powederedmetalgirl - Tumblr blog

[powederedmetalgirl]

I hate being me

..

[powederedmetalgirl]

Hook

I watched /Hook/ with my boyfriend and my best friend tonight, all I could relate to is being so young and wanting to fly away to Neverland. So full of joy and life, and now I realize I've grown up and forgotten how to fly.

It's so weird to remember being young and wanting to be a fairy like tinker bell to fly away and escape this life.

I used to jump from bed to bed with my sister and try to fly. I wanted to badly to escape all my problems.

I never did, but here I am... An adult, with a job like Robin Williams in Hook, not making time for anyone. I'm not married with kids, but I don't make time for anyone anymore. And I'm no longer the same youthful girl I was. Full of dreams to fly away and be with tinker bell and Peter pan.

[powederedmetalgirl]

I've always wanted to be the girl that guys stared at and that girls wanted to look like or were maybe a little jealous of. There's this little hole in the pit of my stomach and the back of my head that cannot fathom why I look the way I do. I grow hair in all the wrong places and it grows in dark... I'm so hairy. I'm short, but my body is proportioned evenly...ish. I don't have blonde hair. I don't have a big butt or a big chest. I have brown eyes. Brows that I love thick, but guys don't want that. I was compared to ex's and other girls. I'm not thick or skinny... I'm average.

I should feel content with who I am because this will always be me and I try.... But I'll always feel not enough.

I'm never any guys type, why would I be?? Why can't I be.... If I'm dating a guy, he points out my flaws even if I love them unconditionally with theirs (not that I would ever consider them flaws).

Why do I want some sort of validation from anyone to feel attractive?

.

[powederedmetalgirl]

Sometimes I wonder what you even see in me.

[powederedmetalgirl]

I love you more than you will ever know..

[powederedmetalgirl]

I was in a very dark place when I made this and then I met my bf.

This is for my own personal record bc I don't wanna get stalked by crazy ex and her crazy friends again :-)

But like I fall more and more in love with him everyday.

[powederedmetalgirl]

I seriously wish I actually had a reason to be alive, but tbh... I don't.

I serve no purpose to anyone.

[powederedmetalgirl]

I swear I'm just going to be stuck doing a job I don't like for the rest of my life.

So I better just suck it up while I can, and kill myself soon.

[powederedmetalgirl]

A place to be lost.