quitetheoppositeofcalm

[quitetheoppositeofcalm]

There is no such thing as the "perfect" man or woman. Just find one who tries hard enough to make you happy and wants to grow with you.

[quitetheoppositeofcalm]

The Moment I Knew

Hey! This is the first thing I’m going to be posting. This is for any female readers, with no description. There is no name for your MALE s/o or friends. So if you wanted a Tom Holland x reader or Tony Stark x reader, or whoever you want. It is NOT in chronological order for the memory bits, just warning you. I did my best to base it off of the song by Taylor Swift and I’m quite happy with what I created. Hope you like it <3

Pairing: anyone x reader

Summary: y/n’s boyfriend was never on time and barely showed up when he was supposed to. It became a constant thing, that it started to hurt when he went back on his word.

Warnings: a lil bit of swearing, quite a bit of angst, crying, disappointment

Word Count: 3,458

Song Inspiration: The Moment I Knew, Taylor Swift

Note: Italics = memories, Bold = song lyrics

y/n had checked her phone one last time, as the last few guests walked through her door. a quick look and there was no sign of him. instead of showing her disappointment, she smiled and greeted the others, leaving her phone on the counter as she started to mingle with her guests. after all they were here for her, so she might as well put on a happy face and wait. 

her smile was forced as she caught up with old friends. she was tempted to pick up her phone and look for any messages that would have her heart leap into her throat from seeing his name on her screen. but she resisted because of his silly smile on her lock screen would have her giddy and her heart would ache with no reply from him. y/n didn’t want too much heartbreak on today of all days.

You should've been there

Should've burst through the door

With that "Baby, I'm right here" smile

y/n was waiting for him to meet her at the park. she had to wait for half an hour until he responded, saying he got caught up in practicing his guitar. she tore her attention from her phone as she looked around the park for any sign of him. her breath hitched in her throat as she met his warm eyes. his hair was tousled as he ran another hand through it, walking straight to y/n. a small smile graced his lips, embracing her in a warm and tight hug that made her heart leap into her throat.

“hey.” he said softly, slowly pulling from the hug.

“hey.” her voice was quiet and small, still recovering from hugging him. he always had that starstruck effect on her, even after all these years of knowing each other. 

“i’m sorry i was late, it is inexcusable and i kept you waiting. i get so distracted that it’s sometimes hard to pull my attention away from things.” he apologized quickly, his arms still around her, but there was distance. distance that y/n wanted to close because he was so warm and comforting.

“it’s fine. i’m just happy you’re here.” she replied, a soft smile gracing her lips as he kissed her cheek softly.

“well, where would you like to stroll, miss?” his voice mocking a posh british butler’s with his chin up, a mischievous glint in his eyes. her smile was brighter than the stars that were above them as they did their weekly nighttime stroll. 

And it would've felt like

A million little shining stars had just aligned

And I would've been so happy

y/n and her friends all had different colors on their faces, reflected from the christmas lights hung around the house. she turned away from the group, saying she needed another glass of champagne and offered to get anyone else a refill. she headed towards the kitchen, facing away from the front door as she poured more champagne into the glasses.

a small sigh escaped her red painted lips, as she looked over at the front door with the porch light on. just waiting for someone to walk through. the sky turned into a beautiful sunset, nearly time for dinner. and no sign of him. so she headed back to the group, trying to force the ball of hurt in her chest to disappear as the night carried on.

Christmas lights glisten

I've got my eye on the door

Just waiting for you to walk in

But the time is ticking

“you know how next week is my birthday right?” y/n asked, looking up from her book to the man on the other side of the couch. he glanced over, nodding with little attention towards her. she moved her legs from his lap and crawled towards him. “are you going to come over early?”

“i don’t think i will. i have to finish up a few things for work, but i should be there.” he responded, a small frown on his face.

she ignored the stab towards her heart, from him going back on his word but focused on the positive. “just as long as you come.” 

“i will be there, y/n. don’t worry.”

a reassuring smile in her direction, had the two of them back to focusing on their own things and the topic dropped with no worries. 

People ask me how I've been

As I comb back through my memory

How you said you'd be here

You said you'd be here

there were only a few decorations around her house, with a small tree in the middle of her living room. it had just been decorated earlier in the day, after y/n had tried waiting for him to show up earlier. like he said he would. she shook away the disappointment and called her friends to dinner.

y/n watched her friends, standing in her red dress and matching red lipstick. she realized that her dress didn’t have the purpose she wanted with the people who had shown up. she wanted to impress him tonight. to make him as starstruck as she always is around him. turns out it wasn’t going to go as planned.

And it was like slow motion

Standing there in my party dress

In red lipstick

With no one to impress

“come on, y/n. let’s go together. just forget about him and the whole male species.” an old childhood friend said, pulling her towards the small gathering of old friends.

“i really don’t want to. he will explain why he didn’t show up or reply to my messages. he isn’t as technology based as we are.” y/n defended him quickly. an upsetting feeling landed in the pit of her stomach as she started to dwell on the possibilities of why he wasn’t responding. 

“just have some fun for a few hours, and then you can go back to moping about him.” the friend replied and y/n decided the best way for them to get off her case was to just agree with no complaints. so she made her way inside, the cool air of the AC running, relieved her of the hot from the summer air outside. 

within a few hours the small group of old friends were laughing together, y/n feeling like she was the black sheep of the group. every time her phone buzzed, she quickly looked to see if it was him, but it resulted in just a social media notification which was irrelevant to her. she looked around the room, her heart aching for the man who was missing. 

And they're all laughing

As I'm looking around the room

But there was one thing missing

And that was the moment I knew

an hour or two after dinner, she was busy cleaning up from the recent attempt at beer pong. all of the others were outside on her deck, chatting and enjoying the cool night air. she wanted to have the rest of the night alone to mope around and cry, but didn’t want to kick out her friends for her own selfish reason. after cleaning the dining room table and the kitchen, she was about to finish drying the last dish, when she dropped the glass. 

the sound of glass breaking was heard through the house, followed by a shriek. a few of her friends, who were his friends first, came to see what had happened and found her holding back tears as she swept up the mess.

And the hours pass by

Now I just wanna be alone

“meet some of my closest friends, sweetheart.” he had taken her for a kayaking trip, inviting his close friends to join. he had already met her close friends so it was about time she met his. not to mention they had started to date only a few weeks ago, so he thought that if the relationship was going to have a future, his friends would help determine it.

a shy smile graced her lips as she introduced herself and they introduced themselves. and within a few minutes they were laughing and joking like old friends, and y/n couldn’t help the feeling of her heart swelling with happiness. 

after their kayaking adventure, which had nearly all of them fall into the lake at least 3 times, y/n decided to ride along with her newfound friends since he had to head home then straight to work and she had ridden in his car. she was quiet during the car ride, tipping the kayak was more work than it should’ve been. the others were talking about her boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends and ex-flings, joking around about them. one of the friends sat beside her, looked over and saw the tears threatening to fall.

“hey! stop with all that now. it isn’t funny for her, alright?” a small ‘thank-you’ smile was all she had to give to them to show them that she was grateful that they understood. some people don’t.

But your close friends always seem to know

When there's something really wrong

y/n finished cleaning the glass from the floor, ignoring the questions and proceeded on rushing down the hall towards the bathroom. she leaned against the sink, trying to reassure herself. she tried holding back her tears, letting out small hiccups and her breath catching each time.

it was silly. she was getting overworked because of a small glass breaking that had no significance towards him or her heartbreak occurring. yet something about that glass breaking caused her to feel like there was a crushing weight on her heart, threatening to crush it even more. she started to overthink, blocking out everything else which meant that she didn’t hear the footsteps of his friends that had followed her.

tears threatened to spill and she silently cursed herself for not using waterproof makeup. but in the end it didn’t matter because the sinking feeling of being nothing to someone started to whirl in her stomach again as she said 5 words in a broken voice.

“he said he’d be here.”

So they follow me down the hall

And there in the bathroom

I try not to fall apart

And the sinking feeling starts

As I say hopelessly

"He said he'd be here"

“what the hell?! you said you would be at the party yesterday and you didn’t show up!” y/n yelled at the man who casually was lounging on the couch. his eyebrow raised and a hand came up to run through his hair.

“i’m sorry. i was just-”

“busy. yeah i know. but you should know that small things like showing up or communicating if you are going to show up or not, matters to me! and it should matter to you as well.” she said, tears slowly falling from being disappointed once again by him.

“let me make it up for you.” his voice softening, standing up from the couch and making his way towards her.

“no.” she held her hand out towards him to stop him from coming any closer. her makeup ruined from her tears, dropping on her dress. “get out. i don’t want to see you right now. and you are not going to be able to make up for this with sex. i don’t want your damn body, i want you to show up and stay. and since that’s too hard for you then i want you to do what you’re best at and leave.”

a sigh was heard, her head down as he gave a quick kiss on the top of her head. “i’ll text you tomorrow.” he told her right before he closed the front door. once she heard his car leave her driveway, she broke down and fell onto the ground. 

tears streaming down her face as she tried rubbing them away, resulting in her hand stained with mascara and red lipstick. She had no idea why he never showed up when he was supposed to. he seemed so perfect at the beginning, sure showing up late was a bit of a flaw, but at least in the beginning he had texted her about why he showed up late. 

he was a package deal of happiness and disappointment.

And it was like slow motion

Standing there in my party dress

In red lipstick

With no one to impress

one of her friends, grabbed her and embraced her in a much needed hug. and that was when she broke down all the way from trying to keep it inside for such a long time. her loud sobs caused her other friends to follow the noise, still laughing until they saw her crying. it didn’t stop them from asking about him. about why he wasn’t the one hugging y/n, where he was, what he was doing nowadays, why he was missing from the party, why he was missing from her life so much. it hurt hearing the whispers over her loud sobs about how they were never going to work in the end anyway.

 “i-i just need a little time to calm down. i’m sorry. we ar-are going to have cake once i compose myself. c-can you guys please get it all ready for me, please?” she asked, trying to control herself from bursting out into tears as she wiped them away. they nodded, giving her reassuring but also pitying looks towards her as they left.

And they're all laughing

And asking me about you

But there was one thing missing (missing, missing)

And that was the moment I knew

she was crying behind the door that led to all of the guests at her parents’ house. a strangled sob forced its way out, as she held the back of the chair, trying to control herself before she approached the guests. but her thoughts running through her head made it harder and harder to compose herself and had her breakdown even more. her head was heavy and her eyes were droopy as she cried, her weight against the wall with one of her hands still clutching the back of the chair as the other one was covering her mouth. she didn’t want to be seen as broken and vulnerable to her extended family and she wanted to stop crying. but it was just so hard.

the door opened, her cousin’s face being the first to be seen until the door was opened wider and the rest of the family was there, staring at the crying y/n who was absolutely mortified to be found in such a vulnerable position. the pity from their faces was clear, they all knew the cause of her pain. and that she would never learn quick enough about when to stop before she was ruined.

What do you say, when tears are streaming down your face

In front of everyone you know?

y/n calmed herself down within a few minutes, wiping away the smudged makeup and telling herself to be brave and be strong. she slowly opened the bathroom door, walking down the hall slowly. she was scared that they would judge her. and that was when his voice appeared in her head and a memory overtook her thoughts.

And what do you do when the one who means the most to you

Is the one who didn't show?

“what if they hate me?” she asked, right before meeting his family. it was an official meeting, at their new years eve party, and this was the next step they decided on.

“then we elope when we want to get married.” he joked and her hand squeezed his tightly, making him wince. “calm down, sweetheart. they’ll love you. or at least like you. i dunno about my cousin though, he’s a tricky one to impress. but then again, your knowledge of completely random and irrelevant things will come in handy when trying to impress him. in fact, you will probably be his favorite one.”

a reassuring smile towards her made her heart soar above the clouds. then when he turned back to the road, she started to overthink again and tried to analyze everything that would happen.

“but i don’t want them to just like me. i want them to love me. is that too much to ask? yeah probably. after all, i’m not the smartest, nor prettiest, nor nicest person anyone will ever meet. not to mention i’m a bit clumsy when i get nervous. what if i spill red wine on your mom’s favorite couch or your dad’s dress shirt? or even the rug? or something white?! there are about a million things that could go wrong at this party alone!” she rambled on about the possibilities, not realizing he was grinning ear-to-ear about her nervousness. he pulled into the driveway of his childhood home and turned towards her, intertwining their hands.

“it doesn’t matter if they like you or not. because nothing they will say will make me upset and leave you. i love you too much for that. maybe to them you aren’t the smartest, nor prettiest, nor nicest, but you are you and that’s better than anything else… okay that didn’t really make sense, but what i’m trying to say is that being yourself is perfectly fine. you aren’t perfect but you’re you and it’s a good thing too. because i would not want to date steve jobs. if you’re this nervous about a party, which is your actual element, then repeat after me. i am brave.” he nodded for her to repeat.

“i am brave.” she said timidly.

“i am strong.”

“i am strong.”

“i am smart.”

“i am smart.” at this point, a smile broke out on her face. 

“i am beautiful.”

“i am beautiful.”

“i am okay and i will stop overthinking so i can live in the moment.”

this made both of them let out a small laugh, smiles wide across both of their faces. “i am okay and-”

You should've been here

And I would've been so happy

And it was like slow motion

“and i will stop overthinking so i can live in the moment.” y/n muttered under her breath as she turned the corner. the only light being the candles on her birthday cake that was on the counter. a wide, genuine smile was on her face at the sight of the cake. then they started to all sing to her, not the best, nor the prettiest, nor award winning, but it was brilliant. because it showed that they cared.

“make a wish, y/n.” someone called once they finished. closing her eyes, she thought of the one thing she wanted out of anything and she blew out the candles. a loud cheer erupted from everyone. someone started to cut the cake into pieces as the others gathered around her and gave her birthday wishes and hugs.

Standing there in my party dress

In red lipstick

With no one to impress

And they're all standing around me singing

"Happy birthday to you" 

“we need to talk.”

But there was one thing missing 

“please, just listen to me!”

And that was the moment I knew

“it really hurts and i want it to stop. so please make it stop.”

Ooh, I knew

“i’m so sorry. i never wanted to hurt you so i will stop…”

“please don’t leave me!”

Ooh

once everyone had cake and ice cream, they slowly left y/n’s house one by one. it was finally a peaceful night, being alone. she changed out of her party dress, slipping into her pjs and wiping away any remaining makeup from her face. after making a bag of popcorn and slipping under her covers, she decided to look at her phone. finally, after ignoring it for half of the night. 

a scoff came out of her mouth when she read the text message on her screen from him.

i’m sorry, i didn’t make it. he had sent it just 20 minutes ago

y/n thought about sending him a large paragraph saying how he manages to break her heart at the smallest things and how he never shows up. but she was done caring for the day. she was done worrying an wasting all of her thoughts about him and getting anxious when he never replied. her feelings would probably change in the morning and she would send the paragraph about her feelings, but right in the moment she wasn’t going to open up to him. she’s done it too much before, so in the moment currently, she sent 3 words instead. i’m sorry too

You called me later

And said, "I'm sorry, I didn't make it"

And I said, "I'm sorry too"

And that was the moment I knew