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[roseisntgraceful-blog]

25/09/19

While I told myself I would make this a regular thing, particularly through Freshers Week, this hasn't happened and I can’t say I’m surprised about it. I’m terrible at motivating myself to do things, this blog apparently being no different.

But it’s Wednesday now - halfway through the first week of university. And I’ve reached the conclusion that Freshers Week is the ‘perfect nightmare’. It’s the sort of experience that would scare me half to death if I ever dreamt about it, minus some giant killer spiders.

I decided it would be best to enrol on the Sunday, during Welcome Weekend which actually worked quite well. For the most part, it wasn’t too busy, but I didn’t need to worry about the massive line for accommodation keys because I had decided to commute (a decision I stick by). The only real downside is that my student ID photo makes me look like a zombie.

Come Monday, I was a lot less nervous than I thought I’d be. It was my first day, I was taking a train alone for the first time; I didn't know anybody and I had absolutely no idea where I was supposed to be going. Yet I managed the day without a panic attack.

Met my personal tutor, who told the class to call her by her first name (a genuinely uncomfortable experience for somebody like me, who has spent her entire life calling authority figures ‘sir’ or ‘miss’). She seems nice, even informed the class that if we ever came to her crying she’d “probably be crying too,” so that was comforting.

Everybody walks around in these groups, or as I’ve come to refer to them, packs. They stare and judge and make me wish I could turn invisible, and so I haven’t really found anyone I’ve got common interests with. But on the bright side, I found the bookstore.

Tomorrow, I have a session with the Programme Leader to learn more about the content of the course and what to expect going forward. I’m hoping it’ll relief some of my panic and leave me feeling less overwhelmed. Then I was hoping to maybe explore the campus; try and find the room I’m timetabled in for Friday that I’m fairly sure doesn’t exist.

All I’m saying is that I don’t want to walk up three flights of stairs only to find the room I’m looking for isn’t there and I have to go back down again, with the added stress of not knowing where I’m actually scheduled to be. I’m not optimistic, but we’ll see.

[roseisntgraceful-blog]

Welcome to my blog

This is actually more of an experiment than anything specific. A way for me to document my life, in hopes that it’ll help my anxiety, but also to serve the purpose of maybe helping others too.

See, I’ve suffered from an undiagnosed anxiety disorder for most of my life, and it can be really, really hard at times. Especially when you’re doubting yourself, or letting yourself be controlled by it, so it becomes a lot harder to just live your life how you may want to live it.

Recently, this has been more true than ever before. I’m taking a very big step forward and going to university. It’s daunting, like walking out of your comfort zone to face a complete unknown entirely on your own.

I’m hoping that by blogging everything that happens, and how I’m feeling, it’ll help my anxiety and get myself out of my head a little bit. Also, maybe this will help others with anxiety in some way or just act as an interesting read for others.

I don’t know how this will work out, but I’m looking forward to sharing my journey with you.

[roseisntgraceful-blog]

Best to Worst: Throne of Glass

Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas is a high-fantasy YA series spanning a total of eight books. It reached #1 on the New York Times Bestsellers list, as well as being nominated for several Goodreads Choice Awards.

Among readers, this series has very mixed reviews. It’s either liked or hated with no apparent in between, with all the books contributing different things to those opinions. As such, I’m making this ranking to hopefully help new readers know what to expect going into this series.

Of course, this is very much my opinion (so please don’t come for me)! This is entirely based on my own personal enjoyment of each book, while also considering key storytelling elements. I’d love to hear other opinions too.

(formatted worst to best book)

8. Throne of Glass

The worst book in the series is the first one. Not only is the quality of writing not as good as latter books, it hasn’t really developed its flow yet. It comes across as if Sarah J. Maas is still figuring out her characters and their dynamics together.

Which is understandable considering its roots in fanfiction and obvious use of well-used tropes. No doubt, she had no idea just how big this would become.

Regardless, it has its moments that really work to set it up for the next book.

7. The Assassin’s Blade

Technically written after the first book was published, this book is set before the events of Throne of Glass. I recommend reading this before reading Throne of Glass, however, because this book leads right into the events that kick off Throne of Glass.

This book does a lot of things well. It sets up exactly who the main character is and the life she leads through four short stories.

However, similar to the first book, the writing doesn’t have the same draw to it that latter books have.

6. Crown of Midnight

The second book in the series is a little bit more self-aware and there’s events in it that start to build the story, as well shape the main character. Everything that happens is very deliberate and the ending could almost be described as the start of a new story.

However, this is also its downfall. Because of the way SJM sets it up, anything that happens before the third book feels a little bit meaningless, and in the end, easier to forget. Plus, her writing is still growing.

5. Empire of Storms

At the fifth book in the series, Sarah J. Maas has really come into her own. The last five books all show just how much she’s grown as a writer and Empire of Storms is no different.

A lot happens in this book, which can make it infuriating to read at times. It’s setting up the last book, and decisions are made behind the reader’s back that then have to be explained or turned into a big reveal. The intent is clear, and builds on the main character’s flaws, but the execution varies.

This book is difficult because it can be ranked higher depending on personal opinions and overall enjoyment.

4. Heir of Fire

Out of all the last five books, I personally found this one the most boring to read, but also the most compelling. It’s a refreshing change from the first books and finally starts to move away from that fanfiction-y vibe that had stuck with it since Throne of Glass.

This book marks the ‘New Beginning’ for me. There’s a noticeable improvement in SJM’s writing style developing into it’s own that also highlights her growing experience. She now knows her characters and this book is very character-driven to match that.

The introduction of the witch arc can be a bit jarring, but it adds to the expanding world SJM is creating. However, in doing so, there are many different stories happening at once. For me, some were better than others and that’s why its ranked towards the middle.

3. Kingdom of Ash

The final book in the series is a tome. 984 pages of roller coaster emotions - and I’m not ashamed to admit I cried through the entirety of the final part. Finishing that final page, there isn’t a sense something’s been missed. In the end, it’s complete and satisfying.

It took me a while, but I think I’ve finally put a finger on why this book isn’t my favourite: not enough risk taking. Maybe I’m insane for complaining about this, and should just shut up, but there weren’t enough consequences. To put it simply, she played it safe and had so much to resolve, some of it felt too easy.

Plus, if you’re not a fan of long books, it can be a bit daunting.

Despite that, though, it’s a good finale.

2. Tower of Dawn

I spent a very, very long time trying to convince my friend that she needed to read this book to understand Kingdom of Ash. Her argument? “But it’s about Chaol.”

And, well, yes. Before this book, his character was the least developed and most unlikable. Which is exactly why this book was so needed; Sarah J. Maas does an excellent job in world-building something new and fresh, while also giving Chaol the much needed developed he deserved.

Even without the other main characters, this book works. It introduces new characters, new plot threads, and hope going into the final book.

My friend was pleasantly surprised after reading this, and glad she did.

1. Queen of Shadows

This book has mixed reviews, but it’s personally my favourite in the series, so that’s why its first. What can I say? I’m bias.

I flew through this book and there wasn’t a single moment I wasn’t hooked to the story. Seeing the characters interact again, having new experiences and SJM’s development of them on a personal level, it felt completely different to the first two books.

It was clever and woven together well, benefiting from SJM’s experience of world-building. As the middle book in the series, it did a good job of tying the beginning together with the eventual end.