razor-twat

[razor-twat]

16/6/2025

I think the most important thing on this junk food fast (idk i kinda lost track which day it is now) is to realize how insanely big snack portion sizes are. Like 300g of chips? 1 litre of ice cream? Just get your lil treat and move on??

I'm also slowly recovering from a cold. Started working. Getting money. I'll be fine and being almost a week alone bc of illness is surely a treat bc i get to be in peace.

[razor-twat]

I got a human od i need to hermit again.. i was helping mom do a thing and that ate my mental energy for today. Now i'm waiting for everyone to go to sleep so i can have some nice time alone. Currently visiting parents -> usual human overdose as always, don't get me wrong my parents are ok i'm just a damn hermit

[razor-twat]

[razor-twat]

27/5/25

so at work someone stole 25e from my wallet since there was no lockers free when i got there.. so now i'll start going to work holding my wallet in my bra (problem: small chest) (solution: leaving everything but phone, house key and credit card at home).

this is gonna work wonders on my paranoia i'm sure of it. I just feel like i healed and then some shit like this happens and i'm spiraling again. I'm just so fucking tired. that's all. i'm so fucking tired.

but hey at least training day was paid so i got 55-65e (i don't know how much taxes are gonna take xddd and i'm bad at math so i'll just downplay it and then will be pleasantly surprised).. minus the sum stolen.. so all in all +30-45e. I mean it's better than nothing xddd dear gods help me

i did call my boss and she believed me and all and will call me tomorrow too so.. i just hope i can get more shifts fast so i can make the sum back fast xdd why does some stupid fucking shit always keep happening to me??

thank gods studying never lets me down and neither do my friends.

[razor-twat]

20/5/2025

Pms is trying to get me with the anxiety and loneliness and whatever else. I just took my vitamins and a valeriana pill so i'll be fine. Likely sleepy but fine. Also i finally got my main anxiety/depression/panic disorder med re-prescribed bc it needed to be renewed. I'm on mirtazapin and it's working for me, one of the few who have none of the side effects list.

I think i should just go to sleep.

Generally i've been doing better. I read some of my old posts from several years ago and i was so surprised to see how much better i'm doing now?

[razor-twat]

19/5/25

Junk food fast day 36/100.

My prescription for my anxiety meds has ended and i'm slowly going mad bc getting a new one is a hassle since i have moved cities. Waiting to the online service if they could do it. Where i used to live i just clicked a few buttons and that did it. But not here bc this is backwards land.

Spring sad is slowly letting go of me. Soon time for "summer horrors".

I got a job as an extra in fast fashion store, i'll go sign the contract tomorrow. I hope i'll get enough shifts to survive and cut off all benefits bc i'm an independent bitch. Also scared of my mental health bc of work last summer almost made me do stupid things to myself but.. i don't have a choice really. I gotta get the money.

Oh and also i'm almost done with phd year 1 spring semester. Ofc i will keep my studying going at all times. Absolute academic machine. Without it i'd just get bored and lose all interest in life.

[razor-twat]

14/5/25

Day 30/100 of junk food fast. Getting the hang of it i think.

[razor-twat]

6/5/25

Day 23/100 of junk food fast. So weird when the cravings have just almost disappeared.

[razor-twat]

23/4/25

Junk food fast day 10/100. That's 10%. I'm doing so well. I'm in control <3

[razor-twat]

21/4/25

Junk food fast day 8/100. I've made it for a week. I got my period and it's making it easier bc i never crave anything during that hahah. I just want to curl up and sleep for ever.

Del-later bit: i just wanna drop to 44. I'm at 46 ish (my normal kinda) and i know i'll be so hot if i just... a little more.

I'm so tired. I'm still happy? Living the dream? If i get the money (scholarship) all my troubles will be solved hahah

[razor-twat]

19/4/25

Junk food fast day 6/100.

The cravings have started but not so badly. I just want chips or cheap nachos. I'm making blinis later. I didn't give in in the store. Weird how much unhealthy stuff is advertised? Also bought. I look at ppls shopping charts and i see so much ultra processed stuff, kilos of candy and chips and several liters of soda.

[razor-twat]

17/4/25

junk food fast day 4/100, going well, no cravings. It could be that i've been really taking care of my protein intake.

I also re-downloaded a step counting app bc of reasons xdd it used to be that bc of my work last summer i walked 225 km a month. That's 14-20km a day. Now it's a struggle to get 14km in a week.. but guess since it's gonna be more spring-like here it's gonna be easier to go for walks when my early-spring sad leaves me tf alone.

[razor-twat]

[razor-twat]

Day 3/100 of junk food fast :)

So far survived without bad cravings (but they will arrive soon enough..)

Rules: no junk food (rice noodles that i season myself and add to ramen is ok - instant noodles is not)

Dark chocolate is ok in moderation.

Eating 3 times a day and going for a walk dailly, making sure i get enough protein.

[razor-twat]

I need to stop eating junk food i'm not a damn american xddd

[razor-twat]

[razor-twat]

1/4/25

On the weekend i was going to a thing and someone jumped in front of the next train in front of us. Then going past the scene i looked outside and saw the tracks and the front of the train in blood. Somehow that fucked me up. I have intrusive thoughts of doing so almost every time i'm on a train station (i'm doing better i wouldn't do it in real life) so it was a reminder of sorts.

I hope ppl would just get help before making decisions like that. Rip, whoever you were.