rantsetcetera

[rantsetcetera]

cPTSD symptoms no one talks about:

- Overactive cringe response

- The Nightmares™️

- Hating halloween

- Many random phobias completely unrelated to the trauma

- Intrusive thoughts

- Violent language

- Mildest conflict = shaking so hard you can't walk, then uncontrollably ruminating about it for days

- Can't focus

- Auditory processing issues

- Geographically challenged / Never knowing where you are

- Afraid of people

- Nervous system fucked

- Obsessing over categorising people into good/safe vs bad/unsafe. Very few people make it onto your safe list.

- Getting lost imagining crisis scenarios that would never happen and imagining how you'd be the hero

[rantsetcetera]

I feel like old people are ruining Facebook.

[rantsetcetera]

Disgusted with my so-called partner right now. I just pointed out that there was a gender inequality between two characters on a show. And he spent 10 minutes straight trying to argue that there wasn't. I am so sick of being mansplained. He just repeated his statements over and over again, he can't even reframe what he's saying to try and explain it. He thinks that if he just says it more and more firmly that I will just accept it as true. He refused to acknowledge anything I said, any points I made, and instead argued against them as much as he could the entire time. Then had the nerve to exasperatedly say that he had acknowledged my points. That's a lie, he hadn't - he had repeatedly argued against them, and in the same breath continued to do so. The nerve and arrogancy of a man to argue against a woman about feminism. It's insulting. It says that he doesn't see or want to acknowledge that I have less privilege or safety in this world than him. Even when I said directly, don't you see how wrong it is to be arguing with a woman about gender equality? Why aren't you checking yourself? He just continued to speak over me. And this isn't the first time this has happened when gender equality came up. Why is it that he frames himself as this highly educated leftist but then everytime I mention gender inequality he has to argue against me on this hellbent crusade to deny everything I'm saying. Why is my boyfriend sexist, and completely unwilling to change that. I am so disgusted and disappointed with him. I feel absolute contempt. Like at the very least why wouldn't anyone have the common sense to at least recognise when they are arguing with the minority in a situation and just think to shut up. The whole thing was riddled with gaslighting too. Like claiming that he was acknowledging my points when he hadn't. And then getting upset with me as if he had. When ironically it was actually me who had acknowledged his points. And then after I cut the conversation off and said that he would be sitting there thinking of reasons to hate me after I walk off, he pretended to be shocked and said "why would you think that?" As if that's not what he's done after every single argument. Everytime we come back to talk about it later he brings up some unrelated character assassinations that he's thought of to attack me with, which is disgusting in its own right because if he was upset with me about other shit he should've said it earlier. But no he claims to leave everything until we have an argument because he "forgot". He makes no effort to improve communication in the relationship so I have to randomly ask on sporadic occassions if anything is bothering him because he is completely incapable of telling me for himself. But if it's after an argument about gender inequality he'll bring up how I asked him to do something in the kitchen 6 weeks ago. This whole fucking thing is unequal. I feel like I'm living with someone who doesn't care for the best for me. The fucking arrogance of a white man is disgusting. Also why does he seem so full of knowledge on other areas of oppression but never do anything to speak up or change anything. All he does is sit around doing drugs playing video games having no friends and doing absolutely nothing to change the world. Not for anyone. He doesn't do a single charitable thing. Won't even stop eating meat. And the arrogance when he gets on his tirade about how it was "bad for his health". Meanwhile he wouldn't even eat 3 meals a day if I didn't remind him to, all he does is drink like a fish and do constant drugs. Maybe lo and behold it wasn't the meat that he needed but an actual healthy lifestyle? One in which he actually eats enough food? Then he lies and says he prefers more sustainable meat but then eats a chicken burger or a sausage roll every single day. It's like he just doesn't care about anything except his own hedonism and is just a fake when it comes to the whole leftist thing. I am sick of this fucking man baby excuse for a person.