poelya - Tumblr blog

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For April prompt LIGHT in @mcuchallenge

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And I will not be the last Jedi.

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Posters for the Original Star Wars Trilogy

@swsource Star Wars Week: Day 2 – Trilogy Wars – Favorite trilogy

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#work of art

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You’re owned by giant balls of exploding gas? How did that transaction work, Poe? Okay, maybe I’m over-romanticizing it a bit.

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Han Solo for my bestie @soons-star @agent606

@swsource​ Star Wars Week: Day 1 – The Chosen One – Favorite character

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@swsource star wars week DAY 1 – THE CHOSEN ONE: Rey Skywalker

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fun reblog game mayb: assign prev a horror movie survivor/final girl

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it's been a hot minute, and honestly I'm trying to use social media less, but talking to @dameronalone last night about Poe spurred on a lengthier thought process/analysis of him today, so I want to talk about Poe Dameron and emotional neglect.

That sounds heavy as hell! It really does, but it's been on my mind recently while re-examining Poe while I come to terms with a new neurodivergency(tm) of mine, and it's really changing my whole perspective on him as a whole.

So what is emotional neglect? Well, according to ScienceDirect, it's this

Emotional neglect can be defined as a relationship pattern in which an individual’s affectional needs are consistently disregarded, ignored, invalidated, or unappreciated by a significant other.

At which point you're probably thinking "okay Nym, but Poe doesn't have a significant other" which is true! But Poe's emotions do get neglected quite often. Let's examine it below the cut shall we?

So what spawned this thought process of mine, was my partner mentioning that Poe probably is feeling a little bit "he was my friend first" about Finn in TROS, in regards to his jealousy. Whether you want to look at things from a romantic lens, a platonic lens, or a queerplatonic one, I think it's safe to say we can all agree that in TROS Poe is feeling left out.

"You mean when Poe's not here" he's clearly bitter and angry about being the odd man out, that they're keeping secrets from him (even if they also don't know everything about him), and can't let it go even when they're about to be executed. Poe is usually the one to get left behind, so there's a lot that he's not privy too - not just in the sense that Finn and Rey both have the Force when he doesn't, just in the sense that there's a history there that Poe doesn't know.

And - to no fault of their own - I don't think anyone's attitudes in the film is particularly helping Poe's sense of isolation and alienation. He gets held to a particularly high, nearly impossible to reach, standard at every turn. He attempts to save everyone's life aboard the Falcon, and is at first clearly compared to Rey (although I don't understand Chewie, I think the "Rey wouldn't be doing this" translates extremely well considering Poe's follow up of "well Rey's not here, is she?"), and then his accomplishment of getting everyone back alive is completely dismissed because he trashed the Falcon doing so. Again, he's held to a standard he cannot meet. Every time Poe does something, it's treated as not enough.

As much as we might joke about the fact that the TROS visual dictionary implies he has a praise kink, the fact that it points out that "yeah well, I got us back didn't I?" is Poe seeking acknowledgment, one that he doesn't get in the slightest, leads into I think the most telling thing about how much Poe's emotional needs are neglected: Zorii.

By all rights, things should be way more complicated between them than they are, from Poe's perspective. Regardless of how nuanced the actual circumstances were, the fact of the matter is that things ended awfully between them two of them (not that it started well between them, when Zorii tricked Poe) and the last time Poe saw her, they fought physically as enemies despite being friends that occasionally made out just a few short hours before.

And we do see some of that "complicated" initially. Poe drags his feet about going back to Kijimi (and I think a little of that is due to him not wanting to lose any 'standing' with Finn and Rey, if they find out something less than great about his past, then perhaps their opinion of him will drop), and he's guarded around Zorii - up until the rooftop scene.

As much of it is likely latent "I think I might have loved you once upon a time" feelings, I do think Poe jumps so quickly into opening up around her, because she unintentionally fills an absence/lacking that Poe feels around everyone else, and especially around Finn and Rey (who at this point seem to be the people he's closest with). Zorii gets Poe in a way neither of them will be able to, on several layers, and I think that might be a little bit also why he's even able to open up to her. If Poe's already feeling left out, the having somebody abruptly ask him to run away with her because she wants him around and wants to include him, and then acknowledges what no one else has/is able to ("I don't believe you believe that"), then I can understand why Poe in the next few minutes is asking to kiss her.

But it's also indicative of...a recurring trait of Poe's, as well. Because Poe has a tendency of becoming ride or die for people, upon being offered...the bare minimum?

Zorii shows him a small amount of vulnerability in lowering her visor so they can speak, then admits she wants him around, and hears him out about his fears and points out that she knows deep down that he doesn't believe that. And it's enough to make Poe ask her to come with them, to kiss her, and then later give her bedroom eyes across the clearing on Ajan Kloss.

But - it's not just romantically that this happens. The same thing happens in Before the Awakening. Yes, Poe absolutely would have joined regardless because of what happened to Muran, but I personally think Poe becoming immediately ride or die for Leia, has a lot to do with the fact that Leia listens to him.

He mentions that he's never felt so heard before in his life, and it moves him enough that I think it has a lot to do with why he's immediately personally loyal to Leia and willing to do anything for her.

Even prior to any romantic feelings for Zorii, he projects a bit on her in Freefall because they're of similar age, and winds up loyal to her because of the fact that they bond a little bit because of their similarities - in terms of age, of feeling older than they are because of trauma, and feeling the weight of their respective family legacies. Again, it's the bare minimum of being heard, that draws Poe in.

(I think you could make a small argument, also, for Poe being so immediately ride or die for Finn, because the latter saved Poe's life and then rescued BB-8.)

Considering the continuing trend of Poe throwing himself at the next problem so he doesn't have to stop and linger on his problems, I think his emotional neglect is partially self-inflicted, but I do think there is a larger habit of the people around him on occasion forgetting that he has those emotional needs as well.

He is the Leia of the sequel trilogy, in the sense that I think everyone looks at how strong and competent he is, and forgets that he needs the same amount of emotional care as anyone else. And unfortunately, unlike Leia, what Poe doesn't have is a Han to beat it over his head that he needs to be taken care of just as much as the Resistance does.

It all rounds back to the "everything's easy for Poe Dameron, no need to dwell" in issue #14 of the Poe comics. And you'd think that, since after TLJ Poe is no longer hiding behind that cheerful, cocky flyboy facade, that things would actually be easier for him, but it isn't - his emotional needs are still being neglected, routinely both by him and the people around him because it seems like he doesn't need them as much, WHILE also feeling left out and held to impossible standards he seemingly can't meet no matter how hard he tries or whatever he might accomplish.

And it's hard to say what might have prompted this - it could be the strain his and Kes's relationship took due to Kes falling into a depression and being unable to meet Poe where Poe was at in his grief. It could (and most likely) have something to do with his mother's former coworkers telling Poe he was more trouble than he was worth and that Kes would give up on him someday. It could be from spending a year and a half/two years of being put down for his idealism by Zorii. It could be from years in the New Republic, being told he was a problem for being who he was and standing up for what he believed in. It could be all of the above, as well as Poe's own mental health problems.

But it's safe to say that I want to curl up around him like a protective little dragon and hug him for a long time and make that boy feel so loved that the bare minimum doesn't get hearts floating around in his eyes ever again.

[poelya]

number one hobby is CRYING AT MEDIA number two hobby is LOVING THE WORLD

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@swsource star wars week ★ day 1: favorite character ↬ LEIA ORGANA

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I was so fortunate that I got to be in her gravitational field even for a moment. - Oscar Isaac

[poelya]

it's been a hot minute, and honestly I'm trying to use social media less, but talking to @dameronalone last night about Poe spurred on a lengthier thought process/analysis of him today, so I want to talk about Poe Dameron and emotional neglect.

That sounds heavy as hell! It really does, but it's been on my mind recently while re-examining Poe while I come to terms with a new neurodivergency(tm) of mine, and it's really changing my whole perspective on him as a whole.

So what is emotional neglect? Well, according to ScienceDirect, it's this

Emotional neglect can be defined as a relationship pattern in which an individual’s affectional needs are consistently disregarded, ignored, invalidated, or unappreciated by a significant other.

At which point you're probably thinking "okay Nym, but Poe doesn't have a significant other" which is true! But Poe's emotions do get neglected quite often. Let's examine it below the cut shall we?

So what spawned this thought process of mine, was my partner mentioning that Poe probably is feeling a little bit "he was my friend first" about Finn in TROS, in regards to his jealousy. Whether you want to look at things from a romantic lens, a platonic lens, or a queerplatonic one, I think it's safe to say we can all agree that in TROS Poe is feeling left out.

"You mean when Poe's not here" he's clearly bitter and angry about being the odd man out, that they're keeping secrets from him (even if they also don't know everything about him), and can't let it go even when they're about to be executed. Poe is usually the one to get left behind, so there's a lot that he's not privy too - not just in the sense that Finn and Rey both have the Force when he doesn't, just in the sense that there's a history there that Poe doesn't know.

And - to no fault of their own - I don't think anyone's attitudes in the film is particularly helping Poe's sense of isolation and alienation. He gets held to a particularly high, nearly impossible to reach, standard at every turn. He attempts to save everyone's life aboard the Falcon, and is at first clearly compared to Rey (although I don't understand Chewie, I think the "Rey wouldn't be doing this" translates extremely well considering Poe's follow up of "well Rey's not here, is she?"), and then his accomplishment of getting everyone back alive is completely dismissed because he trashed the Falcon doing so. Again, he's held to a standard he cannot meet. Every time Poe does something, it's treated as not enough.

As much as we might joke about the fact that the TROS visual dictionary implies he has a praise kink, the fact that it points out that "yeah well, I got us back didn't I?" is Poe seeking acknowledgment, one that he doesn't get in the slightest, leads into I think the most telling thing about how much Poe's emotional needs are neglected: Zorii.

By all rights, things should be way more complicated between them than they are, from Poe's perspective. Regardless of how nuanced the actual circumstances were, the fact of the matter is that things ended awfully between them two of them (not that it started well between them, when Zorii tricked Poe) and the last time Poe saw her, they fought physically as enemies despite being friends that occasionally made out just a few short hours before.

And we do see some of that "complicated" initially. Poe drags his feet about going back to Kijimi (and I think a little of that is due to him not wanting to lose any 'standing' with Finn and Rey, if they find out something less than great about his past, then perhaps their opinion of him will drop), and he's guarded around Zorii - up until the rooftop scene.

As much of it is likely latent "I think I might have loved you once upon a time" feelings, I do think Poe jumps so quickly into opening up around her, because she unintentionally fills an absence/lacking that Poe feels around everyone else, and especially around Finn and Rey (who at this point seem to be the people he's closest with). Zorii gets Poe in a way neither of them will be able to, on several layers, and I think that might be a little bit also why he's even able to open up to her. If Poe's already feeling left out, the having somebody abruptly ask him to run away with her because she wants him around and wants to include him, and then acknowledges what no one else has/is able to ("I don't believe you believe that"), then I can understand why Poe in the next few minutes is asking to kiss her.

But it's also indicative of...a recurring trait of Poe's, as well. Because Poe has a tendency of becoming ride or die for people, upon being offered...the bare minimum?

Zorii shows him a small amount of vulnerability in lowering her visor so they can speak, then admits she wants him around, and hears him out about his fears and points out that she knows deep down that he doesn't believe that. And it's enough to make Poe ask her to come with them, to kiss her, and then later give her bedroom eyes across the clearing on Ajan Kloss.

But - it's not just romantically that this happens. The same thing happens in Before the Awakening. Yes, Poe absolutely would have joined regardless because of what happened to Muran, but I personally think Poe becoming immediately ride or die for Leia, has a lot to do with the fact that Leia listens to him.

He mentions that he's never felt so heard before in his life, and it moves him enough that I think it has a lot to do with why he's immediately personally loyal to Leia and willing to do anything for her.

Even prior to any romantic feelings for Zorii, he projects a bit on her in Freefall because they're of similar age, and winds up loyal to her because of the fact that they bond a little bit because of their similarities - in terms of age, of feeling older than they are because of trauma, and feeling the weight of their respective family legacies. Again, it's the bare minimum of being heard, that draws Poe in.

(I think you could make a small argument, also, for Poe being so immediately ride or die for Finn, because the latter saved Poe's life and then rescued BB-8.)

Considering the continuing trend of Poe throwing himself at the next problem so he doesn't have to stop and linger on his problems, I think his emotional neglect is partially self-inflicted, but I do think there is a larger habit of the people around him on occasion forgetting that he has those emotional needs as well.

He is the Leia of the sequel trilogy, in the sense that I think everyone looks at how strong and competent he is, and forgets that he needs the same amount of emotional care as anyone else. And unfortunately, unlike Leia, what Poe doesn't have is a Han to beat it over his head that he needs to be taken care of just as much as the Resistance does.

It all rounds back to the "everything's easy for Poe Dameron, no need to dwell" in issue #14 of the Poe comics. And you'd think that, since after TLJ Poe is no longer hiding behind that cheerful, cocky flyboy facade, that things would actually be easier for him, but it isn't - his emotional needs are still being neglected, routinely both by him and the people around him because it seems like he doesn't need them as much, WHILE also feeling left out and held to impossible standards he seemingly can't meet no matter how hard he tries or whatever he might accomplish.

And it's hard to say what might have prompted this - it could be the strain his and Kes's relationship took due to Kes falling into a depression and being unable to meet Poe where Poe was at in his grief. It could (and most likely) have something to do with his mother's former coworkers telling Poe he was more trouble than he was worth and that Kes would give up on him someday. It could be from spending a year and a half/two years of being put down for his idealism by Zorii. It could be from years in the New Republic, being told he was a problem for being who he was and standing up for what he believed in. It could be all of the above, as well as Poe's own mental health problems.

But it's safe to say that I want to curl up around him like a protective little dragon and hug him for a long time and make that boy feel so loved that the bare minimum doesn't get hearts floating around in his eyes ever again.

[poelya]

General Organa. Sorry to interrupt, this is Finn, he needs to talk to you.

[poelya]

Quick reminder that you don't need a solid sexuality! You can just be in love! Or not be in love! Or have a gender! Labels are a choice, not a requirement. All you need to do is be someone you like being! If labels help with that, great! But they are not required. You don't owe it to anyone, so don't feel pressured to choose labels if they aren't your thing!