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#sorrynotsorry

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two things that should never be said together for fragile hearts’ sakes... ; ^ ;

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Do you think Mutsuki is really in love with Haise or is he just messing it up with a feeling you have for a family member you don't want to see with someone else. We know he didn't have a healthy family and if he was sexual abused this could be the only way he could show it . So what do you think? Somehow I'm ok with both and I like the chapter even if it confiuses me XD Am I a bad person of i think it would be funny if Mutsuki would get pregnet? (If its sex what we see and not eating)

Hey!

Before I get started, I will mention that I had never before this chapter even considered the possibility of Mutsuki being attracted to Sasaki, so I’m still processing everything as I go. Forgive me for any inaccuracies or if my thoughts are more jumbled than usual. I’ll probably also have to put this post under a read more at some point since a few things I want to discuss are reasonably disturbing and I’d understand if not everyone wanted to see them on their dash. 

Anyway, so… I think that Mutsuki’s romantic feelings could very well be a coping mechanism. Initially, they were probably born out of a sincere admiration and affection, but nothing about them is really healthy, if you look deeper into it. 

As you said, Sasaki represents a father figure for Mutsuki. But, at the same time, he’s more than just that. 

Since the moment Mutsuki saw him lose control against Serpent, in his eyes Sasaki subconsciously became an excellent example of what could have happened if Mutsuki himself lost control of his own violent impulses. Mutsuki even states this explicitly in this chapter: 

When Sasaki is not there with his steady, reliable presence, caring about Mutsuki as an individual, looking out for his needs like a doting parent would (something that Mutsuki never had during his childhood or teenage years in the academy), offering comfort and understanding, being a mentor figure but also a friend, so basically, when he’s not there to ground Mutsuki, Mutsuki dissociates quite badly, and can do nothing to prevent himself from falling into a pattern of violent behaviours that keeps getting worse by the day. Since he presumably broke his frame, he even went as far as killing humans (maybe to eat, but I have a feeling that feeding had little to do with it). 

But, it gets worse. Mutsuki doesn’t just see Sasaki as a grounding presence in his life. He thinks he harbours romantic feelings for him. One of the reasons that makes me doubt the legitimacy of this particular issue is the fact that Mutsuki himself seems to be unsure about it:

(My biased answer to that question would be ‘no, Mucchan, that’s not what love is at all. That’s just a lowkey form of codependency resulting from the trauma of having had a dysfunctional family and an abusive father.’)

Anyway, the major red flag that these supposed romantic feelings are just the tip of the iceberg to a much bigger psychological trauma, is the fact that Mutsuki,  -victim of sexual abuse, unable to bear male gazes on himself, that very same Mutsuki - in his worse state of dissociation sexually abused the object of his affections. 

(Putting the rest under a read more. Talk about abuse, sexual assault and rape under the cut).

Keep reading

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Trauma affects how we give and receive love

I really like how the last arc segued into this one through Arima and Kaneki both belatedly realizing they loved each other. In retrospect it really opened the dialogue for all the different ways characters process their feelings, and how their individual histories sometimes make it hard to receive those feelings from others. 

Arima and Kaneki were both so blinded by their hatred towards themselves that they failed to see how another person might care about them. 

Urie was so obsessed with shouldering everyone’s burdens and trying to get approval that he didn’t know there were people already proud of him. Kuriowa was raised in a family that values love over work, and he reached right out for Yoriko… the list goes on.

Mutsuki, however, is a person who does not know real love at all. This is what struck me most about his dialogue this chapter:

“Don’t go away.”

The poor kid is so emotionally devestated that somewhere back in the confines of his mind he equates Haise’s presence to his happiness.

“When you’re not here… without you, I…”

Mutsuki’s capture and ultimate collapse began with Haise leaving. If it weren’t for the attack on the LE building, Haise never would have stepped down, Mutsuki never would have moved forward to find strength on his own, wouldn’t have gone to recon at Rue, and never would have been tortured.

Or so he thinks. Haise was there when he was at his most stable, so Haise needs to stay here for him to be happy again, because happiness is love and how else will a “disgusting” person like himself get love if he doesn’t force it?

Mutsuki’s was beaten by his father. T*rso wanted Mutsuki and took him. Haise was genuinely loving, but even then Mutsuki’s experience is shrouded in jealousy. 

It’s not Mutsuki’s fault that he feels this way. It’s not his fault that he’s teetered into a mess of violence, self-deprecation, and self-harm. Unfortunately, it’s a very real reaction to the highly traumatic life he’s lead. He absorbs and refracts behaviors of his abusers because they’re the only models he’s had to go by– and right now they’re the only kind of person he understands. 

It’s not to say that Kaneki’s presence in his life didn’t leave a positive impact though (idolization aside), because he certainly seemed to be on a healthy way at the beginning of the series.That Mutsuki is still in there somewhere, waiting to come back, and now the only way I can see him finding a way out is for Mutsuki to be receptive to how much someone else genuinely loves him back. 

So, I honestly believe that this arc will close the way it began: be it romantic, platonic, or familial, people with find the mutual love they need.

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Me: I miss Haise, I want to see him again. Ishida: I hear your pleads. *last page of this chapter* Me: Not like this.

Too accurate.

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Here you go.

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arima kishou in :re[quest]

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So basically, Haise raised the very same people who would kill him when the time comes since Arima was the only one who could and needed more if ever.

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*cries upon seeing Arima’s back*

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I swear my jokes are getting lame

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Remember back when people thought Haise wasn't Kaneki lol

Good times.

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Worrying won’t stop bad things from happening. It only stops you from enjoying the good.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

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All of us blossom when we feel loved and wither when we do not feel loved.

Gary Chapman (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

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Bob Ross cares about me

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uplifting tumblr post: remember if you were fictional ppl would love you for all your flaws and quirks :)

me: If I were fictional people would probably get hung up on discourse surrounding the question if I'm a Toxic Character™

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Kaneki

Art by 킴아누 ※ Permission to upload this work was granted by the artist. Do NOT repost/remove credit. Please like on Twitter!

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Waiting on news about Ishida-sensei like