queerminer

[queerminer]

Alex and Steve Minecraft are t4t. Their deadnames? Adam and Eve. In this essay I will

[queerminer]

Ok but what if the cryptids were gay

[queerminer]

tbh i would have loved a minecraft movie where the world was visibly updating around steve and alex as they explore. like, the first couple days have the old textures and their movement is laggy etc.

it takes a little while for the audience to notice, but as the days go by, there are more mobs and new trees and the movements of everything is smoother. and suddenly everything is so much more colourful than it was before and now the oceans have life, and the villages are huge, and the nether is full of biodiversity and the caves are enormous and theres something lurking at the bottom

and throughout the movie, you can see the odd character in the background of youtubers that started playing during whatever version it is at that point, and when we reach 1.20 all of a sudden alex and steve run into this group of people and its all the new character skins that were introduced at that point

idk its a shame we get something that visibly didnt have much thought put into it aside from 'lets make jumanji again but this time its minectaft' when there are so many possibilities that have so much more interest

[queerminer]

I really don't like how piglins get portrayed as aggressive barbarian enemies now. Did they forget that they don't attack without being provoked and you can have positive interactions with them in-game?

[queerminer]

okay, i've had a moment to collect my feelings and,

this movie looks so unprofessional like...

blue light is being cast on her hair from the portal that is clearly not casting a blue light on the environment.

the creeper is backlit by a soft blue light, while this goober is clearly backlit by a harsh white light.

also, the whole thing is backlit! nobody has light on their face in this trailer!

even here, you can clearly see the light is behind everyone, but they are supposedly facing eachother!?

why does this look like this!? why even bother with live action actors when the whole movie is animated!? and don't even get me started on the animation.

there's nothing technically wrong with the models... but it all looks so "minceraft mobs if dey wur reel!!1!"

i swear i saw this same sheep render in, like 2015.

[queerminer]

[queerminer]

Why do we constantly have to have “humans get transported to another world” storylines when it comes to live action adaptations? Why can’t it just be in-media-res? Why can’t the Minecraft movie follow the novelization where a guy randomly awakens in Minecraft with no idea who he is and just needs to learn how to survive… you know… LIKE HOW THE GAME IS. Why do we gotta bring people from outside the game world into Minecraft? Why do they look human but everything else is a CGI nightmare? You couldn’t pull a Detective Pikachu and just set your god damn plot IN Minecraft from the start?

And most importantly …

WHY CAN’T THE WHOLE MOVIE JUST BE ANIMATED? You’re already animating like 95% of the film already, just fucking make an animated film.

[queerminer]

Me: oh how could I vote for anything but the sniffer!

The rascal: ^-^

Me:

[queerminer]

i dont like the sniffler. there i said it.

[queerminer]

[queerminer]

To all %11.1(?) of glare voters:

Keep your heads up king/queen/liege, your crown needs to be firmly on and carry those shiny robes in such confidence😤❗❗❗ you lots carried the vote so well❗❗❗

[queerminer]

mojang what the fuck

[queerminer]

[queerminer]

Actually this is my favorite reply I’ve ever made on this stupid website so it’s getting posted

[queerminer]

[queerminer]

my observations regarding the recent mob vote

[queerminer]

FUCK YESSSSSS

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