queerspacebrain

[queerspacebrain]

rationally i know it's okay that i have been in relationships before. it's okay that i have had sex before.

emotionally, every time i step into a new place and introduce myself as aroace, i feel like i'm a liar due to that. especially when people start questioning me because they don't know what aroace means.

it's just so weird. i wish i didn't have to feel like i have to check boxes in order to be an "acceptable aroace". and yet, i make myself feel like that.

[queerspacebrain]

the feeling of the world finally settling into axis correctly after realizing you're aroace. like, in every relationship i had i wondered why i always struggled with the classics of love. and then just one day - boom, the realization there's a word for people like me. suddenly, i don't feel like a freak anymore and can take pride in it. so don't tell me aro/ace/aroace pride doesn't have to exist and don't tell me the A in LGBTQIA+ isn't needed.

[queerspacebrain]

my "funniest" ace experience to this day is still my ex-partner who, despite being a relationship with me for over a year, refused to believe i was asexual because i slept with him. although i explicitly told him multiple times that no, that doesn't mean i'm not asexual, i don't change just because i sleep with you, he somehow believed he "fixed" me. he really thought fucking someone would "un-ace" them. like, no. that's not how it works.

but then he also went on to complain about how i didn't initiate it. how i never felt the urge to absolutely rip his clothes off and sleep with him. and i was like "that's what i tried to tell you. that's how i work. i sleep with you cause you want it, but i can live without it cause i don't feel the need to." and then he had a surprised pikachu look on his face.

it's just, urgh, tiring. i told him i was ace before we even got together and then he stopped believing me, i guess. i don't even know, but he for sure didn't get people being ace and having sex. like, it's a huge spectrum of people. some fuck, some don't. we all don't experience sexual attraction. is that so hard to understand?