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[probbisu]

Dealing with distress and disturbances

This is not about us, this one is about the ones we care about. It has become a trending topic to discuss self-care. We are told to take care of our mental health and not do things that affect us mentally. We are glad, we get such tips from the internet itself. But sometimes, if you've been there you would understand, that amid all your plight, you really wish you could have one person who listens to you. For some of us, the wish comes true. For others, it doesn't. But have you thought, ever, that the ones who do not have their wish come true, could be one of your friends? Maybe, he/she is someone who has difficulty confessing his/her feelings, maybe they only need someone to ask. If you've not, probably you should think about it.

I'm no saint but in a strictly teen-to-teen conversation, I think there are very few situations in life where we should let our self-respect down. If only for a while. When people are mentally distressed, they become extremely moody. Selective, secretive, and unpredictable, they become. If we want to help, the most productive thing we can do is to try listening to them. They may tell us things or sometimes behave rudely. But as genuine friends, listeners, and well-wishers we should stick to them(unless they are annoyed/irritated at us, that is different). Little things like asking about them matter. And once they start opening up, listen to them. Also, don't try and relate with them(don't tell them about your own experiences straight away), some might get irritated. Listen until their pot full of pain empties(Don't take their pain in you, though. Get rid of it).

Finally, if you are distressed, you can talk to me anytime. There is nothing I can say that will heal you, perhaps apart from saying you'll figure out your stuff, and if you think you're alone in this park of mood swings, you're not...

Let's help, and accept help, to make this world a better place.

Ahh, I wanted to carry writing on with what's going on in my life now but I guess that'll be up for another day.

Thank you for listening :)

[probbisu]

Where was I?

It's been some time. I didn't feel like writing my feelings anymore. Yet here I am after a few weeks, back to square one, which is writing what I feel. I'm a lot more stable if you wanted to ask. I don't cry reliving past memories all the time. No, I don't. I do reminisce though, every time I do, I put a smile on my face for what was and not a frown for what isn't. I have stopped contacting people regarding my emotional troubles, there are very few left to whom I speak of this matter, you belong among them.

My exams got over, it's now time for me to pursue undergrads, you can call this time a buffer phase. A total relaxation period. I've used this time to try and stop grieving for what has happened, rather have tried to accept it as it is. I'm better now if that's what u wanted to know.

Sometimes though, I grow fond of those memories. No ill thoughts, I'd think solely about the memories and memories alone, no hard feelings whatsoever. The times when she was at her worst, and she had me by her side. The times when I'd break down and she'd be like "Come on, you're stronger than this". Also, the times when we would quarrel stupidly about some weird topic. And those sweet moments too, that we shared. It was some habit, not the kind of addiction that would go away within 21 days. Or maybe I got too attached.

I'd want to know her mind again, what she's thinking. About me, about us. Is she even? If only we could talk again. But I texted her the last time, and I promised myself I won't do it again. Cause the last time I did text her, I was hurt. Badly. I don't want to see that happen to me again. It shouldn't even matter to me, but is she dating again? I don't even want to know the answer, it might probably hurt me more. It probably will. Actually, she's allowed to do anything she wants. I should not be so nosy. Let's be content with only the memories. Knowing the present would hurt, so I have to control my temptations.

Some days when I go on a walk, I take the street near her house. I don't know why. One crazy thing is I have memories with her in most parts of my town. And each memory in each place sparks a unique feeling and a song in my mind.

Would you look at how I started writing from throwing hellos to crying over my ex again? Umm, apologies, please don't hate me for this.

Thank you for listening may you have a gleamy day ahead.

[probbisu]

How much love is enough?

Can you tell me, how much love is enough? For you? How much love would you expect from your partner that'll make you teary-eyed whenever you see him/her? Do you also believe that unconditional love for some person can change their perception of you? Love is not really unconditional, you know. The utopian drama about love in movies and books is merely a myth. You would really want something from others, either now or in the future, if you are planning to give something. That's what I think, views differ.

Umm, yeah it's midnight, and I'm back again.

What if there was someone in your life(there probably was) who once seemed like everything to you? Maybe they seem so now too, to you. But only to you. How dreadful it is to even think about the fact that they might have moved on from you, while you are still in the same old place, where you first met, unaware of the world passing by. And at that cafe where you had your first date, where the food was horrible but the memories were sweet. What happens to you when you come across those little things that made your bond with them? How do you face such thoughts? Why do you cling on to them? For a hopeful future, for a utopia where you can be together again. With that one person whom you loved the most, and probably still do?

Why do you even get dreams about them when you're trying to forget? Doesn't your body understand, that you need to forget, because the truth is killing you? How can consistent dreams be replaced?

How could they not love you like they used to? People change, but how could they? Your love for them was constant, why weren't theirs? WHY IS THE REALITY SOMETHING WHICH ISN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN? WHY IS, it so different than what it was?

Some questions cannot be answered, some shouldn't be, and some find their own answers throughout the journey of life. Also, some questions are forgotten with time. But how can I forget someone who resides in my subconsciousness and in language?

Thank you for listening, good night :)

[probbisu]

A packet of happiness

Ever since I was a child, I had a crush on someone. My childhood and half of my teenage went crushing over her, until I understood one day, that not only she didn't love me, she did not respect our friendship as well. I was moved by this realization. Well, after half a year or so, I fell in love again. After spending a few more months talking to her, I understood she loved me too. However we had never met before, I mean we had, but we had never spoken to each other in person. She was my junior. So one fine winter morning we decided to meet after her classes got over. I still remember the morning and her attire. It was sunny, not a particularly chilly one, but one in which you would feel hopeful about something good that's going to happen. I saw her for the first time in years and was spellbound. She looked so much more beautiful in person. On top of that, her face showed innocence, a trait people say I have been carrying right from when I was a child up until now. She wore a white sweater and rode a pink cycle. Her skin was white, as white as milk. She looked like a white rose, a white rose symbolizes young love and innocence. We talked in person for the first time. It was awkward though, cause we texted so much online but talking in real life is a different deal altogether. However, she had to go, otherwise, her family would've been worried about her, and I had my classes too. I turned towards my scooty when I felt something. It was a packet of chips. She thrusted it in my hands, I tried to refuse but I simply couldn't. It was the most precious gift to me. Up until that point I had only understood love to be a one-sided effort, I realized for the first time that love is two-sided, it is a mutual feeling. I was gifted, gifted by someone whom I loved, for the first time. I felt so happy, happiness that still exists in me whenever I think of that day.

It pains me when I think of the present day again. I still love her. I don't know what she feels about me anymore.

I hope it's the same as what I feel about her, if it is not so, I don't know what to do then. My friend told me not to think so much. I guess so, cause fate plays many cards. Maybe this is one of the cards fooling me into thinking something, while the revealed card will transform the future. Or maybe this card is actually the final card, and I simply cannot believe it as of now. Time will tell what is true, for time is the father of truth.

Thank you for listening I hope you have a nice day :)

[probbisu]

Love stories in movies vs in real life

A perfect love story was the concept of the film industry in the 1980s. As time grew, the industry evolved, complications were introduced in the story, and love stories were finally made to not be perfect. But one thing was always common: A HAPPY ENDING. When the world reached where it is now, there are two possible conclusions in literally every romance movie, either a happy ending or a death. Is the ending relatable for all? I bet the majority of us have pole opposite endings than that shown in the movies. Even the filmmakers don't have perfect love stories. I can quote good as well as bad examples of love stories of movie stars, I'm sure you could name some of them as well. Why not add some truth to movies? Why should we not be made aware of all types of mishaps in love? Why does entertainment always have to be something that makes you happy?

Well, at least we can relate to the songs some of these movies produce. A good thing, finally. Think about how movies influence your taste and expectations. More realistic movies would make sure you also become influenced by the side effects of losing your heart to someone.

In some cliche stories, we are shown that the main character of the story is left by someone, that certain someone is portrayed in a negative role. Why is it always the case? We are not let known of that someone's perspective. You can always view the light from two ends of a pipe, if you are only shown one end you'd believe that the other end probably has darkness. Some romance movies should be made more thoughtful, why not? If every other topic is being made more complex why should the makers go behind on this topic?

Realistic movies create realistic expectations. If you dream too much, you are bound to be shattered on a greater margin. And cinema influences your dreams.

Thanks for reading.

[probbisu]

What is healing?

I have different kinds of friends. Everyone is living in a different emotional state. There are some who seem placid and hopeful after a breakup, there are some who don't believe in love anymore, and finally, there are some who don't care about love(wish I could be that guy). Everyone has a different definition when it comes to healing.

If you're a bird who's accustomed to flying high in the skies, then one day if you discover your wings have been cut off, what would you do? Different people have different answers to this. Some would go through the recovery process which is time taking and try to fly again. Some would leave flying and start a new life grounded. And some would simply ask. "Why would we fly? Humans don't fly. And even if we do fly, who would cut our wings?"

What I think of healing, is that everyone thinks differently of it. That is why no matter how many coincidences and connections you may have with someone, both of your hearts ultimately beat not on the same period. Probably this is why, even after being apart, one thinks of starting over with the same person, while the other doesn't. You don't have the same connections with someone all throughout your life. They evolve, they change, and sometimes it tears apart. Think about it, if everyone had the same concept about anything, let alone healing, then the world would have been in peace for a long long time. However, the world was never in peace.

One has to deal with pain. If not today, then someday. If you ask me, I have chosen not to deal with it today. It doesn't mean that I don't acknowledge it, let's just say I as a person expect something good from everything. Some say being so can damage me more, some say the charm of being hopeful just might work. The truth, is yet to be revealed, to me.

Finally, if you are confused about why am I even writing this, my answer to your question would be it's because I'm trying to discover what I should do. A good friend once said to do whatever makes me happy, I am just following that. I am, trying to make myself happy. How this turns out to be, will only be judged by time, and no one else.

Thank you for reading my useless scribble(digital scribble). I'm grateful, may you have a cheery day :)

Oh yes, the weather was gloomy again today...

[probbisu]

Happy moments blog 1

I read up on some site that an unhappy friend influences your mental health by -5 percent and a happy friend influences it by +7 percent. Since by blogs had been up until now all about unhappiness and all, I want to try and share something happy as well.

There are moments in life, when you feel like the king of the world. You feel like dancing, singing at public areas without a hint of shame. You don't care what the world thinks about you, because you are happy, inside and out.

Me and my friends decided to do a picnic early on this year. It was a magical day, it really was. If you're Indian, you would relate the day with some of the best Bollywood friendship movies you can find(like ZNMD, Dil Chahta Hai). There were 12-13 of us, the destination was at one of my friends' place, we cooked our own food and sat together in a room to eat. Athletico, remember him? Turns out he is the best chef among us. Another of my friend, Milking was the assistant. Milking has really funny stories, but today's not the day to share all of them. Well I won't name the other 10 now because it would then get confusing. We enjoyed a lot that day, we danced on beats, it was a great mood. Added to that, finally we had a really laughable photo session. When we went to our homes in the evening, a lot of us had it in our minds that we should go on a trip too. Even now, a lot of my friends including myself are pressurising the others for a post exam trip, don't know how that would turn out though, whether it would even occur or not.

Some of these moments really make me happy, everyone of us have memories, happy ones. Which helps us to cope up in times of sadness.

Whenever I'm sad, I go through my gallery where, among other things, I find those stupid yet precious dance videos where we danced carefree, our hearts out. They instantly lighten my mind.

Oh, did I tell you about the first time I received a gift from a girl I love? Stay tuned then cause I will, next..

Thank you for listening, may you have a nice day.

[probbisu]

Diary of someone who thinks life is confusing

Confusion is a confusing word. It is something that makes you feel divided, internally. Like a few days ago, I was talking about my ex doing this and doing that, I was in anger, in grief. Switch to yesterday, I felt at the top of the world, cause she texted me, for the first time after breakup. Switch to today evening, I enjoyed the breeze at the banks the most in the past three months. Switch to the time I'm writing this, I am sad, again. This cycle's getting boring now, isn't it?

We spoke, in fact, we're still speaking, she unblocked me from her social media, and things were going well. I was feeling happy. But then, I saw something, something I would try not to remember, and sadly you won't get to know either. It may be a ruse, another story of my overthinking mind, well frankly I don't want to think about it now.

Life is confusing. Sometimes you want something, in other times, you grow to despise it. Sometimes you feel extremely motivated, perhaps if you did your best work in that period, you'd be granted great results. However sometimes, you feel all hopes are closed, life will not give you one good reason to actually be of some worth. A rainbow has seven colors, but not all have the same vibrant appeal. But none of the colors is black, black represents darkness, and none of the colors proposed by nature is black. We view darkness only when we don't switch on the light.

When it came to me, I thought, if it's what fate had intended for me, then so be it. Yes, I would lose one of the seven colors in the process, but there are six different more to choose from. But truly speaking, (if she finds this I'll probably be damned), I still love her. But yes, if she doesn't want to be with me, then probably at some point or the other, I have to forget her. As of now, I have nothing more to do than wait.

Thank you for listening to me, some other time

Annnd please don't be bored by hearing my love/heartbreak stories if I feel great and feel like sharing it I'll definitely do so.

Until then, you're my psychologist and I'm your patient. Take care :)