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[psilocybn]

lunch

[psilocybn]

just went to a concert with my friend and it was really good but now I’m being hit with this wave of sadness and despair and I want to self harm but I cannot because I’m in a hotel away from home and have nothing to use except a lighter, but that would still require me to randomly step outside. It is one of those nights where I’m really equating my self worth to my body. I just feel like there is judgment if I’m not as thin as possible.

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Clawed Arm-hook Squid aka Black-eyed Squid (Gonatus onyx), mother with egg mass, family Gonatidae, off the coast of Costa Rica

The mantle length for this squid is about 18 cm (7.09 in).

photographs via: Schmidt Ocean Institute

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I try not to smoke everyday bcuz I am avoidant of getting addicted to nicotine but I think I deserve a menthol on my car ride

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I wanted to run too for 20 minutes this evening but I literally won’t have time so now I’m going insane. It’s crazy that I’m having this sort of anxiety about this because it just shows that I’ve really regressed. When I was “recovered” I still worked out and tried to watch what I ate but wasn’t so rigid about re/stricting and over exercising especially when it came to important life events that were not worth missing over my stress of working out/eating, but now I’m kinda feeling those fears again and even though I am back in this shit I really hope I don’t isolate myself from my friends like I used to over this shit. I can always res/trict and exercise again when I’m alone but I don’t get to go on trips and hangout with my friends out of town everyday. I need to calm the hell down.

completely out of sorts trying to pinpoint my focus in one direction with trying to workout but knowing I have to drive out of town tonight and I’m on a time limit and also go to walmart and walk my dogs and shower. and plan an outfit and pack a bag for my trip out of town. It’s like ok one thing at a time but then I think about everything else with the little amount of time I have and start tweaking.

[psilocybn]

completely out of sorts trying to pinpoint my focus in one direction with trying to workout but knowing I have to drive out of town tonight and I’m on a time limit and also go to walmart and walk my dogs and shower. and plan an outfit and pack a bag for my trip out of town. It’s like ok one thing at a time but then I think about everything else with the little amount of time I have and start tweaking.

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most TRIGGERING images will always be yourself at a your lw out having fun and wearing whatever you wanted. humbling.

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sitting in my 2007 corolla. thinking about mortality.

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punk scene in my home town is crazy because all the fucking shows are just orchestrated by this one dude in a midwest emo band named jimmy. and he’s just holding up the whole fucking community. Like I have no idea what he even does for a job but he’s just THAT FUCKING GUY and is making sure we all shows to go to.

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I wish I could exfoliate the fat off my body

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tiny girls are pretty girls ❤️

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showered N clean. lingerie on. revisiting ultraviolence.

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I love how 20 hr vs 24 hr fasts really are not that wildly different but there just FEELS like there’s a huge difference. one is a whole day and the other feels like a slight failure. anything under 24 hrs somehow feels like it doesn’t count.

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berries need to be cheaper

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