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[ritsukiayame]

Blue Crystals

Warnings: Implied rape

Words: 7804

Jun scrolled through Instagram as he walked slowly through the chilly classroom halls. After going through classmates’ aesthetic photos, Sailor Moon cosplay, and colorful recipe videos a bright photo of a soft swirl ice cream appeared. It was sitting in a blue and white striped cup with light blue sparkly sprinkles shimmered all over the white swirl.

Jun eyed at the pretty ice cream and looked through the hashtag. There were already aesthetic photos of the new flavor pouring all over the tag. There was even its own hashtag of people cosplaying as Elsa with the matching confectionary. He clicked on one of the of photos when suddenly the entire world went dark.

“Guess who?” Hands covered Jun’s eyes and he almost fell over by the surprise.

He touched the knuckles and smiled when he knew whose hands belong to. “Tuxedo Mask, is that you?” He pulled the hands away and turned around to see a grinning Ruki scratching his head.

He put his hands on his hips and puffed up his chest. “Not as handsome but yes it is I, Tuxedo Mask!” Ruki laughed nervously after making an embarrassing motion.  

Jun giggled and without thinking he hugged him. He hadn’t seen his best friend in so long because of how busy they both were. Especially during the fall season which was at its highest peak and the soccer team’s reputation was on the line. The only time they could really converse was through text or social media. However, because of Ruki’s extreme practice schedule he could only give out a good night text to Jun when Jun waited all night for him to come home safe. Jun felt Ruki’s arms wrap around his waist and held him tighter. “You’re just as handsome as Mamoru shut up,” Jun mumbled proudly knowing he was right as he rested his chin on Ruki’s shoulder.

Ruki chuckled and moved his face to look at Jun without letting him go. His smile was so lovely that it was probably the best thing that happened all day from this cold overcast weather. “How are you doing?” He asked softly. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to hang out. I didn’t expect soccer season would be intense this year. Our new coach has some… interesting tactics.”

Jun jumped up. He loved hearing everything about Ruki even if it was things that he wasn’t familiar with like sports. “It’s okay! We can talk about it when you’re more free. And you know I’m busy too because we have been training new recruits to our speech and debate team.”

Ruki eyes lit up and slid his hands back to Jun’s wrists and set them to their side. He caressed his fingers across Jun’s knuckles gently. “I want to know about them! Did you find any potential speech stars?”

“Yeah I think so! But we can catch up when we both are free… I missed you.”

Ruki didn’t seem to hear the last thing Jun said but stared at his hand with his phone. He brought the wrist up and looked at the screen and then looked at Jun. “What is this?”

Jun snatched his hand away and turned redder than he was from the piercing cold. “Uh… it’s the new ice cream flavor at Rail’s…”

“Oh my God! We went there for one of our games! Their curly fries are so good by the way. I didn’t know they had ice cream! Wait can I see?”

Jun showed the official Instagram page of the restaurant and tapped over to the ice cream post before showing it to Ruki. Ruki wrapped his arm around his shoulder and Jun realized he was resting his head on Ruki’s shoulder. But Ruki was looking extensively at the phone screen. “Huh… that totally sounds like something you’d get for your Instagram,” Ruki teased.

“No it’s not that! It just looks really good and cute!” Jun retorted.

Ruki laughed. “I know. I’ll take you there and we can try it.”

Jun looked up at him with wide eyes. “Wait seriously?”

“Yup. We need a new place to hang out anyway.”

Jun could feel his heart beating so fast. For some reason this felt like he was offering a date. If only he really was dating him he would have kissed him but he held himself back. “Okay! Maybe then we can catch up- oh also there’s this new show that’s out and it’s called My Hero Academia and it’s really good and-”

“Yo Ruki!” Ruki and Jun turned their heads down the hallway to the source of the booming voice. Manny, one of the forwards of the soccer team, waved his arms with Alex walking up behind him and trying to put his arms down to calm him. “Our meeting is about to start come on!” Manny called again.

Ruki sighed and he pouted at Jun. “Aww I really wanted to hear about this new show.”

“I’ll text you the info later if you want!”

Ruki buried his face in Jun’s shoulder and nuzzled his forehead like a clingy child. “I’m just so sorry… I really wanted to see you.”

“Me too…” Jun replied softly. “But we will right?”

Ruki perked up and nodded. “Most definitely! I promise.”

“RUKI COME ON!” Manny roared which caused a bunch of heads to turn in the hallways.

“ALRIGHT MOM GIVE ME 5 MORE MINUTES!” Ruki roared back. He flashed a cheeky grin and gave a slight wave as the other two boys shook their heads and went into the classroom. Ruki turned to Jun. “I’m really sorry I’ll make it up.”

“Just go it’s okay.” Jun nodded and stroked Ruki’s arm for reassurance. Ruki nodded back and started jogging towards the classroom with his hands in his sweater pockets. For some reason that made him look really adorable. Another thing to add onto Jun’s list of the things he loved about Ruki.

_______________________

Despite it being short, Jun still was happy to see him regardless. Of course he wished it was longer but fate had other things in stored for them. Jun didn’t realized that he had the biggest smile on his face while scrolling through his messages on his phone when Maya slammed her hands on Jun’s desk.

“Jun!”

“Y-yes?” He stammered as he quickly put his phone face down.

Maya blinked. “Were you looking at porn?”

Jun gave her a serious look. He rested his chin on his hands and batted his eyelashes. “Do you really think me, of all people, the cutest and most innocent person in the world, would look at that?”

Maya thought for a second as she put her hands to her chin. “Yes. You're a big contender for watching all the nasties.”

Jun frowned. “How dare you.”

Maya laughed. “So anyways, I was online and I saw this hilarious video and-”

Before she could say anything else, another classmate Neha came up behind Maya and tapped her shoulder. “Hey Maya you coming?”

Maya perked her head to the side. “Coming to what?”

Neha took a step back and had a confused look on her face. “I posted all over social media that I’m having a party tonight. The soccer guys will come with drinks. If you know what I mean… but you in?”

Maya shrugged. “Yeah sure, why not?”

“Alright I’ll see you at 7 then.” Neha was about to leave when she saw Jun and hesitated. “You should come too.”

Jun only responded with nodding but she didn’t even see as soon as she turned. “I don’t think she really meant that.”

“I don’t think she really means anything to anyone so don’t worry.” Maya retorted back.

“But are you going?” Jun asked.

“Probably we will see how much my ambivertness will lead me. Do you want to go?”

“Uh maybe…” Jun looked back at his phone and quickly sent a text to Ruki.

Jun: Hey so Neha says she has a party tonight and mentioned the soccer team is coming with drinks are you going?

“Alright well let me know if you’re going. At least I will know one familiar face if I go.” Maya whipped out her phone and started tapping. “Anyways, this is the video….”

________________________

________________________

Jun was one of the first people at the party. He sat on a couch in the basement feeling incredibly isolated with his red cup of water. He kept checking his phone going back and forth at his conversations with Maya and Ruki if they were coming or not. He hated being in situations where everyone knew each other except him. He knew of them, but not well enough to bring up his courage to have a conversation with them.

His phone buzzed and it was from Maya.

Jun sighed silently. Now he had to stay with a bunch of people that he didn’t know or wasn’t comfortable with. He hoped Ruki would get here soon but he didn’t want to send another text to look annoying. Even though he texts him everyday he still had those tight anxious feelings.

A girl with long blonde hair flung her body on top of the backrest of the couch that startled Jun. He looked closer and realized the girl was Romy, one of the more outgoing and popular girls on the cheerleading squad. Romy looked up and flashed a boxy smile. Jun could smell from her she probably had some alcohol in her system already. “Hey I think I’ve seen you before? You hang out with Ruki a lot.”

“Jun,” Jun quipped. “I’m in your English class.”

“... 6th period?”

“Yup.”

“... Oh yeaah Jun! You’re the kid that argued Mr. Roberts about that one jungle book.”

Jun winced. That was not his proudest moment that he almost made his teacher mad over the symbolism in The Heart of Darkness and he wouldn’t stop talking until he made his point final. It was an embarrassing moment for him. “You remembered that?”

“Yeah the way you talked was so cool! I wish I could talk as smart as you.” Then she peered closer and the alcohol smell intensified. “Wow you know, you’re really pretty up close! Is that why Ruki hangs out with you a lot?”

“Wh-what?!”

“Hey do you know his type by the way?”

A roar of loud cheers echoed through the entire house. Everyone around them looked up and started walking toward the stairs.

“Hey the soccer team is here!” Someone shouted.

Romy whipped her hair up and started squealing as she jumped up and down. “Oh my God Ruki is here!” She bobbed towards the small crowd up the stairs.

Jun was the last one to come out. He headed over to the group of people that were crowded around the kitchen. The soccer team stood in the middle of the crowd as if they were a bunch of movie stars. Some of the players were chattering up a storm and others were having their arms around cute drunk girls. Jun scanned the crowd and saw Ruki standing behind Alex who seemed to be in a deep conversation with one of the stoner guys. Jun didn't know how to get his attention without looking like a fool except throw a small wave. He attempted but he didn't see him. Someone shouted to direct everyone back into the basement and Jun involuntarily moved his body with the waves of the crowd.

There were more people in the basement now and Jun felt like he had no choice except to sit back on the couch. He took out his phone and looked back at the stairwell to see Alex walking and talking with the same stoner guy and Ruki following him with a giggling and ditzy Romy clinging onto his shoulder.

Jun turned his head away. For some reason it made him sick to his stomach seeing someone treating Ruki like he was a toy. He got out his phone and saw that there was an unread message from Ruki.

“Jun?”

Jun turned around. Ruki finally met his eyes and nodded towards his direction with a smile. Alex also nodded towards him and seemed to motion Ruki to go over. He brushed off Romy and waved at her as he walked briskly towards Jun. “Is this seat taken?”

“No but it's yours if you start now at $19.99.” Jun smiled as he felt like his mood was starting to come back.

Ruki dug his hands in his sweatpants pockets and pulled out his wallet and opened it. “Aw dang it I only got a 5.”

“Fine. You can sit here. It's free on Fridays.”

Ruki laughed and sat close next to him. Suddenly everything became so much better because Ruki was here and he was right next to him. Jun didn't realize he was leaning a little next to him but it didn't matter now because he just felt so much better that he was finally here. Ruki turned to him. “You doing okay?”

“Mhm.” Jun nodded not taking his eyes off of Ruki’s beautiful dark pupils.

“I'm really sorry that we came late.”

“It's okay I got your text,” Jun replied. “Things like that happen.”

Ruki pursed his lips and closed his eyes as if he was slightly annoyed at himself. “I know but I still feel bad because you were waiting. I didn't want to keep you waiting for me.”

Manny shouted something that was followed with a bunch of cheers. He fisted a beer bottle in the air and popped the top open and started pouring into the cups.

Ruki turned back to Jun. “Do you want a drink?”

Jun held up his red cup. He laughed at Ruki’s horrified face. Jun would be the last person on Earth that would get hammered. “Calm down officer it's just water. But no I'm good. Are you going to go get one?”

Ruki shook his head. “I'm not really in the mood for it. I think I'm good.”

Jun continued to look at him as he set his cup down on the floor. Jun brushed his hand on Ruki’s forearm. “Ruki is something wrong?”

Ruki looked at him with a small smile but Jun could tell that his eyes were telling him something different. “Yeah I’m fine. Don't worry about it.”

“You say that and now I’m going to be worried.”

Ruki gave him a small smile. “I'll be fine don't worry. I think.. I just really missed you-”

“HEY LOSERS WE ARE PLAYING SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN!”

The crowd shifted towards the couch area as they made a large circle with the couch included. Two soccer players sat next to both Ruki and Jun squeezing the two of them like the insides of a sandwich. Everyone else gathered around or sat in a circle on the carpet in front of them.

Neha held up an empty beer bottle and explained the rules. “Alright ladies and gents! It's time to get a little taste of heaven!” An echo of “ooohs” and giggles followed from the crowd. “Spin the bottle and whoever it points to is who you get to be with in that closet over there for seven minutes.” She pointed towards the door on the other side of the room. “Don't worry it's big enough just be safe! If you know what I mean…” A louder slew of laughter ensued. “Alright who's gonna go first?”

“Me! Me!” Romy shouted.

Whooping and laughter increased as the girls handed over the bottle. Romy rubbed her hands on the bottle in a suggestive way which excited the boys. She put the bottle in the middle of the circle and spun. Everyone kept their eyes glued on the bottle with cheering. The bottle slowed to a stop pointing to…

“Ruki!!” The crowd shouted his name in perfect unison that it made Ruki jump out of his seat. He looked at every direction and pointed at himself to make sure it was actually pointing at him.

Manny went over to the couch and slapped his shoulder. “Alright dude have fun!”

For some reason that made Jun’s heart sink to all the way to the ground. Air almost stopped flowing through his lungs like he couldn't breathe. Tears were about to form from his eyes until Ruki turned to him. “We are not going to do anything. I'm going to tell her that.”

“Ruki are you sure you want to do this?”

“Come on Ruki! Time is ticking!” One of the players opened the closet door to reveal that it was dark and cramped with shelves full of random junk. Romy strutted towards the door and waved at him.

Jun felt a hand on his shoulder. “Jun come with me.” Jun turned around to see it was Alex. Alex turned to Ruki. “Just go. I'll take care of it.”

Ruki nodded as if he understood what he meant. “Thanks man. I owe you one.” Then he turned to Jun and nodded. His eyes seemed to say to trust him and Jun had no choice but to accept that.

Ruki walked over to the closet as the soccer players scooted both him and Romy into the tight dark space. Neha started the countdown as soon as the door shut. “Have fun guys! Don't get too crazy in there!” she called to them.

Alex motioned Jun to come with him to the back of the basement as far away from the crowd as possible. The rest of the party goers were too busy cheering them on from outside of the closet or drinking more beer. Jun tried to turn his head away but it was making his heart accelerate into a cold sweat. “Jun are you going to be okay?” Alex asked. He wasn't very good at showing his emotions but after know him for about a year Jun could tell he cared despite his cold exterior.

“Yeah…” he lied.

“Listen Ruki is not going to do anything to her. He knows how to keep his limits and he won't do anything stupid. He doesn't want to make you upset-”

“Why are you telling me all of this?” Jun snapped. Alex raised his eyebrows because he had never heard Jun raise his voice like that. “I am not the one in control of what he wants to do it's his life it's his choice.” Jun realized how loud he was when the room got quiet. He turned around and it seemed like people started to give up one by one. He turned back to Alex feeling really guilty. “Sorry.”

“It's fine. I just…” He looked into the distance trying to find the right words. “I know Ruki isn't that stupid. And… he really really cares about you. Like a lot.”

Jun looked at him quizzically. “What do you mean?”

“Like… today even. He got really annoyed that practice went over time. He's usually pretty serious when he gives out instruction but he looked like he was mad. He was almost yelling at everyone to hurry up. Everyone was really uneasy too. When I asked why he said it was because he didn't want to keep you waiting.” Alex took a big sip from his cup as if the beer was just water.

Jun couldn't believe that Ruki was actually annoyed that he wasn't able to see him sooner. Before he could ask Alex anything else a drunk soccer player came up and put his arm around Alex. “Hey Alex who's this?”

Alex nodded towards Jun. “That's Jun. Ruki’s boyfriend. The one we were talking about.”

“Alex!” He could see Alex snickering in his cup. “Don't listen to him I am not his boyfriend,” Jun huffed over his already hot reddened face.

The soccer player laughed and waved his hand. “Nah dude the team always jokes that Ruki has a lover because everytime he looks at his phone he looks like he's smitten so we thought he had a girlfriend but Tom over there saw your name so we joke that you're his boyfriend.” Before Jun could process everything he just heard the player took his hand out and tried to be as formal as possible. “I'm Elgar by the way. I'm the second best on the team.”

“Third. Ruki is the second best that's why he's co captain.” Alex corrected him nonchalantly.

“Okay whatever. Third best.” He said raising up four fingers as Alex put down his pinkie finger to end up with three fingers instead.

The rest of the time Elgar started to talk about his practice routine and his bizarre dreams about being chased by a fly monster that Jun tried hard to pay attention but the idea that Ruki was still in the closet with a drunk girl was on his mind. He battled in between thinking everything would be alright and something happened. But if something did happen to Ruki what could he do? It would have already happened and he wouldn't have any control over it.

“3… 2… 1!” The crowd chanted followed by loud cheers. Jun whipped around to see Neha whip the closet door open. Romy jumped out of the closet looking all dizzy and happy with messier hair like she had the most amazing time of her life. Ruki looked like the exact opposite.  He stared at the ground with his hands in his pockets. It was hard to see from the dim lighting but his face looked really flustered and red like after running a marathon. But he also had a look of discomfort and agony as if he went through something horrific. Jun tried to tell himself that his hair wasn't that messy and it was dark so that's why it came out like that.

A couple of guys went up to Ruki and put their arms around his shoulder and started chatting with him what seemed like rounds of congratulations. Ruki only looked up and gave them a smile and one word answers.

Jun found himself walking over. Alex reached out to grab him but he followed him before Jun would do anything rash. Alex grabbed Jun’s wrist and said, “Hold on give it a bit.”

Jun looked back at Alex looking at him with confusion. “Why? He's done.”

“Hey man where you going?” The guy that had his arms around Ruki asked as Ruki pushed him away.

“I just need some fresh air. It was really stuffy in there you know?” Ruki stormed out of his way through the crowd ignoring everyone toward the stairs.

Jun yanked his wrist from Alex before Alex could call out to him. He hurried after Ruki but he couldn't see him anywhere in the house. He walked towards the living room ignoring the gross couple making out on the couch and towards the front door. Outside, Ruki was leaning against the railing on the porch staring out into what was left behind of the setting red sun behind the roofs of the suburbs with the stars starting to appear high above the dark sky.

Jun silently closed the door behind him. When the door locked Ruki turned around and smiled. That sweet smile that made Jun smile back as if it was their secret language. It was finally cool and quiet with just the two of them. The party was behind them now and finally they were alone together. Jun walked towards him as Ruki looked back out into the distance. Jun also mirrored him by slouching on the porch. The sun seemed to sink deeper into the rooftops before the last ounce of light disappeared and it was only the beginning of the evening.

A shiver went up to Jun. He brought his hands up and rubbed his own arms.

“You didn’t bring a warmer jacket?” Ruki asked. There was a slight tinge of sadness in his tone.

Jun had on a light zip up jacket over his thin t shirt but apparently it wasn’t enough. “I thought it would get warmer,” he said as he pulled his arms in tighter. “I get cold easily.”

Ruki chuckled. “I know. And I always tell you that you need to bring a heavier jacket because you’re so thin.”

Jun pouted. “It’s not my fault that I can’t gain weight anymore.”

Ruki got up and locked his arms around Jun. Jun couldn’t stop his giggling fit as he squirmed to get out of Ruki’s arms. But it was so warm and cozy that he felt like this was the safest place in the universe. “You’re right it’s your fault for being so thin so now you can’t get anywhere.” Ruki couldn’t stop smiling as he rested his forehead on the side of Jun’s golden hair.

Jun loved it so much when Ruki did that it felt so intimate even though Ruki was probably playing. Jun scrunched his head up and pretended to be in distress. “Oh no help. I’ve been captured.”

“That’s right. Zhang Junming you’re mine!” Ruki tightened his arms even more around Jun like a barricade and Jun giggled as he turned to face him and wrapped his arms around the waist of Ruki’s plushy sweater. He wanted to be like this for as long as they can, forever if it were possible.

Jun rested his cheek on Ruki’s shoulder. He wanted to ask if anything happened in the closet, but he could feel from him that maybe he didn’t want to know. He didn't know how to even start to ask. In fact, it may have been better to not know what had happened. It might have ended up differently than their relationship now. Even if Jun did find out what difference would it make? It was just one stupid teen game anyway. The Ruki he was with right now, the one that holding so close to him, was the Ruki he knew, not the one five minutes ago.

“Hey,” Ruki spoke softly in Jun’s ear. “Didn’t you say you wanted to try that new ice cream flavor at Rail’s?”

Jun looked up at him feeling the empty cold air from where the warmth of his cheek was. “But isn’t late? And it’s ice cream in fall…”

“But that’s the second best time to eat ice cream! The first one is in the winter.”

“Ruki,” Jun started but Ruki already let go and started heading towards the street. “Can we really just leave the party like that?”

Ruki turned back and called, “If you don’t catch up to the car I’m going to pay for it!”

Jun started sprinting but Ruki already beat him to the car. Jun tackled a laughing Ruki and both of the boys started holding each other for dear life and laughing until their sides hurt.

__________________________

The ice cream was even more magnificent in real life. Pictures didn’t do justice. The ice cream spiraled a perfect swirl with the perfect curl at the top. The sparkly blue sprinkles really did look like it was part of the creamy mixture. It really was like the ice cream version of crystals. It was so pretty and sparkly that Jun was afraid to even poke it.

“If you don't eat it now it's just going to be in a big puddle of shiny goop,” said Ruki coming back from the counter with hot tea.

Jun looked at Ruki wide eyed. “But it's so beautiful. What if I break it?”

“It's meant to be eaten. What else is its purpose?” Ruki took his spoon and rested his head in his hand with a sly smile.

Jun took his spoon and pressed it against his lips. “To look pretty for Instagram?”

Ruki laughed. “Oh my God you would say that.” Then he reached into his pocket to get his phone. “Speaking of Instagram…”

“Wait.” Jun put his hand on Ruki’s arm to stop him but he moved his phone to his other hand to open up the app. “But then everyone would know that we aren't there…”

Ruki scoffed and closed his eyes. “Who cares… no one is going to give a shit,” he muttered.

Jun’s heart almost skipped a beat. That was so unlike something Ruki would say. “Ruki…”

Ruki extended his arm to angle the perfect selfie. “Look up Jun.” Jun looked at Ruki’s camera to see himself and Ruki trying to angle most of the pretty ice cream. Jun quickly posed a peace sign with the spoon awkwardly in his hand. Then Ruki slid his other hand sneakily behind Jun’s back and wrapped gently around his waist and pulled him lightly to get closer in the picture. Jun tried not to show that he was getting red again but kept as cool as he could for the picture.

After a couple of snaps the boys looked at the pictures. Ruki hadn't left his other hand around Jun’s waist but he tried not to think of it. They looked at the photos and landed on one that looked the best out of all of them.

“This one.” Jun pointed. “We look cute in that one.”

“Yeah.” Ruki agreed turning to him. “But you're cute in all of them.” Jun probably lost conscious for five seconds after hearing that. After deciding on a filter they agreed that it was ready to publish. “Let me write the captions and tags. Go ahead and eat first.”

Jun sighed, sad that he had to poke into it. He scooped out a piece and tasted it. He widened his eyes at the first second the confectionary touched his tongue. A shiver went through his whole body but it was a good shiver. It started off extremely milky and creamy that melted so neatly with the after taste of cool fresh mint.

“How is it?” Ruki asked after setting his phone down. He held his other hand around Jun’s waist little tighter and caressed it with his thumb gently.

Jun scooped another bite and nudged the spoon at him, Ruki smiled and leaned down and chomped the whole scoop.

Ruki closed his eyes for a moment to indulge and process the taste. A quick shiver went down his whole body that he let go of his arm around Jun. “Oh man! That is so good! It’s so minty and extra cold!”

“Right?” Jun took another scoop of the ice cream and playfully taunted the spoon of shining blue creamery in front of Ruki’s face. He leaned in before Jun pulled the spoon back into his own mouth in one bite. He shivered at the initial icy bite when the chill moved up to his brain. He scrunched his face at the cold pain. “Arrrg.” He put his forehead on the table trying to internally fight the piercing pain.

“Brain freeze?” Ruki chuckled.

Jun could only nod in pain.

Ruki pushed his steaming mug of hot tea. “Don’t eat it too quick it’s not a race. Here is some ailments to heal you from being frozen.”

Jun turned his head to look up at Ruki who was already scooping himself another bite of the ice cream. He took both of his hands around the warm mug and brought himself to sip the warm bitter tea.

The boys took their time taking in each scoop of the ice cream, sipping tea, and even the basket of curly fries that Ruki ordered later. They sat and talked about whatever was on their mind, even stories of what was going on with the activities they were doing at school. Jun listened intently at Ruki’s locker room gossip and laughing at his attempt to imitate the other players’ distinct voice. When Ruki finished his part of the conversation there was always this silent communication that gave Jun the signal for him to say whatever was on his mind. And as always, Ruki was always listening and commenting when he needed to. Jun finally told him about the new shows he was watching and complaining about all the late night studying he had to do that he realized this might have been the most he’s ever talked in a long time. When he was with other people he was usually closed off like he didn’t want people to get into his life because he felt like he so different from everyone else that people would be turned off from it. But with Ruki, it wasn’t like that. He could tell him anything and he knew Ruki wouldn’t judge or think differently of him. It was a feeling of comfort, something that he cherished everytime he was with him. This was one of the reasons why he loved being with him.

When they were done with the food they noticed that they were the last ones in the entire restaurant. The sun was completely gone with only the street lights that started blinking to life. After a shy bus boy asked them to leave for closing, Ruki turned to Jun suddenly and said, “Do you want to go to the beach?”

Jun blinked. “But isn’t late? It’s really dark.”

“Oh… does that bother you? I’ll be with you the whole time though.”

Something wasn’t right. Usually when it was really late Ruki would ask Jun if he was tired and encourage him to go to bed early. But he didn’t this time. This meant that Ruki really didn’t want to go home. But then again, Jun didn’t want to leave Ruki already either. He couldn’t believe how fast time went by in the restaurant that it felt like they just got there. Jun grabbed Ruki’s arm and nodded.

In a swift movement, Ruki slid his hands and laced his fingers around Jun’s and took him out of the restaurant on their way to the car.

_________________________

____________________________

After a quiet car ride in the dark, they finally reached their favorite spot on the beach. It wasn’t exactly per say on the sandy part of the beach, but it was a cliff that wasn’t very steep and perfectly overlooked the ocean and the rest of the beach. It would have to take a small hike to get to that cliff but was worth it because of the view and no one else seem to have found this spot.

The boys linked arms in silence to rely on each other’s presence in the dark. They listened to the rustle of the grass that glazed against their footsteps. When they reached the edge of the cliff they sat down. The moon was very big and bright that its reflection was so bright that the ocean seemed to sparkle. It didn’t make the night as dark as it was. Jun could see the white beach and the ocean’s crawling waves very clearly. It was such a beautiful sight that he wished that they could go to the beach more often at night. He will have to tell Ruki that later and maybe even more as an excuse to see him.

Jun rested his chin on his knees when Ruki took his seat next to him. “Let me know if you get cold. We can go back to the car.”

“It’s alright I’m fine,” Jun replied. He continued to stare at the scene in front of him. “It’s beautiful here at night.”

“Yeah it is,” Ruki agreed realizing that Jun was talking about the ocean and not himself.

There was a few moments of silence except for the rolling waves in the distance. It was nice that it was just the two of them and the sound of the ocean. Then Ruki broke the silence. “Hey, thanks for not asking what happened back there.”

Jun turned to him. Ruki didn’t look back at him he continued to look out into the distance. He wasn’t sure if the twinkle in his eyes was from the reflection of the moon or it was actually tears. “What do you mean?” He asked. But he knew what it was about, then Jun realized he shouldn’t have asked.

“I mean at the party earlier.”

Jun got up and placed his arms on the grass leaning back. “If you don’t want to talk about it now you don’t have to. You can tell me when you’re ready or even if you don’t want to talk about it you don’t have to.”

Ruki closed his eyes and laid back into the grass. He put his arm across his eyes as if he didn’t want Jun to see what his eyes were emoting. Jun felt like all of the panic rushed to his heart and throat.

“Ruki! Ruki are you okay? I’m sorry if I said anything wrong!”

Ruki grabbed Jun’s arm. Jun’s heart almost broke at the sight. It wasn’t the reflection of the moon that made Ruki’s eyes sparkle. Small tears started forming at the edge of his eyes. “Jun. You haven’t done anything wrong at all. You never have. You’re so amazing and wonderful sometimes I think I don’t deserve you.”

Jun could feel tears welling up in his eyes. He moved his hand and reached Ruki’s hand. “Why.” His voice cracked. “Why would you say that?”

Ruki stared up at the sky. Stars were beginning to appear even though they were hard to see against the bright moon. “Everyone assumes I’m supposed to act or be a certain way because of who I am. I know I talk to a lot of people, I know I get good grades, I know I’m decent at sports, I know I have a lot of girls that ask me out but it’s so overwhelming. It’s like they assume I’m that guy you know? They assume because of that I have to be that person that I play this role and it ends up not being ‘me.’ I’m just pretending to put up this mask in front of everyone because I have to live up to their expectations because they think I am that person. Because I'm ‘nice’ or whatever.” He sighed trying to hold back the tears. It took a moment before he could speak again. He closed his eyes as if he was trying to find the right words. “Romy was one of those people.”

Jun squeezed Ruki’s hand tighter. He tried to push back down the imaginary bile that was up his throat hoping that whatever he heard next wasn’t what he expected.

“I kept telling her no. I kept telling her I don’t want to do this. But she was so drunk. She kept saying ‘But I want this.’” He wrapped his other arm across his eyes hoping Jun wouldn’t see the tears coming down his eyes. “I don’t even know her Jun. I don’t know anything about her other than she’s friends with Amalia and Emily. Yet she kept... kissing me.”

Jun closed his eyes trying to hold himself back. He was prepared but not for what he was about to hear next.

“I kept pushing her back but it was so dark I didn’t want to hurt her either. But she wouldn’t stop. She didn’t just kiss me on the lips. She went everywhere… and….” His words almost became incoherent and Jun could see Ruki’s cheeks becoming wetter that he felt his own tears trickling down his face. “She pulled down the zipper and wouldn’t fucking stop blowing me. I couldn’t do anything I should have pushed her away more but it was like I couldn't move. I never thought… that could happen to me…”

“Ruki.” Jun laid down next to him and wrapped his arms around Ruki’s arm and brushed his forehead against his shoulder. He brought himself into an embrace with Ruki’s arm like curling up next to a pillow. He needed to calm himself down from sobbing as well. He never expected to hear this. It was much worse that he expected. “Ruki I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry it happened to you. You don’t deserve that. You really don’t deserve that. You of all people don’t deserve that to happen to you.”

Ruki turned towards Jun and wrapped his warm arms around him and touched his forehead against his. Now Jun could clearly see the tear stained eyes with blades of grass poking from his cheek. “Why are you apologizing? This isn’t your fault.”

Hearing this made Jun cry even harder. He wasn’t supposed to he was supposed to keep his composure to comfort Ruki. But he couldn’t control it. “But I didn’t do anything. I can’t do anything. Ruki I feel so awful I couldn’t do anything.” He choked in between words.

Ruki wrapped his arms tighter until Jun buried his face in Ruki’s warm soft chest. He kneaded small circles behind his back as he left Jun sob on his chest. “You’re doing plenty. You being here and listening to me is everything to me.” Ruki laughed softly but Jun wasn’t sure if he was also crying more. “This is why I love being with you so much. You’re the only person that doesn’t make me feel like I have to put on a mask. You let me be me. You make me feel like I’m safe and I don’t have to hide anywhere.”

Jun started shaking uncontrollably from the weeping and brought his hands up clinging on to Ruki’s chest. He couldn't believe that someone would hurt him and that hurt Jun more than anything. He held onto the back of his sweater tightly. He quickly wiped his tears but Ruki brought his hands up and gently wiped it for him. It was odd, he should be the one comforting Ruki, not the other way around. “Ruki,” Jun started after catching his breath. “Please. Tell me what you need.”

“What do you mean?”

“If anything like this happens again you have to tell me what to do and I'll do it.” Jun found himself more determined to protect the one he loved the most. His voice carried through that gradual shift of confidence. “I know you always give to others to make others happy but you need them too. You deserve to have the things you want and need. So if there's anything at all, please tell me. Even if it means I have to beat Romy or anyone up.”

“That won't be necessary,” Ruki said quickly. He brought his arms down to Jun’s hands and held them tightly. He rested his forehead again on Jun’s. Jun held his breath at Ruki’s handsome features but felt his heart weep knowing in Ruki’s beautiful eyes more tears were slowly streaming out. “You don’t have to do that for me.”

“Don’t say that!” Jun realized he raised his voice at him and held himself back. “Sorry… I just mean… you give and give to others so much that it will hurt you in the end. I don’t want to see you hurt like this and it’s so unfair that people take advantage of your kindness. You of all people don’t deserve any of that.” Jun could feel tears coming back that was holding him back from speaking in his throat.

Ruki looked shocked from the amount that Jun spoke. He chewed his bottom lip then asked, “Can you promise me you won't tell anyone?”

“Of course.”

Ruki sighed deeply and closed his eyes. A single tear trickled down his eye. Jun brought his finger and wiped it away with his knuckle. Ruki grasped his hand again and caressed it so slowly and so lovingly. “Can I ask you something extremely selfish?”

Somehow that pained Jun’s heart. “Ruki whatever it is I know it is not selfish. Tell me what is it?”

Ruki’s eyes widened in a state of shock. He closed them to let more tears stream down making Jun’s tears follow more. He brought Jun’s fingers so very close to his lips he almost brushed them. “Can you please stay with me? Just for tonight?” He whispered so softly that it was mixed in with the grass rustling in the gentle wind.

Jun brought up his composure, scooted up, and embraced his arms around Ruki’s head and let his forehead touch his chest. It was such a surprising movement that both boys tried to realize what happened. But Jun knew he wanted this intentionally. “I’ll stay with you as long as you want.”

Then he felt shaking underneath his arms. A muffled quiet sob emitted from Ruki. Ruki had always caressed his fingers around Jun’s hair and now Jun was the one to do that for him, It made him feel a little lighter as he comforted Ruki. “What if I asked for forever?” Ruki suddenly asked between his silent crying.

“Then I will stay with you forever.”

Ruki didn’t speak after that. But Jun could feel that he let himself cry because he needed to. How long had he been holding this up? It pained Jun to know that Ruki must have closed himself off like this for so long. Even though Ruki explained the mask he put on for others, he hoped that someday he will take off that final mask and let Jun in to bring him all the comfort he needed in the world. He stroked his hair in circles and without thinking he lightly kissed the top of his head. He buried himself in Ruki’s soft hair and wished to himself that he would never see Ruki hurt ever again.

[ritsukiayame]

Ruki’s Gay Agenda

Warnings: Contains LGBT bullying (does end positively)

Words: 2411

_________________________

Jun and Ruki were going about their way to school as they always do every morning when they saw a large crowd piling like sardines towards one area in the hall.

“Ruki, what’s going on?”

Ruki hurried over as soon as they walked into the hallways toward his locker. Almost everyone in the school passed by a certain locker or were staring at it in shock. Some people had their phones out and quickly snapped a photo. The others that kept crowding around either gawked or whispered. Some of them, when they saw Ruki stepping forward, they avoided eye contact or shuffled to their next destination.

Ruki and Jun walked towards Ruki’s locker. Red spray paint was tagged across his locker door with equally crudely written words. “Fag. Cock sucker.”

More people started to crowd around them and Jun could feel the air getting smaller and smaller to the point it felt hard to breathe. He tried to avoid the crowd and looked up at Ruki. He continued to stare at his locker but his face was expressionless. “Ruki?” Jun had no idea what to say. He felt like he was completely out in the open. Completely vulnerable, like the whole world was watching them. Someone probably snapped another photo. Jun approached Ruki again. “Ruki? Are you okay? Should we tell the teachers?”

Ruki blinked and looked at Jun and nodded. “Yeah it’s just… I’m kind of confused.”

Jun was taken aback. And so did everyone else it seemed. They all dropped taking pictures from their phones and looked at Ruki in disbelief. “What do you mean?” Jun asked.

“I mean, yeah. I don’t know why someone would do this. I’m just kind of confused why they would waste a lot of time doing something dumb like this. I’m pretty sure they don’t even know me. What was the point of this?” He turned to the closest girls next to them and asked, “Do you know who did this?” The girls quickly shook their heads and shuffled away. He asked the next batch of people. “Do you know who did this?” Same answer.

He kept asking the people around them when a sound of running footsteps was coming toward them. “Get out of the way,” grumbled Alex pushing his way through the crowd. When he reached towards Ruki he turned back at them and barked at them. “There’s nothing to see here! Get to your next class! Move it!”

The intimidated crowd scurried away from Alex who in this moment resembled a short angry chihuahua. His glare scared the nearby screaming girls. He turned to Ruki. “We’ll find who did this and make them pay.”

Ruki moved his hands up in defense. “Woah man. Violence is totally not necessary. But we should probably clean this though.” He took a finger and brushed it against the paint. “Maybe we can clean this off during lunch. This wouldn’t give everyone a good message if this stayed on here right?”

Alex blinked in amazement. “You are not normal.”

Ruki laughed softly. “What do you mean?”

“Like a normal person would get mad or sad or just stay super quiet and sad. But you’re like confused.”

Ruki gave him a perplexed look. “I am confused though.” He pointed back at his tagged locker. “Like seriously. Why would you waste your time on this? You have so much better things to do than just do this?”

“Dude, no one would think that way except you.”

Ruki laughed again but it didn’t sound like he found Alex’s comment funny. But almost like a laugh of self pity. “Maybe I’m not normal.”

More people passing by along with more whispering. Jun turned and grasped Ruki’s sleeve. “Hey. Maybe we should go. I’ll help you out during lunch too!”

Ruki turned and gave him a soft smile. “I’d like that. Thanks Jun.”

Throughout the school periods the school’s inner social media circle flooded with Ruki’s tagged locker. Spreading from each account to the other trying to find who the culprit was as if each person was trying to be an anonymous knight in shining armor. As usual, Ruki didn’t seem to take notice or bother with the flooding messages on his socials asking him questions like he was so person of interest.

When it was lunch Jun met up with Ruki outside of his English class and they both walked to the locker rooms to borrow some towels. “Are you okay?” Jun suddenly asked while they filled a mop bucket full of water from the sinks.

“Yeah? Why you ask?”

The bucket was full and heavy for Jun. Luckily Ruki was stronger because he actually did sports and took over the bucket handle. “It just seems that your reaction is really…” Jun couldn’t think of the right words and he knew he always had trouble with that. “Different? Like you’re not angry that you were targeted?”

Ruki scoffed as they took the stacks of towels and detergent from the bench. “Is Alex rubbing off on you?”

“What do you mean?”

“He just told me I wasn’t normal because I reacted differently than others if they were bullied too,” Ruki said with a smile but quickly retracted it back. “So were you influenced by Alex that I’m not normal?”

“No! It’s not like that!” Jun stammered. He felt his face turn red while holding onto the towels as they walked passed the gawking students in the hall. “Actually I think that’s really brave of you.”

“Brave?” Ruki asked with a slight shocked tone.

“Yeah. It’s honestly really inspiring. Instead of putting out your anger or giving yourself pity you had another outlook on it. Instead of causing more problems you want to resolve it. I think that’s really amazing. So it’s not really a matter if you’re normal or not. It just…” He raised the towels to cover his face from embarrassment. “You’re an inspiration.”

They reached Ruki’s locker and set down the things. Ruki put his hand on his shoulder and smiled. “Thanks, that means a lot.” Jun nodded and gave him a towel. When he started mixing the soap detergent in the water, Ruki spoke again. “And… thanks for saying I’m not weird or anything.”

Jun looked up and frowned. “Why would you be weird? You’re not weird at all Ruki.”

“Hey Ruki!” Both of the boys turned toward the direction of Alex. He stomped pass the crowd dragging two younger boys in each hand by their shirt collars flailing their arms begging for mercy. Despite his smaller but lithe body, Alex threw the boys in front of Ruki. “I found the culprits.” The boys’ childish faces indicated that they were freshmen. They looked up at Ruki and whimpered like scared dogs. “Apologize you twats!” Alex demanded.

Ruki put a hand up at Alex. “Alex they’re not animals. Talk to them like normal human beings.” Ruki then kneeled down at the quiet freshmen like they were actual kindergarteners. He didn’t seem to show any sign of remorse but rather a sign of humbleness. He smiled at them and they jerked back. “Are you the guys that happened to write that on my locker?”

The smile seemed to intimidate one of the boys as he looked down on the floor without saying anything.

“You can tell me the truth. I’m not going to yell at you if you really did it or not.” Ruki’s soothing voice was seriously not helping this contradicting situation.

“It was his idea!” One of the boys suddenly shouted.

The other boy looked at his buddy in a face of someone that has been betrayed. “Wait what the fuck? You’re the one that wrote on it first!”

“Shut the fuck up Eddy! You always start it! You always kept calling him a cock sucker anyway!”

“Let’s back up a bit,” Ruki interjected. He turned to the boy who was called Eddy. “So why do you think I’m that?”

Eddy continued to look at the floor. The behavior really did resemble a kindergartener that did not want to admit that they hit someone first. “Because you just give off that vibe.”

“How so?” Ruki looked at them both as if he was really concerned. “Like I’m actually curious. I want to know how do I give off that kind of vibe to you guys?”

“Because you act so girly!” The other boy stammered. “You look at other guys so hard like you want to suck dick like dude it’s so gross! Also you move and look like a girl anyway!”

That alone made Jun want to punch that kid in the face but luckily Ruki interjected again. “Because I don’t act like a typical bro type. Is that why you made those assumptions?”

“Yeah isn’t that how gay people act? That’s so weird,” spat Eddy. Alex was about to whack him in the head but Ruki waved at him to stop.

Ruki clenched his teeth. “Yikes. That’s really problematic. Actually a lot of it what you said is really really problematic.” He brought his fingers to begin counting their call outs. “For one, you’re assuming that because I’m a guy I have to act super masculine. Not all boys are born with that masculine mindset you're actually putting a lot of boys in danger if you have assume that on all boys. No, sorry, male presenting humans. Two, you assume that all guys that act ‘girly’ are gay because they don’t fit the typical mold of the masculine bro type. Am I right?”

The two freshmen boys didn’t look at Ruki they continued to look down. Eddy started twirling his tennis shoe laces.

“And one last thing,” Ruki continued raising three fingers. “Let’s just say I really am gay. Like no offense but why do you care?” That got the boys’ attention. “That kind of thing should be something that should be kept to me. And even if I do, what do you call that, ‘come out’ right? I don’t think it should matter that much because my sexuality shouldn’t define who I am. There's so much more to me than my sexuality. And who I love should only matter between me and that other person. Or multiple if I identify as a polysexual, but that should be a relationship between me and that other person. It shouldn’t even be your business unless I invite you into it.”

The two boys were completely speechless. They seem to be at a loss of words so Ruki continued to ramble.

“I am pretty sure if you ask any actual gay guys they probably wouldn’t pounce on you anyway. Because that’s not really how that works. I mean, again if I was gay, I have never seen you before so I don’t know why you would even be afraid of me.” Then Ruki tapped his chin and thought some more. “Could it be you’re afraid of gay guys because you don’t want to be treated like a girl? You don’t want to know what it’s like for a girl in a man’s world?”

“Okay! I’m sorry!” Eddy roared at him overpowering Ruki’s soft voice. Everyone in the hallway stopped in their tracks at them making it feel like deja vu from this morning. His buddy shot a threatening look of betrayal and panic at him. “I’m sorry for calling you all that! It was Aku’s idea first! He keeps talking about it every time and I just kind of tagged along and we thought it would be funny! Just a joke!”

“Dude what the fuck?!” Aku yelled at him. “Why the fuck are you calling me out you’re the one that called him the cock-sucker first! I remembered that!”

“I’m just telling him the truth!”

“Woah guys calm down. It’s fine.” Ruki moved his hands to cease them from arguing even further. He softly laughed and rested his chin on his palm. “I appreciate your honesty. But you know, if you really wanted to cause a scene let me give you a piece of advice. This.” He pointed back at the locker. “Is not the way to do it. You should try being nice sometime. It’s fun.”

“We are really sorry,” Eddy pleaded again on the verge of tears.

Alex kicked them, first Aku then Eddy, face down on the floor. “If you’re sorry stop sobbing and start scrubbing.”

The boys crawled towards the bucket and grabbed the dripping wet towels. As they rubbed the paint off the metal more passerbyers came through for a quick snap or two. The freshmen boys tried their best to ignore them by scrubbing the locker harder and trying hard not to cry. It was like watching a quick display of public shaming.

Alex and Jun tried to shoo the crowd away making them mind their own business. “This is so annoying,” complained Alex. He turned back to the whimpering that felt his intense stare by scrubbing harder. “Scrub harder!”

Jun patted Alex. “I think they get the message it’s okay. See they’re concentrating on making it spotless.” Alex quietly furiating shooed more passerbys. Jun stood on his tip toes and whispered in Ruki’s ear, “The way you handled that was amazing.”

Ruki softly chuckled into his mouth trying hide his embarrassment but Jun could still see he was smiling from his cheeks. “You’re giving me too much credit. I was just trying to tell them how I feel.”

Jun couldn’t help but smile back feeling so proud of him. “Still though. I think they will probably remember this rather than just beating them up.”

“I mean I hope so. But you know,” he glanced at Jun and flashed his perfect white teeth, “you inspired me to say all of that.”

Jun was surprised. “Wait how? What did I say?”

Ruki shrugged. “Because you encouraged me having another approach at it.” Jun was going to come up with a response but his brain almost fried by the compliment. However Ruki went up to the freshmen. He tapped on Aku’s shoulder interrupting his concentration of scrubbing. “You know if you really want to bring people’s attention to other people’s ‘juicy secrets,’ next time say more accurate facts rather than just stirring up fictional claims you know? Like if you wanted to call me out at least get my sexuality right.”

“So you're not gay?” asked a sniffly Eddy.

Ruki laughed but he seemed to be nervous rather than making a joke. “No I’m bi.”

[ritsukiayame]

Jun and Chet Baker

No warnings. Takes place in Jun’s childhood in Taiwan around the age of 8. 

Words: 1187

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Just one more battle, Jun thought as he went through the watery route towards Cinnabar Island. After I run into one battle I'll stop. He probably played his beloved Pokemon game for a long time. He wasn't sure. He just knew he started playing after breakfast. The sun was already setting and who knows how many times his parents told him to stop.

This was one of the hardest routes in the whole game. There was nothing around except water and swimmers on occasion. And so many Tentacool. Oh. There was another one. He pressed run after releasing his Raichu. Did that count as a battle? He decided to save anyway.

As he waited for the message “Jun saved the game!” The screen went black. He screeched and threw his Gameboy across the room. The batteries popped open and scattered across the floor. He had to make sure the game actually saved but he needed new batteries. He knew his parents told him so many times to stop but he was only going to get batteries. He will be done. He just had to know if his game saved!

“Mama?” He walked out of his room to peer into the already darkened hallway. “Mama? Where are the batteries?”

There was no one around it seems. He checked back at the clock on his wall. It was 5:16. That means his dad is probably on his way home.

He went into his parents room. It had much more light since it was downstairs where the sun set its setting rays during the afternoon. The doors to the backyard were slightly open to let in the humid summer breeze blowing the cotton drapes. He went to his mother’s corner which consisted of a wooden stool with stacks of manuscript paper and two of her favorite guitars. They were both still here, so that means she didn't have a late minute gig.

On top of the stacks of paper was a small red walkman. Then Jun suddenly remembered that he saw his mom put in new batteries in the walkman. It was the exact same type as his Gameboy. He was only going to borrow it, he decided. Just take the new batteries for 5 minutes, check if it's saved, then put it back.

He grabbed the walkman to look at its back. Something fell on the carpet. He bent down to see that it was a tape. The opening probably wasn't closed all the way. That seemed kind of careless of his mom she wasn't the type to do that. He held the tape in his hands and it was scribbled on the top in English.

“Ch-eet Baker.” He read out loud. His English wasn't that great but he tried the best he could. What was a Chet Baker? Usually the music his mom listened to were dedicated to a person. Was this Chet Baker a person? That was an odd name for someone.

With his bright curiosity, he put the tape back into the walkman and closed it tightly. He pressed play and the tape started rolling. After a couple of crackling static moments a familiar guitar sound. The soft strings plucked the individual notes to make up the opening chords. Then a man’s voice crept into the main tune. “You're mine you…” It was such a soft sweet voice. He never knew a man could sound so lovely like that. All of the people his mother accompanied during her gigs that sang soft songs like that were usually women. It blew his mind a man like that sounded so beautiful. It was even more beautiful with the sound of the electric guitar.

He set the walkman on the bed and rested his head next to it. He listened to every clear word the man sang. The guitar was harder to listen to as it seemed the star of the song was the man singing. But the guitar was just as lovely. They complimented each other like a couple. The man’s soothing voice lulled through Jun’s ears into the soft pillowy comforters. He didn't notice the song ended when his eyelids heavily drooped into dreamland…

He felt someone shaking his shoulder. “Jun. Wake up.” He knew the sound of that sweet voice.

He yawned and rubbed his eyes quickly embarrassed he fell asleep after listening to a man singing. His mother was back giving him a smile that looked like relief and disappointment at the same time. “Where were you?” he asked sleepily.

“I asked you many times to come with me but you keep saying hold on and then I gave up and told you I would be back to get dinner. But you didn't listen. You were too busy playing your game.”

Jun frowned and looked at the floor feeling guilty. “Sorry.” He muttered.

His mom looked at walkman next to him. It was still rolling. “Aiya, you left this on. You silly egg.” She took the walkman to press stop. The opening popped out and she glanced at the tape then looked at her son. “You were listening to Chet Baker?”

Jun looked up quizzically. “Chet Baker? What's that?”

She laughed at her son’s cuteness. “Not a what. A who. He was a famous singer and trumpet player. In fact he died not too long ago.”

“Did you ever play for him?”

“No. But he did come to Taiwan once and I attended his concert. Don't tell your father this but he was my first love.” She winked putting a finger to her lips to gesture a hush.

Jun nodded with the same gesture in return to promise he won't tell dad.

“He was one of the main reasons why I got into jazz. I just loved his sound.”

“But he didn't play guitar.”

“No but that doesn't mean I can't be inspired. You know we get inspired by almost everything in our lives.” She pokes his nose and he giggled at how ticklish it was. “You know when I played I sometimes thought of you.”

“Really?”

His mother nodded.

“What does that sound like?”

“Oh happy… yes usually happy and playful and full of joy.” She stretched her arms and motioned Jun to come over at the doorway. “Come on lets prepare dinner before dad comes home. I got roasted duck today.”

“Oh yay!” Jun jumped up to his mothers side. That was one of his favorite dishes.

“We can also listen to more Chet Baker while we prepare dinner if you like.”

“Sure! I really like his voice. I can see why you would fall in love with him Mom.” He put a finger back to his lips. “Which I won't tell dad! Promise!”

His mom chuckled. “Thanks ChunChun.” She ruffled his hair into a more curly mess. “By the way, why were you in my room?”

“Oh yeah! I was looking for batteries. And I saw the walkman and I was going to borrow the batteries because my Gameboy died. Then I was curious when I saw the tape and I started playing it. Where are they by the way?”

______________________

This was the song Jun was listening to and fell in love with. 

[ritsukiayame]

Ocean Scene

Warnings: Implied mention of suicide, drowning

Words: 2147

_____________________________________

Jun watched the fire burn brightly as it continued to grow from the multiple logs Shawn and Hahn added to the bonfire. He listened intently to the crackling of the fire as it grew louder as it almost completely drowned out everything else….

“Jun?”

Jun blinked and tears formed in his dry eyes. He rubbed them and looked up to the source of the voice.

“You could burn your eyes that way you know,” said Maya looking at him with a look that was between concern and confusion.

“Yeah..” Jun nodded and scooted back on the blanket trying not to get more sand on it.

“Alright guys we got the goods!” Jun and Maya turned around to see Alex and Yoona bringing what looked like was their dinner. Alex carried plastic coolers in both hands looking like it was easy to lift. Yoona had cans of beer wrapped around her arms.

“How on earth did you get the beer?” Shawn asked as he wiped the sweat from his forehead and the bridge of his nose where his glasses rested.

Yoona shoved a cold can into his hands. “Just take it.”

“But we’re underaged-”

“Shawn I swear to god just take the goddamn beer. There’s no one on this beach except us. Take it.”

Shawn obliged as a giggling Hahn happily took the can from his hands.

Everyone passed out beer cans and meat skewers to roast in front of the bonfire. They were getting settled in for the night of their spring break enjoying their first time having a beach campout. Jun knew how much Hahn and Maya wanted this after weeks of non stop talking and planning about it he was happy that the plan followed through. As everyone set up their kabobs next to the bonfire on a metal rack, Jun noticed something was missing. Or more like someone was missing.

“Wait you guys… where is Ruki?”

Everyone stopped what they were doing as they began to realize the same thing.

“He was just here setting up the bonfire wasn’t he?” asked Maya.

“You guys were with him last so you should have known.” Yoona crossed her arms looking annoyed, as usual.

“Guys I’m sure he didn’t go far-” Shawn started.

“Shawn he could be anywhere on this beach. Or worse, he could have wandered off,” said Yoona sternly.

“I don’t think Ruki would be that kind of person though,” said Hahn. “I mean he is usually the most sane one out of all of us.”

“Are you implying that all of us are insane Hahn?” scoffed Alex.

Jun, trying to avoid the conversation that was leading to nowhere, got up and started walking. “I’m going to go find him. I’ll be back.”

“D-do you want us to go with you?” asked Maya.

“No!” Jun said suddenly. That made it sound like he wanted to be alone with him. Even though that was partially the main reason why. The other reason was he was worried about him. Of course. “I’ll be okay. Don’t worry. He wouldn’t be able to miss the bonfire anyway.”

“Okay. Just be careful out there.” Alex saluted. “You never know what you might find-”

“Alex. We are literally the only ones on this beach. We are fine.” Yoona gave him a playful push.

Jun waved and then started jogging towards the crashing ocean. It never occurred to him how beautiful this scenery was. The ocean rolling up its waves and the white foam curling up the dark wet glistening sand against the bright full moon. The sound of just the waves rolling was extremely peaceful and pleasant to Jun, almost bringing him peace. He would have enjoyed this if he didn’t have someone to find.

In the distance of the ocean there was someone standing in the water. They were looking in the distance as if they were looking for something beyond the horizon of the ocean. The person was hard to make out because of how dark it was with only the moon as the main light source. As Jun realized that person could only be…

“Ruki!” Jun ran as fast as he could to catch up to him. Water splashing against his knees and soaking up his khaki shorts. He shortened his pace as the water got up to his thighs. He would have to go back to the tent and change his pants, luckily he brought extras.

Ruki slowly turned to Jun and Jun’s heart almost stopped. The moonlight reflected the face that he loved the most against his dark eyes. He creased a small smile which somehow made it seem like a sad smile. Jun wanted to grab him and hold him tight but the knots inside was holding him back as always. “I didn’t know you would find me,” Ruki said softly.

“Everyone is looking for you! We got a bonfire started and we got food and….” Jun trailed off and realized that it was just the two of them. The moonlight gave Ruki a more mysterious and handsome look as he always had but with a more heightened effect. Jun still couldn’t believe after this many years that he was still undeniably in love with him. Jun realized he was staring into Ruki’s beautiful eyes too long and stammered. “What… what are you doing out here?”

Ruki chuckled and then looked out into the ocean. “I just thought the moon looked really pretty out here. I never get to see this kind of thing except maybe in like anime and paintings. But it’s really pretty. It's just really calming you know? It's a really peaceful scenery. See how the moon is reflected in the water? It’s like there’s two of them. But it’s amazing. The ocean is so big and the moon is just so small. To us at least. And yet we need the moon to give the ocean its waves.”

Jun realized he was only rambling but he loved hearing him speak. Anything that made Ruki happy and excited made Jun happy and excited. He only wished nothing but happiness for him. That is how much he would give his life to him. He would even give him the moon if he could. Jun walked closer and dared to reach out to him and suddenly Ruki grabbed his hand and pointed out to the horizon.

“See that? Isn’t pretty?”

Jun followed his eyes to where Ruki was pointing as he held his hand at the same time. Jun tried not to blush but he hoped that Ruki wouldn’t be able to notice with the darkness around them. But he was right. It truly was beautiful. The giant full moon with its reflection shimmering against the large glittering ocean. It was truly a fascinating sight with the large white reflection against the dark world. It was almost too surreal. Like too romantic. Ruki lowered their hands and grasped it. Jun almost didn’t function as he realized that they were just holding hands. “Ruki what are you-”

Ruki pulled him into the ocean.

For a moment it took Jun for a while to realize what happened that he was suddenly underwater and he couldn’t see anything. Water flowed into his nostrils as Jun gasped for air as he quickly came up from the water. “Ruki! What was that for?” He was now completely soaked and this was not a good thing since he really didn’t have a lot of clothes to spare.

Ruki laughed and splashed some water at him making him even more wet. “I fell. But since now we’re both wet I guess it doesn’t matter.”

Jun gave him a harder splash. “That’s bullshit! You did that on purpose!”

Ruki pounced on him producing a bigger splash causing Jun to chortle. “Where’s your proof Jun-ming Zhang?”

Jun slapped water at both sides in revenge. It caused a playful water fight between him and his friend. He almost completely forgot that he was supposed to bring him back with the rest. But he didn’t mind water fighting Ruki. He didn’t mind that he was completely soaked from head to toe. The multiple splashes ceased as the boys went further and further into the ocean. The water was now up to Jun’s shoulders. He looked around frantically seeing he was much further from shore than before. And Ruki was once again nowhere to be found. “Ruki?” He looked around at all sides. “Ruki? Ruki? Ruki where are you-”

And he was pulled into the ocean again. He watched the bubbles form around and the watery gaze of the moon reflect on the porcelain surface of the water. He watched the moon get smaller and smaller as he sunk to the bottom of the ocean. He felt his waist something soft like hands. Turning around with the blurriness of his eyes, Ruki was holding him but as if he was sleeping. His body seemed content sinking deeper and deeper to the darkness. That gave Jun a frightening image that without thinking he grabbed the sinking Ruki with all of his strength and pulled him to the surface dragging him behind…

“Ruki! Ruki” Jun quickly pulsated Ruki’s chest as fast as he could. He wasn’t breathing or moving. Oh god please no. “Ruki! Ruki please wake up! Ruki! Ruki! Ruki goddammit don’t go please!” At the end of his strength Jun rested his arms to the side after giving him many pulses. He didn’t need to resort to the last thing… but he had to. He brushed his fingers against Ruki’s soft lips and opened them slightly. He gave himself deep breaths. This was not the time to be thinking about that. He is only doing this to save him. He pinched Ruki’s nose and nervously went for his lips….

Ruki coughed water spouting some in Jun’s face. He backed up by surprise and stammered, “Ruki! Ruki are you okay?” Ruki continued to cough and Jun was suddenly overwhelmed by emotions and brought his head to Ruki’s chest. He blamed it on the salt water but the tears started streaming down his face. “Why did you do that? Why did you do that Ruki? Why?”

“I’m so sorry Jun- Jun? Are you crying?” Ruki shoved Jun’s long blonde bangs to see his crying face. He smirked a little. “I didn’t mean to do that to you. I’m sorry.”

“Why did you do that?”

“I didn’t mean to drag you-”

“Why did you go deeper? It was like you were so happy that you wanted to sink to the bottom? What was that all about?”

Ruki looked surprised as if he had no words to say. Without thinking he wiped the tears off of Jun’s face. The gesture surprised Jun that his mind went blank. The cold soft pads of Ruki’s fingers brushed gently against the lower lids of his eyelashes was almost too much for Jun. It was almost like Ruki was gently caressing him making him feel safe. He had never done that to him before. Ruki made a soft smile that could melt a thousand hearts. “You know, from this angle, your eyes are really beautiful. They’re like…twinkling stars,” he said softly. “You’re beautiful…”

Jun stammered and pushed him away from him. “Ruki what the hell!” He sat next to him with cold knees close to his face. He buried his entire face into his kneecaps turning very red than usual from the cold.

“Sorry I guess that wasn’t the right time to say that,” said Ruki. Both of the boys didn’t move for a while until Ruki said something again. “But… that was the first time I've seen your eyes that close. And they really are pretty.”

“... thanks…” Jun muttered not bringing his face up to his knees. He couldn’t believe all of this just happened but what he couldn’t believe the most was why did Ruki look so content sinking to the bottom of the ocean. As if he wanted to be at the bottom of the ocean. Just what was he thinking? And then suddenly complimenting his eyes… he told him he was beautiful. His poor heart couldn’t take this.

“You said the rest is waiting for us right?” Ruki got up and brought his hand in front of Jun. Jun slowly looked up and nodded. “We should get back and explain to them what happened.” Jun didn’t budge and just stared at his hand. “I’ll tell them that we got distracted. Which I guess is partially true,” he chuckled.

Jun just couldn’t believe this guy anymore. He sighed and grabbed his hand. They walked back to the bonfire in silence listening only to their footsteps in the sinking sand and the rolling waves.

They were greeted with friendly reliefs and drunk cheers from their friends and an angry Yoona who complained about their wet clothes and cooking another batch of kabobs.