psychblrx

[psychblrx]

26/4/21

Hello world. It’s me again. This semester has gotten off to a great start. Still socially awkward and anxious but so much better academically.

I feel as if I’m in a much better headspace than the last 2 years. To be honest, my mental health dips here and there. But I’m learning to manage it better. I’m learning to be comfortable in uncomfortable again.

I’m learning to be honest and forward when it is needed.

I think it is so important to be able to see from different perspectives. Understanding where someone is coming from with what they tell you is key.

It feels like my reactions still come off as “too much/emotional/quirky”. Part of it is me as a person. Part of it is wanting to connect but then feeling isolated anyway. Maybe it’s also fear of rejection that makes me react in certain ways? Presenting myself as loud and awkward is my way of coping with the anxiousness of groups.

Maybe I’m completely overthinking 🤣 need to consider no more coffee after 2pm!

The most important thing for me now is to continue with the momentum I have. The next 5-ish weeks are going to be busy-bee but will also test me especially in the headspace I’m in now! Go big or go home 😅

We can do anything we put our focus and time into.

[psychblrx]

17/11

The last few weeks, I’ve felt burnt out. Lack of passion and determination for study and exercise. Out of all the things I paid attention to, the most important things - became the least important. I dropped the ball. I decided to take on 30hrs for a month and a bit. KNOWING I had my studies with a demanding load. Gradually, I fell behind. I never regained the organisation and that’s on me. A few days ago, it felt like my heart was broken. I couldn’t stop feeling guilty and ashamed. Now, with a clearer mind, I see how my actions had a ripple-effect on the 2 things I once deemed a priority. I’m starting to feel MUCH better about myself and the shame has since gone. I had a moment of clarity yesterday: I feel nothing about this situation because IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. Yes, I can sit and nope about how I “never go through with things” and I’m “obsessed about making money” and I’m “always doing this”. But no. This time, it is different. In the moment, it absolutely felt the same. But when I look back in time at certain things I gave up, it was one or the other. I gave myself options and I chose a different or more important priority AT THE TIME. In those moments, my back was breaking and something had to give. I simply made choices. How they impacted me were generally positive. And yet, it still makes me sad afterwards. I think it’s because I can be incredibly harsh on myself. I set insane standards to keep myself going. But in the end, it usually ends up being me, beating myself up mentally and emotionally when a standard isn’t met. I know, I know. It isn’t healthy. I’m working on it.

*No matter what it takes. I’m going to try one more year. If it is a complete disaster, I will go back to the drawing board.

What will be important, is to plan the academic semester so I have ample time to complete tasks. It will be PARAMOUNT to prioritise study over earning money. I may need to say no to hanging out unless I can put a time on it, depending what is due. I’ll need a NEW STRATEGY to be able to sit through readings, lectures and textbook skimming. I haven’t mastered it yet, but I’m sure I’ll find something. Surely there’d be others who struggle the way I do.

Next, I need to cut down my responsibilities. It’s been a RELIEF not worrying about major holidays this year and barely doing half the shit I used to. I have been able to focus on the home, my boyfriend and my sister when we have time. It feels like quality time, and less of running around trying to ‘make people happy’. It’s also a change in mindset. It is never anyone’s responsibility to make someone happy, unless you’re a comedian and want to make people laugh. But making someone laugh is different to making someone happy. Emotional regulation is our responsibility once we are old enough to understand it. • My harsh views are being worked on, too. During last year’s stress and this year’s recovery/pandemic, my views hardened. I’ve felt more passionate or irritated about things in general. I expected things to be done “by the book” and yet my own life is not black and white. I’m working on it! I believe this stems from personal resentment and general irritation from life stressors. My views are beginning to soften and I often remind myself to look at both sides of a topic, factor and even person. We are all made of many facets and “sides”.

Lastly, I’m hopeful about my future. I’ve started reading a book called, “Maybe You Should Talk To Someone”. It is an insight about a psychotherapists practice and is a great reminder that therapists are human too. I’ve had this strange perception from previous study that a practitioner shows NO signs of struggle ever. This notion is obviously dangerous and not an authentic representation of a human, providing therapy for another human. The line blurs when tragedy happens or our personal life goes up in flames. Being able to be there for someone whilst also dealing with a crisis must be incredibly hard. But, it does seem like (and reading job reviews) an extremely rewarding job. I envision myself there, providing therapy once qualified and with experience. Someone said to me recently, “Doesn’t that require life experience?”. Now I have moments to think... 1. you don’t know what I’ve been through and 2. of course everyone has their OWN life experience. 3. You gain experience by DOING. Working with a supervisor and organisation seems like a great way to gain “life experience” as a graduate. You cannot practice unless you have that holy-grail piece of paper FIRST!

Lastly, the current cluster outbreak in SA has risen my anxiousness. But, I am hopeful we will get through this! Let’s finish this year with compassion, determination and quality time with people we care about ♥️

[psychblrx]

22/10

I can’t sleep. I’m thinking about how amazing it is that mental health is quantifiable by scientific methods. We can collect data on how a group of people feel, how treatment impacts them and then inform our practice. It’s amazing how far we’ve come. I am learning now that no matter how a person is academically trained, your story and experience is still VALID. I feel guilty for having such harsh views. It’s about balance. Seeing both sides and considering what the data means in the real world and in counselling practice.

[psychblrx]

16/10

Had the usual life-chat with L. It is the right thing to prioritise my studies. I feel this horrible guilt when I do. I wonder why that is? Maybe I’ve spent so much of my time and a bit of my life putting other people, jobs, things first before my own needs. Over the last few years, I have had to unlearn that habit. I always want to help, but it can no longer be at the expense of my own goals, wants and needs. It’s time I fully accept it and embrace it. This is what I want. This is what I’m working towards. Does anyone else feel guilty saying no?

[psychblrx]

14/10

Helloooo it’s me again! So here I am, late for an assignment due. I have got to really change my habits. I thought it would be easy to do. I’m questioning all my life choices. It feels like the end of the world. Even though I know that it is not. I’ve really got to focus and complete it all tomorrow. It’s late and I bought myself a designer bag $$. I’m searching for job opportunities after a psychology bachelor. I know I’m passionate about mental health and well-being. I don’t know if I can keep doing this uni thing. Am I having a quarter-life crisis? What is going on here? Or do I FEEL like I’m having a quarter-life crisis thanks to this educational cycle I’m putting myself through? Ugh. Help.

[psychblrx]

6/10

It’s been a while! I’m currently looking for articles to add to my Working with Community Essay. It is fascinating to learn about Indigenous Australian culture and how it can be learned and taught in academia. Especially about how this kind of knowledge could positively impact rural communities for social workers or mental health workers. This kind of knowledge I believe, is so important to be aware of and stay up to date on. Unfortunately, it is not as entwined in our education system as I’d like it to be (talking about a main metro city). However, what I learn at university I am sure will mostly serve me in my practice when working with people from all walks of life. We all have a story, yes. But it is imperative that we acknowledge, respect Aus’s history and the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples and culture.

[psychblrx]

5/7

Handed up my essay (late) but it’s better than doing nothing. Found out today I’m working approx 30hrs this week. Feeling overwhelmed but thankful I have a job. I seriously need to get on top of my studies though... I know it’ll happen, I just need to schedule my time in a way that suits my life. But how do I schedule when everyday is different? I need consistency but things out of my control are no longer providing it. 🤔😭

[psychblrx]

Reflection

After some time to think, I am feeling more level-headed. Started on my readings and to be honest, it sounds very dooms-day-like. However, it is a reality in the world today, so it is important information to know. People who may struggle could be taking on these worldly/natural disasters and feeling anxious about it.

Community

What does community mean to me? It means a group of people, close or otherwise who work together for the greater good of each other. Community means being yourself, trusting, letting people in. It means a sense of belonging, welcome and safety. It means creating lasting change in people’s life, because you hear their story.

How does this apply to psychology and counselling?

Knowledge of community and how it works in different regions, cultures and countries is important in a psych/counselling setting. We all have our own version(s) of community. Which means, we all have a story. These stories shape us into how we relate and present to the world today.

Community reminds us of who we are. Community helps us through disasters (e.g. recent bushfires) and rebuild structures and homes. Having people we can speak honestly with, helps us heal our deep inner wounds. It also meets our need to be social, and to feel loved.

[psychblrx]

19072020 when everything goes wrong - pancakes Sunday is always there to save the day 🥞 how are you guys doing today? my weekend was extremely unproductive, but I haven’t felt this peaceful in forever. I feel like finally slowing down and getting in peace with my mind, which is something I’ve been struggling with for a loooong time. my sleeping schedule is getting better and better, my meditations are becoming more mindful and I feel like that first inhale when opening a window after a huge and gloomy storm. I hope y’all are having a great Sunday 🍂✨

[psychblrx]

This was my absolute favourite coffee shop in Canterbury. The best coffee in the whole city and that’s saying something ☕️

IG: flatneedledistillery

[psychblrx]

16.06.2020 if only i started studying sooner..

[psychblrx]

First breakdown of the semester 29/7

Only 60 minutes ago, I thought I might give up on my degree entirely. I knew the financial pressure would be too much. I gave myself an ultimatum: work and study OR work and blog full time. My passion in mental health has not yet subsided. But my energy to sit through pages and pages of theory has depleted. But! Like with working out: motivation is bullshit. Take action. You will always see results when you take action!

So here I am, still enrolled and wiping my tears away. Short term sacrifice for long term gain. We’re in this for the long haul, my lovely. Let’s do this. 👏🏼🖊

[psychblrx]

Recap: Effective Communication

1) Most important things I learned

The most important things I learned was to stop being afraid of expression, to breathe and to use my voice in a colourful way. I learned how others draw people into a story. I learned that this is useful when communicating with people. I learned that actors have an amazing capability to draw people into a TV screen. It really is an art...

2) How can this be applied in a psychology/counselling setting?

This can be applied in a professional setting by firstly, being my authentic self. Not being afraid to ask for what I want. Letting go of the fear response when it comes to speaking up. I have yet to practice it 1000x over, but I’m sure it will come.

3) What can I do in my next subjects to improve my study/grades. 

Firstly, I need to keep my immune system up. Or perhaps, sanitising and hand-hygiene when out in public. Then I would miss little to NO classes. Next, is preparation, content notes and revision. All the studying essentials. I’ve got to keep up on the course content so I don’t fall behind. So I understand the concepts presented and when tested, test WELL. 

[psychblrx]

I’ve been feeling hesitation lately. I know I can do the work, I just don’t know if I still want to. I know what my goals are, but it doesn’t feel worth it somehow. It could just be a slump I’m experiencing. It could be that where my passion lies is another path entirely. Perhaps I just need to get it done and BALANCE my other passions... decisions, decisions...

[psychblrx]

A Moment of Doubt (or a few)

24th July

I have been wondering lately about how much education, namely, higher education is such an uphill battle for me personally.  I love learning and I am passionate about mental health. However, doing the first part -study - has perplexed me from the beginning of school as a 1st grader.  Things I procrastinate on are creative: my blog, Facebook page, reading, graphic design, writing, watching YouTube videos and wishing I could do that...  I’ve had hundreds, maybe thousands of conversations the same way: I love what I’m learning. I’m meant to be where I am. But the practical side of execution and getting ‘good grades’ is lost on me. I’m not a numbers person. I try my best but I honestly don’t think my best is higher-education standard.  I have found a tutor now which is great, but it works on adhoc basis. That’s a good system really, since no one can predict when you’ll need a tutor given the current circumstances and subject content.  The thought still creeps into my mind... should I pursue my blog and be completely creative? Or should I do my best, get the qualification and not worry so much about the future? Once I have my degree I can then suss out other options if my grades aren’t good enough.  I don’t think I have to have it all figured out. I just wonder: why spend my time struggling to get this degree when it seems to go against everything that feels natural to me? Are things changing? Am I overthinking?

[psychblrx]

Week of 13th July

Started Effective Comm this week. Monday’s prac sessions were really fun and extremely interactive. Honestly feels strange in a university setting. But it’s also a beautiful part of the arts. The information and theory I’ve read/learned so far is valuable. It is sad to think that arts subjects will be 2x or 3x the price starting this year.  Regardless, I’m going to do my best to learn as much as possible. I am also going to try and complete my assignments before it is due and complete practice runs.  Ideally, I would like to do an assessment of 1) most important things I learned 2) how can this be applied in a psych/counselling setting 3) what can I do in my next subjects to improve my study/grades. 

[psychblrx]

15.06.2020 cosy little study corner