rawhoneyvoid

[rawhoneyvoid]

A Weird Cafe on a Wednesday Afternoon

I'm sitting here inside a weird cafe on a Wednesday afternoon right by the window. I never sit in the front room where the light dances through dust, I much prefer the stuffiness of the back rooms where I am forced to look at my computer screen to remain sane and awake.

Yet, as mentioned, here I am. Right by the exit too. I chose it because I was hoping the plants that brush against the seating would breath life into my hands. They have not, but they are nice to look at.

Right on the other side of the glass pane, a young man, I want to say boy despite him being in his early 20s, is smoking a cigarette. He has a mustache and a flat rimmed baseball cap on, which makes him seem both dumb and cool.

The way his hand swiftly moves to his lips and he pulls on it makes me want to smoke. I have been on the journey of quitting, both weed and cigarettes, for months now. Merely the image of an okay looking man enjoying the one thing I am barring myself from is churning my mind.

I am trapped in sobriety and work and papers due, all the while smoke dances right within reach. The tendrils taunt me, as they darken the fresh air. I want to choke on it all.

It's poetic in some way I don't have the energy to decipher. Instead I will have to try to continue to pray to the plants and refocus.

[rawhoneyvoid]

Educating myself

Well we all know our education system here in the United States is shit. Even the university I am going into debt for is truly just a business who cares more about the thousands of dollars in loans I owe them rather than whether I walk out a better-minded student. It's sometimes crazy to me that everyone knows this but things just continue... and get worse?

So as every other person has discovered *self-education* is key to truly improving my intelligence.

For some reason, this has always seemed to me as taking on being a lone wolf; reading Kant and drowning my sorrows in the most prestigious bullshit. I read Stephen Hawking and Emerson and even attempted the Bible. These were all things that interested me and I don't regret them, but they really had less impact on me than I expected.

I looked for more. The internet has millions of recommendations of books to improve one's view on the world, their understanding of their impact, etc. Social media has brainwashed me into thinking that self-education comes from reading on my own like some stuck up prick.

But wait... isn't the basis of education... community? (Mind. Blown.)

As mentioned, the public (and private) education system is not that great. Unfair. Unjust. Expensive. So, for many reasons, to oppose this I thought I had to flea to the complete opposite end of isolation.

That's honestly just not fun. Yeah, maybe for some subjects and once in a while, but I learn way more when I'm actively discussing things. Maybe my frontal lobe is just finally developing but I began by discussing real things more often with those in my circle. When there's free events I go. When I want to learn about food or plants or books, I go to the places these things are found and ASK about them. I mean, maybe not everyone at Home Depot knows how deep a pot should be to grow cherry tomatoes but whoever does know will feel really valuable once I ask.

There's all of this knowledge already scattered around our environments. Rather than going back to source and scooping it all up, we can also take advantage of educating ourselves while also making connections.

(I feel like a white man discovering empathy, a lot of you will probably roll your eyes and think "DUH!", but I wanted to put it down in writing so that next time I begin to isolate I remember that connection can begin with mere exchanging of information).

[rawhoneyvoid]

Quitting the za

Well. I've always wanted to start a blog and I thought what better way than to retreat back to the dark ages of my life (12-16, evidently) and try it out on tumblr. I've never posted on here but was always an avid consumer of ship content and shit content lol.

Truly, what pulled me approximately 5.4 minutes ago to begin this journey that will last an unknown amount of time (perhaps this will be my only post? hopefully not.) was 1. the fact that I have been trained to consume more than I create since said dark ages and 2. I want something to keep myself accountable for the foreseeable future.

Yes friends and significant others are great but a public journal sounds nice and embarrassing and useful.

So. I wanted to discuss how I have been attempting to quit "the za", "mary jane", etc etc (I can't remember if drug mention will get me shadow banned or anything stupid on here yet). No judgement to anyone who does it. In fact, I'm jealous of you. I just know I can't keep handling it with my brain chemistry.

It's been officially over a month after years of daily use. I broke twice. I'm not proud of that. And most days are really hard. But I drew outside for hours for the first time in ages today and that was nice. I hope to do it again. Maybe I'll share some of them.

Anyways thanks if you read this at all. I hope you are doing okay. Drink some water. Eat a fruit. Go outside. It's worth it.