puffinsundaymuffin

[puffinsundaymuffin]

in one of the books im currently reading one about the duchy of prussia the crown (poland) has been described contemporarily as having a spartan attitude towards war so YOU KNOW i will run with the helen of sparta imagery with feliks

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One of the greatest facets of Tolys/Feliks was the burden of memories and shared lived experiences - centuries worth of that. It has subsequent consequences: imprinting one in the soul and flesh. Feliks was Tolys' past, one he was trying to run past from after his capital was seized by his once partner in crime and spouse. The one person he always saved from perdition most of his life. Their relations turned icy after that, of Tolys' own design. It creeped up until two decades in the twenty-first century.

The fight was difficult.

Tolys tried to write out Feliks off his mind, just as he did in reality. Finding other people was easier, even if he was barely recalling who he was. Drowning in work was better, losing sleep as he toiled for his leaders. Dying was a concept alien to him, anyway.

In his dreams, Feliks was next to him, smiling when summer was brightest and when spring was most fragrant. Feliks reminded him of childhood, innocence, and the feel of being at the height of power once.

In his waking moments, he remembered Feliks even in the most mundane of things: the bird's singing, sugar cubes added in obscene amounts on tea, the laughter at the street, and the smell of sweet smelling fruits. Everything about Feliks was sweet. Yet sweetness has always been deception.

In the rare times he is genuinely happy, worry would nip at him for Feliks' spectre would be next to him, mocking him. Fashioning his tongue with blades for words.

Whenever he was sick, he remembered Feliks' singing. He probably called out his name once, not that he'd admit it.

Flash forward, at present day. Tolys was still fighting the good fight. He'd lost many things, resolve and dignity wasn't any of those. Feliks was a betrayer, he said to himself many times at the sight of the bright ghost in the flesh. Still, he couldn't resist looking at Feliks' way.

He used to catch Feliks looking his way many times. It came more seldom as years poured.

In the back of his mind, he'd acknowledge that Feliks had changed, too. In ways he couldn't decipher anymore.

But the Feliks of his past, the one who lived in the recesses of his mind, the one he loved and hated in equal parts, still stood beside him. A spectre he can't run away from, a rush of memories enough to suffocate him with all the things he'd lost and once made him whole. The imprint he couldn't escape because it was tempting.

In the rare times of his mind's clarity, he'd wonder if he was haunted by Feliks' ghost or if he was stubbornly keeping his spectre alive all along. Sweetness was deception. Sweetness was alluring.

Feliks had always been his weakness.

He hated Feliks more for it. Hating someone was easier than loving or liking someone as sweet as Feliks and the downpour of memories.

All of these, Tolys wouldn't tell a soul.

Time passes, his mind collecting more memories with a spectre.

Tolys/Feliks is and can be a complicated ship, too.

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One of my greatest gripes in the context of the comics about Feliks is that the narrative seems to isolate him for one reason alone: it's that he's reserved for Tolys in every sense of the word.

Feliks narratively served as Tolys', the author's initial self-insert (in my theory), love interest in reserve. Not the obvious one, but in subtext is. The boy next door. Outside the context of WWII in the comics, Feliks' role was always to uplift Tolys while always in the wait. Tolys was allowed to travel oceans and find new friendship and bonds, he was allowed to navigate new environments, yet one thing was constant: he would always find Feliks at home. Should he feel sad, or weak, or dejected, Feliks was always there to cheer him up, beauty and charm all for him.

Oh, you're feeling down? Look, let me make your world brighter. Let's give it color: pink and glitters!

You've worked twenty hours and your boss wasn't even impressed? Look, that's super awful. Let's totally go to the park and eat out. (You're treat, though.)

You've suffered too many scars. Let's patch you up.

That's 2010's Feliks' narrative importance in the story. To be Tolys' dedicated manic pixie daydream boy. The only other friendship he is allowed in the narrative is with the author's other favorite character: Feliciano.

He isn't allowed any other friendships or bonds other than Tolys. He isn't even allowed to mingle with the other two Baltic personifications. He couldn't even stand alone as a character because the narrative made sure of that. That's the narrative choice the author had in favor of his once self-insert.

Feliks is given the narrative and subtext yoke other anime female characters who is reserved for one guy alone bore. There's a pattern.

We're talking about the personification of Poland, the one person who crawled from the depths of hell with bloodied fingers all alone and many times over. The one person who kept rescuing himself throughout history. Being reduced as a dedicated manic pixie. Bruh.

This realization was what pushed me to find other ships for Feliks.

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He's a stream of consciousness

Poland is like that annoying twink that never shuts up

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Feliks is that guy who will spout A lion doesn't bother with the opinions of the sheep in a middle of a terse meeting with such conviction effectively getting heads whipping his way.

Feliks wouldn't have noticed the silent bounty in his head, having already lifted a dainty nose in the air, high cheekbones all for show, cheap LED morphing his hair light molten golds, and is already on the process of walking out alone, jacket hanging by a shoulder.

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watching Ryan Condal play the victim over GRRMs blog post is actually hilarious like babe you lied to him about your intentions with the show, and it’s not like the changes he made were minuscule changes either, he cut Maelor which changed the entire horror of B&C, and was probably going to cut Daeron but decided the backlash wasn’t worth it so he pretended he had a plan for him all along, i’m 95% certain Nettles is cut and that 5% is just me being delusional that she’ll show up.

being dishonest to the author while you claim to respect him is scab behaviour.

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I do apologize for bringing up the current events/news. I acknowledge I would have been wiser if I'd forgone mentioning it.

It's alright, I do know what I signed up for when I decided to ship Feliks and Ludwig. I do imagine Feliks and Hedvika (?) (Czechia) as two people who claim to be kinda BFFs while spending every minute roasting and one-upping each other. Behind the shadows and their insults towards each other, they have each other's backs. For example:

Hedvika: You dared go to that party in that mossy green monstrosity

Feliks: I dared and I was more beautiful than all of the attendants combined

Hedvika: And you said that out loud?

Feliks: I did

Hedvika: It's a miracle no one called a specialist for you, not with that delusions of grandeur

Stranger: Are you sure you two are friends?

Ludwig/Hedvika is fine too especially with their history.

Meandering aside, I'll be shameless and say that I was attracted to the idea of Ludwig and Feliks being together simply by the virtue of their looks alone. Feliks recently had turned ghostly/saintly/a vision in coloring and it paints a beautiful imagery in my mind if he would be standing next to a Ludwig with his bangs down. They're both quite beautiful, the cream of the crop, and best of all for me - they have the same coloring. I have a thing for pairs with the same/almost the same coloring.

Beneath that shallowness, I think it's a complicated dance between the two of them. It isn't always beautiful, but its electric. They are alive. There's tons of chemistry. They don't have the warmest feelings for the other. Both think the other is strange. It's easier to ignore each other. But they couldn't and they won't. They're both stubborn, and they always choose the most difficult paths in life. That's the heart of their conflict for me.

I've placed a Keep Reading here because this deep dive of Ludwig and Feliks and what their dynamics could be in my mind turned too lengthy.

Ideally the Feliks in my mind would be focused in moving on, bettering himself, maybe the world, whilst suffering in silence in the midst of all that he'd gone through. He'd keep his jester's facade on because pretending to be happy is easier to bear than living with the knowledge that other people knows you are suffering. Even the ones closest to you. While I prefer Feliks as someone not really interested in romance, ideally he'd be tied by some odd sort of clinginess towards Tolys, or the Tolys that used to exist but was preserved in the canvass of his his mind spanning close to a millennium. After all, it's muscle memory, right? Tolys used to be always beside him, running towards that bond, or one that no longer exists, is the easy path. It should be his sea of comfort. Well, ideally.

Ludwig, that shrew and thorn in his path, kept popping in the back of his mind. He sees Ludwig as some sort of anomaly because of this. Ludwig's not in his friend group so why does he keep besieging his mind? Initially Feliks would say Ludwig's just the goal. After all, it's easier pretending people that inspires conflict in our minds as non-breathing objects than coming to terms with their humanity, right? In Feliks' mind, the day he actually catches up to Ludwig in all metrics, he could finally say he's successful. It wouldn't heal him at all. In the back of his mind, it's probably going to be all numbers printed on a paper and he wouldn't have any happiness to speak of. But at least he could say that all of that suffering wasn't worth nothing. Maybe it would make him like himself more. It's his absolution. Then, he'd throw off Ludwig from his mind into the furnace as he always intended, plucking all the weeds that dared to grow taller than his climbing roses.

He doesn't like Ludwig, he truly doesn't. The best he could compliment him while looking him in the eyes is the admittance that Ludwig is quite a handsome man with a fine jaw line. In the same breath, he would levy him an insult, claiming him a boring, uninspired man. Yet, on the rare occasions Ludwig exercises an odd sense of humility and on the days he'll meet a chorus of accusations with his chin held high, he finds himself drawn to Ludwig. Feliks is a prideful man forced to sup on humility many times in his life. Feliks always chose the most difficult path, defiance. I'd see him growing confused over Ludwig, a man who seemed destined to always become powerful, exercise humility where his brother wouldn't. He might come to the conclusion that Ludwig isn't always dull. Maybe there's iron and fire beneath the flesh of that dull man. Feliks is intrigued.

Speaking with Ludwig is difficult. Arguing is easier. They argue, he teases Ludwig, and then he'd have to answer himself at nightide why he spent hours doing just that. Why he opted to allocate his time to Ludwig when he could be doing something else or trying to mend his relations with a former flame. The fact that the answer is that it was fun and he's oddly drawn to Ludwig is pulling at the seams of his unhealed mind.

Ludwig is an unhappy lad, comfortable just with the feeling of belongingness in Berlin. He wouldn't trade anything for that. Couldn't. He wouldn't find that peace anywhere else outside of his borders. He's kinda married to Francis yet Francis always has Arthur in mind. Ludwig's not interested competing with a man Francis had known for centuries. Francis needs to be better than Arthur, even Alfred. That, and Francis' mind is also meandering to his still existing empire across the shores.

Ludwig long since accepted that even after the unification, he's made countless mistakes. Still making them. He took comfort in believing himself an Atlanticist, behaving like one too, while not fully being into the idea. He isn't a loveable man, and he won't be always liked. It's not fine but he can take comfort in the fact that that will be the only predictable thing in his life. He's done terrible things and clinging to this ugly predictable truth is perhaps his only absolution. Isn't it ironic, coming to like yourself for the idea of paying for ones sins? Ludwig will scoff at the idea, thinking that nothing could wash away his dislike for his own self.

Ludwig's lonely but not interested sharing that fact with anyone. Whenever Feliks comes to him, instigating an argument or a debate, he never turns him away. They engage, disagreeing majority of the times, exhausting their wittisms, and taking up all of their free time. When working with each other, he'd demand an over time with Feliks because they ended up doing not much amidst all their tongue wagging. He thinks Feliks is strange. Beautiful and bright like the scorch of the mid-day sun itself with uncanny grace, but strange. Too free spirited. He couldn't say he like Feliks. Many times in the middle of their many arguments, he finds himself wanting to confess that he admires Feliks' drive and passion because Ludwig had honestly just given up. Heck, sometimes he's just doing lip service in his speeches for the sake of a lip service.

It was the reason why sometimes, he'd come to Feliks with a confidence to ask for his help. He and Francis rarely agreed anymore and his mistakes placed him in a difficult isolated situation. On the rare times Feliks and Ludwig actually agreed on something, everything was better. Well, for Ludwig. In the many times they spent speaking and arguing, he finds himself feeling alive. He is drawn to Feliks' fire. He couldn't indulge because he knew Feliks doesn't like him and he had to remind himself that Feliks is strange and he doesn't like him either. So, Ludwig will claim all that time spent feeling alive and passionate was a waste of time. That is their reality - paying lip service that they dislike each other -, the balance their tenuous relations are tethered upon. Feliks is an anomaly, one he doesn't need to concern himself with. Feliks, as defiant and strange he is, dared and managed to live in his mind. That infuriating thing with a razor sharp smirk.

Ludwig is not a happy lad, not at all. He likes precision and exactness. Feliks is the anti-thesis to that, a man who would never give him peace of mind, yet he still comes Feliks' way.

Them simply coming to terms with the fact that they might enjoy each other's company, dancing on the invisible pull they have on the other, wouldn't make things better and be their happy end. Their history will always be difficult. They dislike each other, not the healthiest thing at all, but they're attracted. It's fun. It makes them feel alive. If they decide to give this a try, I imagine them resigning to the fact that they won't be fully happy.

Them being platonic is fine, too. I would love to see your finished work when it comes! The Pianist has always been on my watchlist, but it's not yet available in Netflix in my country. I do confess that I'm writing a fic about them too exploring the dynamic I have of them in my mind. I like lingering in character's minds, exposing them to crisis and things that would give them a lot of mental tension, making them do choices they usually wouldn't. In my mind, Feliks and Ludwig existing in the same room is already plenty tension for the both of them. I'm just not confident at all with myself but I will persist because if I don't keep writing it, I'll never get to read it's journey and end. It's kind of inspired from David Fincher's The Game. This is discounting a cutesy fic I had of them last year which I ultimately discarded because I felt like it was too comedic and untrue for both characters. They'd probably be better in some Noir film, because both characters are exceedingly moody.

I chose Fincher because his lead character in The Game and The Killers (in minute details) is the closest I could capture Ludwig's mood and atmosphere (y'know outside of the stereotypes the comic had of him). I do think we have different Feliks in our heads and that is totally fine. Feliks in my mind is a bit inspired by the comics but a little more sultry. In the context of Ludwig/Feliks in my mind, he is reminiscent of Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction to me in terms of personality (imagine Feliks drawing Ludwig into that dance, lol!). Eccentric, strange, but oddly captivating. Where the two characters diverge though is their inner strength. I see Feliks as someone with a spirit made of the purest, most invincible steel (which is why he is drawn to Ludwig's inner steel in my mind) while cosigning himself with the burden of suffering in silence and coming to terms with being abandoned in the world many times.

Banter-wise, I imagine Feliks teasing and poking fun of Ludwig a lot, similar to the way Jaime Lannister besieged Brienne of Tarth with his witticisms in the books. I can totally imagine Feliks mimicking Jaime's *You were much uglier today than I last saw you, wench.* For example:

Feliks scrunched his face as he approached Ludwig, making a show of looking him left and right. On another person, preferably a pure hearted person, one would say Feliks' heart is captured. Well, Ludwig thought, that is if this infuriating curr have a heart to speak of in the first place. "Whoa, Ludwig. Looking like a dream in the flesh," Feliks spouted against the light that bounced at the shine of his hair and his lightly hued eyes.

"If this is another veiled taunt, cut the chase and just say what you truly meant." The most expression Ludwig allowed himself was his jaw clenching.

"Keep barking your words, Lud. Soon, I won't be able to tell you apart from your dogs."

That hit a nerve. It surely did. Not like Ludwig needed to make a show of it lest the curr finds himself another thing to taunt him with.

Feliks, giggled, leaning back. The wind made a play of his hair, eyes twinkling. Oh, how much Ludwig hated those eyes. "How many mantras did you murmured?"

"Pardon me?"

"Really liking to sound like your dogs, huh?" Feliks tilted his head looking at him like some animal in the menagerie. "I was asking you how many mantras you recited in your mind just to not flail your arms around because I hit a nerve."

"You think yourself funny," the slower Ludwig pronounced his words, the more bite it would have. "All you're doing right now is make me believe you like the sound of your voice."

Feliks laughed this time as he neared. The scent of his perfume wrapped around the air. Feliks hit him lightly at the arm. "I won't deny that."

"You are a solipsist."

"And you aren't?"

"Hey, Ludwig."

"What?" Ludwig spat.

"I did hit a nerve earlier, right?"

Ludwig wondered how his dogs ever found themselves adoring of this man.

I imagine them sexy too like this one in my fic. It's somewhere in the middle arc:

He felt more than saw Feliks pressing his body against his back while he retrieved their silver ware. His breath stopped at the warmth of Feliks' body, and at the softness of his overlarge long sleeves. Feliks' many fragrances covered him.

It took him long to shake the dizzying reverie he caught himself in to realize that Feliks was trying to get him to turn around.

"What are you doing--" he held the wares in his hand as he turned. Feliks kept his latch on him, lip balm raised towards him. "No," he barked. He sounded like his dog a lot.

"You must!" The twinkle in Feliks' eyes should have been his warning. Feliks clung to him, the end of his lip balm splashing it's scent against his coat. Feliks' lips are against his, soft and plump. Ebbing sweetness passed between the clasp of their lips.

Feliks pulled away, lips curled teasingly, razor sharp at the ends. It's a smile so infuriating, Ludwig learned to memorize the angle it curled and the look of it.

"There, you're all balmed up."

Ludwig swore, this image would be always in the back of his mind, in the worst of times and in the best. If it wouldn't appear in those times, he'll actively chase it.

Before you also report me to a specialist because I'm starting to sound delusional too, I'll cut my meandering here. I mean it's a rare-pair I'm talking about, I should not have written a novel at all, lol. I do think that beneath the surface and their chemistry, they have a lot to uncover.

I think we as a fandom underestimated how Feliks and Ludwig would look visually ravishing together. This is especially in the light of Feliks' new design and the recent depictions of Ludwig with his hair down. Both characters are comely with their own magnetic charms. Next to each other, they'd be lethal. There's also something appealing with a pair with the same colorings and features (to a certain degree) while still being different. Ludwig is of course masculine and sharp in looks while Feliks is effiminate and saccharine.

This is discounting their angst dynamics, them theoretically arguing from dusk till dawn about the economy, defense, politics, history, art or having an inexplicable pull towards the other in the real world and imagined.

[puffinsundaymuffin]

I think we as a fandom underestimated how Feliks and Ludwig would look visually ravishing together. This is especially in the light of Feliks' new design and the recent depictions of Ludwig with his hair down. Both characters are comely with their own magnetic charms. Next to each other, they'd be lethal. There's also something appealing with a pair with the same colorings and features (to a certain degree) while still being different. Ludwig is of course masculine and sharp in looks while Feliks is effiminate and saccharine.

This is discounting their angst dynamics, them theoretically arguing from dusk till dawn about the economy, defense, politics, history, art or having an inexplicable pull towards the other in the real world and imagined.

[puffinsundaymuffin]

Even if the whole world is against Aegon - his own family included - Sunfyre will forever be his shield. That's the purest form of love for me.

The relief, that someone chose you and only you, and that they love you unconditionally and understand you on the deepest possible level. The relief, that even though the whole world is mad at you, or ignoring you, or laughing at you, someone still remains, that protects you at all cost.

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I haven't used Tumblr for almost a decade. I need to delete almost every post and reblogs that I had because I can't identify with those anymore, lol. Like, if you look further, you'd see that I was Team Black in my teens. Nah, I'm Team Aegon II Targaryen.

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I'll forever want to protect you, Aegon Targaryen my babygirl

Viserys I Targaryen and his son Aegon II vs Aegon II and his son Jaehaerys

🔪 inspired by this tweet:

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tag your lightsaber colour… don‘t lie to me we’ve all thought about this…

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Joker (2019) dir. Todd Phillips

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Daily Doodle #2

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The strong female characters that inspire me

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I love how it looks like she burning Bran lol

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Jon Snow betrayed Queen Daenerys the same sly, manipulative & disgusting way Ned Stark was betrayed at KL. Ned would’ve been deeply ashamed if he saw what he did.

Jon-bitch-ass-Snow can choke - and Tyrion & Bran too.