may the wind, rain and storm guide you on your journey. especially the thunder. (writing surreal blogs to cope with life)trans male he/they 143
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#sorry for not posting#im feeling better#the grass here looks like the ones i walk on#its so cold and stormy now#its beautiful
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when i was 12, nearly 13, i had a dream.
i woke up at twilight with fear looming over me. i knew everyone else was asleep. there were bombs planted around my house. and i knew if i told anyone that i would be in danger and they would probably go off. i packed my bag full of important things. i realised i was in my old room that i had when i was 10, weird.
i climbed out of my window and up to the roof. then over the fence. i ran away. and i waited. and waited. and that i just knew, deep in my soul and bones that it was going to happen.
but then i woke up. and i realised what i was being told.
you need to run. fast and as soon as you can. they will drag you down here to die with them.
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i wish i grew up in a different place.
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its so lonely out here. with the others. i wish i had a friend here to pass the time with.
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feeling sick again. coughing up that stuff every time i think too hard about years and time and stuff. it sucks, but i have to keep reminding myself that itll end.
i started my first day of second term yesterday. it was underwhelming. nothing really happened, no one really talked to me. its so weird. i know no one in my class is purposely ignoring me.. as far as im aware. but i swear ive tried! ive tried all of last term to be friends with people. sitting next to people, trying every way i can to try and talk to my crush and at LEAST be friends with him. but im not getting anywhere. even that kid who totally creeps me the fuck out has made friends with a few people.
yesterday i just thought to myself. why dont i just… stop trying. it didn’t feel cruel or crushing or anything. maybe even a little freeing? i dont know. i feel like today its kind of hitting me that this actually hurts. i wore my prettiest outfit! i had these motor jeans i got from thrifting and they crumple at the bottom in a way thats so cute! and i wore my necklace and layered my shirts super nice. but no one cared. so i think i should just stop trying.
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little brother said our family is like opal. how sad :( he’s only 12 and he knows somethings wrong
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