhat high (18) alter count, but most of them are fragmented or we don't know much about, besides Fern, Jasper, Aaron and Venus (first 4 to exist we believe). is that also normal?

sry for so many questions, this is so confusing.

×× 🖤

You might look into polyfragmentation. But honestly, no, splitting after stress and trauma isn't that strange and is a pretty normal occurrence. As your mind and body gets better at handling things, splitting does lessen.

[pluraladvice]

is there a way to tell whether a headmate has gone dormant, been absorbed entirely, or just not been near front for a while? or do you just not figure it out until they show up?

Usually, other headmates will be able to tell. Especially at the back. However, with being absorbed you can sometimes feel a general sort of aura of them around the system, at least in our experience. Other headmates that were close to them may be sad, or grieving if they are dormant or have been absorbed as compared to just not being near the front for a while.

[pluraladvice]

how to apologize to the irls for being “off” ? we aren’t open w/ anyone irl about being a system but we’ve been processing some Bad Things from the past and it’s left us a lot moodier, switchier and generally a little dazed/off- consistently forgetting things and getting upset over little things.

we’re working on the personal parts but aside from that just wanna apologize for being so snappy and forgetful.

The building blocks of an apology are: Apologize for the action sincerely, take responsibility for your actions, explain but don't excuse what you did, correct the behavior. How this might look is: I'm sorry for how moody and snappy I've been lately, I've been under a lot of stress and it's left me feeling dazed and off, in the future I will let you know when I'm not in the mood to talk or be talked to, perhaps during those moments we can just parallel play/co-exist in the same space instead. For now, do you want to (thing they like that isn't exhausting for you) to make up for the way I've acted? And then genuinely stick to that apology. Otherwise it's just pretty words.

[pluraladvice]

how do you tell who’s the host when you typically switch for months at a time? who could be classified as a host when you just take turns like that?

Some systems don't even have hosts. Some systems have several hosts. Some systems have a revolving door of hosts. Host is just really whoever fronts the most. If you have subsystems it would be who fronts the most from that subsystem. If you don't like the label host, you don't have to use it, it's totally fine.

[pluraladvice]

hello i dont know if yall are still accepting asks but if you are itd be great if you could help us out a bit!

so we are a monocon(?) median (or mediple) system of an unknown headcount. from what we can tell, no one has memories of headspace unless we actively take time to meditate and go there. but headspace definitely still Does Stuff with reasons we can probably assume to be due to previous headmate actions, so we think we may just lose headspace memories when we front, if we have them at all.

but thats not what this ask is about!! wildly enough!! we have no clue how to do a headcount. or if its possible. we dont even know how to see whos still there. there could be ten of us, and the other 90+ couldve done whatever and no longer "exist". no way to tell. we dunno! and there seems to be an endless supply of "new" headmates (they couldve been previously supressed, we have a history of that oops) that just kinda come up out of nowhere and then never front again. how do we. go about this.

again if yall do answer this, tysm!! we really appreciate it :}}

I'm going to use us as an example. We are a polyfrag sys and we have a fair few fragments as well as a pretty high number of headmates. However it LOOKS like we have like 400+ members on our simply plural because fragments will appear and they will be the same fragment, a fragment of memory, emotion, what have you, and take on an identity. Rather than spending the time debating with them that they're "actually this fragment" we treat them like a totally new headmate and then deal with the reason why they're here and then we just never delete the thing JUST in case they come back with a few memories of before and wonder why they're thing was deleted. Headcount doesn't really matter, is my total point. We look like we have like 400 headmates. We have like 200. Which is a pretty normal number for a polyfrag system tbh. If you want to figure it out I would highly suggest using simply plural app or the plural kit bot on discord to just keep track of people as they front. That's your best shot tbh. But don't sweat not having a full headcount. It really isn't a big deal and is pretty normal.

[pluraladvice]

Hi. I'm going to send this ask to more than one blog because I want to check if I get different types of answers. (Please make sure this ask is anonymous) Do you have any advices for plurals how to clean / tidy your room/house and manage to not make it messy again? Important: nay tips for how to not regret getting rid of items you think aren't important now but still be able to get rid of many items to finally make your house clean? 🥔🥔🥔

I would recommend Marie Kondo way of getting rid of things! If it doesn't spark joy, then why are you keeping it? You are simply dragging around the dead weight of it now, the regret, the badness. Let that weight go and let someone else put goodness into it and find room for something else to bring joy into your life! As for finding a way to keep your house clean, this never gets easier for anyone with depression or trouble cleaning really, unfortunately :/ even we have issues with cleaning. I would suggest looking at @unfuckyourhabitat they have a website as well! They've really helped us out with being able to clean even when we are at our absolute worst. And remember, you live there. Your space is going to get messy. Period. The only way to avoid messiness is to just never live there. Allow yourself to live and be a person. Pick up after yourself where you can, be forgiving where is needed.