rosemaries-venting

[rosemaries-venting]

Meh fuck it

Maybe I should just eat glass

[rosemaries-venting]

Ever have the worst breakdown in like 3 months in the arms of your situationship? Ever fuck so damn hard afterwards that you can't remember what the breakdown was about? Like, not even in a kinky way either, just pure desire to be entwined

Came so many times I lost count and have them think they "didnt do enough"??? Sir I couldn't form a coherent sentence 😭 you had me forgetting my damn name, how much more do you think I can take 😭😭 "didn't do enough"

It's been days, and it's still getting me weak. Damn I've missed feeling comfortable with sex, can this stay without a breakdown?

[rosemaries-venting]

Dan and Phil: we want our fans to respect our privacy. you don’t have a right to our romantic lives

Dan: PHIL BOTTOMS PHIL IS A POWER BOTTOM

[rosemaries-venting]

Cw sexual implications? Nothing overt but enough to have me barred to this blog (even tho it's not a vent >:[ )

Personal favorite part of the date tonight? Watching our date "complain"(/nsrs/lh) about getting distracted by us while we walked

Made a joke that he should see what's under the outfit and 👀👀👀 I think we short-circuited them for a second

Then he short-circuited me with how far his voice dropped on accident like 😳 hello??? I don't need legs anymore, hot damn, let's go find a hotel rn (/nsrs)

Fuck it felt good to flirt and joke like that, really missed that

[rosemaries-venting]

8 years ago, the loss was surrounded by joyful cheers of brainwashed idiots thinking they won by putting an idiot in office

4 years ago the win brought a fucking revolt down on the capital, for a soulless billionaire who only wants money and attention

Today.. the house has been silent.. words spoken softly and pain thick in the air. Our father, the man who seems to always know how to cope, looks just as lost as us..

How are we supposed to keep going?.. How are we supposed to keep fighting like this?..

[rosemaries-venting]

I remember 8 years ago tomorrow, sitting in our dorm room, listening to the horrible cheers that the orange turd won

I remember 8 years ago, sitting in that dorm room, sobbing at the realization that we weren't going to be safe. That outside our door were too many people who must now be considered dangerous

I remember questioning what was going to happen, how we'd avoid becoming a target, the protection plans weren't even finished before another one was being thought up

8 years ago, I was worried for my safety and my (now ex) bf's safety. My sister who still rode city busses to and from school. My best friend who already lived in a dangerous area. The only thing that night brought was fear

Now, 8 years later and that fear is back and so much worse. Not only will we all be in danger again if he wins, our fucking kid would have more of a target on their back than us. More exes for us to worry about their safety, more siblings to defend

He can't win.. for the love of everything please-

Vote

[rosemaries-venting]

Never realized how numb we've become to the past until now

Today feels like it "should" hurt, like in another life it would be a tearing wound but it's not

It's just..nothing

A blank space where memories can't be touched

[rosemaries-venting]

enough fighting. i cast everyone is nice to each other

[rosemaries-venting]

Oh sick days, you certainly enjoy testing our limits-

2 days of no sleep and our kiddo out of pocket calling me [redacted parental term]-jax sure did test our sense of reality. Did not need to be called out by the kid who doesn't know about the system 😔✌️

The more likely thing being that they just missed some words when asking for the "jax show"(thats right, the pilot episode is my show now /j) but like- aaaa??

[rosemaries-venting]

"Does it ever stop?"

No, it doesn't and that has nearly ended us so many damn times it's not even funny. Challenges will always exist, there will be people who will cause pain, healing will never happen overnight. It's fucking disheartening

But here's another thing; you've never stopped

Every single day that you wake up, you are changing your life. Even the most monotonous of days are all entirely different from each other. Heck, even taking breaks when you need is still a you in motion.

And if you're a person who struggles with change(hello from our system lol), it can be a daunting thing to accept. Honestly, we still don't fully accept it.. but we'd personally rather learn to accept it than continue wishing for a nonexistent stopping point

[rosemaries-venting]

I don't know what's funnier-

The people who draw Caine(the amazing digital circus) hot for no reason (other than because they can, which valid)

Or

The people in this system who can't keep their nasty ass thoughts about him to themselves

[rosemaries-venting]

Ever get the feeling that your existence makes people uncomfortable?

Yeah, me too

[rosemaries-venting]

tw/cw Unreality

Could the anxious, nauseating feeling that there's something Wrong™️ go away?

Fuck how do people cope with the world-ending lighting storms bring?? It's like, storm rolls in and now it's fucking doomsday outside and I'm about to be surviving against unknown creatures forever

Its not even the raining/storming part of it either! Just as it's rolling in/fading away so I don't even get to enjoy the part of it I like

I do what I'm supposed to for these days but it doesn't ever stop. Distractions work for a while, doing the rational/irrational thought model just ends up confusing me, not like I can really ask for reassurance on this..

"Oh hey, the world isn't ending right? It's just a storm?" Yeah that'd go so well for me/sar

And I *know*, **I know** it's not real. I know it's not and that should be enough but it's not

When does it stop?! What am I doing wrong...

[rosemaries-venting]

nah, that's where it should rest

hey man I found a piece of your soul stuck in the text messages of old friends you don’t speak to anymore. do you want it back

[rosemaries-venting]

It feels like i dont live in the present, not in the future, nor the past. Im caged behing my traumas, in a place thet knows no time

[rosemaries-venting]

You're loved

And you always will be

You're valued

And you always will be

You're cherished

And you always will be

I am extremely proud of you and the path you've taken, don't look back, don't backtrack down the same roads

You've got this

This will be the last message from this anon

You've got this, I'm proud of you, everything will go according to your plan and you're going to be safe, YOU are safe Dabs, your system is safe, everything is going to go just fine I can feel it

I'm proud of you for finding someone safer, no matter how difficult it may be, you're on the right path, and you'll always be loved even if you can't feel it from where you are

I'm sorry this is my last message but it isn't fair to you for me to be sending these in the first place, I'm sorry for everything, you were right

With extreme proudness,

anon(s)

I should bonk you guys damn it, this ain't a healthy blog and yall don't deserve to be reading through it/srs. We messed up too/srs and you guys deserve to find your own safety, you guys deserve happiness, not pain/srs /gen. I don't have an uno reverse but you're loved, cherished and valued too. Shit went bad but we wouldn't have made it out without you, we wouldn't be on this path without the time spent with you. I really fucking hope yall find your path too/gen

Tbf I think this is why protectors didn't want anyone going back to these blogs, too worried about our warped perspective doing more damage. It's why I thought maybe this blog would be okay.. at least here everyone will know not to believe the shit I spout off

I won't backtrack too far, Dad's been preventing that, I'll make it. I promise you I will/gen it's fucking hard for the stupid brain™️ to stick around now (yay/gen) and I think for once, I can believe the words.. just a little

This makes 0 sense but my dumbass just woke up from a fucked up sleep and I'm kinda just s]outing shit but geah

Shorthand: no you, can't use this blog to say we're right, I'll make it (at least) 5 months before I relapse this time damn it

Uhhh right and last thing, I know you're not gonna send anymore and I'm glad/sad. I shouldn't of been responding to them, it only encouraged things. I really do hope you live a good life and find the *good* things you deserve cause you do deserve them

[rosemaries-venting]

I think I'm losing touch ahain... fucking damn it make it stop

Like wanting it to stop actually makes it stop.. therapist said to ride it out next time, let the feelings come and go without forcing it. Dad wants me to find a positive.. does making it from Feb to now without an episode count? Thats what.. 3 months? I made it 3 months without the bullshit getting me

Thats not good enough.. that's too soon..